JFF: Why Do You Eat? (Comparing You with Your Kids):

I suffered for five straight years with an eating disorder (NOS, closest to annorexia) as a teen-ager and the symptoms come back anytime I am under extra stress. To me, being forced to eat when I don't want to, for any reason, feels like a violation of my self.

It took me years to learn to eat when I was hungry and not eat when I was not. I now do that. I also learned, eventually, that to have a craving and to satisfy it is not a guilt-inducing action, but a human action.

I do not ever force my daughter to eat, or not to eat. I never have sent her to bed hungry, and I've never made her eat when she doesn't want to, for any reason. Food is nutrition, and food is to be explored and enjoyed. Food is not about power or control (mine or hers).

I don't eat anything that I wouldn't offer her, I don't eat in secret.

I do my best to honor others' efforts in cooking or providing a meal for me. But, I would not force myself to eat more than I can comfortably. Luckily, I now am a reasonably adventourous eater, and my friends are excellent cooks!

ugh. food can be such an issue. My mom was very controlling (and judgmental) when it came to food and I hated it. I remember sitting at the table for hours because my mom said i had to drink my milk. But it tasted sour to me, but my mom said it tasted fine and i couldn't leave until i drank it all. turns out I am lactose intolerant and that's why the milk tasted so bad to me... that's just one example, i won't bore you with the rest. but i did notice from an early age that my mom was somewhat hypercritical (i never saw her drink any milk, she ate mostly junk and was overweight, but made us eat whatever she cooked for us-- which was pretty bad, mostly from cans and such. anyway, really not to bash my mom b/c i think she was doing the best she could and it was what a lot of people did at the time :)

but, it made me think about food and such when i had my own kids. My girls both eat well and will try almost anything; and yes, they love cookies and cake and most other desserts (as do I :) but i try to not make it a control issue or a battleground. so yes, i cook what they will eat; pasta, rice, chicken, pork, fish, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, eggs, etc. if i grill steak I also throw on a piece of chicken for them b/c they say steak is too chewy for them-- i remember thinking this when i was a kid too, like i was going to choke on it... my kids will try almost anything but i do not force them to eat salad b/c that is what I am eating-- i encourage them to try it from time to time and we talk about how tastes change and mature and maybe one day they will like it...

I eat because I am hungry (some days i don't eat enough b//c i am too busy-- not the best thing to do) and I eat because I like it :) I will try new things and someone else's cooking but will not eat all of it if i don;t really like it-- i just make a polite excuse :) there are foods i do not like to eat and i know there are foods my kids won;t like either; that's normal and okay.

this does not mean i am a short order cook for everyone! but i don;t want to be mean about food (if that makes sense) and it's not that hard not to make it into a huge battle. that said, i don't know what i would do if my kid had eating issues. i would worry about nutrition if they only eat 3 types of food. and some kids have real issues with food. that would be hard.

good question ;)

I do not like food. I never have. I don't enjoy eating. I was bulimic for years, but it was a control issue. Now I control other things like the cleanliness of my home, but my husband has helped me learn to relax and enjoy letting go of that control as well.

As for the eating habits in our home, we don't have any eating battles. All of us are healthy weights, perhaps a bit underweight. I buy healthy food. We don't have dessert at home very often; that's a treat for whenever we go out or when we're at grandma's house. I serve my boys healthy meals and they eat until they are full. If they aren't very hungry, they don't eat much. I'm the same way. Often I eat very little. Occassionally I will eat a large meal. My 13 year old is eating a lot right now because he's growing, but my 7 year old is eating very little. They are both healthy. We don't stress about food, and mealtime is enjoyable.

Love this question. Made me think!

1) No. I don't get hungry during the day. I mean, I get hungry, I just don't notice. Kind of like laying down at night and realizing your back has hurt all day and you just put it off. I force myself to eat little snacks of well balanced food - especially protein punches and fruits/veggies - because other wise I will become grumpy and spacey.

2) Do you eat because it says so on a clock? Yes, I snack and eat a lunch with the kids who get reeeeeeally crabby if I don't boost their blood sugar every few hours. Oof. You DON'T want to come over while one of us is in a crash.

3) Do you eat because you have to please everyone who is also eating with you? Only when my husband cooks, and gets mad if I am forgetting to eat, because I am a pain in the rumpus to deal with when I'm hungry.

4) Do you eat because you crave certain things? Yes. If I'm craving dairy, I figure I need the fat and protein. If I'm craving fruit, I know I need sugar and vitamins. If I crave bread, I'm looking for sugar. So I'll try to give my body lots of different types of the thing my body needs.

Are your food cravings all the time or just a temporary thing? I go through phases - but some cravings are all the time. I guess I'm actually kind of picky.

5) Do you eat, because of emotional reasons? Kind of? I eat when my *body* feel relaxed and calm. At night, when the kids are in bed, I finally turn off and eat a huge dinner. Not very healthy, I know. But I finally feel hungry and like I can appreciate what is going in me. Food is a beautiful art. It doesn't feel good to just mow down, I guess. I like to actually *taste* what I'm eating.

6) Do you eat, because of biological hunger and then stop when full? Or do you stuff yourself silly until too full? Sometimes I stuff myself silly at night. During the day, I stop when I'm full.

7) How would you feel...? Bummed out.

8) Do you eat everything at another person's house or at an event... even if you do not like the food? What do you do if you don't like what is served????

9) Can I come to your house for dinner? My three year old is a crazy sushi fiend. It was her first favorite food. She likes raw oysters too. My four year old loves spicy things. She once ate a thimble sized portion of wasabi, got a little pink, licked her lips and said, "more, please!"

I don't know. I guess I am a big fan of trying everything. So often I've been surprised by what I've liked. But not ochra. I've tried it in many different states and kitchens. Hate the stuff. Bleck. Like slugs. So I don't give that a try anymore.

10) If you do not like what another person/Host is serving you to eat... what do YOU do? Not eat? Be rude? Make an excuse? I eat all that I was served, yes. Old habits die hard. I was taught to give food to guests (and push it on them) and to refuse food a few times, and then take 'em up on the third offer and eat as much as I'm portioned. Then, a new round of, "No, I simply can't, that was amazing, but I simply can't have any more...mmmm, that was great...so tender" (ha ha ha).

11) What do you do, when your own appetite fluctuates... I always get super hungry and sweetsie before my menses. like right now ;-) Then I go to town. No, I don't tell my kids...but I am protective of my cookies! I treat my kid's eating differently. My 4 y/o is like me. She forgets to eat. She'll sit down at the table without toys, and sing to herself and use her fork and knife to act out scenes. So she just won't eat, and then will LOSE it. She's tall and really skinny, so she *can't* lose weight. I cannot do the, "just wait till she gets hungry thing" with her. So I make sure she gets enough "monster food", food that's got punch. She's really great about eating red meat, dark green vegetables and fruit! My 3 year old is rollie pollie. She eats whenever foods put down in front of her. When she says she's full, she's full. With her, I just have to make sure I put the right stuff down first. Because, like her mother, she loves her cheese. So, if I put down bread and cheese WITH her other food, she'll just fill up on the bread and cheese. If I put down her fruits and veggies first, she'll eat those, and then will get just enough bread and cheese (or whatever).

12) Do you ever, just not want to eat? Because you are not hungry? What then? See above.

I have one picky eater too and we try to always keep meal times pleasant - a good experience. He has to take a "no thank you bite" of a food he does not like. Just one bite - even if it is mouse sized. About once or twice a year he decides he likes some new food. Not very often. He does have a bad habit of saying he is full after only a few bites (he's 7) just because he does not feel like eating anymore. He wants to get up and go do something else. Then later he is hungry. Why do I eat? I LOVE food and am very adventurous. I usually eat when I am hungry but I will also sit down at meal time with my kids and eat with them even if I am not that hungry just so we can be together as a family. I like your post - it's interesting. If I were sitting at your table and you served me something I could not eat (hard to imagine what that would be though) I would take a few bites and sit and be sociable for the rest of the meal. I'd make some excuse (like I ate earlier) and apologize. :)

I think the reason we're SO obsessed with what, when, and how much our kids eat is because we're responsible for them. We're the ones who are responsible for the health and growth of our children.

Personally, I'm an emotional eater. I'm trying HARD to get over it, and am making progress, but am desperate for my girls to NOT have my issues.

I cook everything at home; we eat out/take home about once or twice a month. Our healthy food to junk food percentage is probably somewhere around 90% healthy, 10% junk.

When my kids say they're hungry and it's not a meal time, I offer them fruits or veggies, yogurt or cheese. They never have to finish their plates, but if they don't eat an appropriate amount (3 bites is not enough) then they don't get any dessert (if we're having it). I try to put at least one component of dinner that I KNOW they'll eat if we're having something a little off the usual path for us. I wouldn't put a plate of exotic food in front of my pickyish 3 year old and expect her to eat more than a bite or two.

OK, I'm not going to do all the numbers, but I will still answer your question.

Some people live to eat, some eat to live. I eat to live. I eat, because I have to to survive. I eat when my body is hungry. I eat until I'm full. That's it. I don't bored eat. I don't emotional eat. I don't get cravings, really. (Is that weird?) I mean, I suppose I do think...when I'm hungry, that sounds like something I want to eat...but I don't have to eat it right then, or even later. I kind of forget I thought about the craving. I buy healthy food and I cook it. Even if it doesn't sound great to eat when I'm cooking, I still eat it. I put food on my son's plate. He eats what he wants until he's full. If it's something brand new, I just want him to taste it. Just to try it out. If he doesn't want to eat it after tasting it, he doesn't have to. I don't angrily or forcibly ask him to taste. I just tell him it's new, and to taste if he doesn't mind. He never minds, because he knows if he doesn't like it, he can leave it there. If he isn't hungry at dinner, I put his plate up, and he eats it when he's hungry. He asks for a snack when he's hungry during the day, and I give him a healthy snack. If a host or someone else cooks me a meal, I eat it. (Unless, it's a food I'm allergic to. I can't help but not eat those foods. That's not my fault!) I often don't eat, because I'm not hungry. I never eat just because I "should" be hungry. If I'm not hungry at dinner, I simply don't eat. I don't think it's entirely a coincidence, that I've never been overweight. My side of the family is constantly telling me I don't eat enough. (I'm the only thin one.) When in reality, they eat constantly, even when they aren't hungry. They rely on food for emotional reasons, and eat every little thing they get a craving for. I eat plenty of food to keep my body healthy, and keep me nourished. I definitely consume enough calories and great for me food. Really, they are the ones with eating issues, but because I'm thin...I must be purposefully doing things to be thin.

I hope that my son is like me. He eats when he's hungry and stops when he's full. I hope he doesn't have any dependency or aversions to food. I feel like we have a pretty healthy outlook on food, and give him a good example.

Thank you for this post. So many of us stress about what our children will or will not eat. (me included) I have been thinking of trying a new approach with both of mine, and that is to let them eat when they are hungry and not to pressure them to eat when they aren't. Your post gave me the push I needed. Thanks : )

That was way to many queastions for me to answer at 2am, so I will make it short and simple. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I dont. I Only eat when im hungry, never to please anyone else, I dont eat other peoples cooking if i dont like it, I dont make a seen, I just dont eat. I try to make my oldest eat yes, because she is under weight, but she is like me, she will get hungry and tell me, she used to eat alot, but now not so much, my youngest waked up and before she pees she wants me to fix her something to eat. I try to be the mama to where, you have to eat or you cant go play, but im a softy, and i end up eating their leftovers. But I dont force my kids to eat, only when I know they only reason they are not eating is to do something that can wait. My oldest will say she is hungry, then when the food is ready, something will happen, and she will want to play, I tell her she has to eat first, she will.. thats how I know she was really hungry.

1.Yes...thats mainly why i would.
2.no
3no
4. yes, very much so, my body is very finely tuned into craving, i believe they have meaning and need to be obeyed.
5.no, not an emotional eater, in my past though i have consumed emotional calories by way of margaritas though.
6. I eat until im satisfied, never stuff myself
7.huh?(after reading #9 i agree, but ive never done that to my kids so it wasnt familiar)
8. no i dont eat food i dont like....ever, especially at another persons house, im a vegetarian, i fill my own plate so ive never been seen as rude, just have my own moral compass., However at plenty of hindu religious functions ive been to they love to pile on the vegetarian seconds and thirds, walking around the room singing.........i do feel rude refusing 3rds and 4ths, because they all just worked very hard on, and offered the food to God, etc...
9. ahahahha, i totally get your point, and i made the same point a few days ago in another thread....no ones going to force me to eat, so im not going to do this to my kids.
10. I tell the host that particular foods i dont want are not my preference, but i do rave on the other foods they have that i love.
11. I try to contain unhealthy eating to a minimum to obey my own health and teach a good lesson.
12. i dont eat if im not hungry, there is no point in that.

I eat because im hungry and i set a good example by eating well. But i am a short ofder cook for my kids and husband and i am proud of it. I take food and health very seriously. I think we truly are what we eat and most medical problems can be absolutely avoided by nutrition. I want my kids to eat well.....and like it. I dont force them to eat foods they dont like but they have to at least try them. Then i make mental notes of specific likes and dislikes I can make similar meals for all of us, and just tweak the details.

I think what you have written here is pretty awesome....and tricky. I support kids rights. This food battle has always rubbed me the wrong way. Partly because my father was a" youll eat what i give you" man, and i slipped into an anorexic state for 2 years. It was only when he gave up and let me eat to my own palate that food became my friend. Ive eaten well ever since and have based alot of my interest on healthy cooking and nutrition.

love to eat but not obsessed about food! And HATE to cook! My hubby and I just became "empty nesters" of 4 children and hated to always figure out what to feed them and worry about that every day! UGH, it was a pain!!!! Sometimes I let them have a bowl of cereal for supper or make mac-n-cheese....worked for me! they're all happy and healthy and not FAT adults. I never forced them to clean their plates, just wanted them to try something once if it was within reason...if it was something I would at least try! lol :) We have such overweight adults today, it's almost scary...I hate to see forcing kids to eat...they will eat when they're hungry. I just felt not matter what it was that we had, that we always tried to eat together as a family. Embarrassed to say, but last night we went to the county fair and I had 1/2 of an "elephant ear" (fried dough w/cinnamon and sugar) for supper. Yeah, and Water...........how healthy is that???? Then went to the rodeo! Yeehaw! We normally eat twice a day! A BLT for lunch w/ water melon and cucumber slices.