My kids are 4 and 19 months. The neighbors are 7 and 5. They are constantly at our house. If my kids even step outside, they are glued to our house. The 7 year old even plays with the push car that is made for toddlers. They always have our toddler toys out and play with them. I guess it's not that big of a deal but we have had to harp on them lately to put stuff away.
Sometimes they play well together but most times I feel (and my husband feels) like instead of watching our two kids, we are watching 4. We never see their parents and when we do, they are on the phone. The father leaves town for weeks on end and we never see the mother at all even check on her kids. I know she is busy - she has a job, and she's in school and she watches both her father and her husband's father, who all live at their home. Her father has dementia and I see him more than I see her!!!
She usually has people there staying with her while her husband is out of town. At one point she had a woman and their 3 year old daughter there for weeks on end. No one ever watched this 3 year old daughter - except the 7 year old. She wasn't well behaved and tried to barge in our house to pet our cats at times and was rude.
They are always looking into our windows to see if our kids can play. This morning we were eating breakfast with the window open and they were yelling through their gate asking if Joey could play. We are getting to the point where we have our blinds shut just to get some privacy.
My husband got home from his haircut today and they were already knocking on the door asking if my son was up from his nap.
I don't know what to do. When I watch them I feel like I'm constantly nagging, don't do this, put this away, no sand out of the sandbox. It drains me. My husband would just like to go outside and play with the kids and not feel like entertaining and watching the neighbors too.
I feel bad for them because their parents are just not involved at all. They never go to the park. They ask all the time but their parent's never take them. We've taken them once and they almost expected it every time after that for a week. They aren't involved in anything after school and so they just wander the neighborhood looking for kids to play with - which usually ends up ours because we are next door.
I don't want to be rude, but I'm not sure what to do. I've even thought of just making Sunday family day but then my son won't get to play with another one of his friends down the street, which isn't fair.
I've finally started to tell them if they are at our house, they play by our rules, but they don't listen so well so I feel like I'm saying stuff over and over. Our house rule is no playing in the street - which their parents allow (surprised?). One day they pushed my son into the street and we told them to immediately go home. Today I saw them in the street again and yelled at them. It's like they don't get it!! They don't say please and thank you. If they use the bathroom, they don't wash their hands, it's like I'm raising a toddler with manners again! It's so sad!
Any ideas on getting some privacy or dealing with neighbors like this??
Man, I really feel for you in this situation. That would drive me nuts. I would not put up with that and I would tell the kids they can only come over on certain days of the week. they are not your responsibility.
People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. set solid boundries and expectations but try to be diplomatic about it and you should be fine.
GL
A.
Remember...your family's health and well-being is more important than ANYONE elses feelings. You can say no or not now or never without feeling guilty. If you do decide to let them come over occasionally, set the ground rules up front and let them know that if the rules are broken they must immediately go home and can not come back for ___ days/weeks/months/years :) then stick to it. They'll behave or go away. Don't repeat yourself about a rule. Remind them once and send them on their way.
If all else fails, and they are playing in the street, call the cops or CPS. That's neglect.
Hmm.. that IS sad that you're seeing first hand the possible lack of parental involvement. Sounds like the kids are wanting some 'family time' and they are seeing it in your family. :-/ That said ... I have a 5 and 7 year old .. and I think it would be completely understandable for you to just send them home to their own back yard and tell them you're having 'family' time.
Yes, it may feel mean, but I see where you're coming from and some kids just don't get it and can continue to be persistent .. I would certainly try and tell the parents if you ever see them outside. In the mean time ... just let the kids know that "we're" NOT playing today and suggest a different day.
Good luck! Let us know what you end up doing. :-)
Wow, do you live on my street? I have had a very similar experience, even down to the playing in the street issue. And they ring the doorbell and wake up my little one from his nap..grrr.
Take control, don't be a prisoner in your own home. While it is not the kids' fault, you still have to look out for your own family.
I simply started saying "no". I even made a chart for my child so he knew what days he could absolutely NOT play with friends, and what days he possibly could.
If you want your child to play with another kid in the neighborhood then I would just say, "____ has a guest over today and he won't be able to play with you, maybe another day (smile)."
It is your family and you have to do what is best for them. If the children are a bad influence on your kids, then you really have to take control and limit the time spent together. You have every right to do that, in fact, it is your responsibility.
Don't feel it necessary to make excuses for why the kids cannot come over, just say "not now". If your hubby wants to take the kids in the front yard then I say go for it. If the neighborhood kids try and intrude, just be firm and tell them that your kids are spending time alone with their daddy right now.
I have stopped worrying about being the "nice mom", and more about doing what I have to do to keep my sanity. The kids won't get their feelings hurt as long as you are kind and firm.
Good luck!!
