I have a full-time job. For the moment. Theoretically it's supposed to last another full year, but could potentially end any day due to governmental budget cuts. An opportunity has been presented to me by a former co-worker for a contracting position that would last 1-3 years & more than double my current salary per year. This position would involve 85% travelling with the remaining time telecommuting from home. My current position involves zero travelling. My husband works full-time for a local sheriff's department. His job is M-F 7-3:30 during the school year & then rotating shifts during the summer months (though the kids could probably stay with my parents in NJ for the week or 2 that he would be working nights during the summer). Our son is 12 & our daughter is 10 right now. Is this something that you would be able to consider doing?
I'm totally on the fence about this & it's something that needs to be decided rather quickly or the opportunity will no longer be available. My husband thinks I should apply for it, but I know if I apply it will be offered to me. He has never had to be on his own with the kids for an extended amount of time. He is perfectly capable, but there's no way he fully understands what truly will be put on him in the way of added responsibilities if I do this. More than anything I'm concerned about our daughter. She's a high maintenance kind of kid & he's not the type of parent that is willing to deal with that. I'm worried that she would end up feeling really alone with only her father & brother for a majority of the time.
Also, I'm not really an "alone" kind of person. I love an afternoon alone once in a while because it almost never happens, but if I have a whole evening & night alone I don't particularly like it because I get bored & lonesome. I think that I could adjust to it, but I would never really like it.
On the other hand, financially, this would completely change the direction of our lives. It would enable us to pay off a ton of stuff that has built up over the years due to me being laid off 3 times in 4 years for a minimum of 4 months each time. I've been in this same job for 3 years now but it's such a huge pay cut from my last job it's taking us way longer to correct everything that went wrong previously. For the first time in our lives we would actually be able to have some money in savings & be able to think about a real vacation for the family.
What would you do? Would doubling your salary & changing your financial route in general be worth this type of sacrifice for a couple of years?
*ETA* I didn't mention in the original that over the years we have dealt with 4 deployments so I know how to deal with being on my own with the kids for extended periods of time, but he's just never been put in that situation. I know that he & I can deal with each other if I'm the one with the added responsibility, just not sure how he'll handle it.
I think that much travel away from my family would really make my decision for me. I couldn't do it, personally.
Hi, Melissa:
Go for the interview.
It doesn't mean that you will
take it or be accepted.
Good luck.
D.
More than anything, I'd wonder about how the kids would do with both of you in such demanding jobs. Reality is, neither of you will have the time with the kids you both have now. That has to be weighed against the additional income. What good is a vacation if those two weeks are all you get to be with the kids during what is probably THE most crictical years (teen angst and all that goes with it). The kids may be more independent in some ways now that they're older, but they will need the guidance of both of you more than ever as they face real life issues as a they spread their wings. Kids this age make alot of mistakes and can do some really dumb things when they have watchful and available parents. I'd recommend considering those who don't have that benefit of readily available parents. Don't fool yourself into thinking this schedule will provide that. It won't. There *will* be a sacrifice in this department. If you take the job it will be a leap of faith in this department that things will shake out okay with the kids. NOt saying they won't, but you realistically can't counsel your children from another city when a crisis emerges. Hopefully, you have a tight knit family with the backup support of grandparents or wise aunts and uncles who can help out.
Is dad good about "girl" stuff, boys, and all that comes with that? What about when son seeks more freedom and will be asking to hang outside the house with friends more? Who will patrol that and make sure he stays out of trouble. Parents away from home are parents who have "hijinks" in the home if they have unchaperoned kids, or loosely chaperoned kids.
Just some food for thought.
Second, if you're one who gets lonely...do you really think you'll like a job that will keep you traveling most of the year? I had a career like that. It gets old real quick. I began resenting the fact that I spent my birthdays, nights, and out of town trips with mostly pain-in-the butt men (co-workers) who were not my husband but acted worse than my kids(ooh the trouble they'd get into away from their wives and kids-- if only those wives knew!)
I know my husband was less than thrilled seeing me walk onto an airplane with male co-workers to be gone for weeks at a time. How will your husband deal with sharing you and your time with others? Has he ever had to do that before? When he's the one leaving for deployment, that psychologically is very different for him than when you (the wife) will be leaving for weeks/days at a time.
Think real hard. I know the economy is wack and jobs that pay are hard to find, but sometimes it's better to downsize and tighten the belt than to jeopardize the happiness and security of your family and self.
Melissa, if you are of the mind to do it, you should. Your daughter might actually benefit a lot from not being able to be as "high maintenance" with her dad. It might be hard for a while, but she would learn a lot from it. So would your husband.
You would need to get some help, like a cleaning service to come in. It would still be worth it.
If you do this, put as much money as you can onto paying off your debt. That way, when it's done, you can put it in savings so that when you are really tired of the traveling, you can take a lower paying job that keeps you at home, and not suffer from the difference in the income.
Before you take the job, make sure you understand what all you can expense. Dry cleaning, meals, transportation, everything. Those costs can add up and you don't want to be footing the bill for it. Also, know what your taxes will run - you will get put into a higher tax brackett, so knowing how much you'll clear is useful.
Good luck!!
Dawn
I see from a prior post that your husband is depressed a lot. Has that gotten better? If not, you being gone so much might be extra tough on the kids and him. In general I think the type of guy is a big factor in this decision. Some men are good at being "moms". Mine isn't so I can't imagine being gone 85% of the time. I'm sure you've considered this but you don't mention the depression aspect so wanted to cover that.
Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a job with 85% traveling for ANY amount of money. But that's me.
IF you decide to take it, your husband will VERY quickly learn what IS involved. Mine did when a family illness caused us to work opposite shifts when our child was 2-3 years old.
I just could not commit to being gone 85% of the time, especially with 'tweens on the cusp of becoming teens. As the mom of a 17 year old (and a 14) I can tell you that they will be in high school before you know it, and you are going to need to rely on the foundation that you build - right now - to keep them on track.
I do understand the "pull" you feel, especially with debts hanging over your head.
Good luck and I hope you can come to the decision that's best for your family. I would put alot of prayer into it. JMO.
One thing that I did not see covered it other's posts and that I feel you should consider is that if you are a contract employee than you are more than likely responsible for paying your taxes. The taxes could take a huge bite out of your salary and may not make it worth it in the end.
Personally I would not want a job where my husband or myself traveled 85% of the time. Imagine how much time you would miss with your kids and how many events you would be away for. There is not amount of money in the world that could justify that to me.
I don't think I could accept a job traveling 85% of the time. Long, lonely nights in a hotel room, no home-cooked meals. It's just not for me. Also,. if the job only lasts from 1 - 3 years, I would be afraid of getting used to that high pay and what do you do when that ends? I've just never been one to do temporary jobs or to travel. Good luck with the decision-making process. I know the money would be hard to turn down!
Yes, I would do it. I think you are underestimating your husband's abilities. When we are there, we take care of things...when they have to, they do it. He says he is willing to do it, why not believe him?
I traveled last year for work. I didn't like it at first because I was anxious about everything from being sure to pack the right stuff, to getting to new places on time, to would my cat be lonely (yep, crazy...). But my daughter did fine with her dad while I was gone, the cat got fed, and I usually remembered to pack everything, and a GPS helped me get around. The more trips I took, the easier they got.
I used Skype to talk with my daughter from hotel rooms.
I would go for it but then I am projecting how bored I am right now on your situation.
Really though it sounds like a great growth experience for everyone. :)
In this situation I would do it, as the long term payoff for your family is worth it. Your hubby and kids will adjust over time. I would have a mom/daughter date where the two of you go and talk about the changes as what they will mean for your family, and specifically for her. I would also be sure to have Skype time or phone time specifically with her every day. If your children were younger then I would think twice about it, but the financial stability and payoff could mean so many things for your family, especially since your current job situation is so fragile.
Good Luck in whatever you choose!
I've experienced your husband's side if you do take it and it is work. I worked FT and had to do drops and pick-ups and handle everything M-Th. My husband left before we woke M and came bk about 10p every Thurs. Consultant job like you're considering. Your kids are older and are able to take care of themselves some. Mine were both under 5. Beyond that, sim situations.
Know money doesn't make you happy. Believe also that if you can get this paying job then you very likely can get another job paying more than you get today. Ultimately you need to decide if the sacrifice of being apart including missing games, events, etc. is worth the money. Consider also if this is the time to take this job. I personally have found jobs I'd love love to have, yet I know I'm not in the place right now.
Know also if you take this role your husband and kids will adjust and want to see you on the weekend. You, like them, will handle it ok. You may, though, realize after 6 mos that traveling is not as glamorous as it seems sometimes. My husband came to that conclusion while others do love it.
Pray, do a pro/con chart and go with your gut. Whatever you decide can always be changed later. A job does not have to be permanent.
Best of luck.
Well personally, I wouldn't do it. I hate being away from my kids, traveling, etc. I just couldn't hack it.
That said, my aunt did it for a long time. She worked out of town (practically out of state) and used to spend all week away from her husband and two kids (they were your kids' ages or a little older at that time, I think). She was only home for the weekends. Her job was very lucrative also. They all survived and she is very close with her kids. I always admired her as a strong woman who stepped up and did what needed to be done.
It's a tough decision, especially because it sounds like you would be OK simply continuing with your current path you are on. You really do have a "choice" and that makes it tough.
Make sure you listen to your gut. Good luck!
This is really such a personal thing.
I want to be comfortable financially, but no amount of money is worth that much time away from family.
If you think you that you, your husband, and your kids can realistically handle you being gone that much, for that long, and it's worth it to you, then go for it.
I'd take the job because it means SO much financially and you're likely to lose your job anyway. I'm sorry to hear that, btw. Good opportunities like this don't always come along and this one sounds like it's in the nick of time. I think you can work out the child care. Most of all, your children are no longer small and that should be a huge help. Best of luck to you!
ETA: You can always do it for a year and switch jobs. A year could really catch you up on bills!
I would seriously consider it. The pay and the type of travel would play into it for me. Meaning if the travel was to a sad, grey office in another state, probably not, but if it was to multliple facilties, working with new folks each time,e tc. It would really be appealing.
I think at 12 and 10 with the help of phone, skype and email you could still keep in good touch.
Also, since only 1- 3 years not a long-term commitement and you would wrap it up prior to both kids being in the throws of high school.
Worst case scenario - you can transfer if you don't like it (or quit - yikes! can't even believe I wrote that, but you could. . .)
I think it's a great opportunity for your husband and kids to learn a new dynamic and that your family will be stronger for it. Your husband is, I gather from your post, a former soldier as well as a police officer. I would guess that he's more than capable of handling your children, and you daughter might benefit from a different perspective and might learn to require a little less maintenance, which is a good thing.
If the salary increase is big enough, you can probably hire a mother's helper to be there in the morning to help your kids start their day or be there in the afternoon to help with homework, driving them places or meal prep so that all of those duties aren't on your husband's shoulders when you're traveling. Honestly he probably won't need that level of help, but it might make you feel better and less stressed and that's a good thing.
Opportunities like this don't come along every day. Take it!
Yes, I think it would be worth it for us, only because my husband and I do really well apart when he's traveling and we communicate well too. But not every family can cope like that or has a good network of support at home. Is there a way your daughter can get involved with Girl Scouts or something, or have a teen babysitter/nanny to be with her at times? Really, it depends on how your family can handle it. No amount of money is worth endangering a marriage or family, but I think with good communication and a good plan, a 1-3 year sacrifice could be possible.
Melissa:
I would take it. You know you would have a steady income for at least 1 to 3 years and it would allow your family some financial freedom. Yes, at a cost. Your traveling. The flip side is that you would be working from home when you are not traveling!!
If you don't want a shot at this job - inbox me - I'll see if it's something I can do and I'll apply for it!! :)
I think your family will have some stress - yes - however, I believe as long as you communicate with your family daily - it will be good for everyone...it will give your family financial security, something that we all need. It will give you an opportunity to see other places and get more experience under your belt. It will give your husband an opportunity to take care of the family and much more. I think the benefits outweighs the negatives!!
GO FOR IT!!!
GO FOR IT! The kids ages are where they are becoming more self sufficient and kids are very resilient when it comes to change when mom and dad are 'stable'. It sounds as if you have thought of all the scenarios. Good Luck. (Btw, I'd bet your husband has a better idea of the road ahead than you give him credit for ;)
I would not do it...I used to have a job where I traveled every other month or so and it just got to be too much. I felt tired and sick of traveling after a while and just wanted to be home. My husband now has a job where he travels once a month and we all miss him a LOT. Our son (7) especially tends to act out when his dad is not here. It is hard though bc this is only for a couple of years so i can see how that would be tempting. It would be nice to pay off debt during that time. Good luck with your decision.
