Just Need Some Advice/encouragement

M.,
Oh, my heart aches for you! I remember you wrote a couple of months ago. I have since prayed for you and hoped you would write again.
Well, it looks like you've made the choice, or really, your ex has made it for you. If he chooses to leave, he chooses to leave.
Let's look at the other issues at hand. If he stays, you'll be miserable, if he goes, you will struggle financially. His attitude, his lack of concern for his daughter, and you...it is HIS problem. You can't change him. You can pray for him, for you, for your daughter, you could give him space, but it is up to HIM. So if he goes, HE has to deal with the consequences.
If he does go, you will have a lot of responsibility. I wouldn't doubt that you could make it own your own. I would think family could help, certain organizations could help, even the government. If money is your main concern; I wouldn't let it be your main concern. You can make it. It will be hard, it will be frusterating, but you will be in control. Empowering you and your daughter is priceless.
I would only give you this advice. Concentrate now on you and your daughter. That's it. Make your lives a tunnel vision of how great your future can be. Make everything you do, say, and live for about making an environment filled with stability, health, and happiness. And you know what? Let him, "be him", if you've ever heard that term. Let him live out whatever fantasy he has of still being single or without responsibility. One day, he will see the error of his ways. He may never admit it, but he will. And as for your daugther, if your main focus is about her, and about you, and about making a wonderful life; she will see and understand and BELIEVE what is true. She will see her father not living his life to his fullest. Not being a dad. Not being a support. She will get it one day, it will just take time. And devotion on your part.
So, you be you--a wonderful, loving mommy who is trying to make it, going to school, working and all that...and let him be him.
Don't worry about who claims who on taxes or what money he is giving or not giving you. I know that sounds easier said than done, but really, money is not the issue. If he wants to take money from you and your daughter, he will reap the consequences. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will. Take one day, one minute, one second at a time....You've already done the hardest part, deciding it's over, now just deal with that. Heal your heart and love that little girl because she needs it. If/when he ever comes back, apologizes, takes responsibilty, then you deal with that. If you decide to.
I will pray for you and your little angel!
G.

M.,
I am so sorry to here about your situation. It sounds like your boyfriend is scared of commitment and you haveing a child together has sealed the deal. Don't give into him!! Stand your ground & get him out of your home. It might be hard for a while but you are right. You & your daughter's happiness is what matters. Keep the child support as you have because it sounds like you won't get anything if you don't!
As for your daughter, Love her as you have & she will understand you did this for her best intrest. How can anyone be happy if you are always fighting & for her to hear it, she will become negitive. You don't want that!
As for claiming her on income tax. You need to do that. Don't let him. You can claim earned income credit & get alot of money back. This will help you.
I went through something similer & yes it is hard being a single mother but I wouldn't have changed anything I did.

Good Luck & Best Wishes,
M.

M., Sorry to hear things are so stressful for you. He obviously is not participating in you relation ship anyomre. You have made the right chioce for you and your daughter. I am wondering if your place is in your name or his? If your name is on the lease, honey, kick his A** out! It does not matter if he pays for the rent, you are feeding the man. And making a nice place for him to visit (when he decides to came home). You are entitled to a lot more than $25 a week for your child. He helped make her, He needs to provide 50% of her care expenses as well. You stick to your guns. I have seen to many friends and family of mine go thru the same thing, just to back down in the end. It is your responsability to make sure your little girl has all the positive things around her to grow up healthy. You are doing the right thing for both of you. Good luck. Let us know how things go. F.

aw sweetie, everything will be OK! You seem like you are taking a step in the right direction. It has been my experience that MANY men are selfish and self centered. It is sad, because as women, we know what we want and how to get it but it doesnt get reciprocated. There ARE men who are wonderful, who will not change when the going gets tough. You deserve that, your daughter deserves that. You said that he pays rent but it is your place, is he on the rental agreement, if not, he has NO say in the matter, your landlord doesnt care who pays the rent, as long as it gets paid. How about the child support, do keep it! It is yours to spend on the baby..and when that was established, did they say who got to claim her as an exemption? If not, again, beat him to the punch, even if you do not make much, you should qualify for Earned Income Credit and it does help that you are in school. You'd be amazed at how much you can get back.
Who knows why men act the way they do, why they wouldnt want to be a part of their childrens lives, some just arent equipped to have children at all, but I guess they suppose they can get us pregnant and we will take care of the rest. I have been there, it is not easy. i pulled myself out though, i got out, even when i "thought" I was happy, i wasnt really happy until I realized how good life was without him. Not too mention, he cheated on me in my own home, you said yours stays out till 5 in the morning, DONT put up with that! That is just irresponsible and if he wants to be a bachelor instead of a loving, nuturing, giving, sacraficing father, he needs to get out and stay out. Remember, you and your daughter are #1, if you cant take care of her, as you already know, no one else will. Have the courage to want the very best for yourself. Good luck!

M.,

First, let me just say I am sorry this kind of thing happens so often. Let me ask some questions. The first question is are you married, or just living together? Second, who's name is on the lease? If child support is established, who gets the child on the taxes (it should be in there) and who is the residential parent? You do have options. And you have the ability to remove him even if he is paying rent depending on the living situation. I lived this life for a long time, trying to make things work with my kids' dad. We never married. I have sole custody and claim both kids on the taxes. Even if he did claim one of them on an exemption, he can't claim EIC because the kids don't live with him for six months out of the year. I was crushed when we split up. We were together from when I was 16 to 21. He broke up with me. Since I got over it, I have thanked him every day for that decision. I met my husband, and even though I have now lost him, I am so much better off. Stick to your guns. There is nothing wrong with you expecting attention, affection, and love for both your daughter and yourself. I wish you luck and if you want to talk more, feel free to email me at ____@____.com.

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Your life sounds strangely like mine. I feel your pain M.. I'm asking myself the same questions as far as my little ones go. I kicked my husband out...after all he was just consuming food and spending the money that I made. And he became so violent that he tried to hit me in front of my youngest child.

If you'd like, email me and we can lean on each other for support. My email addy is ____@____.com Luck to you hun,
M.

you have my sympathy for the situation you are in. i personally havent experienced anything quite this stressful. but as far as him paying rent, from what i've heard, if the place is under YOUR name, then you have the legal right to evict him. i think you will have to give him a time frame of like 30 days or so. if i were you, i would write something up and if you dont have the funds to get legal help, then at least get it notarized, and make at least 2 extra copies, 1 for yourself, 1 for him then 1 to give o someone you trust to hold onto. i know most check cashing places usually have a notary public, and the fee is something like $2/sheet.

once again, i'm sorry for what you and your daughter are going through, my prayers are with you. good luck

M.,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It seems like your husband is provoking a fight, possibly to force you to tell him to leave. He may want a separation/divorce, but is too weak to say it, so he's acting as badly as possible to get you to do it, then he can blame a break up on you.

At the very least, it seems like you do need time apart for awhile. There's also a very strong indication that there's another woman (or man, who knows).

It's ultimately your decision. YOu know all the details. But you can't live like that and doing so for your daughter's sake is not good either. That is not a good situation. Having the father present is important and good only if it's a positive situation.

Good luck.
B.

Get a GOOD attorney - he can help you get the child support your child deserves, answer the tax question you have, and can help you figure out what grounds you have to get him to leave. You might be out of luck on that end if your name isnt' on the lease or because the two of you never married.

Good luck.