Its like Nails on a Chalkboard

I would tell him that when he packs for the beach, to take everything he owns...get it? Hire some professional help with the house-that will get him to start helping and if you haven't already done so-start training the children to help. Good luck-the best fathers are the ones who cherish the mothers of their children.

The two week vacation is very strange. Don't you want to vacation together? Who does that, just leaves to the beach alone without his family for two weeks?

I'm sorry but he sounds like an insensitive jerk. Anyone that threatens to call CPS ON HIS OWN WIFE???!!! has some very deep issues.
Here's an idea.If he thinks you're doing such a poor job that he would call the authorities and have his own children removed from thier home to foster care why doesn't he try parenting his children a little?

This post is very hard for me to relate to as it seems you've allowed this to go on to the point that it's just crazy.
I would advise counseling.

I would cancel my plans to visit "my" parents with the kids, let him leave for the beach and change every lock on the house. Move "his" stuff to the front yard and file for separation. Get him as far away from you and the kids as possible. This is a toxic situation.

Back it up. Need more clarification on the two, 2 week vacations.
Now, I'm not against a separate week here or there but it seems like these are running concurrent? And he sees "his" family and you & the kids see "your" family? That is odd if this is you yearly vacation. A week here, then a week there I can see.....can you clarify that situation?

If there's O. thing -- OK, actually two things I cannot stand it's someone either a.) complaining about what I'm doing or how I do it and b.) someone that sits there watching me do something and doesn't help.

EVERYONE needs "me time"!

Your husband sounds like a dolt. I'm sorry.

I would hire a weekly housecleaner and possibly a PT nanny if I were you.
That should shut him up.

ETA: Sorry, I got so worked up, I forget to add that my standard response to someone either criticizing or not helping when I'm bust is to assign them a specific task RIGHT AWAY.

I'd throw down the dish sponge and say- "You do it if I'm doing it wrong--and you just got yourself a daily responsibility." Seriously--I don't play that.

Wow you sound like the Nanny and maid!!!! You should be treasured and treated like a queen!!! He is soooo selfish. I am sorry but he is in need of a wake up call. You deserve the world on a platter. You do not need to ask for the break, you take the break. Does he not realize by not taking care of your needs and wants that he may end up a single dad. What give him the right to take two weeks for himself. What an &^$$#. I would tell him he does not DESERVE YOU!! Time to take care of yourself, start while he is away. Start counselling by yourself. So maybe by the time your prince comes
home maybe you will have all his belonging on the front lawn.

Oh when the prince starts nagging......walk out of the room!! Do it every single time. Put your headphones on and walk!!!

I just read your other posts...you put all your money in the same account. Stop doing that. Save your money. ... or start putting some of it away. Your married to a total jerk.

Seriously - the next time he starts complaining about dishes, I would say " great, the dishes are now YOUR responsibility" and I would NOT touch dishes after that. Let them pile up no matter how much it bugs you. You are his EQUAL spouse, not his employee. My hubby knows not to criticize something I've done, or next time, it won't get done.

If you want a week to yourself, just take off. Plan it, and then the day before you leave, inform him you are going for YOUR week of relaxation, and that the kids schedules are posted on the fridge for him.

Thirdly - what happened to FAMILY vacations?

This boils my blood. At first when I was reading this I thought that maybe because he's working too much he was taking things out on you. The more I read the more it sounds like he's a giant jacka**!

My first advice when reading was the "leave it all go and let him do it all" routine, but after reading to the end and reading about him calling CPS? Well, for one, that's an empty threat. I mean that CPS wouldn't just look at you. They'd be be looking at him as well as the father and have A LOT of questions for him! Why would you call CPS on your own wife... that you live with? Is it for spite, because we at CPS don't have time or the games. If you live in the home and it's not being taken care of, not only is the wife not taking care of the house but NEITHER IS THE HUSBAND. He knows all of this. He's using that against you to get you to comply to his needs. He thinks he's the boss and you need to put your foot down and show him he's not. You deserve, at the least, a weekend alone. TAKE IT! Give him advance notice that you will be leaving on these certain dates, the time you'll be leaving the house and go! Let him tell you he'll call CPS. Tell him that'll be fine, so when CPS comes and sees that Mom gave Dad notice knowing that Dad was home on those days and Dad didn't show up for his kids and called CPS as a game to back at his wife, he may even be arrested himself! Let the dishes go. Seriously, CPS is going to give a rats arse if the dishes are overflowing in the sink? I dare him to call CPS! What a joke! He's not being a husband. He's being a controlling and an emotionally abusive man who needs a wake up call because one day soon he may find his wife and kids gone with divorce papers sitting on the table and his bank account empty!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Holy cow... I think it's hard for anyone to tell you what to do. Your situation sounds controlling and abusive, and if I were you I would start formulating a plan to get out of that situation.

First of all anyone who think that staying home full-time with 3 kids (or 2 kids or 1 kid!!) isn't work should really get the pleasure of trying it for a month and then see how they feel about it. A day or a week isn't long enough to get the full effect of what it's like 24/7. You absolutely deserve a break. Do you have any family or close friend that could help you?

What I read here is that he doesn't value you. He thinks that since you don't bring in money and you don't like heights and can't work the tools he uses you can't make it on your own. You deserve better than that.

best of luck to you~

I can't begin to understand why "he" gets to go on vacation and his family isn't going too. That would be the deal breaker right there. Either everyone gets a vacation or he doesn't. How sad he is treating his family like this.

I would tell him that some changes need to be made and start making a list. That way he has some say too.

I think setting up a time when you are going on vacation and leaving the kids with him might be a good thing. I would just go. Let him sink or swim. If he doesn't like it the situation then he can either make some needed changes, go to counselling or you and the kids can move out and he can do it all by himself.

He would not get to treat me like this. Even knowing you'll have to go to work to support yourself and the kids I would start letting him know that his family needs to come first or he isn't going to have that family much longer.

Leave the kids with a friend over night and go do something for yourself. It is fun to have a friend who can do that for you then you can turn around and do it for them later on.

This has certainly been a VERY dramatic month for you! Whew - it's like almost every question since you've been here for a month has been it's own soap opera!

I'll keep you in my thoughts. :)

J., do not ask for break, just take it. Just inform him that you will be going to... and coming back...
My husband is not much better than yours but I jog, travel (with one kid at the time) and refuse to go without a housekeeper. The way I look at it, why is it my job? Who said so? I am at home for my kids, so I deal with the kids, and that is you know, a full time job. As far as the other chores, I get done what I can and the rest just doesn't get done. The rest, on my list, is cleaning, cooking for him (because he is the main eater, the kids and I eat very little comparing to him), wash and iron his shirts (that's the one that is most annoying to him). So, he insisted we get a housekeeper, so HIS life runs smoothly. He is happy that his clothes are spotless, someone picks his underwear on the floor, and puts food in front of him every day. I do not need that so why should I be held down by this standard? My life is fine the way it is. As for grumpiness, I cannot tell you how many times I hear the same things you probably hear about doing nothing, taking too much time for myself, not being available to him... blah, blah. Who cares? I let it all sloth off me like a muddy water. Thank God my guy and your guy works a lot - imagine having them at home more! Let your hubby went, the way these boys are, they never be happy even if you worked 24/7 and dropped dead on the job. He probably would complain that this good for nothing hag dropped dead and he has to pay for her funeral. Do not kid yourself, take care of yourself, girl. If you stop doing some of the things you doing, what is he going to do? He will be upset, yep. But what's the matter, according to him, you don't do much anyway, so it should not be a problem. PM me if you need some more tricks. Cheers!
Added: No counselor is going to help you because these boys see no fault in themselves! You can fix your own guy! You just have to be smart and do it gradually. With 3 small kids you are not in the position for huge demands and drastic changes. Make small but meaningful changes, so you feel less like a prisoner, and with time, you will see what to do next.

He sounds like a real jerk! You do deserve a break!

H e lives there too! If he calls CPS, they are going to want to know why HE didn't do anything about the situation! He would be in just as much trouble as you! Unless it is dangerous or insanitary, I don't think they would do much. Might wake him up though! I think if I were you, I would take the kids to my parents and not come back! There is no way I would or could put up with that kind of treatment. Your children are watching, and learning from what he says and does to you. That is more of a danger to them than you not cleaning the house for a while. Have you thought about leaving? (I'm sorry. I don't know if you have other posts about that. I only see the post before this one suggesting you have posted about this before. I haven't seen any.) I do not advocate for divorce easily, but I don't believe he will change. Wishing you the best!

This man has zero respect for you. Not an ounce. I don't know how long you have been together or how old your kids are; but how many years are you willing to do the same dance? Do you think it's acceptable for your children to see his behavior everyday and grow up believing that men should treat women this way? And two weeks alone at the beach without his family;IDC how hard he works,why doesn't he want you to relax? And no man takes 2 weeks off alone, sorry! Actually while I'm writing this I'm thinking, is this woman a mail order bride or something?
Save your money, stay in the house, DON'T LEAVE and file for divorce. If he threatens you. Move to NJ w kids. File there and watch him suffer bc NJ will make him pay.
Appreciate yourself life will be better.

Wow, that's a lot to handle for one person. Can you and the children stay at your parents house and file for separation. This man thinks he's better than you and he's not. You are far better than him. Do you tell him to stop nagging and help. There may be no way of getting through to him. Why don't you go on vacation with him to his family, don't you think that's strange. What about your inlaws, can you talk to them about there son. Do you feel the marrage is worth saving. There's a lot to think about .