Jealous Daughter Getting Worse

He really needs to talk with her and let her know that as much as he loves you, he will never stop loving her. He also needs to address the issues of her jealousy and what she is doing and let her know it's not ok. Calling him honey bunny and saying she wants to marry him is (in this situation) over the line with how a daughter should act with her dad. Have you tried spending time with her just you and her? And having him spending one on one time with her? I'm not if the exwife is in the picture or would be willing to do this but maybe she could say something to her daughter along the lines of "It's ok to like (your name)." Or if that's not possible, maybe your husband could. She may be feeling guilty for liking you.
When we adopted our children, they were very attached to their foster mom. She had to give them permission several times (one of my daughters in particular) that it was OK to love us and she wanted her to love us. She felt like she was betraying her foster mom if she gave in and loved me.

I think someone needs to sit down and explain to her that he is her dad not a romantic interest to her preferrably him since she doesn't seem to care too much for you. If that doesn't work think about maybe getting her some professional help because it seems like she somehow got the wrong idea and has developed a unhealthy relationship.

Maybe this isn't a step-daughter/step-mother issue, but a child close to one parent issue. My son is 28 months old (his father is my husband) and gets extremely upset when my husband hugs or kisses me. Every time my husband does so, he comes running over screaming and pushes him away, yelling, "go away, go away!!" Then he proceeds to hug me and kiss me.

i wouldnt' call my son violent. He just gets upset, starts pushing and shoving, and yells at his father. However, when my husband isn't affectionate with me, he gets along great with his father.

I told this to my mother and she said it was natural for a child to develop a close relationship with one parent (obviously me since i'm always at home with him and my husband is out) and to get jealous if the other parent got in the way.

Have you tried (i know you've tried a lot):
1. Developing a close relationship with her when your husband is not around? (i'm not sure if you are close and she just gets jealous when your husband is affectionate with you)
2. Having your husband say he loves BOTH his girls?
3. Have your husband explain that he's already married but that she'll find a handsome prince of her own.

Having resenting feelings towards her is normal. It's just a matter of controlling those feelings so that your relationship with your daugther will not completely deteriorate. Try thinking that she is young and ignorant and that she cannot help the way she is. And that you should feel sorry for her b/c she feels threatened. She's only 4 and she feels threatened by you.

Good luck and i'm so glad to see a step-mother trying so hard to have a good, healthy relatinoship.

Wow! Sounds like she's going thru separation anxiety. She cannot be away from her dad. My daughter who is 2 1/2 years old and she's daddy's girl but nothing like ur step daughter. Everytime her dad drops her off or leaves the house, she throws a fit but gets better afterwhile.

Does she go to day care? Does she have anything that she really possess for? Does she have a pic of her dad in her bedroom?

If she doesn't go to day care - Day Care or Pre-k are the best way of getting her distraction and not to think of her dad so much during the day time.
If she has something that posses for herself, - if she throws fit again - take something away that she loves. If she improves - give her reward such as skittles, renting movie or so.
If she has a pic of her dad in her bedroom....That would be a good way for having her to think of him if she doesn't go to daycare.

This is my best advice..you don't have to agree with this. :) Good LUCK!