Kiddo Doesn't Want Me to Be "Class Mom"... Gee, Thanks, Buddy.

Is it possible he has no concept of what "class mom" is? Maybe he is thinking that you could get fired from it, or that you'd have to work nights, or take the whole class home with you or something like that. Could you quietly ask him what the class mom does, and see what his response is? Or maybe he heard another kid say something like "my mom was class mom just before my dad left us" or "my mom was class mom the year my little sister got sick and died" or something like that. Or maybe doesn't understand that being class mom doesn't mean you get to tell him to eat his carrots and zip up his jacket, but instead means you will be a helper to the teacher (to put it simply).

WHOA, over reaction! That's what I would have said to MY kid, LOL!!

Have you asked him flat out WHY he doesn't want you to be room mom?

(Don't worry, even if you choose not to do it, there are still plenty of field trips, and those are more fun, less work anyway!)

I'd see what he has to say about it. Maybe another kid teased him, but they're really jealous it YOU, not HIS mom, you know?

I'd also ask the teacher if she would be willing to speak to your son about how excited and happy she is that HIS MOMMY gets to be her helper!

Poor thing... YOU, not your son, LOL! I know that stung! Let us know how it goes :)

I say volunteer in the art room or library or music room and give him a year on his own. He obviously has very strong feelings about branching off on his own. Tell him you'll respect his decision this year. But next year is a whole new ball game.

My guess is that he thinks that by being classroom mom you will be everyone's mom and not just his anymore. I think if you explain to him what classroom mom does he will realize that he will get to see you more and that it doesn't take away from your "home" job of being his mom. Kind of like when a child doesn't want a new baby at home type of jealousy.

I was like this as a kid, and still am in some ways with my parents. I have never had a response like your son did, but inside I was filled with anxiety and just could never perform with my parents 'watching' me. I was horribly embarrassed, not sure exactly of what, but it was that type of feeling. My dad use to always come watch my basketball practice I know it tore him up inside but I absolutely refused to let him. I'm also the same kid that hates birthday parties too, for the exact same reason. I don't like standing out for any reason, I guess.

I'd sit down and compromise with him, maybe there's another activity or situation he wouldn't mind you volunteering for! Good luck, I'm not to that point yet with my kiddos, but definitely not looking forward to when it comes around!

hahahahaha

I feel your pain.... up until a couple years ago my daughter always asked me not to go on field trips with the class. She didn't want to share me.

The one that got me the worst was about a month into 1st grade (she'd just turned 6yrs old) she asked me not to walk her onto the playground in the morning. That only the parents of the 'babies' (kindergarteners) did that. And she asked me to stop kissing her infront of anyone.

I did get through the conversation and saw her off to school that day. Then I cried until 3 when I went back to get her.

Here's the deal. This isn't about you. I know you want to get involved, and this is YOUR experience with a kid in school. But to him it's just HIS experience at school and although you are an adult and can see this from everyone's perspective he is just a little guy and can only see it from his.

I wouldn't be the class mom. I would respect his perspective. But I WOULD still volunteer if that's what YOU want. But in some other way. Can you do the class newsletter? Library? Book fairs? volunteer in the class AHEAD of your son's so that you pave the way for his teacher next year to LOVE you!!!!!!!!

As far as how to approach it...... I would have a conversation with him. But he has to be calm. So, it may take a while with you stopping the conversation until he can be calm and talk to you. But have him tell you why he feels the way he feels. Tell him that in order for you to take his feelings into consideration he needs to be able to share with you what his feelings are and why he feels that way in a calm voice. Let him talk. Tell him you understand how he feels. Tell him you love him and that as a responsible mom you will be volunteering at his school and you thought instead of class mom you could do xyz. Don't ask his permission, but have him help you brainstorm with what other jobs you could have at his school - the ones he comes up with are the ones he's ok if you do.

And - if it makes you feel better..... my daughter was all about ms independent from 4 until 9. wouldn't cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. didn't want to sit next to me at dinner. didn't want me at school. Because it was HERS and she was establishing her own terf. But it was tough... there were days I had NO idea what she was doing at school (except for that I volunteered in the class above hers so I kept in contact with her teacher!!!)

But wow - she turned 10 and was all over me!!!!!! For the last year and 1/2 she sits next to me on the couch... wants me to watch movies with her... wants to talk about her friends and what she did that day and what book she read and how much she wants to marry Jacob (yeah.... I don't tell her he's a warewolf. cuz duh... she KNOWS).

I have to actively remember back to how sad I was when she wasn't so much about doing anything with me so I don't banish her to her room cuz there is only so much Twighlight I can take!!!!!

So, this too will pass. But out of it (hopefully) will be you guys figuring out what works for the both of you.

Good luck.

Does he know what Room Parent even is? Maybe he thinks that it means that you'll be there every day with him at school, and of course he wouldn't want that. Explain to him what it means. He may not know and may have some misconceptions which are causing his over-reaction

I agree with Jodi P below (would not have thought of it on my own!).. he may not understand what class mom is and thinks he has to share you with everyone! You can understand then why he'd be so upset!

Sit him down and ask him what he think "class mom" means and what he thinks you would be doing in that role.

Let him know you get that he was very upset and you want to understand what his concerns are. Really try to get at what the problem is for him until you get what is perspective is -- you can't deal with this effectively

If it causes him that much anxiety, I would skip being the classroom mom for now. I would also talk to him to find out why he feels this way. You are not alone. My daughter was 12 when she went to her school principal and asked him if he could somehow get her out of my house and let her go live with her dad. The school counselor ended up calling me and eventually I turned over my daughter to her dad. Some kids just don't understand how much we love them:)

Ask him why exactly he doesn't want you to be class mom (and just listen intently so he feels heard). Then, if it really is just b/c he doesn't want you to (and not b/c he has misinformation about what a class mom does), don't be a class mom! I know you want to be but if it causes your son this much grief, I personally don't think it's worth it. Our kids above anything else...sometimes even ourselves!

Aw, sorry mom, I know that stings!
My middle one was like that. She was both shy and independent at that age, I think she didn't like the attention brought to her when I was in the class, and I think she felt that was "her" space. You can ask him about it but I don't know if even he understands why, he probably won't be able to articulate it.
The good news is there are MANY ways to volunteer at school that don't involve being class mom. And hey, it may even be a blessing in disguise! I never liked being class mom because I hated dealing with the drama of the parents ;)

My son was not so much into me being in his school - which sucked for him because I ran an AmeriCorps program when he was in 1st - 3rd grades and my members completed some of their hours in his school - heck, in his classroom. So I was in the school constantly, meeting with teachers, members, checking schedules, etc. And when I wasn't there the members were. The poor kid couldn't make a move without someone who worked with Mommy knowing about it. LOL

Once my program moved on to other activities, he eased up on my being in the school but "limited" my activities. I could come to awards ceremonies, special luncheons, and my presence was always required on field day usually at the water activity :) But I mostly stayed out of his daily classroom activities.

It is about finding balance with your child as he begins to experience and express his independence. Explore the upcoming school activities and talk to him about them - have him pick some that you will attend - and then pick a few that you want. Some kids just don't feel comfortable with their Moms in the classroom - and that is okay - there are many ways for you to be involved with his school without his feeling overwhelmed.