Kindergarten or One More Year in Jr K?

send him to kindergarten. He could always do kindergarten again. but most likely he will be fine. Do you honestly think he will finish his senior year if he is an adult??

I'll share the best advice given to me: Rather than calling it "Holding him back" consider referring to it as "Giving him the gift of time". Think about what are you taking away from him and what are you giving to him. Where are you running to and pushing him to and why. If at any point school becomes too easy then you can challenge him at a harder school or with enriching after school activities. Once I rephrased the question the answer became clear to me. But I have fall birthdays and you have a spring birthday to consider. Good luck.

Since he will be 5 by the time school starts, I'd start him. From my personal experience - them being the oldest in their class can hinder them as well. My oldest daughters birthday was right around the cut-off for my area. What we wound up doing was having her do 2 years of Kindy. While it was great then and for many years after as she got older it became a little harder. She always wondered why she was the oldest in the class - all of her close friends are at least a year younger then her. Now, in high school, she's a little self concsious of being 15 and 'only being a freshman'.

Hi I.,

I am a school counselor and really do not like holding kids back. There are so many reasons and many of them have been discussed here already. Drop out rate, relationship age difference with the law (this is a big one - trust me) and the teen milestones. One that really has an impact on my students is the feeling of failure. All your friends move on and you stay back. You may think your son is too young to notice this but he is not. Kids remember their friends and he will see them in 2nd grade when he is in 1st. Also, you mentioned he's already been in pre-k two years. What changed from last year to this year? Did he make any remarkable growth? If not, why do you think another year would change that? The program stays the same. Your child will probably get bored of the same level books, same toys etc... Will that affect his desire to attend school? The parents that are saying they are holding their kids back again - is it their first time keeping their kids back? I say move him up and if you feel that was a mistake then he can do kinder twice.

Hi I.,

For some reason this seems to be a big trend here in LA. (I grew up in NY and we never considered holding anyone back). Both my son and my niece are September babies so they both turned 5 after starting Kindergarten. There was a lot of debate about holding them back. My son was ready academically and socially and holding him back would have just made him hate school since he was already bored with what he was learning. He did great in Kindergarten (he's now in 2nd grade). He has a bunch of kids in his class who are 12 - 18 months older than he is but you would never know it. My niece was another story - we weren't quite sure how she would do but we decided to send to her Kindergarten anyway - she's the 2nd child so she didn't get as much up front attention as her older sister. Her first week or so of Kindergarten wasn't very good - she was very shy and the teacher was concerned. The principal said to give it a few weeks. After the 2nd or 3rd week my niece warmed up to the class, made lots of friends and did extremely well. She's now in 1st grade and doing great.

My friend is having the same debate about her son. She was ready to send him to Kindergarten until all the other mothers started telling her she was crazy. Her son is advanced like my son was so I told her that holding him back is not in his best interest. She was happy to find someone on her side.

So you need to tune out the other mothers and think about how you think your son will do and go from there. I understand holding back kids who were born later in the year (Sept, Oct, Nov), but I don't understand why you would hold back someone with an April birhday.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

my october son i held back w/o adoubt. my April son i didn't-I was seriously considering it. he was fine academically, socially a bit awkward. The best advice I got was from a HS school teacher. I was worried about him in KInder. she pointed out the long term stuff-eg. he may be a socially awkward person, another yr of preschool wont change that. and then she said, kids that are older drop out of high school much more frequently. Of course, I know My child wont drop out :) and then pointed out the early (compared to peers) developement-like facial hair, being able to drive. And i sent him on to kinder. No regrets, but, he is a bit quirky.

As a mom and former kindergarten teacher, I would suggest letting him go to kindergarten and if he really needs it after that then he could always repeat. Kindergarten is only three hours long here (I just moved from NM where it's full day). A spring birthday shouldn't need to be held back... and I think he would be upset about losing that year by the time he gets to high school.

my daughter was born august 2nd and i was torn as well as the school we were sending her to is not year round. she would have been a real young five if we had started her, well we waited and she started when she was six and let me tell you what a difference a year made. all the teachers i spoke with said the gift of time is the best you can do for a child. i understand financial reasons why people start their kids right when they are five but for us we were sending her to private school so we were going to have to pay one way or another so we waited. my son turns five in feb and will start school this year but he will be 5 and 1.2. if you can wait i would. hope that helps

As a teacher - unless there are developmental issues or obvious maturity issues, I would NOT recommend holding him back. No offense to parents who choose to, but a lot of parents choose to hold them back because it is becoming popular and honestly, the parents aren't ready to let go. If there is a serious reason then holding back is the correct choice, but shyness is not a develpmental problem, just a personality type. In middle and high school it is more difficult for the older students in the class - all of the kids know they have been "held back" and they are mean. Also, there are often behavior problems because the age difference in the classroom is big - even though it is a year or so, think of the dynamics of a high school having 14-19 year olds on the same campus. I teach at a single sex school and that has enough problems, but imagine 19 year old boys and 14 year old girls, which is what happens when so many people choose to hold back their children. It used to be the exception to hold back a child, now it is becoming the "popular" thing to do. It has consequences for them in the older grades.

Clearly it is your choice to make. Just strongly consider your reasons for wanting him to stay back and what will be done differently with him in the next year to ensure he will be ready the next year.

Hello I.,
As a teacher of 17 years, the first nine spent with preschool and early elementary, I can tell you there has been a prevalence of thought for a while about holding children back in K an extra year, especially boys. Recent research shows there is not evidence that children who are held back has resulted in any benefit greater than their peers who weren't. However, if it makes you feel like you've done the right thing, then raise your son the way you feel fit, this confidence is important to your family dynamic. Regretful parenting is no way to raise children.
Good luck,
Wendy

My son turned 5 at the end of September. He made the cut off for kindergarten by just 1 week. However, he is in kindergarten. We never did any pre-k or pre-school. All of the kids are older than he is, but in all honestly I wouldn't change it. (He will be 17 when he graduates high school) Before school starts the kindergarten teacher will meet with your son and do some "test" to see what level he is at and if he is ready for kindergarten. That teacher knows who is ready for kindergarten and also what level the other students in his class will be at. How can a child learn to warm up to new people, places, situations if they are always with the same people at the same place? Sure he will be intimidated by school, what child isn't at some point? I think you should give your son a chance at kindergarten. At least let him meet with the teacher and have her/him judge his readiness from a new perspective. Good luck!

I., you already answered your own question by saying: one more year could help him with his confidence.

By the time he is 19, who knows what the situation will be.

Do what you feel is best for him NOW and the future will take care of itself.

I was a special needs teacher for 12 years, I will tell you, the kids that were in my program were most often the youngest in their grade. The older ones rarely came to my classes. Just something to think about.

B.
Family Success Coach

I have two kids with April b'day's. The older one is very shy and always has been, even in preschool. She has always been nervous about new things but I didn't want her to be that much older than her classmates. She has always done well in school and is now in Magnet classes. I also know someone that put her spring baby in kinder and then had them repeat kinder because the teacher recommended it for the child's social skills. It is up to you and hubby to decide. Don't hold him back just because all the other parents are. Also if you hold him back, will he be in the same class at preschool? I have taught school and if the child is in the same class (teacher, same work) that is not the best for his self esteem either. Good luck to you.

OK this is so premature of me to even comment, however I am more then half way through a great book right now called "Outliers"...there happends to be a correlation between the age you enroll your child into school and the success he will have. Just a comment, not a recommendation, if he's small for his age and immature socially have him remain in preschool to catch up. If he's a real brain he'll advance in years to come. Just think, an extra year now means his teachers will not categorize him as "does not play well with others" they will be pleased to have a child well prepared for their class, he may even excell in academics because he's not dealing with social issues.

I would think about the fact that school doesn't start for another 7-8 months. That's a lot of time to still be able to mature. I don't know if being a bit shy is a reason to hold him back. I would observe him in his preschool class (maybe without him knowing ie through the window). Does he look out of place or can he follow what everyone else is doing? Does he socialize with other kids or stay by himself? Every kid is different. I have 2 boys that have summer birthdays (July and September) that started school right at 5 and they are doing fine. My 12 year old has been bored in school being at the young end. I can't imagine how things would be if we held him back because he had a late birthday (which many people recommended). You know your child the best. Good Luck!

Hi I.,
I'm glad you're asking before deciding. I'm an Educational Psychologist and I have worked with so many kids who were held back in early years, and by the time they are in middle school they often are being teased about their age and they can have real difficulties with self-esteem. If a child is held back due to illness or even slower academic readiness it would be easier to explain when they start to ask questions seriously, but if your son is developmentally ready my persepective is that it would cause potentially significant problems for what doesn't sound like very compelling reasons. If he is a sensitive child (read Elaine Aron's book, "The Highly Sensitive Child")there are ways to help him gently grow in comfort and confidence without the social stigma that being that much older would very likely produce in his later years. Depending on how much he likes school, it gets more and more difficult for kids to stay in school after age 18 if they haven't yet finished. I guess you can tell what my bias is, but it is based on years of observation. Good luck.

Hello I.,

It is so hard trying to figure out what the best thing to do for our little guys is! Since it sounds like he is ready emotionally (and socially, I presume) then I say try it out for a month or two, and if it appears to be a premature move, pull him out and wait a year. I will bet, though, that he is ready to go, and will do great! Don't forget that our little guys go through a developmental shift every 6 months -- in September he will be a whole new person again!

Social and Emotional intelligence are the number one indicators of academic success. You can read more about this at a great informational parenting blog published by my son's preschool:

www.rivieraplayschool.blogspot.com

www.rivieraplayschool.com
A Mindful program for the 'Whole Child,' inspired by the best of Attachment Parenting, Bev Bos, Montessori, Waldorf and Non-violent Communication.

hi I.,

i sent my child late, she is now 20. graduated when 19. she was too mature for the 4 1/2 and 5ish kids, and the 16 -17ish students in high school. mostly getting in trouble from verbal fights at times physical. they would get on her nerves and she felt they were mostly into drama, talking in class. she ended up going to an alternative school and graduating early with A' and B's. maybe it was her personality that clashed. idk. all she knows today is younger people than her,17,18. i wish she had older friends who are more into college or jobs.

Hi I.,
We heard all the same arguements for holding back our 5 year old son who was born in June. We decided to go ahead & start him anyway. His Kindergarten teacher is absolutely wonderful & he is thriving! Of course it was all new to him in the beginning but he soon adjusted & has matured so much in the last 4 months. Like someone else said, it's only 3 hours a day. He has a preschool classmate that was held back & his parents now regret it. His friend having problems being at a preschool with much younger kids & getting bored. Also, I was held back because of my December birthday. I ended up bored in 1st grade, was tested & skipped to 3rd grade. So I would consider whether or not he's going to be stimulated enough in preschool for another year. Oh & most of my son's classmates are the same age. It might depend on where your son is going to school but in our experience, the kids starting K were all 5 boys or girls.

Hi I.,

Ultimately, of course, the decision is yours. I have two thoughts about your post. First off, I would wonder if the teaching staff at his pre-k class are over-recommending late starts for kindergarten. It likely is not a fluke that so many parents are holding their kids back.

That said, here's my experience: I did not give my son a late start in school. I was so caught up in his high pre-k test scores (apparently I still am, because I almost put them here... will I never learn?! LOL) that I neglected the social aspect of readiness. He wasn't ready. We ended up having quite a few problems. (I do NOT put them all on sticking to a 5-year-old start; just one of the biggest factors, I believe.) However, my cousin kept one of her sons back a year and it did him a world of good.

So my advice is to look at your son and think about why *he* might benefit from starting on time versus late (and maybe how the school he's at would benefit from having him longer?). Make a list of each and then rank them in terms of importance. Be as honest with yourself as you can. If it's fine for him to go to school, send him. If the benefits of waiting outway the benefits of starting on time, wait.

it sounds like you should go ahead and enroll him in kindergarten. especially if he has already done pre K for 2 years, i'm sure he is more than ready. my son turned 5 in October, and we decided to hold him back but i probably wouldn't do it again because i think he would have been ready. He would have been the youngest in the class, which isn't ideal but neither is being the oldest, as your son would be. My sister has a son who is a year older than mine (ten months) and they held him back because his birthday is in December. I talked to dozens of parents and none that i spoke of were holding back their kids with bdays as early as April. Since there is no developmental issue, there isn't really a good enough reason to hold him back. Shyness is normal, and not reason enough imo. Good luck!

This is exactly my dilemma, my son has an April 18th Bday, and will be 5 this year. What did you end up doing? Do you have any advice in hindsight?

we were in the same boat last year and you will probably drive yourself nuts over the next few months. my daughter is a late july and we did send her to public K... however, i definately would not of if we sent her to private (sept 1st cutoff). she is on the younger side, but by no means the youngest. most of the fall b-day kids turned 6 in kinder although there were still some turning 5 in her class. and there is one boy who was held (not repeating) and is turning 7 in may.... he does seem older and sometimes bored?. in my friend's kid's private kinder there are a few boys turning 7 in the spring.... so, private school you are going to see a different situation.
anyway, 2 pieces of advice:
see if you can meet with the school principal and see what they say.

Also, google "redshirting kindergarten". you will find some very good articles (great one in NY times) and some interesting blogs on babycenter.

good luck, it is such a tough decision

I had my son do Kinder for two years, it helped him during the elementary school years, as he was always confident and ahead of the class, but now, as a high school jr, knowing he will be an 18 year old senior is difficult for him and for us. It's hard to look into the future, but if I had to do it again, I would not have held him back for that second year of K.

Hi I.,

I teach on the other end of school, high school, and one thing you might want to consider is having a student who is 18 for a full year as a senior. At 18, students are legally allowed to sign themselves in and out of school. Further, 18 year old students can sign all their own paperwork, including drop out papers, which could leave you seriously out of the loop on what's going on. Last, many states have laws regarding 18 years olds dating, being in relationships with younger kids (even if the girl is a senior, too, and 17). The law won't care that your son is also a senior and dating someone who is in his class at school.

Most parents deal with this for a few months when their seniors turn 18 mid-way through the school year. You would start dealing with it when your son is a junior. Would it be a problem? Who knows? But, you may want to consider it.

Good luck.

hold! he will spend enough years in school, what's the rush - remember the quote "teachers are underpaid as child-minders, but overpaid as educators".
Good Luck
V.

Hi I., send him to kindergarden, my first child started when he was 4 and did great. In the 26 years of raising kids, I have never heard of holding a child back in pre school. J.