Kind Heart

I wonder where she is getting this attitude? Does she have older siblings? Is she getting this on TV? Some of the girls on TV shows or cartoons speak disrespectfully.

It sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be. Lead by example. You can't really "teach" kindness, it is an act, and when they see that act over and over again, they will model you.

Oh, I have a 3 year old too. It sounds like she is just trying to press your buttons. She knows that saying she doesn't want to be kind will get a reaction out of you.

where do you think this is coming from? Is she allowed to watch tv? Does she play while you are watching tv? Has she overheard conversations addressing this?

These are some of the questions you might want to ask yourself. It might help focus your thoughts on how to diffuse this, & I truly believe she's just trying to gauge your own response to her words. In other words, she is pushing your buttons as another poster mentioned!

As for teaching social skills & mores....practice what you preach! Reward her for goodness, kindness, & thoughtful actions towards others. Being so young, she may not have a full grasp of what all of these words/thoughts really mean.....if you point out the "good", she'll quickly turn it all around!

She's just pushing buttons and getting a reaction - she's 3! But what we have done with our little ones is alot of teaching of kindness with our pets. When I force my daughters to come walk the dogs with me and they complain, I explain the need the dogs have to be walked. And I have them give the dogs treats and so on. I think you could teach this with any kind of pet. Or with dolls. Play mommy and baby with her and the dolls. And you need to sit and actually play with her. You show her how mommy is nice to the baby, etc.

Whoa! i think I would tell her that being kind isn't an option, it's the way we are. I really doubt she grasps the full impact of being kind, though, and would really not like it at all if people weren't kind to her. Maybe you could have a no-kind day to show her what it would be like, and when she says it's not fair or she doesn't like it you could tell her, "But you said you didn't want people to be kind to you, remember?"

And maybe some books for children on kindness, manners and compassion would help, the librarian at your local children's library can make recommendations.

Well don't give up. Your daughter just has a strong personality. I wouldd take her to a local assited living. The older people really visitors. It would make her feel positie about herself.

I have a 3 year old who knows the name Lady Gaga. She's never seen Lady Gaga, she knows nothing about Lady Gaga but she asks me several times a day "Mommy, let's talk about Lady Gaga" or she'll tell people "Mommy and I were talking about Lady Gaga....". Why? Because she knows it makes me cringe. She's the queen of pushing my buttons and she knows this one gets me good. I'm guessing your daughter knows that kindness and the lack thereof gets you good so she's going to use it against you, because she's 3 and unfortunately that's what we do at that age. Just be glad that they're so darn cute and one day (perhaps when they're 30?) they will out-grow it. :)

We r going thru this w our 3 yo too! I'm hoping it's just a stage while doing the best we can & constantly reinforcing what we teach her. They'll get it I'm sure :) Patience....

This concept can be hard to teach. My daughter got it pretty quickly. With my 5 yo son, we are still working on it. I try to teach by example, but i will also ask them, "if someone did that (said that) to you, how would you feel?" I will tell them if they continue to treat people like that then they won't have any friends that will want to play with them. Is your daughter in one of those flip 3 yo moments where she is just trying to rile you up? I thought the 3 yo stage was pretty bad.

I am currently learning about Conscious Discipline and LOVE IT.....it covers this and how the connections the child makes with others on the outside make connections on the inside.....it is wonderful. Several resource suggestions on her website.

When my son was about this age, I asked him to turn the lights out in the house as we walked out the door (my hands were full of baby, lunches, etc.). He said, "No." Well, my head almost exploded. When we got into the car, I said, "Tonight, when we get home, you need to make your own dinner, run your own bath, read your stories by yourself, and put yourself to bed." He said, "Why do I have to do that? Why won't you help me?" I said, "Because I asked you, nicely, to turn the lights off in the house. If you cannot help me, then I cannot help you. In a family, we all help each other. So, if you are choosing not to help me, then I am choosing not to help you. That's what family is all about." He started crying and said that he did want to be a part of the family. And so, that really whipped him into shape - and I occassionally remind him by stating something like that. But, if he continued to not help and not be nice, trust me, I would not help him and not be nice to him. He WOULD be doing things for himself - everything I just mentioned above. So, I would suggest you have a chat with your daughter and if you don't see an improvement, stop being nice to her and stop doing nice things for her and tell her why you are not doing them.

Good luck!
L.

I just read the best book (imo) on this subject. My 4 year old was having attitude issues too and it was concerning me a LOT! I've read TONS of parenting books and this one, by far, is the best. If you're not Christian, don't be too put off by it as the Christian parts are mainly in the "dig deeper" parts. It's about building honor in the family and has GREAT ideas. If you are Christian you will love it even more, but please give it a chance even if you're not - I promise it's not "pushy" or anything like that. It's called Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in You and Your Kids by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. This book is AWESOME :)