Judgment and Being Judgmental

Welcome to the politically correct hyper sensitive society we live in. On this site if someone asks for advice or opinions on situations and the advice and opinions shared doesn't fall in line with the way the poster thinks or was raised causes many to scream foul and throw out that word "judgmental".

I love this site for it's varied view points. I don't ever take the opinions of strangers I only know through this site seriously, doesn't mean that I don't consider their point of view put I clearly understand the opinions given come from all kinds of people and isn't that the whole reason why we post to this site in the first place? I have more than enough yes men in my circle. It's nice to have some different points of view even if they aren't in line with my thoughts and experiences.

There used to be a comedy show on tv called, "In Living Color" it was so funny to me. It took the time to make fun of everyone and everything. A show like that couldn't be done today. Too many people would be offended much like so many posters on this site. lol

Great question.

Interesting question.
In the context of this forum, I think sometimes 'judgemental' is used when a person is feeling defensive and a person tells them something they don't want to hear or if it strikes a personal nerve. The same exact advice might been seen as good advice or just irrelevant to someone else. I these cases, I think judgemental is used as a synonym for insulting or degrading. I think the classic definition is not synonymous with these words, but word definitions do evolve over time.

For example, if I ask for advice on handing my kid when he does X that I don't like. Some moms might say "Why are you worrying about that? Stop being a helicopter mom and let it go." I could see this as helpful (maybe I need to let this go), or I could see it as irrelevant (I think it's a problem that I don't want to let go, and this advice doesn't help me address it). But maybe I would see this as a personal insult because I think being called a helicopter mom is insulting. Depending on what definition of judgemental I use and how defensive I am feeling, I might say the advice is judgemental with very different meanings (meaning the advice giver had good judgement, or that the giver had bad judgement, or meaning that the giver was insulting).

And so I agree with you that it would be less loaded and more exact to use a different word.

ETA: By the way, Isn'tThisFun, according to Merriam Webster, both spellings are correct ;)

Briefly, when I use the word judgemental, I'm referring to those times we are saying another person is wrong and expecting them to agree, as opposed to gathering information to help myself decide what I want to do. The first is external. The second is internal.

The phrase, "stop being a helicopter parent," tells that parent to change. It's saying, "you're a helicopter parent and must stop." This is judgemental because it tells the other person they are wrong without giving them information so they can judge for themselves what appropriate action to take. A less judgemental comment would be, "have you considered that paying less attention to .......might be helpful?" This helps the other person make their own judgment about what they are doing. Just the phrase, "helicopter parent," is a judgement because it describes what kind of parent they are. This causes the other person to defend themselves instead of considering whether or not what they're doing is helpful. We can say the same thing in a judgemental way or in a helpful way.

Personally, I feel like many, many responses on mamapedia are incredibly judgmental. The first sentence of many responses very often convey (but do not outright say), "Boy are you stupid!" That is not advice or offering a different opinion. That is a very obvious judgment on the person posting the question. There are so many ways a response can be worded so that helpful advise can be given. It's not necessary to always insult the person asking the question.

First, I would just like to applaud you for spelling the word correctly. It is so often misspelled that I physically cringe when I know the word is coming, because 4 out of 5 times it has two letter Es in it. It's a personal thing... I'm a grammar nerd. But this particular word drives me batty when it is misspelled. I'm not sure exactly why. Perhaps because, as you so aptly pointed out, it is used negatively to degrade someone's opinion.

Anyhoo, I suspect its recent rampancy has to do with the ease of the current society to be offended at every turn. No longer can someone simply have a differing opinion, but low and behold, you have offended someone by speaking it. It's insanity.

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From Dictionary.com:
"Many think that the difference between judgement and judgment is that the longer version is the British spelling, whereas the shorter one is the convention in the US. While some claim that Noah Webster first recorded the spelling of judgment in his 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language, judgment has been the prevailing spelling on both sides of the pond since the late 1600s."
From Grammarist: "In American English, judgement is generally considered a misspelling of judgment for all uses of the word, notwithstanding individual preferences."

If you google "judgement" every spelling in its definition is spelled without the additional letter e.

http://writingexplained.org/judgment-or-judgement-difference
^ This gives a lengthy explanation. To sum it up, "judgment" is the preferred spelling in the US, and the preferred spelling in legal matters in the UK.

Perhaps it's my legal background that makes it so painful for me to see the additional e.

Thank you for posting your thoughts around this. I believe everyone is judgmental. I can try my best not to be, especially around sensitive issues, but in the end my choices for the most part are judgment calls. I am open to hearing other's opinions, I can be pursuaded to change my mind and rethink my stand. I appreciate the input from this site around that. More than once people posting here have made me consider different points of view.

I agree the rampant use of this word is due in part to people being easily offended. My parents encouraged us to respectfully disagree and present our point of view. The quickest way to shut it down though was for our demeanor to change. I think that's what has become a lost art now. Respectfully listening to the other point of view and having a conversation. I think social media plays a part in that. People say things in a manner they probably wouldn't if face to face. Also the reader can misinterpret because tone is hard to read. I read recently that 80% of verbal communication is body language. So, that's a lot to take away when you're using text, email etc. in relationships.

Another phrase I used with my kids when they were little was "listen and obey". I had well meaning people give me their opinion on it. I used to wonder when obedience became such a bad word. My children are very well behaved and well mannered. I believe it's partly due to their training in obedience. We obey traffic laws, police officers, rules at school and work. Obedience is necessary for safety and a whole myriad of other circumstances.

Just my thoughts.

I think in order to give advice or even have an opinion you have to be judgmental. Then it's up to you to deliver that advice or opinion in a "non-judgmental" manner. Some people are better at that than others.

It's then up to the person hearing the advice or opinion to do with it what they will. Some will take it to heart and it will help them. Some will be offended in some way. It's simply the human nature I believe.

I think our life experiences play such a big part in that. Some people are taught to take criticism well and others think it's awful each time and it destroys them.

My opinion of judgmental is negative unsolicited opinions. I see it a lot in sports and I always have to remind myself that when your child is involved in competitive sports, they are automatically open to a lot of scrutiny.

Yes, I also ask myself, "How is this helpful" and at the same time, I try to refrain from being defensive of the opinion of others, but it's not always easy.

In what I see, day to day opinions are subjective.

Judgmental is not necessarily the same as what might be considered constructive criticism. Judgmental people like to judge others and find their perceived flaws, which is not the same as offering helpful advice or constructive criticism.

If you've ever known people who are very judgmental, you can see how ugly it is. It is definitely something one wants to avoid, when at all possible, since we are all flawed.

They are WORDS....if YOU CHOOSE to be offended by them? I can't help you. Sometimes you just can't fix stupid.