Kids with Attention Issues, but Not Behavior Issues

It doesn't really sound like ADD to me, to be honest, but it does sound perfectly normal. I think it's likely that she just needs practice concentrating in class. Updates once a week from the teacher sound reasonable, and it's actually frequent since most parents statistically don't make it a point to make frequent contact and aren't as involved as they should be. If you're the one initiating contact, I would use whichever method you get the best and fastest response from. These days it seems to be e-mail, so I would use that and send the e-mail on a Tuesday evening so that she'll see it first thing Wednesday morning.

With my middle daughter, who is now in 4th grade, I've always had daily contact with her teachers through e-mail because she's special needs. It's part of her IEP. My eldest daughter needs frequent contact due to issues related to her ADHD and ODD as part of her 504 Plan, very often it's once or twice a week with one teacher or more. My typical daughter is really "as needed." I tend to see their teachers frequently anyway since there are a lot of school functions and I get updates that way too.

How much of this could be that she's simply not developmentally ready to sit still and attend to something for long periods of time? My daughter was on the young end of her class at school, and was in a dual grade classroom because of her academic ability. She shouldn't have been. She lacked the capacity to pay attention the way the upper graders in the class or that the older same graders could. She was constantly being dinged for not paying attention. I went to school and spent enough time in her class to become the proverbial "fly on the wall." That's when I realized two things about her classroom - 1. The teacher's expectations were being led by what the oldest, most mature kids in the room could do. 2. The same level of inattentiveness as that which my daughter exhibited and was penalized for in class was being tolerated from the boys in the class. After seeing these things, I was able to identify our problem and to decide what actions I needed to take.

If possible, spend a few days sitting in the back of your daughter's classroom. You can learn a lot about what is really happening, and it will give you some insight into what you really need to do to help direct your daughter's behavior, or possibly what you may need to discuss with her teacher. You can also learn whether your daughter's behavior is really all that different from her same-age peers. And you'll get to see what the classroom atmosphere is like. If the teacher refuses to let you observe, that tells you something important, too.

My first grade daughter (homeschool) needs constant prodding with her school work (especially maaaaaaath), piano practice, violin practice, room cleaning, meals, etc etc etc. She's got her head in the clouds except for things she WANTS to be doing (playing :). For her play time and play dates and Tae Kwon Do she's got razor sharp attention and is a very quick learner.

I do make her finish her work and often have to pull the "We're not doing ____(fun thing) until it's done". I also occasionally snap or get more "firm" which is very rare for me usually so it snaps her into gear :(. If she was in school I'd have consequences lined up at home if I heard from the teacher she was not participating in class properly. This worked when she went to K4 and was "losing sticks" at one point for goofing off and pushing limits. I told her every day that I would ask the teacher after school how she did and what her consequences would be if I heard she was not being respectful to the class etc. This worked right away because she knew I was serious. And we had a fun reward at the end of the week (extra long time at park, whatever) if she was good. Good luck, it's frustrating at times for sure! I was the same way. Sigh. All I wanted to do was draw and play outside. But I'm glad now that people forced me to learn :)

Your teacher may not want to "report to you" more than weekly, but I don't see why you can't slide in a brief "How did Suzy do today" at pick up. If you don't pick her up, then I guess it's trickier, but see if you can ask somehow. Maybe a, "Please allow me to email you each day just this week to help get Suzy on track for a brief "yes or no" on if her behavior was OK or not. I really want to get this worked out so she's a better student for you."

Sounds like my SD to a T when she was in first grade! The teacher started making sounds like "She has ADHD" but she really didn't.

For one, she was on the young side. You might not think that a few months make a big difference, but they really do! Her attention span just wasn't there yet.

My SD is a dawdler. I know she doesn't have ADHD because she can focus on things she's interested in. The problem was, she just wasn't interested in school. She was a social child, so it was much more interesting to goof off instead.

My SD needed lots of reminders to do her tasks. She would get off track easily. She also is the S-L-O-W-E-S-T eater I've ever met!

Here's what worked:

1. I would set a timer for chores. If she finished the chore before the timer went off, she'd get a reward. I would give her plenty of time. If she didn't finish in time, I usually would tell her "okay, well I will give a few more minutes to earn your reward." Then I'd stand there to keep her focused. If you don't do this, then she will get upset and not want to finish the task. The goal is to help her keep focused. Never give her a task that takes longer than 5 minutes. If you must, break up the task into 5 minute segments.

2. I remove distractions. This ESPECIALLY includes the TV!

3. For school, I give her a certain amount of time to do her work. If she finishes, she earns playtime. If she finishes early, she can have the extra playtime. I break up schoolwork into chunks. I use a timer. This has always worked, and she usually focuses on her work, gets it done and enjoys her playtime!

Sometimes she needs me to stand there and push her through. For example, she used to take 30 minute showers! So I had to set timers for a shower. If I needed her to just get it done, I had to stand there and direct her. It's just what you have to do.

I always use free time as an incentive. For eating slow, my husband and I will bring out the dessert and then say "if you're not done eating, you won't have time for dessert!"

My SD worked well with checklists. Sometimes she'd get overwhelmed with what she thought was a lot of work so she'd just give up and goof off. She had checklists for everything and it worked! I put the lists in plastic sheets and she'd use a dry erase marker.

My SD is 11 now. She focuses on her chores without the timer. She takes reasonable showers. She gets ready on time. She eats at a normal pace. She gets her school work done without too much hassle.

You just have to keep working on it at home. It'll happen for you! Be patient. Every child has a different personality. It doesn't mean they have ADHD. Personality defects aren't diseases! Not everyone is perfect!

Also, once my SD got a better concept of time, that helped her to not move so slow. Some young kids have no conception of time or time passing. Once they get that awareness, that helps too.

All of my kids have ADHD so this is a challenge I know. I went with breaking up homework into manageable chunks. At least I have found that there is this set amount of time that they go like gangbusters then fizzle off. No point in making them sit there when they are in la la land, ya know?

So when they were really little, like kindergarten, first, this may only be five minutes, then I let them play, then knew after an hour back to it but they also knew it would be short and to the point.

See the thing is four five minutes bursts will get the same amount of work done as two hours of get your work done now! The upside to bursts is it is less frustrating on both of you.

You can just sit her at the kitchen table while you make dinner or whatever. Swear to ya it is obvious when their attention dwindles, then you say want a break? My kids enjoyed doing homework, how crazy is that?

My son has this problem in class as well. Most of the time he is redirectable. Other times, he requires a screen around his desk. This helps him focus more. He also has a sensory issue, so any noises can be distracting to him. He is better with this now that he is older, but when he was younger they used headphones.

At home when it is homework time, if my son gets stuck or distracted, I have him walk around the house. Once he returns, he is more focused to complete his work. I do this anytime he looks like he isn't paying attention. Now, he thinks the walking wastes more time, so he actually finishes his worksheet quicker then just sitting there staring off or playing with his hands. Imagine that!

Does your daughter have any extra assistance, or an IEP? If she does, then usually I get reports from the Special education teacher or OT. If the teacher has 19 kids in her class, I would see how a daily update would be difficult. I would ask for a weekly update on how well she is able to finish her work on time. That isn't too much to ask. Plus a week gives you a guide on how she does throughout the whole week.

Maybe while doing the individual classwork, she needs to be seated separately.
See if that helps her keep her attention on her work.

One teacher we know actually puts up a screen on the desk while some children do their classwork. This helps the child keep the focus on the paper or the book.

They just place these screens on their desks and begin their work.

Does she talk all through dinner? this is a good family time for all of you to catch up, so you do want some interaction.. but Maybe consider at home either let her begin dinner before everyone else.. then join her. Or when you all are finished, leave her there alone to finish.

I think a once a week is fair. To expect the teacher to do this every day is way too much for any teacher.. remember she has a lot of work to do all day long.

Have you had your child evaluated for ADHD?

Or is she just a chatty child? I was a talker. It was almost painful to not talk for a length of time. It took a lot of practice to not chatter or to be distracted by others talking. But I did learn to control it.

I am having this same problem with my daughter. Not ADD...not behavioral....just in lala land. Teacher said at conferences...she is doing great, but I don't know how she can be. She is always the last to finish or misses instructions. I can't wait to read some of the responses as I could really benefit as well. At least I know I am not alone!

My DD dawdles. And my SD used to daydream or talk in class. What we did/do was work on them at home to prioritize and finish tasks.

If I ask DD to get her shoes, I want her to get her shoes...not stop to play with the cat, bring me a book, etc. I don't know if it would help your DD but sometimes we do a reward at the end. If DD does x she gets to watch one TV show. If it takes her too long, then her show will be over, no show. If she takes too long, then she can only play outside for 10 minutes because dinner is almost ready. Etc. I would encourage her to do things before a certain time - like "you have 15 minutes before dinnertime" and then set a timer. Try to give her a sense of time.

Work is boring. That was SD's problem. Either she'd finish quickly or not want to do times tables when there were other things to do. We actually had to tell her that if she kept reading her free reading book during other class times, we'd take it and give her a book of our choosing instead. Something really educational on a topic that was not as interesting. But we told her that if she did the work quickly and accurately (and this was OK by the teacher) then she could read at the END of classwork time, if the teacher approved her work.

We only got notes when there was a major issue. If SD was bouncing around all class time, we got a note. We did not get one if SD heeded the warning.

That sounds like my middle child. He is young compared to most of the other kids in his grade. It was a problem for 1st through 3rd grade, but by 4th grade, his attention span had shifted such that it was easier for him to stay on task. We tried a number of things, from timers to let him know how much time he had to complete a task, to sitting next to the teacher's desk, to having the teacher walk by and tap his desk when his attention started to wander. I'm sure there were other things we tried, but those are the ones that I remember.