I think I just might pull my head off soon. My son turned two in January. In the last few weeks he has become a different child. He has gone from very obedient and sweet to defiant defiant defiant!!!!! He is still sweet, but he is testing us every step of the way. He tells us "no", "hold on", or just ignores us so much of the time. He has also started slapping at me. We, of course, do not allow this, so I feel like my poor child is either in time out or getting a pop on the bottom all the time. There is nothing physically wrong with him, his hearing is fine, he's just a little toot.
Is this a phase? How long will it last? I would have thought that the fact that he NEVER gets away with it, and we are very consistant with him, that he would have gotten the picture that his attitude is not going to work. But it hasn't clicked in yet.
Any advice would be appreciated. I have read several books, I just need some real life advice from some of you who have lived through this phase. Please do not respond if you have something ugly to say, thats not what I am looking for.
O yes it is the terrible twos.You are doing the right thing for him by staying on top and dont let him win.It is very trying but hang in there.O there is no time on this one.It makes a nice birthcontrol.He will be fine and you might get a few grey hairs.Sounds like you are doing eveything right.
Yeah, Two's are terrible. Keep disciplining him, he will grow out of it. Keep being consistent and they will learn their limits. Don't be embarrassed when you're out in public and they act out, it's going to happen and we have all been there. Sometimes we're at the store and my daughters point out and some kid that is acting out and I tell them they used to be the exact same way. You kid has only been in this world 2 years, think about that, he has a long way to go, many things to learn.
I don't beleive the "terrible twos" not to scare you but its more the threes that try you. As far as his behavior you should try time out. It works well becuase he doens't get any attention for bad behavior. At this age the kids are so smart and they know what they are trying to say or do and are furstrated that they cant acheive it and that is where this behavior comes from. I have a 2, 4 and 15 yr old and have found it true for all of them. I started using time out or (naughty spot) withthe first one and it has always worked. I started at about 15 months maybe.(I have friends who tell me that it doesnt but when they stuck with it it does.) It;s not easy at first but they are smart and the biggie is to find a place at home and make sure that you are prepared to do it away from home too. I spent 30 minutes putting my little guy back in timeout the first time before he realized that he was't getting up until I said so. Now all I have to do is point. remember NO COMMUNICATION on the spot! AT ALL. If he gets up, quietly put him back and walk away. No eye contact. This is so they know that bad behavior does not get attention. If they know this now you wont have them acting out as teenagers. Stick to it I know you can. I will leave you with something I tell myself and my friends daily, (this is good for when you dont feel like doing it in publc like at a restaurant) I care more about the character of my child than the comfort of others. Now with that being said if I am at a "nice" place i will take him outside but at Mickey d's or rosa's or any FAMILY place, I just turn his high chair around and ignore for 2 minutes. After he tells me he's sorry and I forgive him and we hug and kiss. Now sometimes it takes more trys and some time he only needs one. So CHIN UP!! We're with you!!!
He is doing his job!!!! Yes, this is normal. Don't despair. But stick to your guns. This is the time to direct and teach. IF you let him be a toot now, he will be a toot later in life when it isn't cute anymore.
I use "To Train Up a Child" by Mike and Debi Pearle at
www.nogreaterjoy.com for our discipline basis. You might try it. I think you are on the right path with the time-out and swat.
When ours were that young, I used to cry to my husband because I felt like I was beating the children everyday, but they were just so darn "TWO". and there was no other way to put it. They tested me at every turn. EVERY TURN!!!
But I am also a drill sergeant and am happy to report very well behaved, mannerly, obeient boys from 8.5, 12, 13.5. So keep it up. He will re-emerge sweetly in the next year or so. Just keep on until it clicks. It will just take a while. He is learning, so let him LEARN. Some just take a little longer and the harder way. But he will figure it out as long as you are consistent.
Way to go Momma!!!
Good luck,
L.
Yep, it's a phase. He's just testing his limits because he's able to do things physically, mentally, & emotionally that's he's never experienced before. It's a good thing that you're there guiding him...they really need help.
BTW, the 3's and 4's are worse. ;)
While every kid is different, I have to agree with Shelly. The two's were nothing compared to the threes! lol
He is just doing what every normal 2 yr. old is supposed to do. Testing his limits are part of the growing up process. And you want to say "but he is too young to be 'growing up'!" Remember how proud you were when he first held a toy, learned to sit up, took his first steps? He has mastered control of all those things and is now ready to learn to control other aspects of his life.
Think about all that a child has to master in a mere 18 years!
Remember that EVERYTHING is a learning experience for a child. (Pretty scary isn't it?) Keep this in mind and respond appropriately--you are training him to be an adult. However, he is not nearly an adult yet and being a parent is the hardest job in the world!!
Keep these things in mind and be proud of his tenacity, his eagerness to learn and his inventiveness.
God bless all you mothers of 2 year olds!
Grandma D.
I am sorry I can offer no advise but I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I have a two year old who's birthday was in February. She has gone from a sweet heart to someone that pushes my limits all of the time. Her new favorite words are "no, almost, and not yet". Now she has started with "I'm fine", she uses this when I tell her to go put on her shoes, or to let me change her diaper. She too has also started slapping, maybe it's in the water!
I hope to get my cute cuddly baby girl back soon, but I think I am out of luck. At least she is still sweet when she is sleeping =) Good luck
Definately a phase that will be replaced at some point by another (1/2 kidding -- 1/2 not). I think at this point, something new developmentally occurs about every 6 months and, depending on the child, you might run into something that drives you to your wits end. The Louise Bates Ames books are really good at spelling this out.
I think it's important to keep in mind that at this age, he's testing everything -- not just you. It's hard not to take it personally, I know. As my MIL told me, it's a sign of healthy mental development (his -- definately not yours). He's going through a lot right now. Not sure where his speech is, but this may be a point of frustration for him. I know my son, who was delayed, got very difficult right before his language took off. Come to think of it, right before just about every major milestone, he was more difficult.
I found the Harvey Karp book and dvd invaluable at this age. It provided us with some other techniqes for dealing with him. Sometimes 2 yr olds just don't get the time out thing too. Each one is different of course. Try and not let it get to you -- easier said than done I realize.
Good luck!
Of course there isn't...the kids just start to develop and want to test you and do things their own way. I have two-year-old twins and I know what you are going through. Here is what is working for us:
1. Consistency but not overuse of timeout. It takes a while at first but now my girls understand the concept and will go to the corner and sit there and sometimes cry. I always hug and explain why they are there afterwards. It works.
2. Counting backwards "3 - 2 - 1 come to Mommy" (or whatever you need them to do). I usually do this after I've asked them twice to do something and normally now that they get what I'm doing they count with me and laugh and do the task. This one took a while for them to understand. Just be consistent.
3. If you haven't read anything about Love & Logic or The Happiest Toddler on the Block, they really make sense. Love & Logic is about giving them choices at an early age, and if they make the wrong choice (like hitting vs. asking for a toy) then they have to go to time out. The Toddler book talks about how kids develop and they are like cavemen at this age. It helps to acknowledge their feelings and then explain why something can't happen. It really does help when you validate what they are thinking/feeling.
Hang in there. It is very tough but try to take deep breaths and remember that it will pass. Some days are great and fun and others are very trying! I think just being consistent, loving and firm will help you get through it. :)
I didn't read everyone elses advice, but yes, it's just a phase. With my DD, her threes were much worse than the twos. They are just more independent and are testing their boundaries. Stay consistent like you are and give it a few months, and he'll be doing something else! :) That's the good/bad things about toddlers. They don't do the same thing for very long! Once you get comfortable (complacent?) they change on us and it's back to square one!!! Just always remember that he is only two. I had to keep repeating that to myself when my DD was acting up. She's now almost 6, so we both survived!! Good luck!! :)
