Kids and Tattoos

He is an adult. It doesn't matter if you thought it was the worst thing in the world. It is his body and he can do what he wants.

He may simply have a different view on them. Good for him at the 24 to exercise his views. Snoop? Why? What will that do? You know more and they trust you less. eek.

What difference does it make? If they have tattoos, they have 'em.
The oldest 3 are adults. They can do what they want.
The youngest shouldn't have any tattoos at this point because you have to be 18 to get one.
YMMV
LBC

From your previous questions it appears you have just stumbled upon this forum and decided to start raising your almost adult children.
Not sure who has been raising the kids up to now, but I digress..
As to THIS question... what do you do that your adult son (not a kid) has a tattoo..? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

As I sit and think..... I suspect you are a troll and in that case.... mission accomplished.

What do you do? Well... it's not coming off, so I say you get used to it, real quick. What else can you do? Other than the 16 year old, it's none of your business if they have tattoos or not. They're legally allowed to do whatever they want with their bodies.

You won't love them any less because of a tattoo. So don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

J., i truly don't get how you're just figuring out what your kids are doing in so many areas.
what do you mean, what do you do? he's 24 and has a tattoo. do you think you can scrub it off? drag him to a tattoo removal place against his will?
and NOW you think it might be appropriate to 'start' snooping? the time to get involved was 22 years ago and forward.
khairete
S.

Are you kidding me? What are you supposed to do about it? Only one of your kids is a minor. Grownups don't have to ask permission to get a tattoo. Are you for real? You don't get to make their decisions for them when they are grownups and they are not obligated to live their lives according to your views. You grow up and get your own views. Time to learn some boundaries, mom! Your post is titled "Kids and Tattoos." Your son is a man, he is NOT a kid. Adults are not obligated to tell their parents that they got a tattoo, got a speeding ticket, had an abortion, etc.

How sad! Are you not letting your children grow up and become their own person? Do you insist that they follow your wishes?

In reality you have no say on whether or not your other children get tatoos. The 16 year old does have to have your permission.

Definitely do not snoop. That kills trust. You don't like the tatoo. You can tell him that but don't expect him to like hearing that. Ask the others outright. Again you can tell them your opinion but after 18 is just an opinion. They can get tatoos if they want to. They probably are not being forth right with you because they know how you feel. If talking with them only causes conflict, I'd not say anything.

If you're paying for their schooling, then you can stop doing that, as Mamalu suggested. However, I would not do that. You want them to be educated and able to make their way in the world.

If they live at home you can make it a condition of living with you or receiving financial help from you that they not get a tatoo. Again, I urgently suggest that you don't want to break up your family over a tatoo.

Many people have tatoos now and many businesses even allow them to show. Your son's is on his back. How will that interfere with anything in his life. Accept that he's an adult, free to make his own decisions. A tatoo is harmless. Now if he'd stolen from someone then I'd be concerned. Put the tatoo in perspective.

J.:

He's an adult. There's nothing you can do about it.

If he's living under your roof, living off your money and not supporting himself - then yeah - you can say something - but really? He's an adult.

Once they are over 18 and not living under your roof - you aren't in control anymore.

What do you do? What the heck CAN you do? It is already done and he is an adult anyway. It is HIS choice and not yours. Love your son anyway and don't make a big deal of it. If you do, you will alienate your children.

Okay so reading your other posts you don't seem to have any control over your kids but you want to control a tattoo?

Baby steps.

I could care less if my two oldest got tattoos, they are 22 and 24, they live on their own and make their own choices. They live on their own because I don't allow any of the stuff you posted in your last two questions. They wouldn't get tattoos because they are expensive and have bills to pay.

What do you do? What can you do? Nothing...that's what!

~I am sorry but your oldest is a grown up now...sorry to say so our your next 2 in line...the 19 y/o is getting pretty close too...

I am going to say this as nicely as I can because you seem to be really bothered by this...you have done raised your children, you let them know what 'your' standards are...now they are adults and get to decide things about their own lives now, sorry if this is upsetting to you but the faster you come to grips with this the better for you and your children!

Now, if I were you I would NOT make a huge fuss about it, I would NOT snoop, I WOULD ask my other kids *nicely* if they have gotten 1 too...be nice and respect that your children have their own lives and can make their own decisions now and maybe they will start including you in their decision making process (or at least not hide it from you) and you can strengthen your parent/child relations with them all! :)

The only one that is a kid is the 16 year old. You can certainly have conversations (a little late in my opinion) with everyone but there is nothing you can do really. Your very adult son may be aware of your opinions but has decided to go a different direction.

There is nothing you can do about the tattoos. There IS something you can do about your kids running all over you and letting their friends crash your house all the time. Tell them to get their own apartments, or go to college :) That is a much bigger worry than a tattoo.

What do you do? Nothing. He's 24. You can't do anything about the other 3 older ones either if they decide to. Just remind your 16 year old that you can not get a tattoo until you are 18 and you are not signing anything giving a minor permission to do this.

In fact, I suspect your children may be doing it BECAUSE you don't like it. If it gets you so riled up, they may all go out and get one just for fun.

Whether you like that they have tattoos or not, 3 of your 4 children are not children anymore. They are at the age of living their own lives and making their own decisions. Please don't be offended by this, but to be honest, it is their bodies they are tattooing, not yours. The decision of what to do with their bodies is theirs to make. I understand that you and your husband do not approve of tattoos, but your children do have the right to make that choice for themselves. Just because it isn't what you would do, doesn't mean that they can't. The only one you have say in is the 16 year old, as legally, he cannot get one without parental consent for another 2 years (unless you live in a state where the legal age is 16, although I do not believe Arizona is one of those states).

He is an adult. This was a personal choice he made for himself.

Next time you see him tell him.. so I hear you have a tattoo, ask him to see it. When he shows it to you put your personal feelings aside and tell him you like it ( wether you do or not). That way you are letting him know you except his choice. You don't have to like it... but you except it.

You don't want your kids to feel like they have to hide thier decisions from you in fear of your response... next time it may not be as minor as a tattoo.

There is nothing you can do except talk to the 16-year-old about disease and infection as a deterent and remind her you don't approve.

The other kids aren't "kids" anymore! There is nothing you can do or say. Do they still live at home? If so, maybe it's time to get these kids out on their own if they're going to disrespect your wishes while under your roof.

There's nothing you can do....he's an adult. The one thing we as parents have to realize is that when our kids grow up, they will disappoint us in many ways. It might be tattoos, choice of significant others, drugs, morals, etc. I reflect back to the time when I was 19 and living with my boyfriend--my parents were disappointed in my choice of that living arrangement. Now, it's my turn as a parent to feel disappointments from my kids. I have a 17 year old who has made some very undesirable choices so far. You think that all of your wisdom and your love--you want your child to do better than you.......NOT! Yep, welcome to motherhood:(

your view doesn't really matter mama, sorry to say. you can be as disappointed as you like but it is his choice. he's not a kid, he's 24. you DO nothing. my advice would be don't even say anything.

If they can afford tattoos they can afford to pay you rent. You can't do anything about adults getting tats.

Ummm -he's a grown up! So what? It's a picture, some ink -who cares? If you don't like them, that's fine, but your 24 year old son has every right to ink away! It certainly shouldn't be anything to have an argument or cause ill-will over.

As far as your other kids -why do you care so much? If your 16 year old has one, he or she has had it done illegally, because you have to be 18. Only in that case would I be upset and demand to know where it was done, because you could get into a situation where it wasn't a licensed (clean) facility or something. But I'm highly doubting your 16 year old has a tattoo.

I got my first at age 20, and my dad doesn't like them. He also doesn't like multiple ear piercings, but I got those at the mall in middle school! He didn't notice the ears for months and then when he did -he just rolled his eyes (there are far bigger things to make a big deal out of). I knew he didn't like tattoos -but I was a grown up and I went on to get two more and will have another done as well. He really doesn't care at this point and I don't know that he ever really has beyond his knee-jerk reaction. We've certainly never argued about it. In fact, I suggest you do what my dad has always done -it's just not a topic of conversation. We don't discuss it.

I don't like tattos either.

To me, they are like putting graffetti on the outside of a church.

But I would forget about it. You teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves. Those that are above 18 are governing themselves.

We all do stupid stuff sometimes. Sometimes it takes years to figure out what we did was the wrong choice. Your oldest just made a wrong choice. Forget about it.

Good luck to you and yours.

Is he living in your home under your authority? For those living in your home, you have more of a say in what they do. But, at 24, if he is living on his own, either married or single, you don't really have much say in it. Now, if your son honors you and you and your husband have a good, loving relationship with him, perhaps he will listen to your view on it. But, if you have already made your opinion known, and he did it anyway, he obviously doesn't care what you think about it, at least enough to make his decisions based on that info. For your younger ones, who live at home, you can set up rules for your household. But, I wouldn't "snoop" about it. Just talk to them like adults. I guess I don't get the whole high school mentality of it all. They are your children. Snooping shouldn't even be in your vocabulary with people you are in relationship with.

They're all adults, except for the sixteen-year-old, so your opinion on tattooes is irrelevant. Your son obviously has a different opinion. If the other adult children do have tats, what can you do about it? Ground them?

My 21 year old son just got his second. It's not that I disapprove, but I just think there are other things he could do with his hard earned money.

He started talking about getting a tattoo when he was 15 or 16. I voiced my concern, but didn't do or say anything to threaten our relationship. I did give him 4 rules. 1) I would not pay for it. 2) I would not sign anything for him to get it so he had to be of legal age. 3) I hope it would be someplace where it could NOT be seen on a job interview and 4) It better be decent!
So when he was 18 he sold his car stereo (which he had paid for) and got "FAMILY" tattooed on his upper arm. You know what it could have been much worse!
This one is actually beautiful. It is a full color daffodil which is my favorite flower and my initials. I guess it's the modern day version of "MOM".
I like how a friend of mine commented on it, that it was a lovely tribute to a woman he holds dear to his heart, his mom.

Love your son. Appreciate his willingness to express his individuality. And don't nag on your feelings which just may push him away.

Updated: My MOTHER got a tattoo when she was 60. It's a very long story and no she wasn't drunk. It involved a promise she made to a dying friend. So she has a bluebird on her shoulder.

Your son is 24! You can't do anything... If he chose to do this and he is an adult, you don't have to like it--but there isn't anything you can do. Tattoos aren't bad and they don't make kids into bad people. You could snoop, but that wouldn't be productive or cause your kids to trust you more---I would just ask them!

Hi J., I too am a mom of 5, 4 boys and a girl. they are 24, 19, 18, 17 and my daughter 15.
I know the other answers you've been given are all pretty much the same, and all tough to hear. As a mom I'm easily manipulated into letting my kids get away with almost anything, especially the boys. My four younger kids don't drink, do drugs, hang with kids that do. Their friends are polite, and kind to our other kids and to my husband and I. Our oldest, although raised by us is actually my nephew. He is in a bad crowd, his girlfriend had a baby last year, he can't hold down a job etc. so now you know a bit of us...we have made it a rule (and told the kids about it since they were like 10 years old) that they will go to college and work when they finish high school. If they are not working they don't get to live at home. whether in school or not. if they are in school we don't require them to pay rent. if they are not in school we charge rent and for food. Our oldest couldn't abide by these rules and has been out of the house for years. He's on his own and knows he is. he has no tattoos because he can't afford them. Our second son is 19, living across the country from us and although we hated it, he has a tattoo. However, he is working full time, taking 18 hours in school and all we've "helped" with, is for 2 months while he was out of a job we helped him with food costs. Our 18 year old is almost finished with high school and plans to go to college in the fall. He knows and expects all rules will apply to him as well.
I would be proud of your kids for having their own opinions. It is long past time that they make their own decisions and deal with the consequences. You actually want them to become individual strong adults.
As for kids coming over and staying over? Minors must have their parents permission, not just knowledge of it. Adults are just that. However, if they are here indefinitely I'd charge them for food just like my own kids. there are no free rides in this life! Life is hard. the boys especially need to learn to be men. they are going to be heads of households one day and that is not an easy task!your husband needs to "call them out" to be men. you've got a REALLY tough task ahead of you. But what you've always wanted as a woman is a man to hold you, love you, be faithful to you, be your provider, protector and a good father to your kids. How are your boys going to become this if you don't make them? As for your daughter? yeah....we would NEVER allow girls in the boys rooms, or boys in the girls...NEVER. If they don't want to abide by that they need to move out!
best wishes, hope this helped.
K

well, for your kids that are over 18, there is nothing you can say or do about it. They are adults. It is their choice and you need to accept that and not judge them.

Your adult son has a tattoo. You don't approve and he knows it. You want to know what to do?....NOTHING. He's an adult, it is already on his body, and presumably you didn't pay for it...nothing for you to do.

You want to "snoop" to see if your other adult children or teenager has done the same? Really? They are adults...ask them. As for the 16 year old, they aren't an adult but will be soon...ask. Even if you are mad, if they have one then telling you won't change it. Most tattoo shops won't give a minor a tat even w/ parental consent so those that do are often not "shops" but friends. My brother freehanded his own while in high school.

If they don't have a tattoo, you make it known how you feel. You remind them that visible tats can hinder your career options and what seems cool at 18 may not be at 38 or older. Beg them to NEVER get a significant other's name. Then you realize and admit that as a parent of an ADULT, you have no real say in the matter.

Sounds like the older 3 or 4 kids are ready to move out on their own.
Perhaps they should.
Don't snoop, just happily declare they are grown and it's time they fly from the nest.
They can run their lives as they see fit, and you can run your household as you see fit.

He is not a 'kid' any more he's an adult. Two of mine have tattoos also but they are also adults and I have no say. And I agree with you I don't like tattoos.

Lots of our kids that age have tattoos. It's not a big deal. It's their body anyway, so if they have the money and they are an adult, they can do what they want with it.

My 23-year-old daughter has quite a few tattoos. My 14-year-old knows that she can decide to do that when she is 18 and when she is living on her own and has her own job/money.

I think you tell your 16-year-old something like that, shrug your shoulders about the rest of them, and move on.

Well 24 is not a kid so he can get one if he wants. So can the others that are over 18. I would not make a big deal out of it and as long as it can be covered for a job then it's not a big deal.

I don't like tattoos, my hubby has one on his arm and he regrets getting it. I choose to never get any because I figured I would not want to look at it forever. I think that people that are covered head to toe with them look cheap and I would not want to see what they look like when they are like 70 and over. I would also not take the chance of catching HepB or any other blood transferred disease.

I don't approve of tattoos either. But we're not talking about a kid! There's nothing to do about your 24 yr old grown son who has a tattoo. I'm sure all of your children know you don't like them, but that's irrelevant. Adults get to make their own decisions, whether or not mom and dad approve. Unless you want to risk your relationship with your kids, refrain from snooping and reprimanding. If you really want to know if your other grown children have tattoos, ask in a non-confrontational way. "Hey, I know X has a tattoo, do any of you?" Hopefully the 16 yr old doesn't have one, as s/he is still a minor and obviously does not have parental consent. And there's not much you can do there except say until they turn 18, the answer is no from you.

You can check the 16 year old but the others are adults. The only option you really have is to stop any financial support to those who are disrespecting your values.

I am not a fan of tattoos. However, 3 of your 4 children are adults. My younger sister got a tattoo when she was 17. My mom took her to a dermatologist to have it removed. The dermatologist said it would be tricky and expensive. He said the best "remedy" is to make her keep it and HATE it when she is 30 with three kids. Well, that day has come. She is 31 with three kids and HATES it! It is on her lower back, so rarely visible. My mom just loves to tell that story....

While I see no issues with them personally or according my christian beliefs, if you are against them, the only children that you have any control of are your ones under 18.

Doesnt matter what your view is on them he is a grown man. My mother doesnt like them either but i got my first tattoo when i was 18 sitll in high school and the second when i was 21. I love them and thats all that matters.

Okay, the adults - NO; leave them alone and the 16 year old you have every right to know - still 16. If I know you do not like them I am not going to "show it off" to you out of respect. I have 4 and my father is not a fan of them so I wear clothing to cover them up. He knows I have them, found out by seeing one on accident, not trying to "hide" like I would get into trouble, but out of respect for his tastes, and I said, yes I have two (an accurate # at that time). I told him why I did not show them to him (well, the first is not in a place you show your father any how) and he understood and appreciated my consideration in the matter. If your son KNOWS you do not like them he either 1. does not want to hear about how ugly, awful and horrid HIS decision was 2. is not showing you out of respect for you. If you want to see/know then talk to him about it non accusationally and be open to the idea of the ink on your son - if he did not love it he would not have gotten it.

just love them (the kids not the tattoo). And for the record I hate tattoos too. FYI your son is not a kid. It won't do any good to be disapproving at this point. It will do some good, knowing that you hate them, to make no big deal out of it. But by all mean acknowledge it.

Your adult son has a tattoo. You don't approve and he knows it. You want to know what to do?....NOTHING. He's an adult, it is already on his body, and presumably you didn't pay for it...nothing for you to do.

You want to "snoop" to see if your other adult children or teenager has done the same? Really? They are adults...ask them. As for the 16 year old, they aren't an adult but will be soon...ask. Even if you are mad, if they have one then telling you won't change it. Most tattoo shops won't give a minor a tat even w/ parental consent so those that do are often not "shops" but friends. My brother freehanded his own while in high school.

If they don't have a tattoo, you make it known how you feel. You remind them that visible tats can hinder your career options and what seems cool at 18 may not be at 38 or older. Beg them to NEVER get a significant other's name. Then you realize and admit that as a parent of an ADULT, you have no real say in the matter.

Lol, well most of your kids aren't kids anymore, if your 16 year old has a tattoo then it's either a home made one or the artist broke the law. 17 is the youngest the law will allow. You could just ask your children if they have them, appear supportive and they might just reveal. It is their skin though try to remember . If you feel it us a mistake it is theirs to make.

only with the 16 year old.. the rest of them are adults theres nothing u can do about it and if u say something i guarantee u its only going to cause and argument... all but the 16 year old are aold enough and just because u and ur husband dont like them doesnt mean they cant

Check the 16yr old, lawfully you can't get a tattoo until you are 18 w/o your parents consent.

The others are gonna do what they are gonna do, they may be your kidz but in the eyes of the world they are now adults. Be happy he didn't have needle 'tracks' on his arms or run someone over when he was drunk. A tattoo is a personal style of art, that means it's personal, that's why your 24yr old didn't bring it to your attention it's on his person & he chose not to share it with you because of your personal dislike for tattos.