Just Invited a Few to Our 6Yr Old B-day, New Friends Hurt, Need Help Explaining

Keep it honest, keep it casual. Just give the new friend a call. Tell her how disappointed you are that her child can't come, and explain the circumstances. Ask her when she's available for a playdate, and arrange the plans. While you're at it, put your daughter on the phone and let her apologize for her behavior.
Let go of the guilt and embarrassment. You are not responsible for your daughters words, she is. If you have a good reason for not being able to accomodate another child at the birthday venue, most reasonable people will understand. And don't be to hard on the kid. At this age, they are only beginning to develop the complex emotions required for "social graces." Good luck!

I have to disagree a litte. I think you SHOULD call the parents and explain to them the situation with your party limit and let them know that you would be delighted to have them and their child there if they can pay their childs way since u are past your limit on your budget. Also let them know that your daugter is being punished for her rude ways and set up a get together with them in the coming week. People don't mind forgiving and forgetting but people also want you to be honest and acknowledge that their feelings may have been hurt. And naturally when were hurt or offended and the person apologizes we say," Oh, it's ok..I understand" to let the person know were still friends. But the person also is thankful you were honest and cared enough to call and explain. I think if their your friends then you should call and explain and apologize on your daughters behalf.Sometimes people can become very offended when their child is left out of something like a birthday party because they know their child is now dissapointed. I say don't assume they understand,even people who have been in your shoes don't understand because their now on the other end of it.Maybe you could bake them some cookies or a dish and take it over and show how sorry you are.They will see how bad you feel and it's always hard to kick someone when their already down...especially if their baking you food lol.

First don't be to hard on yourself or your six year old. The list for birthday parties can be a really a hard thing to accommodate. I would tell the friend that the party had to be limited because of the amount the birthday girl wanted to come, but you would love to set up a play date with her children for some fun another day. We have 3 kids who have birthday's a month a part and our six year old only wanted his male friends this year, money was tight for us so we did a private party with family and took his special friends on play dates in the weeks following the birthday. Everybody understood and your new friends should understand too. Maybe just make that the new birthday rule: X amount of children at the event and play dates for the other friends. Hope things work out.

Hi L.:
You have two options:
1. Call and invite the child and make whatever accomodations need to be made for the child to attend.
In the child's eyes all will be well.
2. You can just do nothing and it will all pass in a few weeks and most likely the two girls will be playing together.
This birthday party business is very important to girls. There will be a time when you daughter is not invited and will experience the same kind of hurt. When my daughter was very young I have seen her cry over not being invited to a someone's birthday party that she barely knew. Totally different with boys.

Lack of any type of communication will give off a bad impression eventually.

Give the neighbors a call or, better yet, go over and talk with them face-to-face and bring your daughter because I don't think at that age she'll fully understand what she said hurt someone unless she sees their face.

It's too easy to hide behind a phone call. Take the hard road and go over and take a cake or something with you. You and your daughter will be so much better for it and your neighbors won't feel slighted by your kind actions.

Of course, I'm an advocate for taking the hard road to the right solution but this might not work for everyone. Friendships are built so much stronger when you can shake hands, give a quick hug, a smile and communicate with your eyes. :)

If it were me, I would call the other parents and tell them that you found out about the talk your daughter had with their daughter. Tell them you punished your daughter for hurting the other girl's feelings. Then just explain that there were only a few available spots and your daughter chose who would attend (and that their daughter isn't the only one NOT attending for that reason.) Assure them that this doesn't mean you aren't excited to have met them and that you would love to see your friendship grow and blossom. Maybe even ask them when is a good time for you to come over because your daughter owes their little girl an apology for hurting her feelings. No biggie: kids live-in-the-moment people. I'm sure your daughter didn't intend to cause a rift -- she's just excited about her upcoming party and probably can think of little else.

If anything they should understand that since they are new to be your friends that you've 1)been planning the party before they became your friends and 2)since they have a child, they should understand how they can say things to be hurtful on purpose. Did they act hurt or upset that they aren't invited? If not then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and just let it be. Invite them over for a get together and have dinner or something the following weekend just to say "hey, we are still friends".

Just out of curiosity, what was her punishment?

How did you find out that your daughter said it?

As Mamas, we are VERY well aware of limits and costs and how it is impossible to invite everyone to a party.

Is the child's mother upset at this point? There are so many unknowns. If she is upset, I would certainly apologize for your child's lack of tact. But, we are talking about kids here.

What would you expect if your child was not invited and the child said the same thing to your daughter? Nothing. Because you realize that things cost money and it was not personal.

The real 'work' will need to occur between your neighbor and her child. I hope she takes HER daughter to a special place that day so that she has good memories.

This is a good opportunity for her mother to show her child that she is very special and loved and that not being invited to a party does not make her a bad child.

If you are feeling a bit embarrassed by what happened, perhaps as a poster suggested, you can plan a playdate between the kids.

Why not have your child make a special invitation and send it over to your neighbor? It can be a day of play between the two of them. Perhaps a lunch or a day at the park. Anything.

Kids say the darnest things.

~C.
www.parentingincolumbus.com

Was your daughter trying to hurt her new friend or was she merely stating a fact? Kids at that age are "truth tellers" or "fact reciters" and may say things that a more mature child would never say. If she truly had the intent to injure the other child then it is appropriate to give a consequence but otherwise I think it is more appropriate to use this as time to teach about the word tact. This is difficult even for adults because tact can often border on lying.

I would not make a big deal of it with your new friends. Everyone has been in a situation where they have to limit guests due to one factor or another. Perhaps you can invite teh family over for dinner or the mom out for coffee and mention it in passing. "Hey, I hope little Mary was not hurt about not being invited to little Jane's party. We had to limit the invitations to 7 because that is the maximum at the tea party store. Maybe we can get the girls together soon for their own tea party at our home." Then drop it.
Hope this helps, S.

My first instinct is that I think you shouldn't make it into a bigger deal than it is. If they are new friends then I think they would understand not being at the tip top of your birthday list. Maybe you don't even have to say anything... at least not to make a special call. If you HAVE to say something, I'd say something like "katie is having a party with some of her friends from school... (or wherever) and I hate that she mentioned it to susie...". Good luck... just some thoughts!

Why can't you accomodate this child? Your daughter did a really ugly thing -- and I think that the only way to rectify this is to (as you are doing) explain the situation to the parents, AND invite the child (since she likely will remember your daughter's cruelty for a long time to come, unless you remedy it).