Kidergarten

My son's birthday is in March. At 5, when he took the kindergarten prescreening, he scored low on the social parts. I made the choice to keep him in preschool an extra year and it was the best decision I could have made. He is now 16 and a sophomore in high school. When he took drivers ed at 15, I was amazed at the number of kids who were in the same grade as my son. A lot a parents are waiting to send the kids to school. I know I made the right decision for my son.

As a teacher and also one who's worked w/ pre-kindergarten screening, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING BY HOLDING HIM BACK. It is far more difficult to work w/ a child who's not socially ready than one who's not cognitively ready. I had more than one parent upset w/ me and the rest of the pre-screening staff because we told parents their child wasn't socially ready.

I even had one 5 year old who knew his states and capitals in ABC order and presidents but wasn't ready physically or socailly (couldn't crawl correctly or handle sharing, playing, etc w/ other children)

Honestly, if he's within a year of the rest of the kids, it's NOT a big deal. The kids certainly don't care. I've NEVER come across an issue w/ a child who's a bit older and the other kids having issues w/ it.

Kudos to his teacher. He will have an advantage in many ways by waiting. Academics is not the only factor to consider when determining readiness for kindergarten. I think you are making the right choice. Good for you!!

I just have to respond to Martha's comment...there is a BIG difference in retention and not sending him to school at all!!!! Do not read those articles and get freaked out by them. Yes, retention is not a best practice, I whole heartedly agree with that, but that is not what this is. I think you made the right decision to wait. Boys take more time to mature and be ready for school. He will absolutely not be "old" next year and many others will be in his same boat. Additionally, if his preschool teacher advised you to wait, you should really take that to heart. She sees lots of kids over lots of years and knows what signs to watch for and which traits make for a harder time for the child and the parent. You did the right thing! Don't worry...he will do awesome next year!

My son was the ONLY 5yo in his K class.

Don't worry:) Parents are all so ready to jump on the "My child is SO bright!" band wagon that they don't take everything into consideration and many FIGHT to have children who aren't ready placed early even though they don't meet the birthday criteria. Holding a child out of kindergarten has nothing to do with their intelligence.
My mom taught preschool and lower-el her whole career. She also had a early-ed specialization endorcement on her teaching certificate and then wrote her masters thesis on early kindergarten placement.
All her research proved 2 things:
1) It never hurts to hold them back. If they are, in fact, ahead of their class by the time they get to 1st or 2nd grade, they can always be skipped ahead. However, if you start them early and they can't keep up, it can be a HUGE ego hit to hold them back to repeat the grade.
2) If you go ahead and enroll them, they may do just fine. But if you hold them back, they could be really great in their class.

Intelligence has very little to do with kindergarten readiness. If he's shy you did the right thing:)

Holding a child back is a bad educational strategy and it is ablsultely not a best practice. It is fashionable right now, but can have very poor concequences, especially for any child with a special need and for all children once the reach high school. It may "feel" like the right thing to do, and it may seem good for the first year or two, but being oldest in the class is highly correlated with reading failure, droping out of high school, contact with the juvinile justice system, and drug use. Go to www.wrightslaw.com and scroll down the left side of the page, click on retention and read some of the articles. If your son has no academic issues, send him to school on time. It is not worth the risks.

M.

I faced the same questions a few years ago. I am a Pre-K teacher myself, and even I struggled with whether my son was ready at 5. His birthday is also at the end of May. I felt he lacked the social skills and emotional readiness. So we waited. When he did go to kindergarten, he blossomed!!! Giving him an extra year in preschool did wonders. He is older than many of his classmates, but he doesn't care and nor do I. I will say this in response to Martha's post though. My son tested in the gifted range for reading and math this year. And he hates breaking rules and getting into trouble. But I think that comes from raising him with a moral code and loving God more than whether or not he was 5 or 6 in kindergarten. My advice is to follow your gut and wait, then sit back and enjoy his success in another year.

I admit to being very opinionated. I think sending the message that "You are going to fail" even before being given the chance to do well or fail is a hard thing for a child to eventually figure out.

I think all kids go through a total personality change in either Kindergarten or first grade. The world opens up to them and their little brains turn on and become sponges soaking up all the information.

My thoughts are, if he doesn't do well and you want to hold him back from 1st grade then do it then. Let him have the opportunity to succeed first.

I've read in a few different books, but a few different authors, James Dobson being one, that it's better for boys to be held back a year before they start. They will be more on the level of the girls in their class and more able to sit still and focus. Not because they aren't intelligent, but boys have (more) problems with the way our education system insists that children learn. Boys are just more active than girls. As a mom of 3 boys, I'll be holding all of my children back a year at the beginning, so that they get the most out of their education and so it's enjoyable for them and their teachers ;)

I am a Pre-K teacher and you have definitely made the right decision for your son. I have a number of boys and a few girls in class each yr who have late 5 birthdays and often these children barely makes the state cut-off for kindergarten. After working with them for a full year I can see many of them are not ready. Often the younger children lack the maturity, social skills and ability to focus on teacher directed activities; they woud much rather play than learn to write their name or alphabet letters. Some parents choose to send them on simply because their child made the state cut-off or for financial reasons and have come bk to say the child struggled in kindergarten. I have had other parents agree and who have seen a lack of confidence, immaturity and inablilty to focus in thier child and go on to decide to keep their child in preschool for one more year. In this extra year of preschool the child usually always blooms and becomes the leader of the class, both academically and socially; they go on to enter kindergarten close to age 6, but with a real sense confidence and bility, excited and ready to learn and succeed and they do. I commend your decision and wish other parents would make this decision for their child.

All my boys have October birthdays and all missed the cut-off date to enter K the year they turned 5 and had to wait til the next year...so even though they were 5 when K started they all turned 6 two months into the school year. I was worried about them starting so late and being so old but seeing how that is the districts policy all the kids were in the same boat and we haven't had any problems, so far.

If you are confident with your decision, then don't fret...he will be fine being 6 in K...as I said LOTS of kids miss the birthday dead-line!

~But if it were me, and my kids could have started the year they turned 5, I would have started them then...you never know how things are gonna go until you try it...AND you can always repeat the year, if necessary...BUT I was always more concerned with them being 18 their whole senior year and being able to check themselves out of class whenever they chose...not so much whether or not they were "ready" at 5!

My oldest son turned 5 two weeks before the September 1st cut off date. We signed him up and sent him. he lasted 3 days and it was decided he needed another year. Best decision we ever made. next son turned 5 in January so he was 3 months shy of being 6 when he started. again very good call. youngest son turned 5 in June. we went ahead and sent him to kindergarten as the teacher felt he was ready. turns out he needed that extra year also. ended up doing 1st grade twice. so if I was you and you can I would keep him out and give them the extra year.

I was in this same boat and waited and am glad of it, my son is short though so we didn't deal with anyone realizing he was a year older, but then again he was not the oldest in the class there were others like him.

I didn't read all your responses, but wanted to give you the advice i was given. You've said it isn't acedemic, he's smart enough, but it's a maturity thing that can only come with time.
Most kids can manage either way (sending them now or waiting) while in elementary school.
The problems will come later, if he wasn't really ready in kindergarten, he will probably still making it through, but when he is in 8th grade and all his friends are hitting puberty and are light years ahead of him, that is when you will be kicking yourself for not holding him back and giving him that year to develop and mature.
I have NEVER once heard of anyone wishing they had sent their kid early. BUT i have heard many times that maybe one more year early on would have helped remendously.
As much as you can, work with him on being proud of his accomplishments, speaking up for himself, solving problems on his own.
role play, set up playdates with kids that bring out the best in him, praise him for everything he does that shows his independance, practice having him order in a restaurant--like pretend your kitchen table is an italian restuarant. I'm betting you will see a real diffrence next year!

My son was 6 when he entered kindergarten. He just turned 7 in Feb. & will entering 1st grade. I wasn't aware of it, but there are actually several kids in his class that a slightly older. I was wondering the same thing last year, but my son has done great & it was actually a benefit for him.

There is a chapter in Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers that will make you thrilled you waited. He's got numbers to back up why it is a good idea for your kid to be older.
Hope it helps!

My oldest son didn't start kindergarten until he was a 2 months shy of 6 years old, because his birthday is at the end of October. He is 10 now and a very gifted student. He goes to Gifted and Talented classes after school and reads at a much higher grade level than most students in his grade. Especially if your son is more on the timid side, he might not be ready to take that leap. I don't think it would hurt him a bit to allow him more time to adjust.

K.,

Send him to kindergarten. Don't wait another year.

Nothing against your son's preschool teacher, but I have been a first grade or kindergarten teacher for twenty years, and I have a master's in elem ed plus 5 years of graduate school. I see no reason or benefit to delay. He's old enough and most all of the kindergarten students are shy and have little self confidence at the beginning. Kindergarten students make great gains developmentally and academically. A good teacher will provide a safe and nurturing environment. I don't think kindergarten students should be expected to be "all ready" and "formed" and know all the K stuff to enter K! That's what k is for. I bet your son will really bloom in K!

A lot of kids are timid and shy when they start school and/or just have the personality all together...... but that is no reason to hold him back. My 6 yr old daughter is also pretty shy/timid, but we started her on time last year and she did GREAT (she turned 5 end of April prior to starting). It would be different if he had a birthday in Nov and had to start Kindergarten at 4 and you felt he wasn't academic ready or mature enough. However your son is well over 5 and should start on time since there is no academic issues. If anything starting him now will help with the shy/timid personality. At least try it, whats the harm? If for some reason he needs to repeat it, then no harm really done. I think it would be better to try it and let him graduate when he's suppose to instead of him resenting it when he knows he "could have" been graduating a year earlier...

We will be confronting this next year with our son, who turns 5 at the end of july. My daughter turned 6 a month into kindergarten. there were kids that were already 6 or were turning 6 at the beginning of the year and also kids that had just turned 5 the day before the school year started. One little girl was held back and I never would have known that because she is physically small. She does have adhd issues and has a classroom aide, so I guess there were legitimate reasons for holding her back. My daughter was always timid and less confident, so I don't know how she would have been had she started last year. I thought being one of the older kids, she would be the leader, but instead, she is still less confident and waits on the sideline to be invited into a group. Interestingly, the one of the leaders of the class was the girl that started on her 5th birthday. He may be slightly more confident waiting and getting an extra year of preschool, but I wouldn't expect a drastic personality change. After observing my daughter, I am now starting to think that some personality traits are ingrained in us. In answer to your question, he won't be too old.

I have the same thoughts for my son. He just turned 4, but I am contemplating what you are... for when he turns 5.

Anyway here is my personal observations and info I got from Teachers at my daughter's school:
1) In my daughter's Kinder class, about 3/4's of the class were kids who were 6 or turning 6. My daughter was almost 5. She was one of the youngest and born late. But she did fine.

2) MANY parents, as an alternative to holding back their child, enters their child into Kinder at turning 5 or 5. THEN, they 'request' that their child repeat Kinder. LOTS of parents also do this. At Kinder level.. it is not such a big deal. The school does honor the parental request... and with the Teacher. It is done for emotional/maturity reasons and the child's cues. It is not a stigma.
According to a couple of Teachers I talked to personally, it is common.

3) You can enter your son into Kinder at turning 6 or 6 years old. This is also done. Meanwhile, for now... at home... home-school him. Enroll him in fun extracurricular activities... .anything that HE enjoys. To get him socialized.

4) There is a BIG difference between a "shy" child and a "timid" child. So discern that difference. Being "shy" is NOT a bad thing.. my daughter is shy... BUT, she is a VERY wise and mature and self-confident kid. And has no academic nor behavioral problems.

Ultimately.. also check with your son's school that he will be attending, to make SURE that a child CAN enter Kinder at 6 or turning 6 years old. Some schools don't. Some do. See what the 'rules' are for your son's school.
IF some kids are 6.... whether or not they had Kindergarten... SOME schools will automatically enter the child for 1st grade. Because, Kinder, in some states, is NOT a 'prerequisite' for 1st Grade.
So, check on that.
BUT.. if a parent requests... that their child enter Kindergarten at 6 or turning 6.... you can request that. But check with your school first.

That is what I did. That is my 'back-up' plan.... just in case, I decide to enter my son into Kinder at turning 6 years old. He turns 6 right at the cut off date for my area.
If I feel fine about it and per observing my son's 'readiness' for Kinder throughout this year until he turns 5 years old... then I will enter him into Kinder, at 5 years old.
We cannot afford Preschool for him... right now. Thus, that is also my concern... re entering him into Kindergarten and at what age.

My son is fine developmentally and socially. And I am home-schooling him now. But, I just have a gut instinct thing that sending him at/when he is turning 6 years old, would be better for him. My son is a tall kid.... but that does not matter to me. LOTS of kids in my daughter's Kinder class was TALL for their age. It did not impact the child.
My son, although very bright... just couldn't give a rip... about 'school' and learning.... and will not even 'sit' at a desk when we play school. Versus, my daughter, at only 3 years old, was doing workbooks already AND was able to sit at a desk and do 'school' (I home schooled her), for more than 1 hour.

Just some thoughts, as I have wondered the same thing,
All the best,
Susan

My sons birthday was one week before the cut off for K4 so he did not get to go till the next year. He turned 5 just shortly after starting K4 the next year. He was a behind in speech and did not do well. They don't flunk them in K4 since it is option and so he went on to K5. He still did not do well and technically flunked. He is in a private school and the principle decided that because he was head and shoulders taller than the kids coming to K5 then next year that she wanted him sent to 1st grade. I was not happy with this, because I really felt that another year in K5 was what he really needed. Needless to say he also flunked 1st grade and this time he repeated the following year and had so tudoring during the school. I also tudored him between K-5 and 1st and again during the summer before repeating 1st. He barely passed the second trip through. Between 1st and 2nd, I enrolled him in a Scholastic reading program in our area. He did well in 2nd grade (A,B,&C) and is going on to 3rd starting tomorrow.

If you feel he is not ready, use your mommy intuition and hold him another year. Boys lots of times have a harder time catching on. They are more rambunctious and distracted than girls. A half day K-4 program might be a good idea. If you are a stay at home mom, you might consider a K-4 or K-5 homeschool program such as Abeka. Materials for Abeka can be ordered online at Abeka.com. This would give your child a head start for when he does go and some extra mommy attention.

Hold him back now. Later on in life friends are established in one grade and is much harder to hold them back later. Boys especially develop later than girls so he will be more mature than other boys in his class wich is a good thing.

After reading everyone's responses, and with my own experiences, I know you can see that the decision is very individualized. I'm sure you expected to get a few rather opinionated responses, of course. :)

I have three boys. My first has a birthday mid school year (Feb.). So, there never was really any question whether or not to send him when he was 5. My middle son is going to start kindergarten this week, and he won't be 5 until Sept. 20th. He has been in a pre-kindergarten class for the last year, and both his teachers and I feel that he is both academically and socially ready for kindergarten. He is also a little taller than average for his age. So, I feel perfectly comfortable sending him when he is four. My youngest has a late may birthday like your son, and I imagine I'll be sending him the fall after his fifth . But, he's got his older brothers that he'll be trying to keep up with I'm sure.

Just a side note.....I went to kindergarten when I was 4 and I didn't turn 5 until the end of November. I was held back, and I have no recollection of any negative or embarrassing feelings from the experience. Kids are so resilient. They can handle a lot more than some people give them credit for.

So, I don't think your final decision to hold your son out for the year is going to result in any problems for your son. He'll be fine!

He will be older than his peers, but smarter and stronger when he starts. I wouldn't worry about sending him "late".

My son turned 5 at the end of April, and we are waiting to send him also. I don't have the "been there, done that" info for you, but he won't be the only one. I was very confident in doing it until his buddies started kindergarten this week. Now, I'm thinking "geez, he's going to turn 6 in pre-k!" At teh same time, I'd much rather he be 19 when he graduates HS and going into college or work than 18. I'd also rather he be older and more mature to handle peer pressure and bullies. It's nerve wracking now, but mine is a little timid also, so I think we are making the right choice.

My little brother was held back for the same reasons at that age in his life.
My mom made the right decsion.
He is now responsible for platoons of men in the Army. A pretty take charge kinda guy.
I also have another brother exactly 2 yrs younger than my 1st brother and he was not held back because he did not have those issues.
He is also a very take charge kinda guy.
So IMO if your son is struggling socially, you made the right decsion!
HTH!

I'm a little confused - do you mean he's 5 now and won't be starting K until 2011, or he turned 5 in may and you waited until this year for him to start K?
My kids have a late November b-day and we waited until after they turned 5 before starting K ( so they turned 6 a few months into their K year). There were several other kids who also turned 6 before they did. And there were also kids who turned 5 the first week of K who were very K-ready, so IME there's no real one-size-fits-all guideline on whether it's better to start or wait, it really depends on the child.