Just About Lost It with My Husband, Need to Vent!

I've had those same feelings you are describing with my husband. I felt this way at mothers day and I've had birthdays with the same resentment. I decided that I can't change him and it's okay. When my birthday comes I'm going to plan something for myself that I enjoy. I may buy myself a new outfit that I would not otherwise do. Get my hair done or spend time with friends but whatever it is it will be something that makes me feel happy. On mother's day I will plan something with my sons that they really enjoy. Then I will do something for the other moms in my life that I love to make them feel special. And that will make me feel good.
Hopes this helps . Happy belated Mother's day.

My husband did my be something (new underwear)lol I received it a week before mother's day. So on mothers day he was done. It's okay, I needed the underwear.

I think the worst part to me was that he asked you what you wanted you told him several choices then....nothing? I'm sorry about that. And it was a low blow about the BF-ing. New mom, stress level thru the roof, travel? Is he serious? My hubs has done some insensitive stuff as well and yes everything he has done was in his DNA makeup when we were dating so I knew what I was marrying and love him, but I guess we all feel that when a life change comes along i.e the birth of their child, certain stupidity would fall by the curbside. I guess we all know that doesn't happen. For what it's worth HAPPY HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY!!!!! You know how great you are no matter if you get recognition or not!!!

If he was a jerk before you married him and you married him anyway, why are you complaining?

I hear ya....men...arghhh:) Sometimes I think these holidays bring out the worst in husbands, don't you? You need to do something nice for yourself. Some men are oblivious to the importance of Mother's Day or your birthday. My hubby is away 90% of the time and sometimes it seems that he is more focused on his job and computer games before his family. He called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, but I didn't get anything. In fact, we had a nasty fight on the phone...yeah, Happy Mother's Day, honey:) I had a wonderful Mother's Day with my 3 kids, anyways. I refuse to let him get to me. My kids and I went out to eat, shopping and played board games. Today, I'm going out and buying myself an expensive new bed comforter because I deserve it. He can keep working and I'll keep spending the money on me and the kids:) Don't let a man get to you.

Sending you hugs,

M

Im sorry!!! My husband did get me a card--which completely floored me. He isnt the gift giving type. I couldn't tell you the last gift he gave me and his family--dont get me started! They didnt come to our wedding because they go to Hilton Head EVERY YEAR for a week and our wedding was a few days into there trip. They live in Cincinatti, OH and we live near Atlanta, Hilton Head is 5 hours from here, Cincinatti is 9 hours away but they just couldn't take 1 day...We've been married 7 years and I still haven't let that go...I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! I'm sorry your mothers day sucked! My Brother-In-Law got in trouble with his girlfriend because he didn't get her anything--keep in mind they don't have a child but she felt she could potentially be the mother of his kids some day, Anyway--He said "What do you want?? Your not MY mom, why should I get you anything for mothers day ever??"

E. Stephenson
Helping Moms work from Home
www.keepingmyfamilyfirst.com

Oh boy do I hear ya!!!

Every husband (and wife) can be a major jerk about some things, but ain't that what love and vows are all about? Being able to see past some pretty glaring faults to the goodness that makes them who they really are.

I'm in the same boat with you. My first 2 Mother's Days I didn't get even an acknowledgment of the day, although he DID say "happy mother's day" to his own mom and ask me to get flowers for her. When I asked him where mine were he said, "Well, you're not MY mother." Nope, definitely not, because if I WERE I'd have raised him to buy his wife a mother's day gift or at least do something nice for her on that day, like, I dunno, 1 hour alone to bathe, or read, or whatever.

Yesterday was better. When we woke up the first thing he said to me was, "Happy Mother's Day" and gave me a big kiss. Then things were pretty much biz as usual, as I got the kids ready for church, and he continued to snooze in bed for another hour. I did succeed in getting him out of bed earlier than he usually does, and doing my son's hair and getting to church ON TIME for the first time in about a year. After that there was no more special treatment :) He went to the gym and to his work to catch up on dictations and patient charts, and the boys and I went to the park, library, etc. Soooo, maybe NEXT year I can expect a little bit more than this year. Baby steps!!

How does he reply when you express your feelings to him?

**Wow, just read first responder's reply....SO NOT HELPFUL! Lady, we're all jerks at one time or another!**

Thanks for responding to my post ;) I just don't get it... you know what I think it is? We spoil our guys too much on a daily basis ;) They're like diva's. You know when fathers day rolls around they are going to expect to be waited on hand and foot with a silver platter... really guys?? And the sad thing is, I'm STILL going to do everything in my power to make sure he has an awesome fathers day, because that's how I am. I'm just glad I got to see MY mom :)

Men are really simple minded. It really is all black and white with them. My husband (married 17 years) and I have no children together, but I have 2 older ones from a previous marriage. They don't live with us, they are much older. Mind you, he is very good about cards and gifts for my birthday and Christmas, but on Mother's Day, nothing. I don't get upset at all because I know how he thinks. His reasoning is that like the other men, I'm not his mother, lol. Which I do understand. But I try to explain to him that I am A mother and Mother's Day is to honor all the mothers in your life, whether they are the mother of your children or your own mother or your wife who is a mother of 2 people. Lol. So yesterday he did wish me a Happy Mother's Day and I thanked him and had a good chuckle over it. In the past, he's even gotten me a card from the dogs! Lol.

What we as women need to do is to explain to our men that this is a day for honoring all women who happen to be mothers, not just their own mothers. And that they would be doing such a wonderful thing if they took their children to the store and helped them pick out a card for mommy, or better yet (but this may be too much to ask) help them make one from scratch. Yeah, you can all stop laughing now, I know I went too far with that one, lol.

And ladies, for Father's Day? I know you want payback, but this isn't the time to do it. Help your little ones make a card for daddy or help them pick out one and make his day a little special. Maybe not a whole lot, just a little. And maybe, just maybe, your children will question why daddy didn't do anything for mommy on Mother's Day. They may not, but it may be in the back of their minds. But please don't put it in there for them, that defeats the whole thing!

Teach by example. I know it hurts, but after 30+ years, I can honestly say that they really just don't think of these things. I wish men were more like us. I wish they could just look around and see what needs to be done instead of assuming we don't need any help because we haven't asked for any. And we're thinking, uh, can't you see what needs to be done here? No, they can't. They really can't. Poor dears, lol.

I know how you feel but my husband did get me something. My birthday was wednesday so I didn't expect much for what he gave me for my birthday. He did buy me a ticket for a crawfish festival that is coming up. The only problem.... he didn't buy one for himself. So his birthday and father's day is next month so I will buy him a ticket to go. He bought another ticket for my mom whose birthday is next month also. Money is very tight right now cause I lost my job almost a year ago and he has been down to 4 days a week since October. So I understand that he didn't have the money to buy himself a ticket so I will get the money somehow and he can go. But here is my problem... whenever he is with his father he becomes a real jerk. Putting me down and yelling at me. He totally ignores our daughter when he is around. I hate it. He has resorted to lying to me about being with his father. WHY??? I do not know. My daughter hollers for him every afternoon. She knows that he is out from work at 3:30. But he doesn't get home until 6. He stops at his parents house to see them. Meanwhile she hears a car and runs to the door yelling "daddy's home!" I have to tell her that he is not and she starts to cry. I tell him about it all the time but it doesn't seem to phase him a bit. He told me that is dad is his #1 priority. When I told him about that he told me that Ashley wasn't born yet when he said that. Well yes she was, she was 3 months old. He continues to prove it everyday that his father comes first. Why is it that men seem to think that THEIR parents are more important then their own wife and child? I have been so stressed out lately that my stomach hurts all the time. I have no problem with him seeing his family but HIS daughter should come first. SHE should be his #1 priority. So i feel for you. I really do.
But I wouldn't let the whole Mother's Day thing upset you. Do it yourself. Have your son sit with you and have him make you something. Their are free coloring pages online for Mother's Day. Have him sit down and color you a picture and hang it on the frige. That's what makes it all worthwhile that he colored you a picture even though you printed it out. Also look online for toddler craft projects and do that. Start teaching him to make you things. My daughter is only 2 but we did a project at the local libray during a class she is enrolled in for free and even though I did most of the work I still hung it proudly on the frige. Knowing that she "helped" was the best part of all. I also taught her how to say "Happy Mother's day" So she was saying it all day long. My husband was never one to buy cards so my mom buys them for me from Ashley. I have even resorted to buying myself a card from her and acting surprised when she gave it to me. No big deal. I knew that he doesn't buy cards. So like I said do a project with him and be proud that he "made" you something. I know that it hurts when your husband doesn't acknowledge it but just let it go and don't do Father's Day. Teach your son to say "Happy Father's Day" and leave it at that. Be the better person. Good Luck!

Can I vent? I lost my job in March. I have been cutting back, clipping coupons, not doing anything to try to help. So, our phones are due for an upgrade. I asked my DH if he had thought of my mother's day gift? He thought about it but hadn't decided on anything. I suggest BOGO phone $29.99 and the data pak will add $9.99 each line to our bill. Ok, we will check into it. We go to Verizon in the middle of the store he decides to tell me HE overdrew his back account and we can't add anything to our bill. I throw up my hands and say lets leave. 10 yr DD is in tears, I am furious and the salesman just looks at us! So, not only did I not get what I wanted, I got nothing- and had to cook lunch myself!!! All I have to say is Father's Day is coming up and paybacks are ----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry your husband doesn't seem to have a clue sensitivity wise. My husband and I had a long courtship, a lot of it long distance. Back in the 80's writing letters and phone calls (no cell phones back then) were all we had to keep in touch. He's always been great with leaving me little love notes - on my pillow - where ever I'll find them. And I'll bake him cookies with 'I Love You' spelled out in the chocolate chips. When we were expecting our son, Hubby got me a Happy Mother To Be card on Mother's Day (and a new mini van since I was having trouble fitting behind the wheel of my old car and it was time for a family vehicle), and every year since he'd get me a card and trace our son's hand on it till he was old enough to write himself. He managed to take a month of leave when our son was born and helped me so much with the baby (we had no other family around). This year Hubby got me a card, brought home Chinese take out for supper, helped me in the garden. He's my sweetheart and I'm very lucky I've got such a wonderful husband.

Oh dear. Sounds like a lot of stuff going on here. Please quit blaming anyone for the breast feeding problems and tell your husband to do the same. It is just the way things worked out, it does not make you, your child or anyone a failure to not be able to breast feed. Many women and infants just are not able to make it happen. The most important thing is that your child is healthy with a bottle.

Some men are just clueless.
Most men do not get hints. You have to out and out say. "Hey Mothers day is coming up, so you guys (meaning husband, kids) need to start planning for my day." "Here is the date, and here is what I want." Give them a list of options.. "I want 3 of the things off of this list to happen and want you all to smile about it too", hee, heee..

I know it does not sound like it is from the heart, but since you are the mom and probably plan everything else in their lives, they are not used to thinking and doing for themselves, much less anyone else..

For Fathers Day, give from your heart. If it is just a card from your child, fine, If it is a "item" from you great, but do not start the whole "payback", it will harden your heart.

Remember your child will learn from you . if you want your child to be kind, caring and forgiving, you need to begin modeling this behavior.

Happy Belated Mothers Day!