I know we all have a choice in most situations but to me this sounds like something else and I can not put my finger on it.
A co worker just got engaged and her fiance has told her they get married now or never it is her choice! I don't have many details because they are not my business but over hearing that one little detail casued me to wanna chit chat with my mama's about it.
What say you?
Found out: she has children and he would like to set a good example around them, he is certain she is the one in the short period of time and he is certain that he is ready to settle down and be a part of a family.
Either way congrads were in order from me what ever the decision or reason....I just wanted to chit chat with you guys about it so thanks for taking the time.
what say me? I say controlling man and dump his behind now. if he exhibits that control over her now and she bends, he will be determining her food intake, friends, etc.
Put the shoe on the other foot - how would he react if she told him "it's now or never"????
Dump him!!
ETA: Even with the SWH - if my husband had told me "now or never" I would've told him to pound sand. If it's love and right, it doesn't have to happen RIGHT NOW.
RED FLAGS, RED FLAGS! Not a choice, that is ultimatum. One just like when women say "I'm leaving you if you don't marry me."
Hubs and I got engaged, and I moved two states away. Didn't have health care so we common lawed so that I could. But it was not an ultimatum, and we discussed this prior to my moving.
Context, tone of voice, situation, type of man he is, type of woman she is, type of relationship they have... that all makes a difference. There aren't enough details. One statement that her fiance made isn't enough to make a judgment.
Well....it's a choice.
He gave her a choice.
It speaks to his character, but her choice, nonetheless.
Personally, I don't respond well the the "high-pressure, you'll save $$ if you do it NOW" type of sales approach. And in this case, I probably wouldn't be buying what he's selling! LOL
Kind of a strange choice. Are you sure it wasn't one of those I looooovvveee you soooooo much we just must do it now!!! kind of comments?
Really other than he has a month to live why would you have to rush or never?
Marriages that start out with ulitmatums and blackmail usually don't end well.
ultermatems are never love.
Sounds like my sister in law and her boyfriend. he wanted to do it now for health insurance and get it fast because he was a diabetic ......
I guess there could be very many many reasons for such a comment....
If it is a controling issue......maybe not a good idea for them to marry if it all begins on the proposal.
Anytime someone says 'it's now or never' is a red flag to me. If she wants to plan a nice wedding she will need time to do that. Most reception halls are booked a year or two out. He may not know that and may be just thinking of having a simple ceremony and no reception. But even churches and ministers are often booked several months out. They could the non tradional route and book their wedding on a Thursday or Sunday and be able to do it quickly. But I still think it's a red flag.
Maybe she's been bugging him to get hitched and he's on his last nerve about it? Or maybe he's asked her many times before and she's been wishy washy and he wants to KNOW what their future holds.
Anyway, it sounds like a lame way to start a marriage if you ask me.
People spend way too much time figuring out the wedding rather than figuring out if they really want to be together until death do you part.
How can anyone ever really say "its now or never" and actually mean that? If they love each other they will get married later if they dont get married now.
Well, I know my hubby wanted to get married right away to "make an honest woman out of me" because we were living together. But we didn't, we married a year after getting engaged. That being said, I think this co-workers fiance seems to have a bit of an "I don't care" attitude. Like, we can get married now, or never, whatever...I don't care...It seems kind of disrespectful but its hard to comment on when we don't really have any more details.
Lots of good answers here, but first thing that popped into my head when I read your question was maybe he's an illegal alien and is afraid of being deported??
Never would be my answer for sure! She can go ahead and save herself years of heartbreak and therapy if she says never. What a jerk. He sounds controlling - not a good precursor to have in marriage.
that sounds more like a threat--not a choice. Sounds like red flags all over---no one should get married just because the other person wants to right then--they should think long and hard about it and do it when BOTH people feel it is the right time. It makes me wonder what else this man will want to control in the woman's life.....my advice to her would be to let him go and find someone else who is secure in who he is.
M
I think that is totally rude and she should strongly consider not getting married to this guy. That is an ultimatum and he should expect to get a negative result from it.
Thats just my opinion.
Yes, it is a choice. She either chooses to get married now or she chooses not to get married now. She should look into why he is in a big rush and make her decision accordingly.
She needs to dump his butt - unless his mother is dying and he wants her to see her baby get married or something like the stuff Tracy K said :)
I'm taking it a different way like he was kidding. More of a he said it is now or never haha type statement. Sounds she was just make small talk about it.
Well, I guess it's a choice but it sure doesn't sound very romantic!
Yes, it's a choice. However, a difficult one if she wants to marry later. If I were her, based only on those few words, I'd say never because it feels like he's needing to control the situation. Marriage is about give and take and compromise. There is no room for compromise in that statement.
That would bug me. Don't know if it's her 1st marriage or not, but give her time to make it special. setting a good example for her kids is fine, but let them see you want it to be special!
My first husband said the same thing. He wasn't the one and I regret saying yes, let's elope. (The only thing I don't regret is my beautiful daughter!)
If I had just overheard it, I wouldn't say anything...but if she had said it to me, I totally would have told her that's no reason to get married immediately. If he loves her, he'll wait several months till they can plan a wedding.
Talk about a microwave man... Now or never, sometimes things are better after the wait... however, it depends on the circumstance, my first thought was like... goodbye... but reading about setting a good example my thought did change, so I guess I would have to know more facts...
Sounds like he's a control freak and might have some unsavory reasons for a rushed arrangement. RED FLAGS. Tell her to make the choice for never if she can't have a say.
