It's Time for the TALK. 8 Year Old Kid. Help!

Updated on November 10, 2017
W.W. asks from Los Angeles, CA
8 answers

So I found out from my 8 year old son that kids have been talking about sex at school. He said that kids have talked about it since first grade and he's overheard but he didn't share what he overheard or what he knew. I said something like "oh we should talk about sex because that's something a lot of kids tend to have wrong information on" and he looked a little funny and changed the subject. We were rushing off to school so I didn't get into it but I'd like to this weekend while the door is sort of open but given that he seems not interested (uncomfortable?) in discussing, I'm not sure how to proceed. How much information should I share with him? What's age appropriate? Do I proceed even though he obviously doesn't want to talk about it? Thanks!

ETA: To clarify, he is already well aware of different body parts and where babies come from. He has a little sister and I've already explained to him how baby sister came out. He was grossed out and happy to be a boy lol. He also knows about privacy and safety. I guess the only thing he doesn't know yet is the actual sex part. He thinks baby sister came because we prayed for her and God just put her in my belly magically :)

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

"The talk" is really an ongoing series of discussions to start around age 4-5 with body parts and privacy, body autonomy and safety. It continues on over the years with more detailed information being given as they grow older.

It can be awkward but he wouldn't have mentioned it it hasn't been weighing on his mind.

An 8 year old doesn't need gritty details or graphic anatomical charts, but he should know the simple basics of where babies come from. Start with finding out specifically what he overheard, because you need to know that to confirm/refute. From there you will know what kind of explanation he needs at the moment. Go simple, let him think, wait for the next question before providing more detail.

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C.C.

answers from New York on

I'm not sure how much he knows, but 8 is a fine age to know that boys and girls have different body parts and those parts combine to help make babies. A "body book" for children can be a good way to start.

I do not think that you necessarily need to delve into discussing intercourse in detail at this age. Just, body parts and what they do, in the general sense.

1 mom found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

There is no 'The Talk'.
This isn't something you talk about once and it's over and done with.
You have an ongoing conversation over the years that covers puberty, changes in his body, care/maintenance of his body, and respecting himself and others.

There are so many books - you'll find one that's perfect for his current age level.

Maybe their talking about sex at school and maybe not.
They might be talking about pollination or almost anything.
Yes, many plants reproduce sexually - that's what pollen is all about.

Or maybe one of the kids got a hold of their parents 'Joy of Sex' books and decided to share info with friends (this really happened in our neighborhood where I grew up - parents were embarrassed, other parents were mad, it sort of forced a whole lot of conversations that parents weren't ready for - it was a mess but everyone got through it).

At least talk with him about - if kids are talking about things that he's uncomfortable with - it's no shame on him for skipping those conversations if he wants to.
If he has any questions or concerns - he can talk with you about anything.

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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

I went to an actual bookstore, and sat down in the "family health" aisle. I paged through books on sex until I found one that fit my style, that matched up with our beliefs, that seemed like it would appeal to my son, that had what I considered appropriate information, and bought it.

We read it together and it seemed a little easier than my just telling him about sex. I guess you could say it broke the ice. Having a book to look at together made sense for us.

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Two words: children's librarian! Get a few books, pick one or two, read them and then have a few others to leave in his room for the 3 week borrowing period. Think of this as more than "The Talk" but really a whole bunch of talks over time, each one adding info and other concepts.

It's not just the biology and the "mechanics" - it's also about informed consent, "no means no" (and not just for girls), not being forced to kiss Aunt Susie because she gave him $10, and all the slang words vs. real terms. Also, prep him for the photos he will see (from friends or on his own) - explain that Playboy models don't really look like that (lighting, airbrushing....) and also talk about different body types, that big breasts or big penises don't mean anything.

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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Give him the book "It's not the Stork"
I read it with my kids, we talked about any questions they have, and I told them I'm always available to answer question, and then left the book in their room so that if they have any questions that they don't want to ask me, they can refer back to the book.

The book has all the descriptions of the body parts, and incorporates a very basic description of intercourse, and then fetal development and types of families. So most of it he might already know, but the book will add the key detail.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Mine were not interested, so I did not push it. Every now and then I'd sort of touch base, but like yours, mine seemed less than thrilled. They had the general concept down (moms and dads made babies) and they also knew that sometimes 2 dads had babies, moms had babies ..

But the details ... that came a bit later, and we had a book. We got into the specifics around the time we talked about puberty. That's when most of their friends got into the details too.

Like others mentioned below, we sort of did it in stages - there was no one big talk. I used to sort of answer just as much as they were comfortable with. If they ran off after I answered their question (just as much info as they required) then I knew they didn't likely need/require any more info at that point.

What I have found is that I am here a lot of times for clarification. So I bet your son will come and ask you to clarify some things he has heard. So long as you don't push the issue, he'll keep coming to you. What I did when they were little was hang out in their room when they went to sleep - putting some clothes away, or just being there as they read - for a few minutes. That gave them the time to ask away ...

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

You will probably need to find out what he knows. Also he might be more comfortable talking to your husband about this stuff at that young of an age.

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