Just Looking for Diffrent Opinions

Advice passed down from the woman in my family. "You children will remember trips to the park, they will not remember if their bed was made."

I think it's good that you are going to school. I am also going to school, only part time, but I work full time and only have one child, but I understand where you are coming from. If you don't go to school then you are stuck in a job that you possibly can't go further in, while going to school and getting your degree gives you the advantage to getting a better job to help better support your children. I don't that it is putting your schooling before your children. I think it's looking out for your children's best interests.

M.,

If the delay in getting to the household tasks gets to your boyfriend, he can do something about it. I don't know how you are feeling about the load, but I know in your position I would be exhausted. I am a SAHM with a husband who helps and only one child, but in my first trimester and WIPED OUT. You might want to look at adjusting your schedule for your own sake, especially when the demands of a newborn kick in.

Are you in the financial position to only work part time while you go to school? Sometimes it's hard, even if the money is not an issue, because of health insurance or tuition reimbursement benefits, so I can see that it might be hard to cut back work hours. Would you maybe want to consider lightening your class load, maybe only going part time for a few semesters? I'm not trying to tell you that what you're doing is wrong, or bad, it just seems from the description that something's got to give! I totally get why you want to go to school, to better yourself and the life you can give your children. I totally understand that, I just can't see how you manage it, even if you never washed a dish at all.

Can you juggle the budget enough to afford a cleaning service maybe twice a month? You'd still have the day to day stuff to do, but the heavy cleaning would be taken care of for you, and if you're mopping floors at ten at night, this might be a real lifesaver over the next few months. Maybe if you talk to your boyfriend, you could work something out to get a little help in this department.

Good luck, M.. I really admire your ambition and hard working spirit.

There's nothing like being a single parent & have everyone give you advice . . . let them try it. From what you've said, I think you should be applauded for what you have done and are doing for yourself & your children. If your boyfriend thinks your priorities are messed up, then he why doesn't he pitch in?!? Seriously, the dishes will be there tomorrow and so what if the floor doesn't get mopped tonight . . . your 8 1/2 year old may want you to help with a school project, or your little one could be doing something special NOT TO BE repeated. Enjoy EVERY moment of parenthood, you can not recreate those moments & they go by too quickly. Before my son was born (20+ yrs. ago)my house was so clean, you could eat off the floors. But his cub scout meeting or baseball were more important than making sure my floors were shining. To top it off, I worked two jobs. I was fortunate that I was able to bring him to my 2nd job (I prepared food that went on coffee trucks) at night. He would come with me, do his homework. I could stop what I was doing to help him, if need be.

Maybe you can get your older child to help out alittle, with some type of reward . . . sweeping the floors, rinsing the dishes (in case the don't get washed until morning) and etc. The kids must get to bed at a decent time, so that is your time to do your homework & maybe a load of laundry, the dishes or whatever.

You have to remember, you have to take care of #1, YOU, because if you don't, you won't be any good to yourself or your precious children. Remember too, with the new one on the way, your really have to schedule that 'alone' time for yourself. No lie, every Friday night after my son was in bed, the candles got lite, glass of wine poured & I soaked in a nice warm bubble bath . . . draining all the stresses of parenthood, work & just life in general.

It certainly sounds like you have your act together. Don't be too hard on yourself & if anyone has criticism for you, ask them if they think they can do better, by all means . . . pitch in. Good luck on the birth of your new child & your degree! You will be fine. Remember too . . . just say a heartfelt prayer, he's always there to listen & guide our ways & those of our loved ones . . . D. : )

Oh my goodness! Congrats, first, on the new blessing and on going back to school. Also for spending any spare time with your kids.
It sounds like you & your boyfriend need to discuss what is going on. I feel for you, as far as getting everything done. How much is he helping aroung the house? Can you ask him for help, as far as the cleaning/housekeeping goes? And it sounds as if he doesn't know what HE thinks your priorities are. Does he want a clean house, or a sane partner?
Your house will be the same, no matter what. Remind him that your kids and education are the MOST IMPORTANT things for you, and if he wants a clean home, he is as responsible for it as you are.
I wish you luck with all. You're doing a great job.

are your kids happy? That's all that matters.. would you rather a happy kid or a clean floor?? If it's bothering him so much, tell your boyfriend to wash the floor . As long as your place isn't crawling with creatures and your children are clean and well fed, then you are doing fine.. getting an education is probably one of the best things you can do for your kids anyway.. that way one day you can hire a maid to do those things.... good luck

Who cares if the dishes don't get done until the next morning? Even before I had my daughter I wasn't a great housekeeper, and that certainly hasn't changed. If your boyfriend has a problem with it, then let him do the dishes or whatever needs to be done. My husband makes dinner the nights I go to my yoga classes without complaint.

I think that if he is so worried about the dishes or mopping, hand him the dish cloth and the mop and tell him that what a great help it would be for him to help out. I think that we as women feel that only we can do EVERYTHING. But the men have to realize that we do not wear a cape and have super powers. I am lucky and have a husband, that if he sees it needs to be done, he either helps or just does it. But i have a lot of friends that are in the same situation. Get your school work done, and as long as your kids aren't being naglected let the dishes sit there and the mopping will eventually get done. Good luck!!!

M.,

What does he expect will happen when you're working? Does he think that you'll suddenly have more time to do the housework things then?

If he's a member of the household there is no reason why he can't pick up a broom or mop or wash a few dishes or do a load of laundry, especially with your being pregnant. It is supposed to be a joint effort and that includes housework things. Even when I was married and a stay at home mom my husband still did some things around the house. The same went for my boyfriend when we lived together. They need to be involved in the daily maintenance and running of the household.

N.

Dear M.,
You know I ready your letter and a lot of the same have been coming through on the subject on what their boyfriend/husband/or significant other THINKS that what we should be doing as to keeping up with our chores;

If you two children/pregnant with HIS child/and going to school, why doesnt HE HELP YOU???? For all of you out there who writes about their man expecting you to DO EVERYTHING --- YOU NEED TO SHAKE THEM. Ask for help don't take it... it 2006 not 1806 where the wife did everything.

Today is a two income househould and sharing of the chores. I guess I happen to be very lucky - I am married (twice) with a 12 year old son who keeps us both busy. He helps with laundry, cooking, cleaning and taking my son where ever he needs to go!

Ask for help - He should want to help you as you are Pregnant and really should do that to yourself TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND THE BABY -

I guess I am just rambling here , but , geez Tell these men I would love them to see them do what WE do and than at the end of the day let them hear suggestions on how HE should maximize his time!!!

I think what your doing is fine. Your man needs to pick up the slack in my opinion. As long as the chores do get done at some point then whats the problem. Good luck with school.

The best advice is that you are doing what you can. School and kids should come above all, but perhaps pick a date night that you can set aside with your boyfriend. Perhaps he just misses you, and that is his way of expressing himself.

Tell him if he wants it done quicker do it himself you have 3 jobs mother student plus a part time job

Hi M.,

I work full time and struggle with balance all the time. Even though my heart wants to stay home with my little guy all day and run in the park and do arts and crafts and all the things I would do in the ideal situation, my head tells me working allows him to have a safe home with a backyard, and will allow him to have a college fund set up for him, etc etc.

My solution is to make "homemaking" duties like cooking and cleaning dead last on my priority list. Does this mean my house is a little messy? Sure it does. We also have pizza for dinner a few more times than we should. But I make the most of the time I do get with him, and we have a lot of fun together.

I found some help in flylady.com, a website that teaches you how to keep your home organized in very small time increments. I do my cleaning late at night and save up mopping, dusting, etc for the weekend when I am home all day. I also try my best to cook nutritious meals by searching the web (after Josh goes to bed) for fast, homecooked meals.

In the end, you have to rely on your intuition. It sounds like you are trying to provide a better life for your children by attending school. As long as you make the most of the time you do spend with your kids, I'm sure it will all work out. Good luck!

-S.

I have to agree his priorities are messed up. I am a stay at home mom of three and I also am in school part-time and I have a husband and my house still gets messy! My husband does the dishes and takes out the trash and when I need to study he takes the kids into the other room so I can have peace and quiet. He never complains about the house and if he has anything to say I say let's do it together! He really needs to help you. You need to stand your ground now before the baby comes because it will get harder. The fact that he doesn't realize it I'm afraid is completely normal though. I also had to let my husband know That taking care of all of these things is impossible without his help. As far as easy goes, I'd trade being a welder all day for the multitasks working/employed mothers do all day. You need to explain it too him and if nessecary write out all the things that he does and all the things you need to get done and show him why it doesn't fit. you know guys they're visual!lol Good Luck!

Are his arms broken? If he's concerned about the kids being neglected then he should spend more time with them. I am an older stay at home mom with 2 part-time jobs, and I am a college student too! My first priority is my baby. My second priority is school. My third is my hubby. Next is work, then me, then the house. I manage to run the vac everyday - but that's because my daughter plays on the floor:-) I tell my hubby in advance when school is getting hectic and I tell him what I need from him - like I need you to be in charge of the baby on Sunday as I have to finish writing a paper. He grumbles, but I remind him that the money spent on school is wasted if I don't work to do my best, and that long term, we'll be in better shape financially once I get my degree. I also nicely provide him with reminders of the things that I also manage to get done for him during my crazy week(s). Good luck to you and STAY IN SCHOOL. You don't want to try to finish college when you're my age!

It sounds like you are doing great. Your husband probaly feels like he isn't getting enough time. Your 8 yr old is old enough to do dishes and sweeping etc. Make it a family effort assign jobs. Make time 20min for each individually. Have your children help make meals.

You are busy making a better life for you children, so I don't see how that is putting your children second. If he complains about the housework not getting done, then he needs to do it! There are times when, cleaning the house isn't the most important thing in life and if he feels as though it is, you need to make sure he has his priorities straight. If he lives with you then maybe you should make a schedule of when things get done and who does them. This way it seems more like family job (include the kids, mine think it's fun..smaller jobs)! Good luck!

wow!!! sounds to me like your boyfriend needs to get his priorities straight! 1st one being to SUPPORT you in anyway he can! and if that means helping with the house work so be it!!

You are doing a WONDERFUL job!!! Good for you working on a better life for yourself and kids!!

Frankly, your boyrfriend just needs to deal with his feelings and get over it! Housework will always be there, and it'll always build up over time, it's endless. Going to school, now THAT is a priority. I don't care if you have to live in a pigstye for a while, the ends justify the means! As long as it's a "healthy" mess and not one that'll make you sick, you just keep doing what you're doing. I did the same thing and encountered the same situation, taking care of my kids, working and going to school, and my house was pretty much a disaster while I was going to school, but ya know what? I did WELL for myself and it was worth it. And the house still sometimes gets out of hand when we get too busy to worry about it. Life's too short, you're either Martha Stewart or you're not, who cares!

I am a full time mom, a full time student of nursing and working full time as an LNA. I never keep up with anything except my sons homework, my homework and putting gas in the car! I work 3rd shift while my husband works 2nd. He got one me once about how the house looked and I put him in his place. Now my hubby does the laundry and brings our son to school, so that I can take a nap b4 going to class. It's not easy and it will not be until graduation. But if you really want it tell him he needs to step up to the plate.

Hello M.,

I am 28 and a single mom of a 8 year old girl. I dropped out of high school before my daughter was born. When she was about 4 years old I decided that we needed a better life. I got my GED and went back to college. I worked a full time job and went to school twice a week at night. My mother would baby-sit for me. On top of work, school, and parenting I still had the everyday stuff to do; dishes laundry etc...There were times that I would let stuff go, dust would pile up. I know exactly how you feel.

I think that your boyfriend may be setting your priorities for you, and that isn't right. Our children come first. It is our responsibility to care for them and provide the best life we can for them. As well as teach them. You are teaching your children the value of hard work and that education is important. You definately have your priorities right on track.

It seems that your boyfriend may be a little on the selfish side. A relationship is hard work and takes compremise. If he wants the dishes done maybe he should help out and do them.

I hope my opinion helps you. Stay strong for your kids!!!