Lots of friends questions today...
So - have you ever "stolen" a friend? For example - we were friends with a couple for quite a few years - had kids around the same time we did - etc - and while I was never super close with the girl my hubby was pretty good friends with her hubby - so we hung out quite a bit. A few years into the friendship she introduced me to one of her friends - a girl named L. I thought L was super cool and wanted to hang out with her since we had lots in common. However - I thought it would be kinda weird and rude to start hanging out with her since she really was my friends friend. Long story short - my first friend moved out of state - and I was able to "move in" and become closer friend with L - and now her and her family are some of our dearest friends. LOL I still feel kinda bad about it but less so in that I made my move after the initial friends had left the area.
Anyone else have this experience?
Friends and spouses can't be stolen. Relationships happen or un-happen based on the feelings of the people involved. No one can be "stolen" from a relationship against his/her will.
It's a high-school concept - the idea that friends can be stolen. The best way to meet friends is through other friends. It's perfectly natural that some people will become closer to you than others based on personality, things in common, kids' ages, etc.
Most of my best firends over the years were met through other friends! I have firends who are now closer to eachother than I ever was with eighet or them. That's OK by me.
Yes I have a few of those....It's awesome that I can call these friends independently and maintain a relationship., Sometimes you just hit it off and the right person/circumstance brought you together. Awesome. thanks for posting.
Yep, two dear friends. I met them through my ex-husband and then 'got' them in the divorce. :)
I haven't done that as a girl/girl friend thing, though. I find good friends are pretty rare and hard to come by (people I like as a whole). AND I've had friends stolen from me earlier in life; knowing how hurtful it was (and because of this, knowing how rare 'real' good friends are!) has made me think twice.
But in reference to your experience where someone moved away-- different story entirely, in my opinion. One thing to establish friendship with the 'left behind' of a mutual friend, another entirely to dump the mutual friend or exclude her because we're acting like fifth graders.
Yes. In middle school I met a friend through my best friend, we were all pals but eventually I became much closer to this newer gal. After high school, we lost contact, though she remained close to my original best friend. A few years ago they had a falling out and about that time I got back in contact with her and we are now quite close. I sometimes feel bad because even though the 2 of them are no longer friends, "best friend 1" sometimes has voiced jealousy. She feels like maybe I swooped in and took her. But ya know, I like what NY Metro Mom has to say. Right now, this gal and I have a lot in common and we are a good match. I am so glad and so lucky to have her in my life. I am not about to not be her friend just because they had a falling out, and I don't think anyone has "dibs" on a friendship. We take what we can get, right?! Motherhood can be isolating and good friends are hard to come by as it is. I am going to be friends with the people I have things in common with.
That doesn't sound like you stole her. That kind of thing happens all the time in life. In fact, when I first moved to our current state, my best friend here introduced me to tons of her friends in the hopes that one or two would 'click' with me, and I'd make friends.
Now, in high school my best friend DID get stolen from me. Another girl 'took' her and told her if she spoke to me, she would not be her friend. So, she never spoke to me again for about 2 years. Now, that's stealin'!
Yes. My bff and I were going out to the club. She brought along her sil. The sil and I became the best of friends. Our friendship outlasted the 1st friendship by many yrs.
I don't think friends can be stolen or considered property! Everyone has the right to be friends with whoever they want to. Personally, I feel that if someone is a good match and I am a good match for them, we can be friends. It doesn't matter to me who introduced who or if they were friends first etc.
M
Yep! When my kindergartner was in 3 yr preschool I became friends with another mom "Jolie" and we started hanging out, and spent quite a bit of time together that year. Then when the kids started 4 yr preschool, some new families started and Jolie became friends with "Amber". She invited Amber to join us when we'd hang out. I ended up hitting it off with Amber and we've gotten together on quite a few play dates and outings without Jolie. I suspect Jolie isn't happy about this (even though Jolie and Amber have also done plenty of play dates and outings without me). She has kind of turned her back on me and seems jealous and pissed off that Amber and I are now friends. She wants Amber all to herself. I don't feel bad at all, and actually find it kind of comical that Jolie is acting like a 4th grader. Amber is pretty sick of it too and is trying to minimize her contact with Jolie. I think it's completely juvenile for people to think they have ownership of their friends.
