So ok i know that it's probably not my place to worry but i just wanted to see what all you Mothers thought about this. So my sister-inlaw just had her baby 3 weeks ago and to me it seems like she doesn't nurse him enough. She only nurses him every 4 to 41/2 hours and when she does she only nurses him on one side. After he is done on that side he starts to cry which to me who suggest that he wants to eat more. But she just gives him his binki and after a while he stops and sleeps. She said she got this idea to feed him like that in a book. She also said that when he cries at night she will just put his binki back in and he will go back to sleep. She said she gets mad because he will keep waking up every hour and she will just keep putting the binki back in unless she is ready to nurse him. So i don't know about you girls but i always nursed my daughter on command. So i just wanted your feed back on if you thought she is doing just fine or not feeding him enough? My mother and father-inlaw also think she doesn't feed him enough and at his 2 week appointment he had only gained 3 oz. So what do you think?
Well I talked to my mother-inlaw about it and she has been very worried too so she talked to her son (the father) the other night and he got really offensive. I guess the book they have is The Baby whisperer book. And i guess it says to only feed on one side. I don't know if it says to then go 4 hours between feedings but He said that their baby is fine. So i guess we will just have to wait and see what happens at the next doc. appointment. Thanks to everyone who told me w had a right to say something. I know they didn't listen but I told my mother-inlaw that at least we tried so if it turns out that he isn't getting enough we know that we tried to help. I'll keep everyone posted when she goes to the next appointment.
babies this age need to gain a MINIMUM of 6-8 oz weekly, so weight checks are a good idea. this is not a typical feeding pattern for a bfd baby. is the baby pooping 5-6 times a day? this type of feeding pattern often ends up with a failure to thrive baby and a mom who has lost her milk supply. :(
While I realize that you can't change her decisions you can at least provide her with information. Here is a link about the harm that Babywise (the book she most likely read) can do: http://www.ezzo.info/feeding.htm
Here are is another link may be helpful to her:
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/bf-links-concerns.html
There is a whole section called "Should baby be on a schedule" with links to articles.
I think that if you approach it in the right way it can be done without upsetting her. I do agree with the PPs, someone needs to advocate for the baby if you feel that she isn't getting enough food.
She's not feeding a 3 week old enough. He's hungry. They need to eat every 2-3 hours throughout the 24 hour clock, day and night, until THEY start sleeping 6-8 hours through the night ON THEIR OWN. Hopefully, her pediatrician will have some feedback that will spur her on to feeding more, and more often. One of my kids ate on both sides at each feeding and one of my kids only ate on one side per feeding until he was about 6 months old. So, that can work, but NOT letting him go 4-4 1/2 hours at a time WITH A NEWBORN. Pacifiers before the age of 4-6 weeks can cause nipple confusion too.
By all means you are not over reacting in fact someone needs to react very strongly!!! I would really like to know what bood she has read that would even suggest such a horrible feeding schedule. I am very surprised that her Dr. did not say anything about her babies weight gain. You can cause so much damage to a baby by not feeding it properly, brain and body wise. Please intervene on this babies behalf all of you or you might have a baby that passes from starvation. Please do not stand by and let this happen that baby can not voice for it's self.
I would wait and see what the Dr thinks. He is the one that can truly gauge how well the baby is progressing, did he say anything at the last checkup?
I would also maybe give her a book about breast feeding. You have to be careful not to step on toes here and not dictate what works for you should work for her, however just offer up some help. 3 oz isn't a very big gain, but if her Dr isn't concerned then it is best to just when able to offer up helpful suggestions so she isn't put on the defense. If she is a first time mom, then she has to figure things out, however may be too embarassed to ask for help. Maybe tell her by switching breasts it will help her prevent engorgement which is painful. A baby that young HAS to eat during the night, for growth and development. You may want to tell her how hard that binki habit will be to break if she doesn't quit forcing it on him. If he goes back to sleep with a binki, he may very well not be hungry. I have never heard of a baby letting a binki stop from crying out of hunger.
BUT A 3 WEEK OLD needs to eat during the night, period.
If you think the baby's welfare is at stake you all have to sit down with her and risk ticking her off however...you are family but a baby's needs are to be first here!
I still feed on demand. I don't think that you can force a baby that young into a feeding schedule. It sucks to have to get up all the time to feed him, but it will get better. If he is gaining poorly he isn't getting enough! I think it is your business becasue it is the babys livelyhood, and someone needs to give him a voice. How about you and grandma go over for a whole day and give her your advice (since you both sucessfully nursed babies) and she is new at this. Just becasue it's in a book doesn't mean its good advice or that it will work for every kid. Obviously it's not woking for this kid and someone needs to let her know.
Really unless she asks for help, it is not your business. Hopefully the dr. will say something to her but she will not appreciate you butting in. She will soon figure out why he won't sleep at night. The baby did gain three oz. She is still figureing this whole mom thing out. Give her time and help when asked. What works for you doesn't always work for others.
C. B
Dear Andrea,
I guess I am just a cynic at heart. I know there are wonderful Doctors out there- but not all are astute as we would like to think. You only have her report regarding her last checkup with the Physician- all information conveyed to the Dr. or from the Dr. is confidential, unless she chooses to honestly share what was said with you.
If the Dr. is in touch he/she is monitoring the infant closely (hopefully) and will pick up on her infant's "Failure to Thrive" but that is supposition- IF her Dr. is paying attention. Lots of babies don't do very well initially for all sorts of reasons. Her Physician may be waiting to see how the baby does before trying to intervene.
I can understand completely your concern- you are correct in your observation. Baby's need nourishment often, besides the physical aspect of comfort and nurturing.
I like the advice to give your sister-in-law information that may clear up her misunderstanding. There are many Lactation Consultants available, plus books on nursing, however, if you feel the infant is in danger and she won't listen and is not in tune with her infant's needs- it could become life threatening. If you feel that it is that serious, call her Physician. Alert him/her to your concern and make it very clear that you want the information conveyed anonymously. Remember that the Dr. cannot even disclose to you that he is seeing the baby. Try to relay facts, times, dates etc. Actual quotes from the mom will help the Dr. understand more clearly.
Prayerfully approach your decision, it's worth a baby's life.
It is painful to know of something so serious and not try to do what you can. Education of the mother is, of course, the best course of action.
I really feel for you. It is difficult to know something and let it go, but after you have tried to do what you can, you have no other recourse than "let go and Let God".
Remember them in your prayers.
Best to you,
H. B.
Unless she asks for your advice or opinion you should just leave it alone and if there is anything to worry about, the doctor will notice and address it at her well-baby check-ups (if she's not gaining enough weight, etc). I know it can be hard to sit by and watch while you think she's making a "mistake" but think how you would feel if others had criticized and judged you for how you fed your baby.
Please don't let this go without again trying to get her to understand that her baby needs to eat every 2-3 hours! Another mom posted about the Babywise book, which was my first thought as well. It is a dangerous book that recommends this crazy feeding schedule to get babies to sleep through the night at a very young (too young) age. Maybe you could give her a copy of a different book that would offer her better parenting advice, perhaps The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears.
Stories like this really sadden and scare me. Please do all you can to help this mom be a nurturing mother to her tiny new baby.
Wow...I feel badly for her baby. Has anyone straight out told her she isn't feeding him enough? That maybe a second opinion beyond the one book she has might be a good idea? If no one has told her the dangers or that there are other options, she just might not know any better.
