It Is Time for the Sex Talk but How Much Do I Tell

Hi T.,

I have a nine year old daughter that is in the 4th grade and this subject is very heavy on my mind as well. Over the summer we had the talk about periods because I was afraid she would hear it during this year, too. My husband has read a few books from a Christian speaker and author named Steve Farrar (who actually is from the Dallas area). I read the chapter of his book "Point Man" about speaking to your son about sex. He is very adamant that boys need to be taught by their fathers and girls by their mothers. The opposite sex parent can be there for follow up guidance or answers but the initial introduction and explanation should come from the same sex parent. He also said that a child should not reach the age of 10 without being told, infact, he told his now grown son at the age of 7. The dialogue he had with his son was beautiful, it was done tastefully in the sense that God created sex for moms and dads only, this is what happens which leads to babies being created. Believe me when I say I am quite nervous about explaining that all to my daughter but I am going to try and be very direct but casual about it. I will tell her the same thing I told her about the period stuff - it would be very disrespectful to other girls' moms to go to school and talk about this because they (the moms) deserve to be the first ones to tell their children about these things. Being a wise and obedient little girl, she understood that perfectly. Anyway, just wanted to say best wishes, it's hard to think about having to do these things one day when you're holding that newborn in your arms - but alas, they don't stay young forever! :-)

Here are a couple of good books:

http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-Down-There-Questions/dp...

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Babies-Families/dp/0...

Hi T.!
Oh... the sex talk! I have heard so many parents talk about dreading it with their children!
When I was a kids, my mom never had the talk with me. The most my parents did was leave the book, "What's Happening to Me" on top of the fridge, so my sister and I could sneak reading it when they were not home. Not the best approach!
With my kids, I didn't want that to happen. I have always had trouble saying the "V" word for a woman's crotch. (Isn't that absolutley silly?!) But, from the time my kids were little, I made it a point to use all the right words for them (I have a girl and a boy). They are still the only ones I can say this word in front of!
Anyway... My kids and I started talking about sex from probably age 2...? Only, it was based on what questions they asked, and I kept it to all they needed to know. I never grossed them out, I just honestly answered their questions to how they could understand the answer they were after.
Now, my kids are totally understanding of sex, std's, love, peer pressure, pregnancy... you name it, they know about it. In fact, last night at the supper table, I found out their cousin had informed them on what a "BlowJ*b" was! Geeze... at least they told me! We have most of our important talks around the supper table, and my husband is *always* at work! :)
I have gotton off track. The movie that they will be watching is mostly going to be about puberty if I remember correctly. So, my suggestion is to really talk to him about his body, and the changes it will soon be going through. Possibly even the urges that horomones bring. Then - give him a book! You can get them at Barnes and Noble's and Border's. Then, a few days later, ask him specific questions that would have been answered in the book - like "What did you think about the differences in a girls body and a boys body?" That way, it will open the doors of communication, and force an answer that is simply not a Yes or No. Keep in mind, that they are showing this movie at such a young age for the sake of the girls. Their bodies are changing earlier than when we were kids! Boys are still pretty much on track from what I can tell.
Above all, show that you are not embarrassed, you are comfortable, and *talking* about this is not a big deal. You ALWAYS are open to talking about it as far as he is concerned! Then, when you can notice some changes in his body, and know that horomones are starting to change, THEN you will be fully open and ready for the full-blown SEX TALK (Deep, echoing voice from above)!
Good luck. Just keep it "cool" and he will keep it "cool" with you!
E.

hi!!!

theres acouples of books a friend of mine use to talk about sex the names are :
How to talk to your child about sex : it's best to start early, but it's never too late : a step-by-step guide for every age

How to talk with your child about sexuality

How to talk confidently with your child about sex --and appreciate your own sexuality too : parents' guide

she find the books at the public library

hope it helps i cannot give you more advice because my son is 4y/o

gracyy:)

There should not be a certain time to talk about sex. It should begin at toddlerhood and go all the way till they are married. A sex talk should begin when they are noticing that bodies are made different. Sex is not just about the act. It begins with the parts and works up from that point. Moms can discuss quite a few things with their sons until a certain age, but after a certain age it is not really appropriate and it can be really embarrassing for both. Many situations in life and sometimes during or after a TV show are good times to discuss certain topics about kissing, holding hands and pregnancy. Even children at his age notice whether someone on TV is pregnant and married or not married. Then is the time to impart what your beliefs are and to discuss their feelings, not later, after his friends have told him what they think. Friends are often misinformed and do not share your moral beliefs. At his age, his father should be talking to him. But if he won't, a man you and your son trust and respect should assist you with this phase in your son's life. At this age, your son may already be old enough to be having night episodes, which can leave a boy feeling guilty and confused. In addition, check with your local school. They usually start discussing this subject and showing films in 5th or 6th grade and then show another more extensive film the next year. But don't wait for them. As I said, you should be imparting your moral beliefs to him. Theirs may not be the same. Good Luck with your son. It may be one of the most important things you talk about.

T.,
I heard a local speaker at our church and she was absolutely wonderful. Her name is Mary Flo Ridley and she has a presentation she does called "Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character". I purchased her presentation on CD and it was not expensive. Click on the link below and it will take you directly to her web page to read about it.

http://www.justsayyes.org/resources/display.php?psku=0000...

No where close to having to do this yet but when our time comes I will probably start by asking mine what they know or have heard and base the information I give them on this. The more they seem to know the more in depth the conversation needs to be. I would also give him lots of opportunities to ask questions. The best advice I have heard through the years is that once you begin the talks you need to follow up every 6 months or so and introduce new information and keep the conversations light hearted.

I would sit down with both boys at the same time and tell them on a level that's suitable for the 7 yr old. It's better he hears it from you than his brother and there's no telling what may get turned around in their conversation otherwise. :D I would just ask them if they've learned in school where babies come from and if they want to talk about it. Let them control the conversation and let them know if they have any questions they can always come to you. Remember- children see fear. If you are nervous about it, they will be, too. (easier said than done!) Good luck!! I don't envy you! :D

"The New Learning About Sex" - A series for the Christian Family. I was really freaked to start having these conversations but my daughter (4) has seen her boy cousins (by accident) penus and was asking questions. The first book for her age was "Why Boys & Girls are Different" It celebrates the differences between boys and girls and briefly mentions their bodies. The series of books discuss more & more as they get older and go all the way up to an 18 y.o. Like I said I was freaked about reading the book to my daughter and (thank goodness) she acted like it was no big deal!!! The author of this series of books is Carol Greene. good luck.

I spoke to my son when he was 9 years old and he handled it fine. I took out an encyclopedia and showed anatomy pictures and explained about girls menstrual cycles and how that was part of the reproduction process so he'd understand that's where babies come from. I also explained that it was a private thing and that if he had any questions to talk to me or his father. It will go easier than you think. It's way harder on the parents then the kid. Good luck!

I would first seek out some literature or internet sites about talking about sex to your children. When I worked at a counseling firm, the counselors always said that you never act ashamed or treat it like it's dirty... just speak factual and answer in general terms. If they want more information or don't seem to understand then you just get alittle more specific at a time. knowledge is a powerful thing -- especiall about topics that are seemingly "taboo" for young ones. So for him to know and understand, may make him less prone to discuss it because he knows the "truth" and just just assuming things.

I wouldn't tell the 2nd grader anything - I have one too. I would just tell the older one that it's something that you just don't understand until you are older so that you're entrusting him with information that is suitable for his age. Set your expectations out so that he won't disappoint. I have a friend that did this very thing and her son never spoke a word about it -- kind of like having older siblings that know there's no santa, but they just don't ruin it for the younger ones because they just don't get it...

however, I still believe in santa... because when you stop believing in him... he stops coming! Ha! :)

You can always find books of experiences of other people. My mom told me where babies came from when I was five and told me not to tell anyone and I neve did including my 16 mos younger sister. But if you think he will tell then have the talk to both of them. Not sure if separate or together. But it does have to be said. I found my son with girly mags in his room one day and I flipped. Then got a couple of books that told all about respect and the reproductive system. To this day nothing has helped. He is 31 permisuious and a mess into drugs. I have felt guity all my life for his behavior but know deep down God knew what his life would be before he was born. I never have understood why kids can not say NO but some just chose not to. G. W