Know a Good Book on How to Raise Confident Girls?

HI S.,
I just read Kids are People too! I ordered it from Amazon.'
I cannot remember the author, I have lent it out. But you can do a search.'
It was really good!
Good Luck,
K.

An excellent book on raising confident children is "Raising a Responsible Child" by Matthew McKay. He stresses the importance of ENCOURAGEMENT (a process of acknowledging the child's efforts, progress, as well as the finished result) as opposed to PRAISE (which focuses more on the finished product or the "wonderfulness" of the child without any "evidence" why that is so {they are, of course, wonderful, but if their esteem is low or they are looking for perfection in themselves, they tend to discount what we say unless we can "prove" their wonderfulness by showing them the "evidence"}. The book is old, but still appropos. It teaches us to watch how we word things we say. For example, I once found myself saying to my then teenage daughter (when her shopping taste was too expensive for my wallet), "You better hope you marry a rich man! Ha! Ha!". What a HORRIBLE thing to say to a girl--the inference being that she could NEVER support herself in that fashion!! I started a consciusness-raising program on myself at that moment.

Some other things to consider: participation in sports, horseback riding, involve her in family volunteer work. If I think of other ideas I'll write more. Need to go now. Good luck and bless you for recognizing and desiring to address this extremely important issue.
R. B.

I recommend 3 books.

"With Winning in Mind" by Lanny Bassham - it's not about raising kids but it does address how to change self image and there may be something you learn in there that really helps you in speaking to and teaching your children.

"Freedom Flight - The Origins of Mental Power" - Also by Lanny Bassham (Olympic Champion) - this one is a motivational book which talks about how to make sure your environment does not control your attitude - not specific to raising kids but it is a great read and I think again you could learn some things that would be helpful - and Lanny is a Christian so there are some Christian tones in the book.

"13 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make and How to Avoid Them" by Steven Anderson - this book is great for raising confident kids! Good for any parent!

Here is a link to each book for more information:

With Winning in Mind - http://www.mentalmanagement.com/a_wwim_book.html

Freedom Flight - http://www.mentalmanagement.com/a_freedom_flight_book.html

13 Biggest Mistakes - http://www.mentalmanagement.com/a_13_biggest.html

You can also find them on Amazon.com I think.

Try the
mother daughter project

I have heard good things about the book "Reviving Ophelia" although I have not read it myself. I believe it deals more with adolescence but it never hurts to be prepared.

I don't know anything about books on this subject, I just have another observation to share. Is your daughter involved in extra activies such as dance or sports? I have owned a dance studio for the last 13 years and my daughter who is now 22 has danced since she was 3. Dance taught her so much confidence in herself and how she controlled her body. It kept her fit physically and too busy with classes and performances to get into trouble otherwise. Getting up in front of people and performing is a hugh boost of confidence. Most adults have trouble getting in front of a crowd. I also have a 12 yr. old son who plays sports and it helps with his confidence, also. Just a thought to keep them involved in postive activities helps so much in their confidence. Also, little girls are so much meaner at that age than little boys. They can be your friends one minute and being mean the next. It is challenge every day....Good luck with your daughter.

S.,

I tottaly understand you. I have a 6 year old also and when she started Kinder she had so many issues with herself I was shocked! One day she came home saying she needed me to change her hair color to Yellow (Blonde) because another girl in her class told her, she needed to have blonde hair like her to be beautiful. Yikes. I wondered where this child heard this? I felt to sad, also several times she came home crying saying she wasnt wearing clothes that were pretty and popular! What the heck? She said she needed glitter on her shirts and they had to be spaghetti straps. I tell you I almost fell over. I always take pride in the way she looks, her hair, her clothes and making sure she is neat, groomed and cute. I realized there are all kinds of parents and not all of them teach their children to be kind, generous and most of all sensitive to others. I explain to my daughter everyday that she is beautiful like Belle and that she is a beautiful person for her heart and her kindness. I think self confidence starts at home and as moms we have the biggest influence in this area. I have read 2 books that are awesome, the second one is Christian. I wish you the best!

1-Everyday Ways for Raising Smart, Strong, Confident Girls -Barbara Littman
2-How Can You Say That? -Amy Lynch

I don't know if this is helpful, because I have 2 boys, but James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys is great, and I know he's currently writing Bringing Up Girls. Obviously they're Christian, and I eagerly await Bringing Up Girls for the 2 sweet girls I babysit! God bless you and your precious little girl! I will pray God's protection on her mind, heart and spirit.

You might want to check into the Girl Scouts. Before Girls become Girl Scouts and Brownies, they have a program for smaller girls. I've heard it is to help girls with self image and confidence. They provide activities to work with girls on these issues. Hope this helps, maybe they know of some good books too. Sorry can't help with the book titles.

I know a great book! It is "Your Girl, raising a Godly daughter in an ungodly world." by Vickie Courtney! You will find it an easy read and full of great ideas for raising your daughter dealing with the world today!

I have a 13 yr old daughter. I agree with Melissa Y on outside activities.

My daughter has been involved in martial arts and she got her black belt in 06. She gained self confidence, learned self defense and got great exercise/

We also make sure she has friends outside the neighborhood and school in other activities.

The behavior you described does start very early. We have always been very open with our daughter and have open lines of communication. We make sure we LISTEN to everything she has to say. She knows without a doubt that we have her back and we will always stand by her.

Good luck.

Hi S.,

I am so sorry your little girl is having such "issues". Does she have other friends at school or from other activities? I don't have a book to recommend but just parenting stories.

In our house we teach the Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. The lesson goes both ways. My oldest was 3 years and playing at a friends house. The little girl pitched a fit and was hitting her Mom over not reading the book she wanted. My daughter and I talked about how that looked, made my daughter feel, and made the mother feel. In first grade my daughter had a friend that started being mean to her. I found out through the Mom that the parents were going through a divorce. I explained to my daughter sometimes people are going through a hard time and they are not nice. That did not mean she had to take it but helped my daughter not take the attacks personally. It had nothing to do with my daughter but her friend was hurting. We have a saying, "Remember the difference between truth and lies". We are Christians. I tell my daughter that God created her for a very special purpose. He loves her and gave her a kind heart. We even pray for the other girl, whatever is bothering her and for my daughter to only hear what God wants her to hear. She has to be confident in who she is. Sadly, there will always be mean girls.

You know your daughter best. Build her up. Tell her how she is a great friend/person. Friends are supposed to make you feel good not bad. Offer to volunteer in the classroom. Check things out for yourself. Also keep in mind you are getting your daughters spin on things. There are always two sides to every story. My daughter had a friend that would come over to our house and want to choose what to play. No problem that is our house rule. Then my daughter would go to her friends house and expect the same in return. I actually heard this little girl complain to her Mom that my daughter wanted to choose what they played at her house. She was actually complaining about something she herself insisted on.

Sorry this is so long. I hope you find what you are looking for. Just remember you and your daughter are not alone.

I am currently reading "Raising a Daughter" by Elium and Elium and finding it VERY insightful. It is broken down by periods of development as well as how mom and dad effect a girls emotional development differently.