Kids Don't Listen to Me!

I strongly recommend 2 books:
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk
and
Kids are worth it.

best wishes.
Victoria, mother of 2 daughters, 6.5 & 4 years

They have tested you & decided that they will not face any consequences that they are not willing to pay by not listening to you. Only you can correct this situation! Your job is to either accept for a life time of not being given respect or show them that it hirts not to listen to you. You know where their weakspots and loves or likes are.
So you go girl!

S.

Hi C.,

I have recently been struggling with this-- sass and backtalk from my 4 y/o and the kids generally ignoring me when I ask them to do something. So frustrating!

I recommend watching a few episodes of Supernanny (I'm not kidding). She's got a lot of good ideas. I also realized I had to be more aggressive with the time outs. Ask them to do whatever, give one warning, then time out-- at least for your 3 y/o. The 19 m/o may be too little-- you have to judge his understanding and intentions. But with your 3 y/o lay down the law!

It also helped that I wrote up a list of rules, went over them with the kids and posted them on the wall. I made it an activity where I drew pictures to match the rule and let the kids match them up and glue them onto the rule poster. Now, when they break a rule (i.e. Listen to Mommy and Daddy the 1st Time), I can refer back to our rule chart, so it's less arbitrary.

Don't be afraid to make him cry. If you ask him to do something and he ignores, tell him you're going to count to three and then it's a time out. then it's his choice. For the little one, count one two three then physically pick him up and make him do what you asked (i.e. pick up this toy, come eat your dinner, etc.) He'll get the picture, and once his brother's behavior improves, he should follow suit.

Good luck! And don't be afraid you'll come off as a meanie. Kids need and thrive on boundaries.

I like a few of the other mom's do the 1-2-3 count. It works like a charm. A few punishing in the beginning, but we have been working this way for 2 years now,my son now 4 TOTALLY get's it. We still have a few tears if he really is being stubborn but 9 times out of 10 I get what I want from him. I rarely get to 3 anymore and I NEVER do 1 and a half,1 and 3quarters I hear others do that. It's 1......2......3......discipline ( what ever you choose to do) I also raise my voice by each # I say it sends a very clear message of "I mean business". For the record my son is also "better" for everyone else so don't take that personal it's Kid Nature!!!! Be thankful they are good for others this allows for the much need break all of us mothers need without the STRESS of are they being good?

try avoiding the word "no"
Like when your son says "mommy i want fruit snacks" but you dont want him to have any you say "Yes, you may have some...after lunch"
If they question you, question them back "mommy why cant I go outside and play" "Well, why do YOU think mommy does not want you to go outside?" Questioning them back throws them for a loop but THEIR justification- whatever it is- will satisfy them much better than YOUR justification will.
And finally STICK to whatever you say! If you say dont put that in your mouth and they do it anyway, stop them- sternly say mommy does not want you to put that in your mouth and if you do it again, mommy is taking it away. And if he does it again--take it away and dont give it back--and if he throws a fit designate a "fit throwing place" for them to go
For my daughter (who is about 20mos old) when she throws a fit, I tell her to go sit on the stairs and throw her fit and when she is done mommy will play with her. So she stomps over to the steps and plops her hinney down and pouts for a minute or two as I blatently ingore her and then she comes back to me when she is done whinning and I get on with the day.
Kids will push it to the limits until they are grown so give them an inch of rope, and when they try to take a mile, press the lock button on the leash and let em know you mean it! BUt you dont have to be mean- there are ways around it.
With the 19 mo old, id try repeating his request before you say yes or no because sometimes just showing that you understand WHAT he says gives comfort - ex: "mommy i want a cookie" - "Bobby wants a cookie?" "yes! cookie!" "Ok. Mommy knows that bobby wants a cookie and bobby can have a cookie right after dinner!"
A simple act of understanding and a play on words will get you a lot!
@}~>~~

Hi C., I had this problem when they were little too. The question you have to ask yourself is, "What do I do when they don't obey?" Most likely the children know you will give in and let them have what they want to stop the tantrum or whatever. They also probably know that if they don't do something you ask, that there is no consequence. My husband and I had talks about this, and the conclusion was that we (I) better let them know who is boss now. Better to get control now than wait until there are major problems when they are teenagers. The book and parenting class that helped me most was "Parenting is Heartwork" by Taransky and Miller. My other friends that also had behavior problems also took parenting classes offered in the community. Usually if the parent changes, the children will too.
A.

That age is way too young not to listen to you. When you say "no" you need to mean it. If you say "no" or "don't do that" and then turn around and let them do it anyway they know you are giving up and giving in and they will use the same tactics day after day and make the day impossible for. You are not doing your job if that's the case. Mother's are the first teachers. There are times when you have to be strict for their own good and safety. Don't give in.. say it with a straight stern look not an angry ugly face for they will feel like you are disgusted with them. They need to to know you love them and mean well and if they ask "why?" explain why! Don't say "because I said so". Think of how your parents were to you and copy that but, if your parents let the kids run the show then don't copy that do the opposite. After they get over it play with them, tickle them and dance with them... Trust me it works. I had 2 and I always got compliments and now as adults I still get compliments and they are now doing a great job raising their 3 children. Let us know if it works for you.
Good Luck..

Try reading the book 1-2-3 Magic. I have two girls (8 mos apart in age) and this book helped me tremendously.

Good luck!