Keep Your Hands off My Stuff, Pleeaase.

Updated on November 24, 2006
A.C. asks from Corvallis, MT
8 answers

My 3 year old and 5 year old sons are constantly getting into things that they know they are not supposed to. The other night, before going to bed, I had set a bag of sunflower seeds on the kitchen counter. While I was out of the room that morning they took the bag and began throwing them at eachother. It made a huge mess, and was infuriating. It seems that the second that my attention is off of them they are intent on destroying things. My makeup, our walls, the folded clothes, a bag of chips, my laptop computer. My husband is at his wits end and is feeling personally attacked. I feel like I am responsible, since I am mom, but I don't know why or how to fix it. I spend most of my days with them. The destructive behavior only happens when I have to place my attention on something like a phone call or cooking dinner. They have great toys, and lots of them. But they don't play with them. I feel guilty for the time I spend doing something that doesn't directly involve them, but I also know that I can't spend every waking second catering to them. Right? I am so scared that I have two "spoiled rotten brats". And if I do, how do I fix it now? If I try to teach them to entertain themeselves constructively, how much time is appropriate? How do I do it? I just want to feel like there are things in my home that belong to me and my husband, not my sons permanent marker. By the way, I don't think my sons are brats. they are polite, well mannered, and fun. most of the time.

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So What Happened?

i am so excited to put to work all of the advice and ideas you guys gave me. I love that I am not alone. thanks. Here is a little humor. We were driving around the parking lot of Lowes the other night, waiting for my husband, when all of a sudden it got real windy. we came to a spot in the road where some shopping carts had been blown out into our way and my 5 year old son said something about how rude it was that someone had left their carts in the way. I told him it was the wind and his eyes got big as he whispered loudly "The wind shops at Lowes?"

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K.M.

answers from Omaha on

I have had the same problem with my girls,20months and 4. They also have a playroom full of toys and I found myself running around after them all day picking up toys from all around the house. I spent most of my days picking up things that were in rooms they shouldn't have been in. Kitchen utensils in the livingroom, papers from my filing cabnet in the kitchen, dog food in the bathroom, and cat food in the toilet. I went out and invested in some good baby gates that mount to the wall and have them gated out of the kitchen, office, and upstairs. Not only is it easier to keep them out of my stuff, their stuff stays in the living room and play room so I spend a lot less time picking up. Hope that helps.

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A.B.

answers from Lincoln on

A. I have a 3 year old and a 20month old and I know who you feel. I work a part time job and so when I am home they are around me constantly!! I have started to include them in most of the things that I do. If I am cooking then we turn on the music and dance or they bring a book or coloring books and we all sit in the kitchen and are together. I also have them set the table and things. Even if you are sitting on the floor coloring or they are sitting on the floor then atleat they know what you are doing.
Do your kids get to play with other kids often? It sounds like they almost don't know who to entertain them selves. Just start small and then every week move them further away. And make sure you are parising them for being good while you do your thing. Good Luck

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S.P.

answers from Boise on

I'm still laughing... sorry! :) I can't tell you how much I needed to read that! I have a 5, 4 and 2 year old at home and some days I want to check myself into a mental hospital. No, really. Whoever said it was the terrible two's anyway? No, it's more like the terrible 2, 3, 4 and 5's. I have a beautiful house, with the exception of crayon or some sort of something, I don't know what, on almost every wall. My son is the trouble and the girls follow. Just like you said, it's only when your back is turned... making dinner, phone call, doing dishes... So yes, my kids do the same things, but I can tell you what works the best for me. 1: CLEAN the house. Find the random crayon or marker on the floor, under the bed, in the toy drawer, before they do. BABY-PROOF cupboards that you don't want them in. Stay on top of general pick-up around the house. My kids literally behave better when the house is picked up. You always have to be one step ahead of them. 2: Establish a SCHEDULE. Sometimes knowing what they are doing next helps relieve some feelings of boredom or restlessness. If I know I have to get something done, I'll put out a pile of their books or legos in front of them, basically whatever will keep them busy for the next 30 minutes, without the potential for disaster. 3: Make ONE-ON-ONE time for you or your hubby and each of the boys. I don't know about your boys, but our kids seem to need a break from each other every now and then. From my experience, nothing can replace quality time with mom or dad. Cool toys are fun, but let's be honest... none of it compares to feeling valued, no matter how old you are. I wish you the best and one last thing... never feel guilty for having a life. Your kids need you to have a life as much as you do. We can't expect to give anything if we're empty, right?

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

Have you tried to involve them in making dinner? Have them set the table, hand you ingrediants, measure things, get things from the fridge?

Or have them set at the table and draw or color while you are busy. That way they are still in the same room and you can give them attention but, they are also learning to do something for themselves.

If nothing else play the 20 question game.

I know what it is like. My kids tend to be worse when my hubby is home since I try to use that time to do things thinking that their Dad can give them attention.

I have three boys and sometimes I just blame the gender or the mood.

Hope this helps some.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

A.

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A.M.

answers from Pocatello on

Hi A., I have the same problem with my daughter. I have worked really hard to make sure she understands that this is mine and not hers. But I agree with you, you can not cater to them all the time, and you need your own space from them. I take stuff away if she abuses it. so if she takes a marker to something that is mine, I put it (the marker)some place she can't reach it. Then when whe wines and cries for it I tell she can't have it, and why. She has seemed to become more respectful of my stuff, I think purely because she doesn't like when her stuff is taken away. I also take away privilages and things along that nature when she disrepects our home. That is all the advice I have, good luck.
P.S. Don't feel guilty for the things you have to do that don't include them, you will drive yourself crazy like!! ;)

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A.R.

answers from Omaha on

I have three boys myself. 7, 5, and almost 4 months. I am dreading when my youngest gets old enough to join the other ones! About a year ago we moved into a bigger house and they got their own playroom. I thought that this would solve the problem of the toys and the kids getting into our things. No way! They found markers and wrote on toys, mirrors, bathroom sinks. When we moved in there were two holes in their playroom wall. For over a year they never touched them. I recently patched them and they have now dug out the patchwork and I have one large hole that we will have to cut and replace with a piece of drywall, not just patch them. They play on our bed not their own. They play with our belts, sunglasses, digital camera, etc. I still don't know how to deal with it. All markers, scissors, tapes, and expensive items are kept out of reach. However, they still manage to find something. I hope it is a phase but my brothers were teenagers when one used the vaccum and knocked out the other ones tooth. They were in junior high when one pushed the other one into the wall and knocked a hole in it. Boys are boys. They play rough, they love toys that aren't theirs and discipline doesn't always work. Why is it that when you buy toys the box is always more fun to play with? Why does everyone else have the toys they want? Why is it that as soon as we get on the phone we loose all control? There are no answers to these questions.
Take pictures of these...issues. That way you have something to look back on and laugh at!

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

My boys fight a lot but I keep a close eye on them. They used to get into stuff but as soon as I laid down some ground rules and grounded them to thier rooms for infractions, nothing seemed to help. If you are at home, it will be easier to set up a schedule to help organize their day. I think if you spend time with each child seperately during the day, that might help. Also, if something is wrong one day, then, it should be wrong the next day, too. Be consistant. It's hard but it can be done. Good luck!!!!

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J.M.

answers from Des Moines on

We have those moments too, but when I stop to look at what is happening and why, it's usually a product of them trying to get attention. For instance, they may have spent all day with you, but was it really WITH you or were you just AROUND.

I get my son to help me with chores. and at 3 he folds and AWESOME towel, better than his dad.

I have had things like the sunflower seed happen and while it's completely frustrating, when it comes right down to it, if it's in plain sight it's up for grabs. Computers are intriguing, so maybe try having a tall table that that they can't reach. They really only want to be like mom & dad, so why not use real props.

I have started keeping as much put away until the moment I need it and have less issues. But I also be sure to involve my son in things I do, like putting the wet clothes into the dryer. He just wants to feel important and involved.

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