Lawsuit?

UPDATED:

Again, I respect your point, but you are assuming that she's unsafe while she's there, which may or may not be the case. Don't go through him to visit the daycare- you don't have to. Call them yourself, explain the situation and schedule a tour. If they don't allow you to visit, then you have reason to be angry and suspicious of them. Reputable facilities have a "welcoming" policy and will be happy to give you the chance to see the space. When you are there, come prepared with the custody documents and ask that your name be listed- while you are standing there. I have done this numerous times when I was an assistant principal. Believe me, no facility wants to get in the middle of a nasty custody battle. They are an administrative nightmare and are rarely about the child.
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What is your issue? Is it a licensed daycare? What makes you think that she's there illegally? If he's a custodial parent, he can enroll her in daycare and have her there during "his time" if that is what he wants to do.

If you show up at the daycare center and try to pick her up without his written permission, the daycare center will not allow you to take her and why would you do this?

This sounds more like an issue of jealousy on your part & is NOT an issue for Social Services. She's not being neglected or abused. If he has to work, he has to work... it's still "his time" with her. You have no idea whether or not the enrollment information is correct and you are making the assumption that b/c her stepmother works there, she's just "hanging out" without paperwork.

From your previous posts it seems like you really don't have the resources to be suing him over something that isn't illegal. Many daycares allow employees' children to attend without charge as "back up" care. You would have caused a horrendous scene and possibly gotten the wife fired b/c of your immaturity and jealousy.

He's her father, he has joint custody and he's working. If he needs child care during that time, then he has the right to enroll her. He does not need to have you as a babysitter. You have nothing to gain her, but a lot of $$$ to lose, especially if the facility files a restraining order against you to keep you off of their property.

Now, if you would like to tour the facility then do so with honesty and some dignity. Call the place, calmly and maturely explain the situation and simply ask if you could take a tour. They will likely call your ex to verify the story, but will also likely invite you to come and see the place.

S., it sounds like you definately aren't interested in hearing any criticism of your pov, but I was a family attorney for several years, and am no longer because of situations like this. It is nothing short of impossible to deal with clients like this. Of course you should be concerned for your childs' safety, but parents in heated divorces tend to turn EVERYTHING into a safety issue. I am certain your daughter is perfectly fine at a licensed facility, and her step-mother will make sure of that. I don't see how you or your husband are possibly looking out for her long term interest if you turn every single issue into a blazing fire.
Why the heck would you sue the daycare? That alone really makes you look like your just out for a fight, esp. in a judge's point of view.
If you REALLY want to get your way, and get the court on your side a witch hunt won't do it for you. You need to narrow your request to something very specific (i.e. the right of first refusal - if your EH is working, you want the first right to have her before anyone else) No court wants to hear your rant about every instance your EH has kept a secret from you. They don't care and they won't want to listen to you at ALL. Go to family court, and make this simple request. You HAVE to show that you can be calm and level headed to get anywhere.

I agree with Krista P. Why can't you have a calm conversation with the childcare place and check it out? I wouldn't involve lawsuit unless there is something illegal. Right now you have no clue and I think if you go throwing a fit it will backfire on you.

Seems to me that you want information and when you're available to take care of our child you'd rather have her with you than to have her at a daycare facility. Completely understandable and reasonable if you ask me. If he and the facility are not providing you with the information you're entitled to then you need to include this in your family court action. Don't get crazy or viscious - but clearly - on days that you're off work it's so much better for your pre-school age child to be with you than to be at daycare.

I would first put stuff in writing to the daycare facility and your ex-husband, two different letters obviously. The letter to your ex should state very clearly - without emotion (I know its hard) that you'd like to coordinate schedules so on the days that you'll be off work and he's working you think it's in your child's best interest to be with you rather than daycare - and that on days that he's off work and you're working your your child should be with him. This should all be framed in the idea that you're trying to do what's best for your child. The idea that the step-mother has the child at the daycare without being registered is a different issue that's outside of the family court jurisdiction. Send or give the letter to your ex and ask for his response. Bring the letter to family court with information as to the delivery date and response if any.

As for the dayare center - the letter you send to them - again, without emotion - is to ask if your child is a registered student and on what days. Since there's no court order for you to stay way from your child I don't think they can keep you away from her. Advise them that you have reason to believe that your duaghter is there and not registered - and if they can't provide some documentation proving one way or the other that you will call the agency that governs childcare centers in your area and ask that they inspect the facility. This has to be done in a calm fashion - without naming the step-mom or bringing her in to it. This is between you and the facility.
I imagine that they will want to avoid scrutiny and will either register your child, or will deny her the ability to come.

You are right in wanting to avoid a scene in fornt of your daughter or at the daycare center. Since the stepmom works there the sympathies of the rest of the staff will be with her - not you. She may paint you as a crazy person - and if you cause a scene it will seem to confirm that. Let's face it when a mama bear has to defend her cub she may seem crazy! ;o)

I can't imagine having to deal with this situation. The the worst part of divorce is that you don't get to raise your children full time and you have to hand off your precious little one to another family part of the time. But - if you handle this in a level-headed way and ask the court to consider what seems to be a well-thought out and reasonable request I think you should be able to find a middle ground.

And pray - ask God for his hand in this matter. He does care about the details of your life and your child. Ask for his vision for your child and for discernment. You can find peace about this - even if it doesn't work out exactly as you'd like it to. And pray that your ex and his new wife are reasonable people - and that when they have your daughter that they'll be the best parents they can be for your child. The step-mom will never be able to replace you - YOU are your child's mom and you child will always, always know that and love you more and specially as compared to the step-mom. Chances are that the step mom doesn't want to replace you - she's in the middle of a tough situation too.

You will be able to work this out - take a deep breath, take a step back and consider all of this from an outside perspective and try to respond accordingly.

We actually have it in the court visitation order that Dad must be present the entire time during visits so if he has to work on a Friday our son stays home instead of going over his house to be watched by a stranger. If you are home and he has to work your daughter should be home with you not with people she doesn't know. I think when you go to court you should have it worked into the order that if your ex has to work during visits with your daughter then she should be dropped off with you if you are home and he can pick her up when he gets out of work and continue with the visit.

I know laws are different in various states, so check with a lawyer on this....

I know several people who have a "Right of First Refusal" clause explicitly written into their custody agreements. Basically, if one parent is going to have to seek child care from a 3rd party the other parent has the right to care for that child during that time or provide approval before the child can be placed in care with a 3rd party. Works both ways, but would make sure you always have a say in who is caring for your child.

Get a family lawyer. Take him to court. Not for a lawsuit, but to hammer out some finer details to your custody agreement. Where ever she goes to day care, I don't see why you are not listed as a contact and person who can pick up your child if/when the need arises. How would your ex handle it if you were pulling the same nonsense with him? Do you leave him off pick up permission lists at school or other day care places? You guys (the adults) have got to come up with some amicable way to deal with each other while you have a child in common to raise. It's what's best for the child.

i don't know the visitation regulations in ok, but in indiana, if the visiting parent has other obligations such as work, they are required to offer the time to the custodial parent, then if the custsodial parent declines to watch their child, then the visiting parent is required to secure child care. thankfully this isn't something i've had to deal with. my daughter's father just doesn't seem to want to see her as often or as much as i think is appropriate... but that's another issue altogether.

I don't really understand why you are upset...the child is in a child care center when he is working. It is his visitation and as long as your child is safe then what he does during that time is his business, you do not get to babysit your child on his visitation.

You do not get to decide what child care he provides either. He doesn't have the legal right to decide where you take her while you work. Because if he does then he can come in your child care center any time he wants to inspect it and interfere. What ever you think is fair for you is also fair for him.
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My br has a brother who gets his child for extended visits due to them living in different states. So he cannot take off work for months at a time through the year, he has to have child care. He enrolls his daughter in whatever child care that will take her during the time he has her while he's at work. He's in the AF so I imagine there is child care on base.

I would not want to be an ex-husband and have to go to my ex's house during a Summer visitation or during Christmas school break every morning before work and deal with drama, then go after work and deal with more, every day I have visitation.

If something like this is what ends up happening then you guys need to use an alternate person for drop offs and pick ups. Like a mutual friends house, where he comes 30 minutes before you and drops the child off then you come and pick her up. You drop the child off 30 minutes before he or his wife gets off work then which ever one is off work first picks her up. And NO you can't say she can't pick the child up.
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Again, my point is that if he is off work when you are at work he has the right to make you bring him your child to watch? Do you really want to have to pay your weekly child care rate and him watch that child if he is, for example, on vacation? You have to pay child care whether the child is there or not to save your child's space. What is fair for you is also fair to him. I would let him have this one, it's just not that big of a deal.

It's obvious it's underlying issues that have you so upset and this is just the one you are presenting here, like you said there is much more to this story.

Seems like to me that you both need to settle down and think about this child and pick your battles about serious stuff. As I read the responses most of us just don't think this is that serious. If he was hiring the teenage boy next door to babysit then it would be a big fricking, huge, deal. But licensed child care, that you didn't get to have a say in, is just not a big deal at all.

It is a serious licensing issue and you can call the department for families and protective services and report the facility for caring for children not properly registered. Many facilities do have a drop in policy, but they still require proper registration.
Your husband and his wife may just not have listed you on any records as an emergency contact or a contact at all. Maddening, but the faciltiy is not responsible for who is listed on forms as contacts.
FYI you can get a court order to get the records that pertain to your child to support your custody case, including sign in/sign out sheets, etc.
Hope that gives a little guidance.