Is This Abnormal?

It's only abnormal if she throws an absolute hissy fit if you say no, or you can't. It sounds like she's just enjoying some time with you and she doesn't necessarily need you in order to fall asleep.

When I would stay at my grandparents while I was growing up, every single morning I would wake up and go and climb into grandma and grandpa's bed with them to snuggle. Those are some of my most cherished memories.

I still "lay" with my 11 year old son. I think the same as you, one day he will stop? maybe? But not so far. I usually still read him a chapter out of a book too, then lie with him and scratch his back for about 5 mins.

Shoot, I have "slumber parties" with my daughter and she is 25!!!

Enjoy! Its a time to connect and talk about hopes and dreams and all the fun stuff in life.

Enjoy it. And read the book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. She's going to go through a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally. So the more grounded, safe, and trusting she feels with you, the better.

My son is almost 7, and we snuggle every night. I sing to him, and then he goes to sleep. As long as he likes it, I'll do it :)

Let her have you when she needs you.

Yep, enjoy it. Bedtime is often a moment when kids' brains start to want to process what happened that day and the fact she wants you there with her at that time, to me, shows that she values your presence while she's winding down and processing things.

My daughter is nearly 13 and many, many nights wants me to lie down with her at bedtime. In the dark it can be easier for her to voice a worry about something at school the next day. Or sometimes she just wants to chat for a minute about a new book she's reading or something that made us laugh together earlier in the day. She likes it if I stay while she goes to sleep but she also sometimes says, "Hey, you go watch TV with Dada now, I can't keep you all night!"

Like your child, she is also independent, mature for her age, and likes time to herself as well as being very social. She just likes my company at that particular part of the day, and while she still wants my company, she sure can have it.

Say yes when your kid wants you to stay. She's not crying and distressed, she's not afraid of something, she's just wanting you around, and you know she copes just fine when you're not around, too, so all's well. Enjoy it while you can.

Enjoy it. It will end at 13.

I think it's sweet. Hopefully when she comes home from college on breaks, she will still want to do this with you. I think it's also a great time to talk, even for 5 minutes.

My son is almost 10 and he likes me to lay with him after we read. I think it is just relaxing for him. I don't always stay until he falls asleep ( rarely in fact), but he does fall asleep more easily.

I do think that the laying in the dark and her being able to open up more will be important as she gets older. I was shy about certain subjects growing up, puberty stuff, and it was WAY easier for me to talk to my mom when I couldn't see her face. Sometimes I would even write a note. While that is not what it sounds like she needs now, it may be helpful in the future.

Just enjoy it!!! :) Like you said, it won't last forever so take advantage of it now!

Nope! I think it's wonderful! Enjoy it while you can:)

No, not at all. I remember getting inpatient at my daughter for not being able to go to sleep without me--she was always independent, charging after her older sisters, why did she need me to get to sleep? Now, at 12, she doesn't & I miss it! Also, in hind sight, I realize I was always so busy, she had to fight for my attention, but at night, when it was bed time & the house quieted down, she had my undivided attention. So enjoy it, because you are right, it won't last forever!

My son is 9 years old and an advanced reader, but still wants me to lay in bed and read to him every night. So most of the time I do - this is when we tackle books that are a little above his level (which means they are interesting stories so I enjoy it too).

He also would have me have a "sleepover" (sleep with him in his bed) every night if he could! I'll do it once every few months. Even though he is getting older he is still very snuggly, and like you said I want to enjoy this because he will soon get to a point where he doesn't want to snuggle with me.

My daughter is JUST like that.
And she is also, 11.
She is not abnormal.
My daughter, is very loving still, despite her being in middle school and still calls me "Mommy" not "Ma" or "Mom" and is very independent at the same time.
ALL her friends, their Moms also cuddle with them at bedtime.
How do I know? We all tell each other.
For me, the laying near my daughter means, we chat about her day. It is a good "time" for her, to do that. And it makes her grounded and close, to her parent. Me. Still.
I don't lay there until she falls asleep, but she likes to, chat w/me, at that time. And she tells me "You're the best Mommy.... "
And, being that we are close that way, I know, I am still an "anchor" for my daughter, in a nice mother/daughter manner as she grows up and older.
Versus my Mom, was a cold fish. So I didn't "bond" with her that way.

My daughter is also a hugger. Loves to hug. Still.
Its nice.
She even does it if her friends are here.
Her friends are the same with w/their Moms.
Its nice.

I don't see and issue so long as it's not getting in the way of you going to bed. Is it just a cuddle/ chat time for the two of you?

I'm 33 and the last time I was at my parent's place with my daughter we were both in G'ma and G'pa's bed. Just being silly and chatting.

That's how my family is, we all just pile onto the "big" bed, even as adults. Yes, there was a rule about the door being shut and knocking first, but aside from that, cuddle time was a time to catch up and get those hugs in while the world wasn't looking.

Not abnormal. Lovely way to bond.

I think thats awesome. I'm friggin 27 and still enjoy being read to every once in a great GREAT while!

My son is six and needs me more after we say 'bedtime' than he does all day long. My guess is that, when evening rolls around and they cease playing or keeping themselves occupied, their deeper concerns come up for them, mainly because the distractions of the day have done just that-- distract them. Sort of like adults with anxiety who go to bed but just can't seem to shut their brains off. When we've had a really busy day away from each other, I know I'm in for a rather protracted 'bedtime' and need to expect he's going to be a little needier. That's just his way of relaxing, recalibrating (as I call it) and knowing all is safe and secure in the world.

Enjoy this closeness now. My guess is that she is balancing her emerging independence with finding 'home base'... much like what toddlers do, remember how they toodle off to go check out some toys on the other side of the room, and then come back to us for a bit? She's doing the same thing, in her own way. And if you feel like nighttime is too much, then just tell her "I want to make some time for us to have tea together in the afternoon" or something along those lines. It's okay to try to move that to 'daytime' so long as you are giving her some focused attention and keep it fairly unstructured.

My daughter was the same way at 11. We both enjoyed our snuggly evenings, and when I was too busy, she accepted that without whining. She outgrew this pattern gradually, and was done with it by 13. She was otherwise quite independent.

I doubt that it's abnormal, unless it's causing you or her unhappiness.

Enjoy. This could become a nice time for her to share personal things with you as she goes into her teen years.

I think it's great :-) as long as you and she are happy then great.

Totally fine!! I love when my kids want to lay down with me. They will always be my babies and I love whatever bonding I can get with them...especially as we enter the preteen years!

Perfectly normal! I remember asking my Mom to lay with me. My kids asked too. Nighttime is different from daytime too....comforting and security are always important!

Regards,
M.

I have a friend who has an eleven year old who does the same thing, but her daughter suffers from anxiety. She co-slept until she was nearly five, and has insisted on her mom laying with her ever since. She is also independent, and has no trouble staying home alone for a couple of hours, or going to the store or the park without her mom, but she does have trouble going to camp or going on sleepovers.

I just posted a question about this yesterday. My 11 yr old daughter has only recently started asking us to lay on the floor of her room. So for us, it's abnormal and we don't want to make a habit out of it. I don't think any of her friends have their parents lay with them.