JFF: Switched at Birth

I can not imagine switching after 4 years. I'm with you.

I think I saw either to true or lifetime story about the families visiting each other because of the children.

Nope. Would want to be co-families.

I'm pretty sure I was switched at birth - I have nothing in common with my family LOL.

There was a story about two girls who were switched and no one knew til one died of a rare heart condition or something. I would be heartbroken to 1. lose the child I raised and 2. know that my biological child was out there. I would at the least want a relationship with my biological child. I don't know if I would "switch back."

FYI, I read that article, too, and the court determined that at 4 yrs old it would be too traumatic and recommended that the children be legally adopted by their parents. It was a boy/girl set, which I find unusual. I knew what DD was the moment she was born.

I just remembered that my mom was given a blonde baby girl to hold when she was in the hospital with me. She said, "No, my baby has brown hair". I had the right leg tag, but we'd been placed in different beds. I'm glad Mom was on the ball and I went home with the right parent (the family resemblance is too strong to be wrong).

I wouldn't want to switch back yet I also couldn't just go on as if nothing happened. There's a show about this - Switched at Birth. ABC Family. Pretty fun show. And very thought provoking. It'd be horrible knowing your blood child was out there. It wouldn't mean I don't want to care for my current child but realistically, I'd want to raise them both. Imagine if the parents your birth child ended up with had radically different philosophies than you do or you felt they were kind of negligent or mean or anything less optimal than you think you are. Ugh. No worries for us though. Our kids look too much like us. ;) In the show though, one of the children looked nothing like her parents and she always felt like she didn't fit in so it impacted her too.

We've bonded so strongly there's no way we could switch back.
But I know our son is ours.
He has my eyebrow swirl - which I got from my Mom.
His hairline at the back of his neck is same as mine too.

My 11 yo daughter and I just had this discussion. I could not give her back. She is ours now. Call me selfish but I would want my bio child too but if they have a good life I think I would have to accept she was being raised by another family. No takebacks!!!

I don't think I'd have opted to switch the children once they were past the point of being infants, but would probably have wanted contact/visitation. I don't think switching children would be in the best interest of the children. It wouldn't be about what I wanted. Luckily I don't have to think about this, since my oldest is 19 now, a legal adult (and strongly resembles family members) and my younger one was born at home so there was no opportunity for any type of switch, he wasn't out of our sight or with other infants.

I would contact an attorney and find out what the legal rights of each family were. Whether we could legally keep the child we'd been raising or if the "law" would require we switch them out.

I cannot imagine giving up a child to never see it again, not at all.

I do think there would be massive hurdles if the families lifestyles were vastly different. What if one family was Jewish? And the other chose to be agnostic? Or one was Jehovah's Witnesses and the other was Assembly of God or non-Denominational. Or one was LDS and the other was Baptist? I've sat through church services where the pastor basically spent the whole time bashing other religions, especially LDS or Witnesses. What if the other family was Druid or Wicca or too busy to consider any religion.

Other things would be socio-economic issues. If one family had several children and they lived on the wrong side of the tracks or even on the right side of the tracks but in lower income census areas and the other family was wealthy. Or both were equal.

What if the spouse/parent/father of one of them had passed away and the mother didn't have any other family?

There are so many issues that would influence how this could/should be handled.

I think I would offer to get to know this family and get to know my biological child. I would probably invite this family to every activity the kids had going, especially their child that I was raising. I'd want to spend time alone with this child I didn't know about too, wouldn't you? Shouldn't they?

Hopefully I'd find the other family okay, not too fanatical and not too lenient. Good solid parenting and the ability to share this child I don't know with me and that I'd care enough about those 2 kids that I'd pray I'd be able to share with them.

It would be hard of course but if clear boundaries were set as to inheritance, living near each other, life choices such as job transfers and moving away or working in other countries, etc...those things would have to be addressed but getting to know them and the kids between both families would be the most important, Aunts and Uncles and "borrowed brothers and sisters" is what we call extended family when the familial connections are tenuous and fragile.

By the way, I go to the LDS church and grew up Baptist. My sister is a Witness and my brother is pretty much agnostic. I have friends who study Wicca and used to know a girl who was Druid. I also have many Native American friends who follow those teachings quite well. So I'm not trying to start up anything about religions, I'm just saying that there are so many problems that could come up when facing things like this in reality.

No and how traumatic for the child to switch. Serious emotional damage would ensue. I definitely don't ever think mine were switched they all look almost identical.

our daughter was born in our bathroom, kind cuts down on the chances of some "expert" nurse switching our baby..K. h.

Absolutely I would switch back and keep in contact. If the other family were not interested, I would keep their little one too. It is just something that really does matter.

I have no idea what I would do. I've read stories like that before and I've thought about it, but I still don't have a clue. It's so easy to see it from both sides.

What happened with the parents and four year olds in the article you read? Did they switch?