JFF: Marriage Advice

Marriage isn't 50/50. It takes what it takes out of each of you every day to make it work. Some days it may take 70 you, 30 him or 100 him and ZERO you. Its all about getting the job done, TOGETHER. Pick up the slack sometimes if you have to.

You can't "fix" someone. Don't expect someone to change for you. You can't be angry at someone for being who they are.

RUN! LOL! just kidding;

-Listen
-Be respectful
-never go to bed mad because you never know if you will wake up the next day

It's OKAY to go to bed angry! Usually by the time you wake up you have cooled off a bit and can actually have a conversation about whatever is bothering you.
That whole "don't go to bed angry" makes couples stay up late and fight...I swear!
L.

Get a good lawyer.

BAHAWAHA!!

Seriously....

Never go into a relationship because of what you're getting OUT of it.

If EVERYONE entered into marriage for the purpose of caring for the other person FIRST....well there'd be no divorce, right?

#2 would be sense of humor, I guess.

:)

(I mean not that I was able to ACHIEVE those things, sigh. :(

Like the person you are marrying not just love them. I genuinely like my husband. He's a really great guy. The hot tear your clothes off love mellows after a while into a deep love. Don't forget about each other when you have kids. Make time for each other because the kids will leave!

Don't be an egomaniac and don't be a control freak.
Those two things... really bodes not well, for any marriage.

It takes, COMPROMISING, all.the.time.

Learn how to communicate.

Learn that, both people have different ways. Are from different families and were raised differently.

If your in-laws are weird and dysfunctional, it will cause problems in the marriage, IF the Spouse will not step up for his/her family.
Once you are married, your marriage is priority, not being a Mama's Boy or a Daddy's Girl.

For the woman: don't be a "ball breaker." Learn how to manage, your relationship.

For both man and woman: don't treat them like a stereotype. And don't be a, Stereotype.

For men: Woman have PMS. EVERY month.

Remind yourself regularly of the hot,sexy ,fun hubby that you have. His more than the worker,dad ,trash disposer,handy man ,someone to vent at etc etc.
Also the priest said to us "be gentle with each other"
B. k

Respect. I also think communication and getting on the same page about money are crucial!

Be each other's best friend. Never treat each other as if you are not.

Let go of your ego. It's more important to find understanding than it is to be right.

Laugh a lot.

Put down the damn toilet seat.

If it doesn't end the relationship it will make it stronger.

Let go and let love.

Remember to fall in love again every morning.

Everybody's poop stinks.

You may love this person, but one day soon you'll wake up, look at the person beside you, and think, "Who IS this????" Don't be dismayed. Marriage is just the beginning of finding out about the person you love.

We recently got married and my Grandma told my husband, "To respond to whatever your wife says, just say 'Yes Dear' and you will avoid a lot of conflicts." =D But now he does it kind of as a joke and I'm like "stopit!" haha.

Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Before marriage, they should be in agreement about Children - how many and general parenting philosophy; about Money - how it's used and where it is spent; about in-laws - how do you handle it when they intrude on your new nuclear family; Religion - if you're not in agreement, can you at least agree to quietly respect the other; Life goals - do you have compatible dreams, or are you on different paths?

Love is not enough. Don't marry just because you're in love. Marry because you found the right partner. Be willing to put 100% into it, and accept nothing less from him/her.

Marry someone for who they are, not who you think you can turn them in to.
Don't force your spouse to give up everything that makes them who they are and makes them happy. Find ways to share the things you do not share, even if it is to enjoy the joy and excitement your spouse has.
Find new things that you can both share together.
Be partners in everything, not one in charge of the other. You are married adults, not parent and child.
Keep communication open and honest at all times. Don't let anger or being unhappy fester until it is too late to do anything to repair the situation.

A good marriage is not based in compromise because then neither of you will get what you need. A good marriage is about recognizing when the other person's want or need is more important than your own and then graciously making sure that it happens.

From my father:
If someone tells you that they don't ever fight with their spouse, I would be willing to bet that they never really talk with them either.

Separate bank accounts :)

sh*t happens.. get over it lol arguments are going to happen.. no one on this earth has that perfect of a relationship.. be prepared to tell him to go f*ck himself one day and love him the next.. you cant be afraid that one argument will end the relationship
and i totally agree with stacy b .. you have to like him not just love him .. if hes not someone you would be friends with and hang out with .. maybe hes not the one

You still don't have to share your toothbrush. Both metaphorically, and literally.

DON'T DO IT!!!

Ok, seriously... COMMUNICATE!!! If your husband doesn't want to talk, pin him down and make him talk!!! About everything!!! Make sure you know what his goals/plans are BEFORE you get married. Make sure you know what his parents are like; you'll have to deal with them!

I could go on and on but since you only asked for "one," I'll stop now!! lol!!

Good luck!!!

Always be willing to compromise and make communication a priority!

Be nice to each other. Don't be selfish. The chief cause of divorce is selfishness.

I'd have them stand between two wide, full length mirrors. The mirrors should be facing each other and they should be facing the same mirror. Then I would tell them that these mirrors should represent the way we should think about marriage. Each of you look and tell me how many times you see yourself in the mirror. (once) Now look at your spouce. How many times do you see them in the mirror? (Thousands of times) That is the way you should see your marriage. You want to see yourself once and your spouce thousands of times.

Read the book, "The Love Dare". Follow its instructions. Then read the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". You will learn a lot about your spouce.

Be nice and always romance your spouce. Make sure your kids see you being kind and considerate to your spouce. Never let your kids mistreat or disrespect your spouce.

Good luck to you and yours.

I am in no situation to be giving out martial advice. But, I would say number one thing is Respect each other. That goes a long way.

Someone told me before I got married "Take a shower toghether every day" I just thought that was really stupid. Like, who has time to do that? lol.

Keep your long term goals in mind, and then when issues crop up, as they always do, ask yourself if your current disagreement matters in the least compared to your long-term goals. Chances are, the disagreement is relatively minor in nature, and you can easily work through it by keeping your long-term goals in mind. (Or, put simply, don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff!)

I would tell a newly married couple to take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. Each couple is unique and rarely fit into stereotypes that others impose on them.

I would also advise to realize that the one you married IS your family. Inlaws are now only close relatives. :)

Compromise. Dont sweat the small stuff. Take the good with the bad (there should be more good though)
Always work as a team, not against each other. No matter how pissed you get, understanding their side of the story and their feelings are SO important.
Women tend to take things the wrong way and overthink things.

I would say the two things that have gotten me the farthest in my marriage thus far are: one, remember that he's not TRYING to piss me off (this applies when you are sooo frustrated with spouse and can't believe he can't understand what he's doing to you--chances are good he really doesn't, if you have a good marriage) and two, for us, the challenges of in-laws came after we had kids--I loved my inlaws and thought they were great, until they started telling me how to raise my kids! Thankfully, we lived far away from them for the first few years of child-raising, and got to learn to parent TOGETHER, without input from either set of parents (at least, not directly). To this day, 3 kids later, we still turn to each other for parenting support, rather than our parents, and I think that makes us a LOT stronger is our marriage and our parenting.

Read (or better yet, watch the videos) "Love and Respect"!!!!! (available at that .com address)

Followed by "5 Love Languages".

ABSOLUTELY the best!!!

-happily married 24 years!!!

I'd steal from the "Four Agreements": Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. Pretty simple but all encompassing.

if both of you are willing - honestly - anything *IS* fixable.

no one ever believes it.

but it's true.

the best thing we ever did was talk with our pastor as a mediator. no one keeps a chip on their shoulder in front of their pastor. we both checked our attitudes at the door and THAT made all the difference.

Remember you chose to marry this person because you love them. Find ways every day to show your love for each other. DO NOT STOP holding hands, kissing and touching.
I had more but the others were so good I forgot!

Never go to bed angry. No one sleeps on the couch because you are mad. Talk it out and resolve the problem.