Just Turned 4 and STILL Not Potty Trained

Updated on February 12, 2007
A.T. asks from Clemmons, NC
23 answers

We are having a time getting our 4 yr old to tell us when he needs to potty. We set him on the potty and he will pee most of the time, if he hasn't just peed in his diaper.

We have bought toys, candy, and everything for rewarding him. This has been going on for over a year.

At first the doctor was saying...not to worry, they'll go when they are ready and all that...that every kid is different etc etc.

But he just turned 4 and I am getting worried about the whole thing. He will start to cry when we ask him if has to potty. we have NEVER fussed at him for it...he just doesn't want to stop playing long enough to sit and pee.

What can I do next?

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T.F.

answers from Norfolk on

The only thing that has worked for my two older children is to wear regular underpants. Pullups are just like diapers and don't give them the nagging feeling of being wet. Whereas if you use underpants, when they get wet, they know it. No doubt. My best advice to you is to ditch the pullups, diapers, etc and put him underpants. Buy him some of his favorite character ones that he'll enjoy wearing and won't want to wet. You may have a lot of laundry for the first week but he'll feel like a big boy wearing them and won't have the crutch of a diaper. :) Good luck!

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D.R.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hi A.. I just wanted to tell you that When ever I was potty training, A chart helped me. It would show my son exactly what he had to do while he was in the bathroom and he got to put stickers on it for everything he did. That got the ball rolling since it was like a game to him. Then finally I TOLD him there wold be no more diapers. It took a few days and quite a few accidents but finally he got the point. After that he was fine. He still doesn't like to take time out to pee, BUt I tell him it's easier to take a few minutes out to go pee than it is to have to quit playing all together to go change clothes. After I calmly explain it that way, then he understands and goes. With her sone, my sister also told him there would be no diapers...had to make up his mind for him, and then he was potty trained from that day on. Good Luck to you. I hope it works out.

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H.R.

answers from Norfolk on

I have a 4 year old boy. He was hard to get potty trained. I tried everything. I let him go around naked, rewards, if he did wet himself left him in the wet underware for a little so he would be uncomfortable. None of this worked. I finally made a chart. On the chart there are spaces like 4 stickers you get a favorite treat. As he got better the numbers on the chart increased to like 15 stickers you can get a toy. I let him put the stickers on himself. Once he filled a space I made a huge deal about it and praised him. He got his reward and is doing great. We still have accidents but he is great during the day. He wears pull ups at night only and is getting better at that. I dont use the chart anymore but do ask him every so often if he has to go potty just to remind him. I think your son will get it just give him time. It has taken me months to get to this point.

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T.E.

answers from Charleston on

hey my daughter is back to peeing herself again i have good nights on her at night and shes 4 ive taken her to the doctors and everything i could think of as well. Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt just to let you know you werent the only one out there with this problem

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T.K.

answers from Charleston on

I had to put my little boy in underware to make him understand to go to the potty. For about a week, he will have accidents but that is the whole point of him letting him feel what its like to be wet and that he should be going to the potty instead. Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I told my 5 year old boy that I was not going to "touch his poop" anymore. It only took a few times with me sitting in the bathroom with him, handing him wipes to clean himself off for him to decide that this was not what he wanted to be doing. So far so good. He'll be 6 in April...

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D.

answers from Charleston on

Hi A., I have 2 boys, one 6 and one 3 1/2 .. My first son it took until he was 4 1/2 to fully potty train. My 3 1/2 is just starting to potty ,but will not do #2 on the potty. You are not the only one going through this. Boys are the hardest to train. My thinking on that is, we (moms) are for the most part the ones who train them.We don't do things the same lol.It took my husband to start the potty training with my 3 1/2.So it will take time. I hope this helps in some small way.

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R.H.

answers from Wilmington on

When I tried to train my son to use the potty I had no luck for a while. I noticed that at night he was not using the bathroom in his diaper so I told him that the store quit makeing diapers and that when we ran out there were no more. I used the last diaper and told him now he had to be a big boy and put underware on him and he has had no accidents. When we went to the grocery store we made sure not to go down the diaper isle. This worked for us hope it helps.

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T.D.

answers from Charleston on

Mine too. We kept telling him it was the next step in growing up. My doctor too said that it would happen when he was ready. When my grandmother passed we took my son to her funeral. He was dressed just like a "big boy" (like daddy) with a belt and everything. We were all sitting down mourning over her loss and I called for him. He said he was on the potty. My husband and I just shook our heads as we had seen him "pretend" before. About 2 minutes later he was calling me to wipe his bottom. He hasn't missed a beat since. We had just given up. Never asked..he just finally decided he was ready. I couldn't believe it.

Just give him more time. Mine was 4 and a couple months and finally decided he was ready. (Try letting him stand also...mine did not like to sit)

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Y.A.

answers from Mobile on

Hey A.,
I have heard that boys potty train at later ages than girls. My son isn't old enough to worry about this yet, but my daughter was 3 before I could potty train her. We tried EVERYTHING, even letting her run around naked for a day and nothing worked. We even had the reward toy shelf that she could choose from for each time she used the potty with no accidents. She not only lost interest (even though there were toys she really wanted on the shelf) but she didn't care after a while. I finally decided to put her back into panties (I know - a big no-no) and bought her a new package of panties. I explained to her what wearing panties meant, basically no accidents and told her that I would bother her about it again until she was ready. Then, every morning I would ask her if she wanted to wear panties, she knew from our discussion that this meant no accidents and no going back to diapers. I was really panicking because we were running out of diaper sizes! Every morning for about 3 months she said no and I would drop the subject until the next morning when I was getting her dressed. All of a sudden one day she said yes. I re-explained what that meant and she said she was ready. Guess what? NO accidents, other than about 3 that were truly accidents. We had no night problems at all. I was totally amazed. My mom said she did that same thing with my brother and didn't try anything else and it worked. I was much harder to potty train according to my mom. Her and my other friend (who has 3 boys) swear that boys are easier...so I think it really depends on the child and when they are really ready. Don't be afraid to discuss all that potty trained means and then wait for them to decide they are ready. If you take the pressure off, it probably won't take that long and it's so much easier on you!
Good Luck,
Y.

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D.M.

answers from Charlotte on

i wouldn't worry so much..we have a son that was already in headstart before he would even start to potty train...finally at age 5 while in headstart he started going...i think they all have their own time of being ready to go..we have 5 kids and they were all different when it came to potty training...it takes time for them to adjust to it.also you could try the new potty chairs that have the musical themes to them when you flush,they seem to work

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M.H.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

Have you tried the cheerio in the toiled trick? Throw a cheerio into the toilet and tell him to try and aim for the cheerio. And then after he if done watch the cheerio flush down the toilet and tell it goodbye! My mom did this with my brother who had a hard time aiming.

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T.B.

answers from Asheville on

HI A.,FIRST I ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL CAPS!WHEN MY KIDS WERE LIL I'D SET MY STOVE TIMER FOR EVERY 15 MINS. BUT I WOULDN'T PUT DIAPERS ON MY KIDS I'D PUT UNDERWEAR ON THEM!AND EVERY 15 MINS. WE WENT TO POTTY AND IF THEY WENT IN THEIR PANTS THEN THEY HAD TO CHANGE. NOT MOMMY. THEN WE'D START ALL OVER AND ONCE THEY'D WENT IN THE POTTY SEVERAL TIMES OVER A PERIOD OF SEVERAL WEEKS THEN ONE NIGHT ALL OF A SUDDEN I SAID OKAY NO MORE PULL UPS YOU'RE BIG NOW YOU WEAR UNDERWEAR TO BED AND I'VE NOT HAD TO MUCH TROUBLE OUT OF THEM.BUT ONCE YOU DO THIS YOU MUST HIDE THE PULL UPS AND DIAPERS THEY CAN'T BE ABLE TO FIND THEM OR THEY WILL WNAT THEM!!AND YOU MUST STAND YOUR GROUND!DO NOT GO BACK! BUT I WOULD REWARD THEM WITH A STICKER AND A SILLY "YEAH YOU PEE-PEED (OR YOU POO-POOPED)IN THE POTTY DANCE" AND LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES WHICH THEY THOUGHT WAS FUNNY AND IT MAD THEM LAUGH AND MADE THEM HAPPY!!SO IT WORKED BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CONSISTANT!NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE OR WHAT YOUR DOING EVERY 15 MINS. WHETHER THEY GO OR NOT. AND THEN THEY DON'T HAVE A CHANCE TO HAVE AN ACCIDENT. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!SINCERELY, T. BASS

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E.D.

answers from Asheville on

My son was so hard to potty train! He's six now, and I still have to remind him to go to the bathroom. They all learn at their own pace. The only thing I would recommend is to ditch the diapers. Being in diapers will not help him learn. Have him start wearing underwear during the day, let him pick them out. Get lots of pairs! Keep using diapers/pullups at night, until he gets the daytime stuff down. Just keep reminding your son that he's a big boy, and big boys wear underwear and use the potty. Try to be patient, believe me that is the hardest part. He will have accidents, but I bet after a few days he'll get tired of wet pants. Good luck!

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E.C.

answers from Charlotte on

Please don't freak about this. My son, who is now 5, went through the same thing. We tried everything, then we decided to just let him run around with underwear on all day and had him go potty every 10 minutes. I know it sounds weird but it worked. He hated it when he got wet so he would end up going on his own. Yes, we went through a lot of underwear that way, but it only took him a couple of weeks to get it down. We still had trouble getting him to go the other but he ended up learning that on his own. We put a diaper on him at night and eventually he didn't want it either.
I hope this helps...

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P.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hi A., my son is 3 and has been potty trained for awhile now. What i did that seemed to really help was one let him go pick out his own underwear,we got a spongebob seat for the toliet that he picked and also for about 2 weeks when we were at home he was naked from the waste down. He had a few accidents in the house but he fianlly would get up and run to the bathroom. He is still in pullups at night but underwear during the day. He has a few accidents every once in awhile but over all he is doing real good. I had a friend trying to potty train her son too, i told her what i did and she tried it. Her son was potty trained the first week he was running around naked. Anyway, hope this helps out some. Dont worry, some are late bloomers. I know a few 4 and 5 yr olds still having probelms. You can also try a reward. When my son would go potty he got to put a stamp on a poster. You just have to try differnt things i guess and find out which one works for your son. Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Richmond on

I know the feeling, I was worried when my daughter turned 4 and still was not potty trained. She goes to school (Special Ed Pre School Program thru Henrico County) so during winter break i put her in underware except for at night and while the first week she kept going in her panties and I would tell her as i changed her you have to go in the potty not your pants. Well I was in the bathroom on Christmas Eve getting ready to leave and my daughter comes in the bathroom and said she had to go potty and that was it she went and was so excited about it. But she will not tell me she needs to go so I ask her all the time if she needs to go potty and she is very good at telling me if she does or not. Now occasionally we do have an accident but they are going to happen she has only been potty trained for a month. But beleive me I was close to getting to the end of my rope w/it and was so frusterated, not at her, but at the situation. Unfortanitally you will now when thay are ready it took mine 4 1/2 yrs to be ready. And now she doesn't wear pull ups at all she doesn't like them. But he will get there when he is ready.

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D.C.

answers from Goldsboro on

my boys, now ages 16 and 14, were not potty trained until 3 1/2 and 3 and 11 months, respectively. So I know what you are going through. They will be trained when they are ready...physically and mentally. It's hard to let them take their time when others are hounding you though! What did work for my oldest (when I realized he was just refusing to go on the potty) was...I decided to only put him in "big boy underwear" and he had to change himself when he had accidents. Including messy ones. I provided newspapers for him to stand on in the bathroom and baby wipes, but he had to do the cleaning up. I finished up any place he couldn't quite get clean. He had to clean himself up after messy accidents twice before he decided he didn't want to do it anymore. He cried each time saying "It's yucky, I don't want to do this" and I agreed and told him that I don't want to do it either since it was his mess, not mine. His day care teacher suggested it to me and it worked like a charm for him. My other son, on the other hand, didn't care. So I just had to wait it out with him.

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B.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hey. I wish I could help you but I also have a son who will be 4 in June who is not potty trained and doing the same as your son. I hope we both are able to get them trained soon. I worry alot about it too. Good luck. B.

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M.H.

answers from Hickory on

My son was one of those who refused to be fully potty trained much like yours, we had went to the mall and I had regular underwear on him and a good distance in he peed all over himself, so I made him walk all the way out to the car, where I left his diaper bag at and he hated that feeling of walking in wet pants nad the breeze hitting them after that day he didn't pee in his pants any longer!!

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C.S.

answers from Spartanburg on

Try PODS, (www.pods.com) they worked for my 3 year old, he's a bit stubborn, and just began to train last year, I ordered PODS b/c of a suggestion by other moms, and they really do work. He didn't even make it through the whole box, and he is trained now, he even wakes up at night and goes potty. Hope this can help you too. Good luck!

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T.J.

answers from Norfolk on

Honestly, I had to take my daughter out of pullups and diapers all together for her to get the hang of it. She is 2 1/2, and we went all day today without one accident. It was a little tough at first, but we got it together. Her problem was that she would pee in the pull ups or diapers, because she knew she could. It took us about 3 or 4 days to get everything under control. We still have occassional accidents, but maybe once a week. We have only been doing this for a month, so I can't say how great it is, but as far as things are at my house it has worked perfectly.
We tried rewards, we tried everything we could think of before this, but it worked!
The only thing with her, was she was really adamant about saying no when I asked her if she had to go, or wanted to try. So now it is more like Let's go poty, (no questions). That works much better. And she will not use her training poty, only big girl poty, and without the ring so she fits on it. She's independent, so as long as she goes I don't care which poty.
T. J

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S.G.

answers from Savannah on

Well, I haven't had to worry about potty training my son yet since he is only 8 months old but I my daughter didn't get it till she was almost 3yrs old. I tried candy, toys, money, the whole nine yards to no avail!! But the strange thing was she would stay dry all night long and had for almost a year!!! What I was let her pick out her own panties and had her wear them. But if we left the house I put a pull up on over them. The catch was if she peed herself, she had to change her clothes, put the dirty ones in the washer (I didn't make her run it) and clean herself up. After about a week she started going on the potty with just and accident here and there. I think what happened was she got tired of having to do everything herself instead of me doing it for her. Hope you get your little guy going on the potty soon!!

S.

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