Just Wondering - Santa Cruz,CA

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I don't think she'll asking you to do more, but is asking you to connect with her again. Your children are older and don't demand as much of your time as they once did, so perhaps she is looking for you to spend more time with her.

Do you talk about your day together in the evening or do you open a book and study? Do you tell her what you are feeling or keep it bottled until it "pops"? Do you ask her about what she's feeling?

It sounds like she's feeling very disconnected from you (hence the suspicion) and is looking to feel like your "partner" in life, not just a "partner" in responsibility.

It sounds like your partner is asking you to connect more deeply - being a parent can cause is to be distracted from our SO's, so nurturing the relationship is important. The request is kinda vague, though, so I'd just let your partner know that you want to understand EXACTLY what is meant by that and ask for clarification, examples.

Why did you change your screen name after you posted this? Your profile says you are a female, yet you are now adding to your question like you're a guy. What gives?

If I were you I would have said to my partner "what exactly do you mean by that?"

Are you open and communicative of your hopes, dreams, fears, feelings for her? When I am not giving my honey all of me, it might be that we sit on the couch watching tv but I don't have anything to say. He asks how my day was and I say fine. No details. He asks me sometimes who I confide in, that there has to be someone I talk to. There's really not. Well, maybe yall! I tell it to the internet, but no coworkers or besties. I just don't have anything to say. And truthfully, i hold back a little of my immense and passionate love. Just in case. I don't want to be the fool, so, I rarely go all in and wear my heart on my sleeve, totally trust and openly love him. When I do, it seems he does something stupid to make me regret it and I go back to being somewhat cold and distant. That's how I describe my not giving all to him. His not giving all to me, he is best friends with his ex. He talks to her about all sorts of things he doesn't share with me. I might not know what his plans are or what has heppened recently unless he is having a phone conversation in front of me. Then I find out so and so called and such and such happened. But if not for that phone call to someone else, I would never know any of that! Does any of this sound like what you 2 are doing to each other?

L.,

Wow….if only all men would ask for advice! This action alone speaks volumes about your character and your willingness to give and do all for your family! But what does “I want all of you” mean…well, you’re going to have to ask her to be more specific, because she obviously has specifics in mind. And having all of you means different things to different women! You want to know how does “I want all of you” look in action? She may have to think about it, but it will move you both forward….it is far to general of a statement for either of you to measure results!

All of you could mean 10 minutes of deep connection every night. It could mean no computer or TV for a certain time so that you can spend with her….who know…only she does!!

Get specifics so that you can both re-align your actions and get the recognition. Drill her L., you will both win in the end!

I'm just wondering why you are asking us this question. Have you asked your wife what she means by her comment?

I don't think any of us really share ALL of ourselves with one another -- nor should we want to. to use cliched examples, most wives don't want to hear as much about the game as your buddy who watches it with you, and most husbands don't want to hear as much about shopping as the friend that shops with your wife. Still, it sounds like she wants something she is not getting, so I strongly recommend counseling. It will help you develop a communication style that helps you understand each other better.

Sounds to me like you need to make her toes curl......LOL