I need some advice from all you wonderful moms.
We had new neighbors move in next door several months ago. The woman who moved in has two kids around 19 and 8. She's a single mom trying to keep everything together and I commend her for that. She works second shift and her 19 year old watches the 8 year while she's at work.
Here's the problem. Since they've moved in my peaceful neighbor has gotten a bit more crazy. The older son revs his motorcycle engine at all hours of the night (until around 1130 or so when mom gets home). He's also raced up and down the street with his other friends. We nearly hit him the other day on the highway because of the way he was riding. Now hubby and I are riders and we know how dangerous it is normally, but this kid is going to get himself killed. The younger son climbs our fence everyday and leans against it to the point it's about to break. I've asked him several times to stay off there and if he wants to play with the kids to come around. Earlier this week he was in our backyard and he climbed our gate and started throwing things onto our roof. My husband went outside and asked him to stop. He looked at my husband and threw one of the kids' toys up there. We asked him to leave. The next day we found a pair of his shorts floating in our pool. We simply pulled the shorts out of the pool and went about the day. Yesterday I again asked him to stay off our fence. 10 minutes later we left to get some pool chemicals and run an errand. We got back about two hours later and there was feces in our pool. We're not certain, but pretty sure it came from his dogs/backyard. We called the police and filed a report. They didn't talk to the neighbors because mom wasn't home, but they did see that the police were at our house. I woke up this morning and all of my plants had been ripped out of their pots.
Here's my question. How do I approach the mother and tell her that this needs to stop right now? If it doesn't stop, I will be pressing charges. I hate to do that as the mother seems to be a good mom just trying to get by, and CPS is already involved in their home, but I don't see any other way to keep these boys from serious harm or a life of crime at this point.
Any suggestions would be appreciated! Thank you!
Well, we caught the neighbor kid throwing dog poop over the fence again today. My husband yelled at him and told him that we had already called the police once, and were going to do it again. The kid went running inside.
I went next door and decided to have a chat with the mother...who rolled her eyes at me, gave me attitude and said she'd talk with him. She slammed the door in my face when I told her we had called the police and if it happened again we were pressing charges.
I don't know if her talking to him will help as she didn't even seem to care, but at least I let her know what was going on. We'll see what the next few days bring.
You just need to go talk to her and tell her what is happening. I agree with everything the other posters said.
I think your only option is to talk to the mom face to face as soon as possible. These things will only get worse and to me the acts are starting to get scary. You are not only doing this for your benefit, but the boys as well. They clearly lack discipline and are acting criminal at this point, so I would feel compelled to say something. You don't know how the mom will react, though. Some will listen and care, some will not care, some will get defensive. At least try with her first, then move on to the authorities. I could not sit back if it were me, seeing as how their annoyances have turned into delinquent activities.
I would wake that mom up or go to her work and tell what the heck is happening. If she is a renter I would call the landlord until he did something about this. I would put flood lights up and a monitor. Catch them doing it. I would press charges also. I would def fill out another report on your flowers. I would call DSS on the mom for not looking after her 8 year old properly if she does not make this madness stop!
First talk to the mother. Let her know what has been happening and tell her that if it continues you will cal lthe police every time. Do compliment her on her trying to make a good life for the boys but a 19 year old needs to be ieither at a job, in college, or in the military. Probably the latter is what he needs.
The 8 year old should be in a daycare.
Also post no trespassing signs. That way your butt is covered. Plus if he gets into your backyard with a pool and gets in and drowns then you are liable and she will most likely blame you.
Like one of the other posters said get the landlord inolved too. I would start calling him/her now.
I had an 8 year old that was a terror of sorts. My neighbor came down real hard on him one day. That straightened him out while in the presence of the neighbors. So maybe you hubby can be that man ths boy needs in his life.
Set up a video camera outside your house. Then when you need to use it as evidence.
Another thought besides the advice the other ladies offer. We planted black berry bushes along a fence back when there were no houses behind us. We wanted to deter kids from getting in our yard/pool. Black berries have lots of thorns. A pool is considered an attractive nuisance, if something should happen, you could be held liable.
Asking a child to stop something--ANY child, whether it's yours or someone else's, is spinning your wheels unless the child knows there is a consequence if they don't stop. So far, it's been:
"Please stop climbing the fence"...or..."Please stop throwing things on the roof"....
and the child thinks:
"Or...what?"
There has been no consequence. Your only answer if he had asked that would actually be "please stop doing it and if you continue to do it I will continue to ask you to stop."
Wheel spinning.
This child has no consequences.
To be a kind neighbor and a kind person overall, I would approach the mom first, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Wouldn't you prefer someone came to you about something you had no idea your kids were doing before going to the cops? Compile a list of the "strange" things that have occured that you can't prove they did, plus the things you HAVE observed, including the dangerous and annoying things the 19 year old has done. Give the mom a chance to handle things her way first. Make sure you make it clear (but not in a threatening way) that you were thinking of going to the police (and have even had them come and file one report so far) but you thought it would be unfair not to speak with her first and give her the chance to see if she can get things straightened out, and so she can make it clear to her own kids that the cops WILL be called for future issues, and let her know that you are looking into setting up a video camera (you can say that you'd like to catch who has been doing things so you aren't falsely accusing anyone---she will likely tell her kids that you may set up a video camera and it may scare him into staying away from your property!)
Hi,
I would press charges. This young man 19, is not a child. His mother may welcome the peace in her own home and no doubt the younger child will be better off without the bad influence of his brother.
If you decide not to press charges, the moment he starts making any loud noise after dark, call the cops. They will eventually take him away...he sounds like nothing but trouble. At 19, there's still time for him to straighten up and become a decent contributing adult, instead of a burden to his mother. Sometimes a little outside intervention is just what it takes to get your attention.
Blessings....
I agree with both of the other ladies. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this. Best bet is to catch them in the act and have some sort of evidence to prove to the mom that you're not targeting her children.
Anytime that kid is racing on your street...call the cops. Anytime you spot the little kid throwing stuff at your house...call the cops. It sounds absurd...but sometimes you have to continually do that to get the point across. I would also talk face to face with the mom ASAP. She may have no idea her children are behaving in such a manner.
Do what you did here though and commend her for her hard work and trying to make the best life for her kids. Let her know you're not trying to attack her...but that you had to let her know what her children were doing.
You did the right thing about calling the police and I would do so everytime they do something destructive. I like the idea of a video camera but they may see it and destroy it as well. It seems the 19 year old is really not watching after the 8 year old and the 8 year old is free to do whatever they want with no discipline. I would go over and talk to the mother and explain to her that you admire her for being a single mom and doing the best she can however you thought it was necessary to inform her of what has been going on because you don't think the 19 year old has told her. Tell her everything and she will listen but I can't say she won't get defensive. If she does just simply say you wanted to bring it to her attention because you had to file a police report the other day and don't want to have to do it again but you will if it continues. Explain you don't want to be a bad neighbor but you are a neighbor and everyone needs to get along. You would like to be availabe for the children if something happened and they needed your help but that isn't going to happen unless you all get along. If she gets upset or mad then she doesn't care about her children. She is probably in a bind and can't afford daycare and is dependent on the 19 year old but that is still no excuse for what they are doing. You mentioned that CPS is already involved and trust me she doesn't want more problems or she could possibly lose custody of her 8 year old. She may surprise you and be glad you brought it to her attention. She may not know her 8 year old is dong what he is doing. Good luck to you and you do have to stop this or it will never end and only get worse. Keep you calm and don't let her get you upset. Simply state your peace and leave. Do not do anything that could cause them to contact the police. As for the camera's they work great and provide proof of who is doing what. You might even be surprised and it turns out not to be your neighbors kids.
