Isolated from Friends and Support Network for Next Six Weeks - Sad and Scared.

#1 Cut yourself some slack.

#2 Of COURSE it's okay for you to be questioning whether or not you want to do this. You DH may well be a day late and a dollar short (or not), but just because he is FINALLY going to treatment doesn't mean that everything is magically fixed. In fact, early recovery (first 2 years) is often worse/harder than active addiction/drinking. A lot of well meaning people give spouses who leave (or separate) during early recovery a hard time (the whole "you should be supportive" BS... when the fact is *wreckage* -to use an AA term-, has been created over the past several years and the spouse is usually exhausted, on their very last nerve, or just too beat up emotionally and mentally to give any more energy to someone who has done nothing to help THEM for the past x amount of time. Staying with your DH is a gift, not a right, at this point. And it may well be one you're not willing to give, now or later. You may. You may not. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO KNOW THE ANSWER.

#3 Take Care of Yourself. -borrowing another aa phrase-. Quite frankly, honey, figure out the plane ticket thing. And if you want to go home for a few weeks, or for the duration, do so. Most likely everyone is urging you to stay. If you really want to, do so. But they're rooting for the 2 of you, and doing what they think is best/ most helpful. That may or may not be the case. So take some serious time and consider what is best for you.

#4 Be gentle with yourself. You know what? Dora and Calliou aren't the worst things in the world. They probably make your kiddo laugh. And is there any better sound in the world? Especially when you want to cry? Yes, you may be over indulging in TV for awhile. Revel in the opportunity to be able to do so instead of beating yourself up over it. You 2 are going through a hard time. As an adult a girlfriend might bring you cookies or wine, or you might do a Haagen Das weekend when feeling low. You don't overindulge every day, but hard times... they're the time for some comfort. So take advantage of the fact that your child has a "treat" of some extra TV and giggles while the 2 of you are in a difficult place.

#5 Counseling. A good counselor is a highly educated, nonjudgmental, amazing friend, with stellar ideas and the BEST shoulder to cry on/ ear to bend, that you just didn't happen to meet on the street 10 years ago. It can take a bit of "shopping" (meaning a few appointments with a few different people) to find the right person, but boy howdy, do you DESERVE someone like that right now. Someone to completely unburden yourself on and kick ideas around with, and vent without fear of fallout/repercussion. If you find someone like that in San Jose, 1 will get you 10 that they can recommend someone in StPaul to check out. (Psychologists go to school all over the country, and then on top of that keep their hand in with others in the field via reading, conferences, networking, old jobs, etc. If they can't recommend an individual... they WILL be able to help you research). So whether you stay in CA or head home... you can find a counselor. Your DH has a whole TEAM of counselors right now, but he's HURT you in many many ways. Consider it (at the very least) part of the treatment expense.

#6 I'll bet you're exhausted and overwhelmed, not to mention hurt and having trust issues. Which makes the idea of spending the energy to go out and try and connect with new people a daunting and often futile proposition. So don't WORRY about it. Your toddler is not going to suffer not having "friends" for 6 weeks... and it's unlikely that you'll get past the "getting to know you" stage with other parents... so if you don't want to "get out and about"... DON'T. If you do, have at. But it's NOT a requirement that you go out and socialize in the middle of a traumatic event. Which is what is happening. If it makes you happy, do so. But *don't* do it out of any kind of guilt... much less mom-guilt. Heck. The play place at McDonalds anywhere in the country has random kids to play with for an hour with no strings attached. And toddlers need high-fat diets anyway. But there is NO need to do anything beyond what makes you happy.

#7 Great big giant hugs.

Riley J. did a great job of giving advice for you and your son.

What I'd like to add is that your husband could be protected against losing his job, if he tells his employer he's an alcoholic and is in treatment, then he is likely protected under the disability laws in place (alcoholhism is considered a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act - ADA). I am a former HR Manager, but not an employment lawyer. Most lawyers give a free consultation, or there are state agencies that will give advice on this.

Go home! Take care of yourself and do what is best for you and your son. Hang in there.

I understand your feelings of being a fish out of water but I moved here about 3 years ago and started going places with my then 1.5 year old and found other parents very friendly. I just strike up conversations about their kids and sometimes they work out and other times thy don't. You can also go to story time at the library.

Here is a list of parks I love:
Central Park of Santa Clara
John D. Morgan Park (Campbell)
San Jose Rose Garden & Hester Park
Emma Prusch Farm Park
Most of the malls here have play areas for tots.
There is the Children's Museum of San Jose, Happy Hollow Park & Zoo and the Jungle (Indoor Ball Pits and Tunnels)

Hope this helps to give you a distraction and good luck!

Read what Riley J. wrote and then read it again. And everytime you are feeling lost, read it again. You've got a tough road ahead. If your husband sobers up, great for him. But what does this mean for you? If he doesn't sober up, your back where you were. What does this mean for you? It's great that he has supportive family, let them to there for him while you try to figure out what you need to do for you and your son. Too often the alcoholic gets all the time, attention and resources - especially when they are "trying" to be sober. You've been working harder than you think to try to keep it together for what seems like forever. What do you NEED right now? As a former co-dependent to a functioning (and later chronic) alcoholic, that was a really hard question for me. All my energy went into my husband and the expectations of others, not into myself. If you need to be by your family and your friends right now, then do it. Lean on them for support BUT understand that you are the ONLY one in charge of your own fate. Just like your husband is the only one who can decide his fate. He may stay sober or he may not, all of this will be regardless of what you say or do. Stay or don't stay. He will still make his own choices. His drinking has never been about you or anything you did or didn't do, but rather about his relationship with alcohol. I got really "sick and tired" of playing second fiddle to my husband's relationship with alcohol. It was overwhelming and all consuming, just like all drug addictions are. How could he really be there for me (or a child if we had had one) when he was spending all his energy trying to manage his unmanageable (drinkgin) life. Like Riley said, your husband has all the support/counselors he needs right now. Get yourself the help you need right now to "recover" from this web of dysfunction. Even if he does sober up, the trust is gone and it will take time to rebuild. You have a son that needs you to take charge of your future, to make decisions that are best for the two of you. Your husband may fit in the picture eventually, if that's the right decision. That said, don't expect to make big decisions tomorrow. You're in recovery too. Take it one day at a time with your eyes on the big picutre. Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. Grieve what has been, what could have been, and what you thought you had. FORGIVE YOURSELF, for the all the should of, would of and could of. Many, many people have believed the lies, it doesn't mean to you were weak or failed. You can't change the past so think about the future. Figure out a plan for your own stability and support. Make the best decisions you can at the time you need to make them. Best wishes for your own recovery.

Keep going to those Alanon meetings. They will be tons of help... see if there are others in the meetings with children around the same age as yours as well. I'm sure you can find playgroups to meetup with as well to keep your time and little one occupied. Do a google search on playgroups in San Jose to see if you can find any near you. I'm sure your son will appriciate the compainionship as well as you will. Try to come up with a routine so your son knows what to expect as well. Even if it is as simple as breakfast, playtime, lunch, playtime, nap, reading, dinner.... at that age, knowing what to expect next is important, even if it is loosely organized.
Good luck with your familys healing.