Kids Constant Fighting

Stop apologizing! You are the parent, you make the rules. If you yell at them, it is because you are telling them the rules and they are not following them. If you then go back and apologize, you are negating that rule and the kids are going to take advantage of you again and not follow the rules.

Peace At Last!
3 simple rules for ending sibling fights (without you getting in the middle)
By Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D.

True story: When my kids were growing up, there was a TV in the sitting area that was an extension of our kitchen. On Saturdays, Nick and Margaret were allowed to watch cartoons for a few hours after they woke up. Two kids, one TV. My memory is that only once did I have to intervene in an argument over the television. Somehow, every Saturday morning Nick and Margaret worked out on their own — peacefully — what they'd watch.

Try this one. The summer that Margaret was 5 and Nick was 7, we decided to take a seven-week family vacation driving in a station wagon around the West, camping or staying in motels, all four of us in one room.

Did I mention that the car had no air-conditioning? At one point, seeing Nick lying asleep in the back, little beads of sweat all over his pink face, I thought we'd roasted him. Seven weeks in a station wagon.

We had a great time. Nick and Margaret were easy. There was arguing, but the most serious and frequent culprits weren't the children — it was the grown-ups.

It's not that my kids never bickered. They did. What they didn't do was bombard their mom and me with constant complaining: "Nicky kicked my sticker album." "I did not, she put it down right where I was sitting." "I did not. Besides, he's not the boss of me." "Mom, she's lying." "Dad, he's going to hit me." You know, the stomach-tightening Oh, no, here they go again type of fighting that instantly replaces whatever peace you had at that moment with tension.

The secret? My wife, Mary Alice, and I had a plan that eliminated the number one cause of sibling rivalry: trying to get a parent on your side. For Nick and Margaret, the great parental courtroom, to which grievances are taken and where final judgment is made of who was right and who was wrong, was empty. The judge wasn't there.

Because of the close attachment kids have to their parents, just the presence of Mom or Dad during a fight automatically brings out in them a craving for as much parent as they can get. The moment an adult becomes part of the equation, any rational, interested-in-possibly-working-on-resolutions part of a child disappears, leaving in its stead the mindless, raving version whose only interest is getting all of Mom or Dad.

Nick and Margaret's quarrels focused on whatever they were disagreeing about: who was hogging too much of the seat, who got the slightly broken cookie, whose turn it was to use the red marker. Their fights were never about whose side their mom or I would be on. The constant sibling squabbling that can wear you down and drain any pleasure out of time spent with your children didn't exist for us.

And this meant that for the most part, being with Nick and Margaret was fun. Maybe this is a tribute to their personalities or maybe it's because of something Mary Alice and I did or didn't do as parents. But I think my kids were such a joy because of our system of dealing with rivalry — a system that boils down to three simple rules you can use with your own kids, starting right now, to help make parenting a true pleasure.

Rule #1: Keep Out Of It

Rule #1: Never intervene on one side or the other unless there's a possibility of harm.

By harm I mean injury — not minor pain. Let's say you're paying bills at the kitchen table when a high-pitched scream erupts from the next room. You stick your head in the doorway and find your 6-year-old son sitting on top of your 4-year-old daughter — the source of the screaming — and hitting her on the back. A typical reaction would be to single out your son and say, "Stop hitting your sister right this minute!"

In return you'll get: "But she messed up my cars and she was pinching me."

To which your daughter will retort: "I did not. He never lets me play with anything."

Followed by: "I do too, but you always mess up my stuff."

The statement "Stop hitting your sister!" adds nothing. Your son knows perfectly well that he's not supposed to hit. All it does is put you in the middle, a place you don't want to be because there's no escape.

To put Rule #1 into effect, you have to make a swift decision. Do you feel that your son could seriously hurt your daughter? If not, then the intervention is simple. Just say, "The two of you — stop it, now."

The squabbling may continue — often it will. If your son doesn't immediately comply and get off your daughter, simply repeat yourself — "The two of you, stop it!" — and lift him off. You'll have accomplished what's necessary: stopping the hitting without taking sides.

But let's say your daughter's picked up a solid metal fire truck and is about to give her brother a backhanded bash with it. Solid metal fire trucks can cause harm. They should not be used as weapons. It's for such situations that you want to reserve your sternest voice: "No. Put down the fire truck." Take it out of her hand if she doesn't let go of it right away.

Then say to her directly: "The fire truck could really hurt somebody. You cannot hit with it."

The message is basic: Harming others is never okay. There are no reasons that make it okay. It can never be allowed to happen.

Rule #2: Act Fast

Rule #2: Act fast (or not at all).

Imagine trying to pay bills with bickering like this going on:

"That's not the right way to do it."

"It is too."

"It's not. You're doing it wrong."

"I am not."

"You are too."

"Leave me alone."

"I'm just trying to help."

"Leave me alone."

"Here, let me show you how."

"Let go!"

Such a battle can go on forever. Pretty soon you won't be able to concentrate on what you're doing and you'll become increasingly irritated. By the time you speak up, it'll be because you're angry, and likely to scream something like "Stop it now! I am tired of the two of you fussing all the time. Can't you play together nicely for once? I am really sick of this. I mean it. I have had it with you two. I really have had it."

What's more, you'll have wasted a good ten minutes or more being angry and then trying to cool down.

The better way: Step in the moment you find yourself focusing on your kids' disagreement and not on what you're doing. Speak up before you have a chance to get mad. Say calmly:

"I'm working. If you can't play quietly, I don't want you together."

Repeat yourself if either child tries to engage you in her squabble with her sibling:

"But Gabriel isn't doing it right."

"If you can't play quietly, I don't want you two together. I'm trying to get some work done."

This isn't to say that whenever siblings start to bicker you should always say something. Sometimes it may not bother you, in which case it's best to leave well enough alone. (And sometimes, it's even a good idea to let a spat run its course.)

Rule #3: Tune Out

Rule #3: Don't listen to complaints — ever, except when there's a possibility of harm (see Rule #1).

This is a big one. The payoff is huge, and it totally changes the meaning and purpose of bickering between your kids, moving it in a direction that's healthy and useful. The technique can be boiled down to saying seven simple words: "I don't want to hear about it." As in:

"Mommy, Evan called me a swear."

"I don't want to hear about it."

"Daddy, Lydia's not giving me a turn."

"I don't want to hear about it."

"Mommy, Betsy pushed me."

"I don't want to hear about it."

"Daddy, Ezra drooled on purpose on my sweater."

"I don't want to hear about it."

The point, obviously, is that you will not get involved in their arguments. If this seems harsh, there are gentler ways to be supportive without entering into a dispute.

"Mommy, Evan called me a swear."

"Would you like a hug?"

"Daddy, Lydia's not giving me a turn."

"Boy, that must be frustrating."

"Mommy, Betsy pushed me."

"That must have been unpleasant."

"Daddy, Ezra drooled on purpose on my sweater."

"Oh. That sounds like a problem."

That is, I'm sympathetic, but whatever the problem, it's yours and not mine. You'll have to deal with it because I certainly won't. I'm gently, lovingly throwing it back at you.

Just be prepared: Hugs and sympathy really aren't what squabbling sibs are after, and they'll keep trying to get you to take sides.

"Mommy, Evan called me a swear."

"Would you like a hug?"

"But he called me a swear."

"Sure you don't want a hug?"

"You don't understand. He's not allowed to do that."

"Well, that sounds like a problem."

"You're not listening to me."

"Gosh, J.J., I don't know what to say." (This is a great phrase to have on hand.)

And then J.J. exits, returning to tackle the problem — or not —on his own. Which is exactly what you want.

Eliminating yourself from the sibling bickering equation will allow your kids to work out solutions on their own. When parents stay out of it, rivalry exists in its own separate realm as a problem between brother and sister, rather than being about something altogether different — getting as much of you as possible.

From "Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me!" by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D. Copyright 2003 by Anthony E. Wolf. Published by Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

Should you split them up?
There will be times when it's clear your dueling kids just aren't capable of ironing out their differences on their own. Then you have no choice: You'll need to separate them — temporarily, to give them a chance to cool down. The separation can take any form: one child in the kitchen, another in the family room. Both banished to their bedrooms. Each on opposite sides of a room. Don't worry about being fair — speed is your main aim. When should they be allowed back together? When you judge that they're calm enough to be trusted not to pick up the bickering where they left off. If you make the wrong call and the squabbling starts as soon as the kids get near each other, just split them up again. They'll get the message that this is standard policy, and, as a result, they'll begin to develop enough self-monitoring skills that you'll need to put them in their (separate) places less and less often.

The benefits of bickering
Not all fighting between brothers and sisters is bad. Of course, it's bad if someone gets hurt or if it intrudes on the peace of others (especially yours!). But there's an advantage to allowing a squabble to play itself out, at least some of the time: When kids fight their own battles, they get invaluable practice in dealing with disagreements. They learn how hard to push and when to back off, and they even develop strategies for compromise that they'll be able to use throughout their lives. Don't worry that by standing aside you're missing out on chances to help your children develop such characteristics as empathy and diplomacy. They'll draw on the knowledge and skills that spring from the love and attention you've given them since they were babies. Such skills have helped them deal with many of the trials and tribulations of day-to-day life already — especially not getting their way. Consider bickering one more golden opportunity for your kids to evolve into the caring, tactful, and successful people you want them to be.

Parenting, September 2003

Another article:

Reality Check: Putting a Stop to Sibling Rivalry
By Trisha Thompson

Q Our two girls, ages 3 and 5, seem to argue over everything. How can we get them to stop?

A Listening to your children fight is a form of parental torture, similar to enduring whining but even more distressing. When our two girls still had a harmonious relationship, until ages 3 and 6, we were warned by parents of older children that the peace wouldn't last. They were right. Garden-variety arguing, a certain amount of which is normal, starts when the younger child becomes capable of threatening the older one's supremacy, or at least capable of knowing just when to topple the block tower her sister's so carefully built.

Psychological wisdom has it that sibling rivalry and chronic fighting may also stem from parents' comparing one child with another, however unwittingly. "So tell your children what each one is good at, but one on one, when you're alone with a child at bedtime, for instance," says Peter Goldenthal, Ph.D., author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry.

Emphasize that each person in the family has strengths and weaknesses and is loved as an individual. If everyone feels valued independently, it's easier for them to develop a sense of mutual belonging and family pride — the feeling that my sister's success is my success, her sorrow my sorrow.

Some basic house rules can help too: Toys must be shared or they'll be banished to shelf Siberia. Hitting or shoving buys you time in the penalty box. Lately, I've been using a couple of other tactics as well. I ask my daughters how they'd feel if their father and I had six fights a day and they had to listen to it. That snaps them out of a jag for a little while. But mostly, I remind them (with frequent success) that they're stuck with each other — that long after Mom and Dad are gone, a sister will be there, so they might as well make the best of the relationship.

Trisha Thompson is a contributing editor to PARENTING magazine and a former editor-in-chief of BabyTalk.

Parenting, May 2002

There are great tips under every age on www.parenting.com - You didn't say whether or not they are sharing a room together, or all have separate rooms because on the website, it also has tips for kids who share rooms and are constantly fighting. I guess there is a difference if they aren't sharing rooms, and in that case, you may have to separate them into their own rooms, if that's possible. You know, make the basement or attic into a room, etc. Sometimes older children may need their own space. Feel free to check out the website for more tips, and I hope this helps. I always go there for tips.

Tips for Two Year Old Stage

Ask Dr. Sears: Little Hitters
By William Sears, M.D.
Q. How can I get my 3-year-old to stop hitting people?

A. Toddlers and preschoolers often hit because they have a limited vocabulary and use their hands as communication tools. To help nip this bad habit in the bud:

Figure out when your child's most likely to hit, then try to head him off. If he tends to become cranky toward the end of the day, make sure he has a midafternoon nap.

Supervise him so that if he strikes someone who's playing with a toy he wants, you can intervene immediately with something like "We don't hit. If you want the toy, wait your turn."

Offer alternatives. If you have a natural-born aggressor, channel his energy into activities that let him blow off steam, such as climbing jungle gyms and throwing balls.

Some of my patients have responded to what I call a "no-hitting chart": Tell your child that each day he doesn't hit, you'll draw a happy face on a chart. After he's earned ten, he'll win a special treat, such as lunch at his favorite restaurant.

Encourage your child to apologize. Doing so helps reinforce that hitting another person is wrong.

If you think he needs to be reprimanded, choose consequences that relate directly to the activity. Try a time-out or tell your little one that if he can't play nicely with a particular pal, he'll lose the privilege of playing with him. Other punishments — for example, taking away dessert for a week — typically won't work as well, since the child won't make the cause-effect connection as quickly.

Most of all, don't pass off aggressive behavior by saying "Oh, he's just being a boy!" Gender is not an excuse for unkind behavior — boys, too, should learn tenderness.

Parenting, April 2002

Teach Your Child to Handle Anger
By Christina Frank

When my eldest daughter, Olivia, neared 2, she started hitting me. All sorts of injustices could elicit a serious whack from my formerly angelic child — announcing it was bathtime, say, or my wearing the wrong shade of lipstick. Being an enlightened mother, I checked my impulse to swat back; instead, I said, "We don't hit people" and told her to use her words.

Eventually, the smacking ceased, but the emphasis on words backfired. Olivia would creep up on me, and in a subdued voice she'd confess: "Mommy, I want to hit you."

The way kids express anger evolves much as they do, from uncivilized to articulate. And although it's one of the most unsettling emotions a parent can deal with, childhood wrath is as natural (and useful) an emotion as love. "Anger can serve an important function — it's energizing. When we're mad about something, it can help us solve a problem. It's the same for kids," says John Lochman, Ph.D., professor of clinical psychology at the University of Alabama and a specialist in youth aggression.

So don't tell your little one that she shouldn't flare up, no matter how inconsequential the matter seems to you. But neither should she be allowed to express her anger by becoming aggressive or hysterical. Watch your own temper too — if you shout and curse every time another driver cuts you off, why shouldn't your child do the same when she's upset?

Luckily, you can teach kids constructive ways to let off steam, starting from infancy.

Babies

Little Wailers

Whether it's anger or frustration, infants have only one major tool to express any kind of negative feeling: crying. And the most frequent tear trigger is having their needs go unmet.

Keep personality in mind Some kids, like some adults, are naturally more hot-tempered, while others require a lot to set them off. (In fact, up until age 5, temperament is the biggest factor in how easily a child gets mad.) Once you've identified your child's specific triggers, sometimes you can avoid overstimulating him or doing things that will upset him. At the very least, it'll help you keep his short fuse in perspective.

Talk about it Trying to reason with a baby will get you nowhere, but it's never too early to empathize. "Let's say you're strapping your seven-month-old into his car seat, which he hates, and he starts screaming," says Suzanne Stutman, a mother of three, a family therapist, and the director of the Institute for Mental Health Initiatives at the George Washington University, in Washington, DC. "Say, 'I know how much you hate the car seat and I don't blame you, but I need to keep you safe.' He won't understand what you're saying, but he'll sense your tone. And it will set him up for expressing himself verbally in the future."

Try distraction Olivia's 21-month-old sister, Lucy, dislikes being confined in her stroller, but food is a good way to get her to cooperate. I'll ask her, "Want some Veggie Booty? If you sit, I'll get some for you." Toys usually work too.

Toddlers

Passionate Tempers

Bagels and cream cheese. Hepburn and Tracy. Toddlers and unbridled rage. All of them are naturals together. Just ask Kate Steinberg of Brooklyn, NY, about her 2-year-old son, Jack: "One evening he refused to get ready for bed and curled up like a hedgehog. Then I started to pull off his slippers and he became totally hysterical."

Though it sure feels like it, your little darling isn't doing this on purpose (really). Toddlers want things the way they want them when they want them, and they have zero inhibition when expressing their fury. They're also profoundly frustrated by all the skills they haven't yet mastered. (How would you feel if you couldn't put on your own socks?)

Be firm It's fine to empathize, but draw your line in the sand now. When something's totally unacceptable, such as biting or hitting, the response should be a clear statement: "No biting or hitting." If the behavior continues, just remove your child from the situation.
Steinberg's solution was to give her son a choice. "I said, 'I'm going to count to three, and if you don't get up, you won't get a bedtime story.' I had to get to three, but then he held out his arms so I could put on his pajamas."

And if you're on the receiving end of a pint-size punch, it's not a bad idea to show your displeasure by speaking sternly or making a face. "When a child finds out that certain things make you mad, it's a good lesson for her," says Henry Shapiro, M.D., medical director of the developmental pediatrics department of All Children's Hospital, in St. Petersburg, FL. Just make sure that you respond immediately to the specific behavior and not to the fact that your child is having a fit. For example, you can say that it's okay to be angry but it's not okay to bite you.

Give her words At 2, a child can start to learn about using language to express feelings, but you'll probably still need to show her how. Saying "You're angry because I won't buy you a lollipop" helps her make sense of how she feels. Then you can explain briefly why she can't have that lollipop and try to soothe her — by holding or rocking her or distracting her with something else.

Keep your expectations real No matter how verbal your child is, remember that she's still little. Expecting a toddler to always chew with her mouth closed or to want to share her toys during every playdate is unfair. It can get to the point where the only reaction she has left is anger, because she just can't do what you're asking. And avoid lengthy rehashing of outbursts or tantrums. Your toddler doesn't have the skills to recall what she did, much less why she did it. Once her rage has passed, let it go.

Preschoolers

Testing Their Limits

Kids this age are stuck in a kind of emotional limbo, between a toddlerlike self-centeredness and a growing empathy for others. It's true their language skills are more sophisticated, and they know how to express themselves — and how to manipulate adults — more effectively, but they struggle with some of the same issues younger kids do, including wanting to do things they aren't able to or not knowing how to act on their own behalf without being aggressive.

"Children experiment with different behaviors. One day they may show that they're mad by using their words; another day they may do it by knocking something off the table," says Dr. Shapiro. And the more attention they get for acting badly, the more they're likely to continue to do it.

Set aside one-on-one time Just like their younger sibs, 3- to 5-year-olds are prone to fits when their basic needs aren't met. A universal case in point: It's normal for kids in preschool or daycare to control their temper there — where they may not know how much they can get away with — and to let loose once they get home, where they know they're unconditionally loved. Dr. Shapiro advises immunizing a preschooler against such routine outbursts by setting aside about 20 minutes a couple of times a day to get down on the floor and play with him. What else helps? Give him the attention he craves by noticing his good behavior whenever possible.

Continue to stress words You can also finally take advantage of your child's growing facility with language to teach him self-control. So if you've been lackadaisical about this, really emphasize the "use your words" approach when conflicts arise. Kids should start to be able to tell another child that they want the truck or that they need an adult to help them with something rather than resort to hitting.

Give him a say Sometimes a practical solution to common triggers will head off an explosion. Ellen De Money, a mother of three in Boulder, CO, lets her kids decide between two options. "Jordan, my four-year-old, will often get angry over having to share a toy with his brothers," she says. "So I tell him they must either put the toy away or use the timer. Then each of them can play with the toy for four minutes."

Grade-Schoolers

Battles of Will

Ariel Carter, 7, hates to be told to help clean up the house. "The last time we got into one of these fights, she drew a picture of her outstretched palm, wrote 'Go away' on it, stomped over to my desk to get some tape, taped it to her door, and shut herself in her room," says her mom, Lylla, of Water Mill, NY.

Don't be a drill sergeant Not wanting to comply with orders is a big reason for a lot of struggles at this age, so make sure you're not bossing your child around all the time. Set clear rules about what needs to get done, but within that framework, give her more control over her own routines, such as doing homework or getting ready for bed. For example, you can let her choose whether she wants to play before she does her schoolwork or after the job is done.

Pick up on her feelings Kids may become frustrated and angry if their parents aren't sensitive about the issues most important to them: a growing awareness of their body and social pressures like bullying or teasing. Your child's social skills are mature enough so that she can learn how to avoid conflict with others. If the boy sitting next to her in school always picks on her, for instance, let her know that she can ask the teacher to have her seat changed.

Practice cooling off To help defuse impending rage, help your child identify the physical feelings that accompany it, like a racing heart or faster breathing. Before she loses control, suggest she do something to calm down, such as take deep breaths, count to ten, or quietly sing a song. (These strategies, in simplified form, can also work with preschoolers.) Next time fury strikes, she may be able to turn to these techniques herself.

Congratulate good behavior Praising your grade-schooler goes a long way toward reinforcing the ways you want her to act. "You expect an eight-year-old to have a certain degree of patience and self-control," says Dr. Shapiro, "but you have to remember to acknowledge it." Focus on the specific behavior and say something like "You were really patient with your brother when he was messing with your toys. I liked the way you were gentle and didn't lose your temper."

Olivia, now 6, stopped hitting me a long time ago (and — fingers crossed — no longer even wants to, either). These days, it's Lucy I have to watch out for.

Christina Frank writes about health, psychology, and child rearing for PARENTING, Health,and other magazines.

Parenting, March 2003

WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!! I AM BLESSED WITH 4 BOYS AGES 15,13,11,AND 8 AND THE 11 AND 8 YR OLD ARE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING. I MEAN HAVING KNOCK DOWN DRAG OUT FIGHTS! IT BECAME SO BAD THAT I HAD TO TAKE MY 8 YR OLD TO THE ER ON SUNDAY TO GET STITCHES IN HIS FOREHEAD!!!! MY SUGGESTION TO YOU IS TALK TO YOUR 10 YR OLD FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS MIND...I SAY THIS BECAUSE MY 11 YR OLD FEELS LIKE THE BABY TOOK HIS PLACE AND HE DOES NOT LIKE THAT. IS YOUR TEN YR OLD IN THERAPY???THEY DEFINITELY NEED THAT OUTLET.ALSO YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF IS THE 8 YR OLD DOING ANY THING TO ANTAGONIZE THE 10 YR OLD??? MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU NEED SOME YOU TIME!!!!!! I SAY THIS BECAUSE I SPENT MANY A DAY CRYING AND FEELING LIKE A BAD MOTHER WHEN THESE BOYS GET TO FIGHTING,BUT I NOW KNOW THAT ALL FOUR OF MINE HAVE ADHD AND OR ODD SO I JUST KEEP ON TOP OF WHAT I CAN,AND LEAVE THE REST UP TO GOD!!! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!!

Parenting doesn't come easy, and there is no owners manual that comes with your kids. Yes, we love our kids, yet we need to learn how to be effective parents, and that is not easy!
The best thing would be to start off with some books on parenting. One is "Boundaries for Children" and by authors Cloud and Townsend I believe. ALso highly recomended is anything by James Dobson, including "Parenting the Strong Willed Child" and many more.

I have 5 of my own, ages 12-21, and just want to encourage you, you can do it. Just get the tools you need for the job and learn from the experts, and start applying it consistently. It will take time, but you can bring some order to your home. God bless!

B., your home sounds like mine, My daughter is 9 and son is 8 and they bicker constantly! When they get started I send them to their rooms for cooldown time then I make them apologize to each other and HUG, hasn't solved the problem totally but they know that they need to treat eachother as they want to be treated or get a cooldown. I think it's the age and just a phase.

1st of all you were a CHILD when your mother left... Its NEVER a Childs fault that an ADULT could not or did not stay around.

second NEVER apologize for your actions, it impowers them to continue thier bad behavior. Do they apologize to you for mis behaving?

Make out a questionare, Ask your children how they would feel under all the circumstances they do that negitively affect you.
e.i. How would you feel if you dad and I constantly fought
a) stessed
b) at fault
c)sad
d)other
explain your answer--------------

ask about 5 or 10 questions then have parent child time (1 on 1) take notes. then have a family meeting, if things get out of hand at the meeting STOP. Ask a family friend who can mediate to help then schedule another meeting. At this meeting let everyone be heard ( make a talking stick)( I know haha)
have these meetings weekly or Bi weekly... when ever you think its time. Talk about their behavior and how it affects you.
talk about there goals and accomplishments as well and praise them, but NEVER apologize for having to act like a parent, sometimes we have to be firm...its nothing to be sorry for.

Good luck

M.

Hi B.
I completely feel for you I have 4 boys 12,9,8,and 5. my 8 and 9 y.o. fight comstantly but what works for me is that I make them seperate for a 10 minute period and if they do not cooperate I will make them share a seat. whichever on does not cooperate I then will send that one child to there room. Ususally the break will make them relax a little bit. a they will play together again pretty well. If that does not work my last ditch effort is making them do a chore together and they hate that. doing chores is not their favorite.

it has to be hard working all day and not wanting to fight with them all night. Be patient though it will get better.

I alos spend alot of time talking to my kids-- and ask them if they like me yelling at them all the time they ususlly answer no. then I just explain if I stopped yelling then we all would be able to do alot more and we would just plain old be happier. good luck hopefully I could help

I no what ur goin throw bc im one of 3 and me and my sister are 3 years apart and all we do TO THIS day is fight ... there is nothin that u can do just let them go at it as my mom would say... My mom has Me 22 my sister 19 and my little brother 17 and me and my sister have kids i have one and she is goin on # 2... But i mean to this day we still fight like cats and dogs... my mom is one of 4 GIRLS and they did the same thing and they all said that when they fought that She would just stand there like the Ref... and if we killed eachother then i guess it Made EVERYONE feel better.... That is the only thin that i can say from me Beenin that one that got into the fighs with mine LoL...

u can e-mail me if u like
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