i just recently had a new baby.she is almost two weeks old. my four year old is now trying to act like a baby. she even went so far as to poop in her panties the other day. i know that this is jealousness but how do i fix this? we have tried telling her that we know that she needs us to and that we will still take care of her as well as sissy but this isnt helping. i asked my mom what to do but she said she dont know none of us did that. my mom had 4 kids. i dont know what else to do. i have been spending time with just the 4 year old when the baby sleeps. we read books,watch cartoons play tea party and when the baby is awake i let her help pick out the clothes i put on her, she get to hold her sister, she gets to help give baths. but none of this seems to help the fact that when me or my boyfriend holds the baby she thinks that we need to talk to her or hold her instead of the baby. as long as the baby is laying on the bed, in her bed or on the couch my 4 year old is fine and will talk to the baby hold her hand kiss the baby or even hug her.please help!!!!!!!!!!!
I also agree with the others. She will get used to this in time. My son Brendan (22 months) had a bit of a problem too when we brought home his baby sister. To help, we bought him a babydoll to be his baby to care for. Believe it or not, it's worked wonders.
Congratulations!
Don't feel bad, infact my son acted this way. It took awhile but it eventually got a lot better. Now my children are inseprable. I understand your frustration, but soon it will get better. When the new baby gets a little older and is more active you will notice that your little girl will be more intrested in what the baby is doing. Then they can play together. Things will get better its just ganna take a little bit of time. Good Luck! J.
I am a mother of five and I had the same trouble as you are. I told my other children that this is there baby too, and I need help taking care of him. Like you I had them help with the new baby but I did stress that the new baby was theirs as well. I also bought them a baby doll so they could have one to take cae of. They would hold their own baby and feed it and all the other stuff when I had to take care of the new arrival. It helped alot. I have four boys and one daughter. And yes I bought babies for all of them boys included. And you are doing a good job with giving your oldest the extra attention. They need that the most. Let me know how it all turns out. Good Luck
This will pass. Although I know it might be difficult to deal with now, it will pass. I had a baby in May and I also had an older sibbling that reverted back to her being a baby as well. She started taking the babies pacifier and wanting to use it and having a fit when I wouldn't let her have it because she was a "baby". I would then ask her if she was feeling like a baby today, on those days she would take it. I would try to give her extra attention on that day to let her know that just because we had baby Jackson, she was still my baby too. It actually still continues to happen a little bit, but it's gotten much better. Being that she was your first child, she was the one that got all of the attention. It's hard for her, even at 4, to learn that she has to share the attention and that no matter what, she is still loved. We had our second child when my oldest son was 6. He would even tell you that he didn't want the baby to come along, and it was because all focus had been on him, and that was all about to change. She's just working her way into the situation. They have books out too, like Dora has a baby sister. Easy books to read that she can understand that might help her think about things differently and open up the communication. We used to ask our son if he felt he wasn't getting any attention, etc. so we could change things up if we were getting caught up with the baby and not doing as much with him as, in our minds, we thought we were. Now at 8, he will tell us. I hope this is helpful. I guarantee it will get better. Contact me anytime you would like if you need talk more ____@____.com
One other thing to try, is when people come over to see the baby, insist they say "Hi" to her first or make sure she is getting some attention before they see the baby. I have done this with all my kids. Also, take that time, if you have it to let your guest hold the baby while you give your attention to her.
C., first of all....CONGRATS on the new bundle of joy. Hang in there. This is only a phase that your little girl is going through. Try not to make a big deal out of it to her or it will more than likely make it worse or prolong it. It's completely natural for her to want to act like the baby when someone else is trying to take over that role she's had to herself for so long. Just be patient and give her time to see that Mommy and Daddy are still just as in love with her than ever. I'd also make sure that when people come over to see the baby that you quickly make a big deal about the great big sister and ask them to show her lots of special attention. Just hang in there girl and pull your patience hat out..lol It will all be fine. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
This is something that she has to come to terms with herself. Keep being supportive of her. Have her help you as much as possible with baby work (putting the pamper in the diaper pail, fetching wipes, helping feed the baby or atleast helping to prepare the bottle if the baby uses one.) Any time you feed the baby make sure that first you get your big baby a drink and/or snack. Have her sing nursery rhymes with you to the baby. And if you're just chilling infront of the tv, put the baby on leg and the 4 year old on the other leg. Right now, one on one time isn't as important for the newborn as it is for the 4 year old, so try to include the 4 year old on what ever you're doing with the baby, and when the baby sleeps give your 4 your old your undivided attention. I can't stress enough how important it is to let the 4 year old do as much WORK as possible in reguards to the baby. Kids aren't big on chores to begin with. Eventually she'll get tired of having to do so much and will only look to her new baby for someone to play with. As far as her regression...yeah, alot of kids do that. She'll get over it in time. But right now you have alot of work to do with her and the baby and you don't have time to be scrubbing poopy panties. Don't get angry when she poops. Just tell her that she's a big girl and doesn't need to poop her panties because she already knows how to use the potty and if she's going to poop in them, then she's going to have to learn to scrub them out herself. Teach her how and make her do it. I give her about a week, maybe 2 at the most and she'll stop pooping her panties because she won't like having to scrub them out. I often refer to my newborns as "Your baby" to my other kids. "your baby is hungry, should we make him a bottle?" "your baby pooped. Can you get him a diaper and the wipes so I can change him for you?" It gave them a sense that the younger sibling belongs to them as much as to me. My kids, while they pick on each other often and frequently, they are very protective of each other and very willing to help each other when the help is needed. Stay consistant, stay involved, and get her involved as much as possible. Make her feel like she's a very important person in your life and in the baby's life. Fake being tired or sick if you need to so she has to get involved. "Mommy doesn't feel good can you go give your sister the pacifier for me?" It'll make her feel needed. But anyway...she'll come around. It just takes time. And you might want to stress things when she does them about her being a big girl. Example: let her pick the vegetable for dinner...and tell her "wow, good choice..you're such a big girl, the baby can't do that." Well...good luck.
As all the oher mom's have said, this too will pass. Just give it a little time. As for your islolation issue, girl, get out and make some friends! It's hard when you are home with the kids. You don't have to stay in isolation though. May I suggest checking out www.momsclub.org. I don't know what part of Indiana you are in but I bet you can find a chapter in your area. I live in Ft. Wayne and we have two chapters here. One for the west side and one for the east. I am a member of the westside bunch and they are a great bunch of ladies! Very supportive and possess a great deal of knowledge on raising kids. Not to mention, they are alot of fun to hang out with! Check it out and get out of the house! You need some grownup conversation, even if it's about the kids! If you are in Ft. Wayne, drop me a note and I will get you more info about MOMS. Take care!
C.-
It sounds as if you have already gotten the advice I would've given you from the others, so I am gonna leave that part alone.
However, I too, have recently moved to Indiana from Ohio and left my family behind, and this is my second time doing it!! If you would like to talk or just have a friend in your corner that knows what you are going through, I have Myspace and Yahoo Instant Messenger!
C.
yes it is jealous, i agree with the ohters who said you need to make sure you have mommy time and daddy time with the 4 yr old...alone away from the house and the baby. continue to let her help with the baby...let the four year old know that she is the big sister and has to set an example and not pottyin her pants show the baby how to grow up.
as for friends and moving from ohio to indiana, i know how that feels i did it 3 years ago, knew noone ... i am just know after 3 years getting to know people becasue my husband works nights and i work days, my children are older and i need and want some friends,,,i will hlep you.. i am person that needs to be around others, i like my alone time...but we all as women need other women to talk to ..i will be your friend and be here to talk when every you need...i too am on my space, and have instant messenger on yahoo and aol...let me ask you a question what part of indiana do you live in. hoipe to hear from you soon...and i will be your friend ...i know how you feel not knowing anyone and leaving everyone behind..hope to hear from you
soon
your friend
L.
