Kindergarten Emotional/behavioral Roller Coaster...

Has the teacher talked to the class about personal space? In the second week of school my son's K teacher told the class that they each have an imaginary bubble around them... and that it's not ok to pop their bubble or to pop anyone else's bubble. It worked like a charm - just like that she solved a problem we have been banging our heads against for 2 years!
I'd mention this to the teacher and see if she's willing to talk about this to her class. It seems like getting the whole class involved is probably part of the success of this technique.

He obviously has some real fears about what might happen at school. Often when kids are mean it is out of fear rather than anger.

Some time when he is just sitting and playing, sit down with him and simply say, "tell me what you think the other kids think when they are staring at some one." First, if you do this while he is a little preoccupied with a toy he is more likely to engage in a conversation. Second, using the words "tell me" rather than asking a question is more likely to get a response.

Your son probably has some fears about not being accepted or maybe he is already being bullied or maybe he saw something played out on tv and is afraid that will happen to him. Be gentle and curious with him. It sounds like he is an amazing, well-adjusted, intelligent child. Create for him a safe space for him to have his fears (to him they are very real) and to allow him to really become aware of what he is feeling.

Be careful that you don't immediately invalidate his fears with a response like "Oh, that wouldn't really happen." Instead, validate that he feels strongly about it. Lead him through his "what is the worst thing that will happen?" Then ask him what would happen next. Then what would happen next.

Becoming fully concious of a fear and walking through that fear and then going to the next step is a fabulous tool for short circuiting the fear itself. Most of our fears are unconcious and irrational. Fear is based on the idea that the bad thing will happen and last forever. Bringing the fear into the light allows us to really get in touch and see what is going on. Going to the "what would happen next" breaks the hold that fear has as well as teaches a form of problem solving.

Your little guy does have the ability to move through this. You get to be his guide. Don't try to "fix" it. Stay curious and gentle and simply lead him allong the path of discovery, inquiry, and resolution.

Going to school is such a huge change for your son. It's a new place full of new people with new rules that he needs to learn. Is his teacher new to teaching or is she/he experienced? If the teacher is experienced then take with him/her about the situation and let him/her handle it. If it's a new to teaching person than take about the situation but also talk to the school guidance person and get them involved in it so your son isn't labeled as a troublemaker.

Have you thought about just keeping him home for another year? Letting him socially mature another year might be to his benefit and yours. If you would choose to do this - I would suggest getting him in a group activity this year such as swimming lessons, a play group, and kind of organized sport with children his own age. We have had a similar issue with our son and decided to start him as a 6 yr old kindergartener. Boys need more time to mature -- we have 2 girls and they were fine as 5 yr old kindergarteners, but boys sometimes need a little extra time. We had our son tested this year for Kindergarten and as far as IQ they said to enroll him...but after much thought (consulting our pediatrician, the staff at the school that knows our girls and Logan, and my husband and I) we decided it will be best to wait. We've been told parents don't regret waiting a year, but will regret sending them too early. I hope this helps you at least a little. Good luck in whatever you decide. As parents I think we always make the best decisions for our children -- you will make the right decision whatever it may be! Take care! :)

I don't have any advise about the kindergarten issues as my son is not quite 5, but he also hates when anybody looks at him when he is upset. I believe it is because he is embarrassed (in fact that is what he says). One technique I use is to let him go to the bathroom first and wash his face. Then I just don't bring up whatever it was that made him upset (usually something he got in trouble for). Good luck!

My answer, of course, comes from my own experiences.

I have two sons in school, one who just started kindergarten, like yours. The other one is now in third grade. He did fine in kindergarten, actually, but first grade was the tough one. He kept getting into trouble for poking his classmates, writing on their papers, etc. If he weren't so obviously gifted, we would have wondered what was going on. But I knew he was just plain bored. He skipped first grade last year. That helped his behavior, but I noticed that he's been quite grumpy when he comes home.

My second son is smart, but not so obviously as his big brother. He may actually be smarter, but it's just part of his personality that he doesn't show it. And he stresses! Oh how he stresses. But again, he doesn't show it.

It sounds like your little guy is stressed out. And if you have any suspicion of his being gifted, that could explain a lot of his other behaviors, like feeling different and not wanting to be stared at. Unfortunately, there isn't too much you can do about giftedness in kindergarten (at least in my experience) but do enrichment activities at home (basically send them to school, but keep home schooling them, too.)

It seems to me that, after a school day of stress, he is able to relax completely at home, which is why you see him so happy and smiling now. It's hard to explain what I'm thinking, something about how he was probably mildly stressed all the time before school started, but now, he gets all his stressing done at school, so he can finally relax.

I think it's too early to consider pulling him out of school. Give him some time to adjust to his new life. I don't know when your school started, but we're just in our third week! I would be willing to bet that he settles in after a few months. That reminds me--we had no idea my oldest son was stressed out until his second progress report said that he seemed much happier and open to sharing with his class now.

Updated

My answer, of course, comes from my own experiences.

I have two sons in school, one who just started kindergarten, like yours. The other one is now in third grade. He did fine in kindergarten, actually, but first grade was the tough one. He kept getting into trouble for poking his classmates, writing on their papers, etc. If he weren't so obviously gifted, we would have wondered what was going on. But I knew he was just plain bored. He skipped first grade last year. That helped his behavior, but I noticed that he's been quite grumpy when he comes home.

My second son is smart, but not so obviously as his big brother. He may actually be smarter, but it's just part of his personality that he doesn't show it. And he stresses! Oh how he stresses. But again, he doesn't show it.

It sounds like your little guy is stressed out. And if you have any suspicion of his being gifted, that could explain a lot of his other behaviors, like feeling different and not wanting to be stared at. Unfortunately, there isn't too much you can do about giftedness in kindergarten (at least in my experience) but do enrichment activities at home (basically send them to school, but keep home schooling them, too.)

It seems to me that, after a school day of stress, he is able to relax completely at home, which is why you see him so happy and smiling now. It's hard to explain what I'm thinking, something about how he was probably mildly stressed all the time before school started, but now, he gets all his stressing done at school, so he can finally relax.

I think it's too early to consider pulling him out of school. Give him some time to adjust to his new life. I don't know when your school started, but we're just in our third week! I would be willing to bet that he settles in after a few months. That reminds me--we had no idea my oldest son was stressed out until his second progress report said that he seemed much happier and open to sharing with his class now.