Is This a Lazy SAHM ?

You're not a SAHM, you are a part time working mom.

I don't judge other people and how they choose to parent. As long as they are not abusive or neglectful, to each their own.

I think you forget that in this day and age there are very few places left where moms can still shuffle their kids out the front door and tell them to go play with the neighborhood kids.
The fact is that Moms have never been able to get it all done with kids underfoot all day. It's just that now you have to shell out $ or barter babysitting to get time for anything else.

I'm not lazy, I'm tired... Ever since having my son, I've had a lot of sleeping issues (5.5 years)... So yes, getting a break is great... He needs it, so do I :)

I happen to have some high maintainance kids! A break once a week would be Heaven. Most people would tell you that when doing it 24/7, you NEED a BREAK. You would not realize that, because you arent with yours every day, you are with them alone only 3 days per week, assuming you have a husband who is with you on the weekends. You drop them off for 9 hours a day 2 times every week, and that is your break from the Mommy job. Those who have no daycare, nanny, job, etc, have absolutely no break 5 days a week from the meals, the questions, the tantrums, the naps, the lack of freedom to go where they please while kidless, the lack of control over their own schedule, the illnesses, doctor's appts, dentist appts, sibling fights, the list goes on. He who lives in the glass house can cast the first stone.....If I were you, I'd mind my own business.

Why do so many of you feel the need to justify "Mom time" by pointing out that your kiddo is "high maintenance" - Of course they are - they're kids!!!

My point - take your Mom time and enjoy it without justification, guilt, whatever is going on here.

You are a fully functioning human being OUTSIDE of your children - and it's ok to take the time to fuel yourself.

As for being a lazy parent because of it - whatever - to each their own. On the flip side - if you NEVER take time for yourself are you the best parent on the planet?

Sounds more like a martyr to me...

Ah - if only we could walk a mile in another's shoes.

Why do we feel this need to criticize each other all the time? I know what is best for my kids but I have no idea what is best for yours so I don't judge your choices, ya know?

I never had any of my kids in summer programs beyond camps they asked to be in but that is what was best for mine. There may be others that have kids that just won't socialize without a structured setting for them summer school is great.

Half day kindergarten sucks! I think it was designed so that you feel like going home is silly and stay and work up at the school. Maybe that is just me but with my older two I would drop them off, do a load of laundry, and go pick them up. So I stayed up at the school on worked on some of my volunteer projects. If you have the money there is nothing wrong with full day kindergarten, I guess that is why with my younger two half day was not offered.

Oh yeah the other part that sucks about half day kindergarten, so you pick them up, do another load of laundry and pick the rest of your kids up! :(

Not lazy.

It takes me 3xs the amount of time to get anything done when my son is home.

No one wants to hire a preschool teacher (my work)for a three-hour shift while he's in preschool. I do plenty around the house: keep a garden, take care of everything inside, etc and play with my son. I'll be scraping the old paint off the house soon enough...

Next year my little guy goes on to kindergarten: he'll start with a half day, then we'll likely move to a full day in January or so, when he's become used to going to school 5 days a week. Half day kinder here is 2.75 hours, so between travel time (about 1/2 hour for me, total) I'll have a whopping two hours for my brain to cool before the next wave of endless talking, needing my attention and other parenting tasks. I love my son, I don't use tv as a babysitter, and I am STILL exhausted from the constant interactions.

AND, some moms are introverts. We NEED the quiet so we can do well with the noise.:)

For what it's worth, there are many benefits to full-day kindergarten and it is recommended for a smoother transition to first grade, when the academics get kicked up a notch. It's also recommended for kids to continue schooling all year round in order to retain the information they learned during the school year. You can google both of these (benefits of full-day kindergarten and benefits of year round schooling) if you don't believe me. At summer school, her son might also enjoy being in class with other kids, too.

I think it's easy to judge other people without living their lives, and there are a lot of moms who use this site who are SAHMs and knock themselves out working in home, spending time with their kids, on a daily basis. Try to give these women the benefit of the doubt, please.

Added about kindergarten in your SWH:
Hey Lisa. Just a thought about the difference in full day and part day kinder. What you say about "what they get" is technically correct, but I want to really explain this to you from the point of view of a mom who has had both half day and full day kinder. Half day is a full day of instruction crunched into a half day. It is hard work - no joke. Thank heavens the child who was able to cope with it academically was in half day kinder, and not my other child. Full day kinder was very tough on my other child as it was, and without the breaks and the naptime and the extra time to do work and learn, he would have had a hard time being ready for first grade. And this was the kid I held back a year because he wasn't mature enough or ready to go to school! And he was one of the oldest in his class when he went as well! He would never have made it in half day kinder.

The point I'm trying to make is that having had both half day and full day, I would NEVER consider kindergarten of ANY sort to be in the ballpark of daycare. (I winced when I read that, truly!) And Lisa, I love reading your posts, and you're one of my favorites, so I'm not throwing tomatoes - I really am not. I just don't think you understand the point that people are trying to make. I gave up my career for my kids too, but holy mackeral, they about killed me. Working was so much easier than 24/7 with my kids. The summer programs are wonderful and I would have loved to have done them when my kids were little. As it was, they had the summer programs when they were older (which was when I had more money.) They needed them, and I knew it.

So please understand that kindergarten is never a glorified daycare. The level of learning they HAVE to do in order to be accepted in first grade is huge. When they come in to first grade, they hit the ground running and it is hard as heck on them if they aren't prepared. Kinder prepares them.

Original:

Nope - not a lazy SAHM. When you have teens and you look back on all the stuff you did as a younger mom, your eyes will sometimes bug out of your head. I could list them until I my hand hurt from typing - doctors appointments, speech therapy, OT, tutoring, swim lessons, tee ball, soft ball, soccer, gymnastics, music lessons, play groups, church where I couldn't even take communion without my kids making me actually cry, vacations where I thought I'd fall down exhausted schlepping things here and there. Moving several times and having to get a whole new set of doctors and and specialists. Having to shop with my kids. Oh my word - shopping with the kids. That makes me exhausted just to think about it.

I could write more paragraphs that no one would want to read.

The point is, parenting takes YEARS, and until you have done it for years, (thanks, Riley, for your thread a few minutes ago!), you just can't necessarily see the forest for the trees. Being worn out by your kids is cummulative. The moms who wish their kids were in full time kindergarten have been feeling the strain for a long time. There is barely enough time to get stuff done and relax before their children come home from part day kinder and it's back "on duty" until they go to sleep.

Nothing lazy about it.

In addition, your friend who is sending the child to summer school, knows that he thrives on a real schedule and being with other children. He also learns a lot. Like a working mom, she knows that having breaks helps them bond very well when her child gets home, and they can enjoy each other so much more, with her having gotten so much more done during the day and her child having a blast at a program designed for fun summer stuff. When I was doing summer with my kids, it was swimming lessons in the morning, multiplication problems or states and capitals at lunch, or reading and math for the younger one, then going back to the swimming pool in the afternoon, then snacks, then home and playing in the back yard, and then dinner and bed. No time to get anything done in the house. If I kept them home all the time, they were bored and my house was always a mess. If we were out of the house, I could keep it cleaner. Watching my kids swim was boring and not really about "being with the kids". They were playing with other children and not paying one bit of attention to me. So your friend's idea of letting them have a summer program so she can get stuff done sounds pretty smart. I'm glad she can afford it.

My older son is in college now. I have the satisfaction of knowing that I did my hardest work physically with him when he was young (and I was younger!) and then my hardest brain work for him when he was older. (Teen years are a maze to go through!) I had to do both physical work AND brain work with my younger son all the way through. Having somewhere for my kids to be and be taken care of didn't mean that I was a lazy SAHM. And it doesn't mean that about your friends, either.

Hope my point of view makes sense!

Dawn

I don't think this is lazy. You as a stay at home mom should know that while we are at home we don't just take care of the kids, we take care of alot of other things too. I mean if you are working you don't have a bunch of kids asking for things and needing you while you get the work done. Plus its a 24/7 job. whats wrong with wanting a break?

So you get a break twice a week, that means they are not with you "all the time". Then you get a sitter once a month to spend fun quality time with your older child, sounds like another break to me.

Sounds like you get more of a break then these other moms. Having kids in school 1/2 day is quite a pain in the butt when it comes to driving time. You cannot complete very many chores from start to finish.

And for the mom that signed her son up for summer school, I bet it's him that wanted and will benefit most from this. Most kids that are at the top of their class LIKE the extra work and structure. I have a daughter like this too. She is in kindergarten and BEGGED me every day for 4 months to please let her go all day. When she got in the car she wouldn't talk to me, her response was "I am not talking to you until you let me go to school all day". She was the happiest kid when I finally gave in and put her in all day.

Personally my kids & I have a better relationship when we get breaks from eachother. Same with any type of relationship; whether it be your spouse, your friends, your relatives.

For moms, breaks usually mean cleaning, laundry, Dr appointments, these "breaks" don't sound so extravagant to me.

Oy vey... where to start?

Okay... your question, first:

Yes. Nearly every stay at home parent I know, and DEFINITELY every working parent. It is the RARE parent that just keeps their kids in their house with them and never takes them anywhere, does anything on their own, nor works on their own lives...

Including you. (Please keep reading, to the end, promise.) You say they're always with you BUT THEY'RE NOT

You work 2 days a week.
You send your children to public/private school.
You send your child(ren) to girl scouts, and possibly other activities
You get a babysitter.

WHY?

Why not, per your own Q... take them out of school and homeschool, ditch the babysitting, and ditch the outside classes/activities, and quit your job? Don't you WANT your children home all day, every day? What are you LAZY?

This probably had you blinking/ticked off. Why?

Because you've figured out a system/schedule that works for your family. You work 2 days a week either because you enjoy it or need the money. You send your kids to school because you believe it's best for them. You have them in girlscouts/&or possibly other activites because they enjoy it. It's what works for your family.

The same thing doesn't work for every family.

I've been homeschooling for 4 years. Does that mean I love my kid more than people who send them away for 8 hours a day? Pshaw. Of course not! Does it make awayschool parents "less" of a parent? Ha! Of course not. And do I outsource (classes, camps, etc.) ? Of course!

Here's another thing to consider:

The average child is awake 12-15 hours a day.
The average "job" is 8 hours a day.

When kids hit school age, it's the FIRST TIME a stay at home parent has "normal working hours". For the 5 years prior, they've been working double shifts, without weekends/holidays/or sick time for 5 years (unless they've arranged basic human rights for themselves via someone else also taking care of their child). No other job, would someone be called lazy, for only working 50-70 hours a week and being on call every night, much less working up to 105 hours a week, and being on call every night. Childcare is a JOB. Add in the trap that a lot of SAHPs fall into where their spouse only goes to work and comes home, while they do all of the household maintenence on top of all the childcare, and it's a job that if a company required it, would have them in court in no time flat for illegal working conditions. Just imagine the following Q

"I have a nanny from 5am-9pm, 7 days a week. She wants to reduce her hours!!! How lazy is that?"

Just because you're related to your children by blood or love (adoption) doesn't make it any less work, than a professional coming in. Just like DIY construction, book keeping, etc.

Next to last point:

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE CHOOSES TO STAY AT HOME, DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY DON'T HAVE OTHER INTERESTS/ A LIFE TO LEAD OUTSIDE OF THEIR CHILDREN.

Their interests may pay, they may not. But they have the right to pursue them. After a 15 hour day, who has time or energy to do anything else? No one. Some things one may be able to bring the kids with, but far far more do not. Should a parent give up all outside interests?

LASTLY

Why is it "okay" (aka not "lazy") for a working parent to get 10 hours of daycare per day, but not okay (aka "lazy") for a stay at home parent to get even half of that?

2 days a week you get childcare and choose (for money, personal interests, etc.) to fill that time with work. Why is that okay in your mind? Why is it not lazy to send your kids to school?

Do you see where I'm coming from? You love you kids. You enjoy spending time with them. They spend a lot of their time elsewhere (while you work, or while they're in school). That doesn't make you lazy. That doesn't mean you don't love your kids. And it doesn't make a stay at home parent lazy or unloving, either.

____

For myself... I've "done it all" (almost). Been a FT/PT working mom, FT SAHM, student mom. Sent my son to awayschool. Been a homeschooler. NONE of those options had the same schedules attached to them, and none of them were lazy options.

I don't think this is lazy at all. Sometimes kids need things to do other than being with their mom and sometimes a SAHM just needs a break. You get to go to work 2 days a week for a break from thm so you really are not a good barometer of what it is like to be with little kids 24/7. I actually wish that I would have carved a little more me time into my day when the kids were little. I would have been a lot less stressed getting the chance to do some things during the day by myself.

Yep, I'm one of them.
I am not just a mom I am a homemaker and a community volunteer. Of course my kids are my top priority but I don't believe it's my job to be their playmate and social director 24/7. When they get a chance to go to enrichment activities (classes, camps, after school programs) we ALL benefit. I think my kids would much rather have more time with friends, playmates and classmates than be sitting at home with mom all day (BORing!) And I get time to exercise, see friends, volunteer, work on projects around the house, etc. I KNOW how lucky I am to be a SAHM because working moms have even fewer hours in the day to take care of their own passions, interests and needs.
And I'm sorry but I think some SAHMs need to be with their kids a lot more than their kids need to be with them. It's like they need their children's constant companionship in order to feel needed, validated, important, whatever. I don't want my kids to be chained to my hip, and I know THEY don't want that either! How selfish that would be :(

Yep, I am that lazy SAHM who knows she needs to put her son in summer programs because she can not give him all that he needs during a day by herself. I just do not have the will or drive or ability to keep a 5yr old with ADHD going all day with out getting bored/frustrated etc, so yes, I plan to GIVE him a way to get some of it out with other kids in a planned group activity allowing me some time to go to the gym to work off the extra 100 or so lbs I have found over the years amongs other things. I am THAT SAHM you are talking about, congratulations for devoting your entire life to your children and allowing them to rule your world.

Um...you're gonna take a beating for this question, DUCK!!!! That's all I'm sayin'...

It sounds like a win-win proposition to me. The kids win because they get to be with their peers in a safe environment and learn a thing or two too. The moms win because they get time to get things done without the back and ear strain of young children. They might even get a little time to relax, read or workout!

My children are a blessing, and not a burden. But running errands, exercising, and clipping coupons without hearing them fight is wonderful! I get maybe 2-3 hours a week without my children, and I would jump at the chance for a little more "me time". It's not laziness. It's making sure I take care of myself so I have the energy to take care of everyone else.

ETA: Paying $3000 for lunch time, nap time, and an extra recess sounds outrageous to me, and I could never swing it. But if those other mom have the money, I say "go for it". Except that they will probably drive you nuts when they complain about how tight their finances are. You can't win ;-)

I don't think it's lazy. My daughter was an excellent student and I had her in summer school every year. She was an only child until she was 9. It gave her somewhere to go and something to do BESIDES just being with me all the time. She made friends with kids who went to other schools, got to do all kinds of wonderful activities and day camps. She loved it.
It had nothing to do with me getting a "break". My daughter was a very social child and she got bored easily home sometimes although we did a lot of educational and creative things together all the time. She had her own little social life too.

In my case, I don't think it would have been fair for someone to assume that I just didn't want her home all day or that I was lazy. It would actually have been a lot easier to just let her sleep in and not have to get up, get dressed, fed, and have her across town on time early in the morning.

I left my husband when my son was a baby. He was in preschool/daycare at 2. I didn't have a job, but I wasn't being lazy. I was going through a very bitter divorce and had to be at depositions and court dates and attorney appointments. It helped that my son had a loving teacher and other little kids to be around while all that was happening.

I think moms do what is best for their own kids and it's fine if what's best varies wildly from one family to another.

Just my opinion.

I cried tears of joy every time one of them started full day kindergarten. My kids started sleeping at my mother's around 12-18mo, and she took at least one kid per week for an overnight to give me a break. I need time alone or I become "not very nice mom". Sue me. Why on earth would I want to raise my kids in the bubble of my home when I can expose them to so much more? Parents like you baffle me.

I do and I'm jealous :)

Life was amazing in the brief period, about six weeks after I had quit my job and was waiting for the arrival of my baby. Six weeks of a very clean house, gourmet meals every night, lots of exercise and reading quiet time, and lots of time to see friends and family.

I understand why moms, who have the means, send their children to camp or full-time day care. If I had the financial means, it would be a tempting proposition.

ETA: The reason she is probably taking her child to the daycare to get on the bus is that the bus company likely requires one pickup address and one drop off address. When I was working and before I got a nanny, my kids went to daycare on my work days. The bus company would not allow us to do pickups at our house only some days and pickups at the daycare for only some of the days. My kids liked to see their daycare friends every week day and they preferred to ride the bus every day so rather than take them to school myself, I took them to the daycare and picked them up there as well. Original reply: Unless those people are taking their kids to crackhouses or leaving them unattended or some other unsafe thing, then their dropping off their children doesn't bother me. We are all individuals with individual desires and needs. It is very important for parents that need a break to get a break. A HUGE misconception and disservice to parenting is the idea that we should not get a break until the kids are grown and on their own. Even on the job people get a break from work--- it's even required by law! Not getting a break from our children can makes for some very unhappy, frustrated and impatient parents which makes for emotionally or physically abused children in many cases.

If I had a trustworthy source then my toddlers would probably go somewhere once or twice a week (or I would have someone come to my home). I left my good paying job because it is what works best for my family. We were financially fine before I started working and just as well when I stopped working. When I get a break that does not mean I don't love, like or enjoy my children or my being at home with them. It is simply that I am human and sometimes I need some down time aka ME time. :)

I am a mom that does that every now and then. I often drop off my son with my neighbor if I need a break from him. You have to understand, my son is a high maintenance, rambunctious boy. He's also big and tough. I love him to pieces, but sometimes the days are hard and keeping him occupied and content is a challenge. Sometimes I feel that in order to be a better mom to him, I need a break. I am 100% behind any mom in her decision to do whatever it takes to make herself the best mom that she can be, even if it involves dropping the kids off or working outside the home.

I am constantly telling the elementary age children I work with "YOU worry about YOU, Suzy will worry about Suzy...." Do what is right for you and your kids. Your friends are doing what they feel is right for them. Whatever.

Gee -- I am a SAHM and all I'll do this summer is drive my rising senior from one thing to the next - I guess that means I'm lazy and want to get rid of her. She is attending various week long camps that are all educational including a Math and Physics camp and a week at the Coast Guard Academy. Do I want to "get rid of her"? No. I want her to do things that will help her grow as a person and help her find her way. My kids have always been busy in the summer.
Did I cheer when the kindergarten bus drove away with them on the first day of school? You bet your bippie I did!!
I love my children and love to spend time with them, but as a SAHM, I still need time to be me.
Those who work spend 8 - 10 hours a day being themselves. Is it wrong for the SAHMs to want a few hours in the day to be for us? Oh - yeah - and while I'm being me, I'm doing laundry, shopping, going on field trips, helping with fundraisers, etc. There are days -- including weekends -- where I don't have time to make the bed because I'm doing stuff for my kids while supporting their school and their chosen activities.
So no -- they aren't lazy. I'm sure it would be easier, some days, to keep the kids home instead of get them up, dressed, fed, and to their activity on time...
As for the moms who have younger kids and one in half day kinder -- it can be a nightmare. Trying to schedule naps around the bus or pick up time... I can totally understand. Until you live in their homes, you cannot judge.

Remember this: The older the children get, the more they need you.

LBC

i have 3 kids 2 of them are my shadows, i cant turn around without bumping into them, and one i have to go and check on because he stay hide out in his room all the time.( and i'm not wanting to offend) anyone, but i stay at home because we are lucky enough for me to be able to and i know thats not the case for other, but whats the point in having kids if you cant handle being around them, and this maybe just because i came from a parent not wanting anything to do with me, but i want my kids to say" mom was always there, she was always with us" i want to be at home with my kids and i guess i would say i'm the opposite of that mom, i dont really make mine do anything in the summer, we swim or take a day trip but other than that they are with me.

sometimes okay okay... most of the time i'm like "OMG IS IT BED TIME YET!!..lol. but other than us getting swimming lessons this yr form my daughter and i plan to go with her while she does it you could say i'm a hands on all the time parent.!!

Sorry but I'm trying to figure out why you are trying to hone in on her reasons. I would think SHE knows her child better than you, so why are you making a mish mosh example of her? I mean I was a SAHM for years. I enjoyed a break too. What you really think is irrelevant. Even if she' s doing it to get minor break, so what? She still has to go pick her son up. But it may be the only chance she gets to play homemaker.

Let it go. It really isn't for you to judge.

I'm a SAHM. Have been since my eldest was born 9 years ago.
I also have a son. He is now 5.
No, I have never signed my kids up for something in order to get them out of the house or to give myself more time without them.
Yes, my kids have gone to Preschool. Because it was good for their development and they wanted to go. It was not in order to get rid of them.

Being a SAHM is busy. It is all day 24 hours a day.
That is just how it is.
But even if I went bonkers on some days, I never tried to get rid of my kids via sending them someplace.

But now both my kids are in elementary school.
And now, I work part-time.
But I still consider myself a SAHM primarily.
I do both. Work and am home with them. Whenever they are not in school.

It's pretty difficult to read any other person's mind, no matter what that person says.

It is more difficult to get other things done when a child is at home, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a mother wants her child out of the house. It sounded that way, because the conversation was about the advantages and disadvantages of full day kindergarten. Negative things always come more quickly to mind, and are somehow more fun to talk about, than positive ones.

I do understand where you're coming from, though. When I was expecting my first child, I was appalled at the countless mothers I met who griped, griped, griped about their babies, children, husbands, and homes! I wondered if I would find any mother who appreciated being a mother... and I found many - some of whom were the complaining ladies. They had been venting, almost Mamapedia style.

If there are any lessons in this, they are: listen to yourself (as others do) when you open your mouth, talk positively about your children's affairs more than you talk negatively about them, and try to cut each other a little slack.

I am a SAHM of 3 and I have been since I was pregnant with my oldest. Everyone needs a break once in a while. I have a wonderful older woman (in her 50s) that watches my children occasionally during the day. She just watched them on Tuesday when I had to go to the dentist. My dentist operates during the hours my husband works, so I needed help. When my husband was deployed she had them every Wednesday for 4 hours, so I could do whatever I wanted to do. Different moms need different amounts of time to themselves. Giving yourself a break is healthy!

It's easy to think that. I wanted my kids to go to an early FT kindergarten this year, so I could devote more time to my business and get it growing. Sometimes I felt guilty about that, but to me this work (although it can be hard work) is play. So, I definitely enjoy it and do consider it "me time" that I get paid for. Also, some peace and quiet never killed anyone, lol. It might be different than what you meant, but these were my thoughts recently.

I just think that every mom (and family) finds and chooses a different way to raise her kids now days according to her needs, lifestyle, etc. I chose to be a home schooling mom. My kids still enjoy different activities and sports and I enjoy time for myself. We like and enjoy what we chose as a family!

Why are you judging? All moms need breaks. It makes us better moms!
Maybe you secretly desire more time..and that's OK. We all need it. Maybe this alleged lazy SAHM is in therapy. Maybe she's applying for jobs. You do not know the real circumstance and if she just wants time for her and can afford the child care then good for her for doing what's best for her.

Would you feel different if this alleged SAHM was having gramma or grampa sit?

Heck, I know FT working moms that dump their kids off every weekend until they are CALLED to come and get them.

Getting your child involved in activities, sports, etc. is O. thing--getting RID of them is another.

Some people need more time to themselves than others do. I took six weeks maternity leave when my daughter was born, but even then, I sometimes left her with a sitter to go do something I wanted to do. You can love your kids and not want to be around them 24/7/365.

Yes I surely do. Someone I know quit work to ostensibly be home with her kids, but takes any opportunity to drop them off with the two grandmas so she can "get things done." That is a direct quote.

I did sign my kids up for summer school, well bounce back program... it is a fall program that last 2 weeks at the end of summer to help the kids get back into school easier. My daughter's day will be a little longer then my son's because she is also doing an after summer school program (sponsered by Lebron James) that was offered to kids entering the 3rd grade only and if she completes the 10 days, she gets a free lap top or i-pad. They also asked to be signed up for a week science camp at the school and my daughter might go to a Hourse Riding Camp during it's arthritis week. Plus, PaPa and Grammy are talking about a 2 week visit for 3 so the kids can have swimming lessons & their grandma in MI wants all 5 (don't know if I can do that one) to come for a week.

I guess you could say I'm being lazy & trying to "get rid of them", but I'm not. I do what them to enjoy the summer & do lots of fun stuff... I do want them around, but they get so board around just momma & their siblings. Plus, even if one is gone I have the others too... and hubby. Yes, momma needs a break, but momma won't get one - even if they kids are gone a week. I would just use the time to clean the house better, get all the laundry done, get clean sheet on everything, pick & can the veggies in the garden, and maybe take a longer bath without everyone needing something. Oh, I might get to go pee without someone coming in to watch or ask me something - lol, but I will miss it too.

Oh, and as to the summer school - the teachers feel it will help my kids. They both have struggled some this year... my daughter more so. My son has extra help & my daughter is being tested right now to see if she qualifies for help. So, I didn't really want them to go to summer school, but if it will help them - I am willing to try anything to boost their educaiton & their futures!!!!

Yeah... I had a friend like that. Her kids were hellions & she was a crappy non-parent, so that pretty much explained why she didn't want to be around her kids. Full day Kinder, summer camps, as many annual memberships as possible, all so she could unleash her kid on others & ignore them. Her mom's night out would consist of us meeting at 2pm and somehow not getting home until midnight. She couldn't wait to get away from those kids.

I don't think it's the norm, though, and I only gave that example based on personal experience over the course of almost 2 years with this person.

I mean, really, you work, so one could say you work to get away from your kids & that you make sure you get your "alone" time. See how easy it is to judge someone else for their own, personal choices?

Why wouldn't you want to do whatever you could to make sure your children had a fun summer? You don't have to spend every waking moment with them.

Ditto allll the other responses, except that I didn't notice anyone address the situation you listed in your SWH, where the mom takes the child to daycare to get on a bus to school from there. That makes me scratch my head. BUT, I don't know the woman or her life, and maybe she has a reason that makes that make sense. Maybe she goes home and works from home. Maybe she goes home but has some sort of illness you aren't privy to, and has to take meds and she can't drive while on them and needs that extra 30 minutes for them to wear off before she picks the kid up at lunch. Maybe _____... you just don't know.
It would cause my radar to perk up though. I will admit that. It would make me wonder. But I don't think I would try to come to any conclusions about what kind of parent she is....

The other cases you mentioned... to each his own. We all have different tolerance levels. And the non-stop questions and yammering sometimes... geeshh...
And especially the cases where there is an older sib that has to be picked up in what seems like as soon as you got back home. :/

my sister in law is a SAHM. She doesnt pick up her middle child from kindergarten because it is inconvenient. She says it is because gas is expensive but she drives all over so cal to meet up with her friends for lunch. It is really because it is inconvenient. So my 18 year old sister does it. Which means she wont try to get a real job. My sister does pick up my 7 year old on minimum day because the is 1 day my husband and I are both at work when she gets out. But I pay her. ANd if she ever got a job we could figure it out. Sis in law doesn't pay my sister. but she does go out to lunch every day. My sis in law is ALWAYS looking for a way to get rid of her kids. she even ditches them on their birthdays. Usually it is her middle child that is getting the raw end of the deal. she also wanted to put her kids in all day "summer camp" meaning child care in the summer. Having your kids in activities is different than dropping them off for babysitting. My kids play sports. My husband coaches or we hang out the whole time even at practice. And yes part of it is that we can/are available. I get that some parents have multiple activities and while one kid is at one thing another will be somewhere else and you have to decide where to be. But my sis in laws kid was on our kids team and she was never there. She would drop off her older daughter at the practice too. Why? free babysitting! (i don't know how much anyone was totally watching her) her other kid is 2 so he does not have activiteis. The funniest thing about this all. She doesn't pick up her kid from the same school where practice is (its only 1 day a week) but she doesnt stay for practice. Yes sometimes having your kids in activities is for the kids' benefit. Sometimes it is laziness. I (and you Lisa) are not calling ALL SAHM who have their kids in anything extracirricular lazy. I am saying that a SAHM who puts their kid in babysitting (like child care) is Lazy. they do exist. there is a big difference between day care and say sports or dance.

I always kind of laugh at my neighbors. They will only take days off work when their kids are in school. They will drop the youngest one off at daycare then just hang out. I understand spending quality time with your spouse but, if I am taking the day off work I WANT to spend time with my kids. If fact, every summer I switch to 4-10 hour days so I can spend one weekday doing something with my kids. My neighbors on the other hand took off yesterday because it was the kids last day of school. Makes me giggle.