Kindergarten Girl Beyond Frustrated with Some Children in Her Class

I sometimes joke that my son has 2 career choices in life: Cop (law enforcement of any kind) or Reporter. He is just ON / FOCUSED on what other people are doing, how they're doing it, and if they're doing it "right".

For the children who always do exactly as they're told, follow all the rules, remember all the rules, don't disrupt anything and generally are seen but not heard.... they end up overlooked. I was one of them. My daughter has been too. Even my son to some degree. But especially my daughter. She will sit quietly and watch the other kids misbehave, get called out by the teacher, etc... then when I ask her if she enjoyed recess or whatever, I get a litany of how the rest of the class (or certain individuals in the class) caused everyone to miss out on something fun.. Or something like that. The loud kids that are disruptive get lots of (negative) attention, and the "good" kids get ignored. It's just the way things are! But it is hard for a young child to spend all day feeling like she is invisible and no one notices her. There's the frustration.

Does her good behavior go overlooked at home as well? I catch myself overlooking my daughter's good behavior(never have to tell her something twice, always immediately goes and does whatever she is told, always follows up, etc) b/c I spend so much more time and effort getting my son to comply with things (he is very forgetful... so I am always reminding him this or asking him if he did that..). I just take for granted that my daughter has done what she needed to... and she almost ALWAYS has. I have to make it a point to comment directly to her that she has done a nice job, that I appreciate her doing ____. Maybe that is some of what your daughter is experiencing? Not being recognized?

Another thought, (since you added that another child has licked her lunch! and stares at her, etc), is that perhaps she is being bullied? It can be very subtle sometimes. and even a good teacher might miss some of the more subtle bullying that can go on, but it would make ME not want to go to school...

I realize this is a little late in responding but hopefully this will help. My son was in Kinder last year and he has been in daycare since he was a year old. He as your daughter was so excited about starting school but it was a nightmare. Call and set up a parent teacher conference and as that the counselor be present. Continue to pop in and check on her if you can and volunteer if at all possible. In my situation my son had several teachers because he was in the duel language program. One of the teachers continually lowered his color and it was made very public to the other children. When I went on his field trip with the class majority of the children told me how bad my kid was and that he was the red kid and I should get rid of him. The teacher said nothing to these children making these statements and brushed it off that they are just kids. These were very hurtful remarks and my son clung to me the entire field trip. I requested the meeting & it didn't go well. The teacher that continued to drop his color made the comment, "I don't even know what to do with THAT KID anymore. He makes me want to pull my hair out" Hmmmm that isn't good. I requested that his class be changed immediately but they said to do that they had to observe him in the class for a few days. I said fine as long as the observer was with him at all times. Remarkably he was perfect for those few days. Outcome was his class was changed and he did GREAT. He loved the new teacher & his classmates. His grades were still good as they had been in the previous class. Just stand up for your daughter and don't back off. It may be as simple as changing her seat. Best of luck and it does get better. My son is in the 1st grade now and in honor roll. I moved him to a private school and he is already writing in cursive, counting money, and doing math problems which are really advanced. Good Luck & I hope this helped

Victoria speaks wonderful wisdom.
Read her note again.
And also check in with the teacher.

Victoria is probably spot on...Totally reminds me of my daughter too. My little girl used to come home in TEARS because invariably some child would forget to wear tennis shoes on gym class day and they would not get a sticker...things that were meant to be incentives felt like punishment to her when other kids "let the class down" ...also because my daughter is the middle child and "the good one" I have to Make a point to praise her for her good behavior that could easily be over looked in the stress and hectic every day goings on. One thing that has helped is making a special time where we have one on one time...be it something simple like a walk, a dollar ice cream cone form McDonalds with Just mommy or Just daddy so it is special...it is really rough to see your little one distressed.

What is it with getting on the red? Did all the teachers in the south go to the same summer convention! sOO funny. But, I have to say it works for behavior with my kid at least. Anyway, what is the teacher like? What is your child like? Do there personalities fit? Does, she worry that your doing something fun and she feels like she's missing out while she is at school. There are so many different reasons this could be going on and it's hard to tell which is the reason. But I would have to say that try to talk with her and find out what is going on(which I'm sure you have tried.) Hey, even to a drive by as I call it. Go by and eat lunch with her at school to see what's up. Have you spoken to the teacher about it? I wonder if this poor teacher ended up with a crapy class this year of kids out of control and your daughter as well as the teacher is suffering because of it.

I've been out of town so I just saw this. It sounds like your daughter does not enjoy having to deal with "at risk" kids. Who could blame her? You cannot fix those kids in her class who are on "red" all the time. The teachers cannot even fix them. They need a different environment but are forced to stay in your daughter's classroom.

I would look into the Lutheran schools in your area. They are known for having a wonderful education system for over 100 years. It is a great network of schools that support each other so each school is not reinventing the wheel when faced with challenges. The best part is that the kids are taught to respect each other and the teachers love their students as if they were their own. Taking her lunch would never be tolerated or overlooked. The kids who need a different environment, because they have issues or whatever, are not allowed to stay and bring down the rest of the class. It's not like public school where they have to take your child.

Maybe talk to your daughter and your teacher about it to get some more information. You can also go in for a classroom observation if you have time to see for yourself what the classroom dymanic is like.

Volunteer your time if you can in the classroom. You will get an eye opening perspective of the classroom and how the teacher responds to the children.

I subbed in several schools in the K/1 classes awhile back ago. I was amazed at how different the school system is now. It does not surprise me that the boys in the class are on red. Kids in general are expected to sit for long periods of time and expected to complete tasks that they may not be developmentally ready for. This push for writing for our young 5 year olds and sight reading long lists of words works against our youngsters. Music, art, science, PE have all taken a backseat to inflexible teaching plans of math, reading and writing. Kinder used to be the year children learn the rules of the class and are introduced basic concepts. Movement used to be part of the daily routine with frequent breaks. It seems with this movement of our kids needing to be "ahead" at earlier and earlier ages, most have forgotten the developmental stages of our young kids.

My son will start kinder next year and I am terrified that he will be one of the boys on red. I am considering home schooling. We still have the rest of the year to decide but from the curriculum I have read about for our district I am not on board with it. If he attends next year, I will be one of the moms actively involved pushing to change the status quo.

I also liked the answer and agree with the answer about how she might be forgotten within the classroom.

Good Luck to you and your daughter.