Before getting married, I thought I would enjoy sex after marriage. With all my ex boyfriends i've thought "If I wasnt a Christian I would've taken it all the way. Now that I am married I just dont seem to like it.... and dont know what to do. I would say for the first six months I did not have any desire(and didnt have sex)...and after that I just felt bad for him and would force myself to have sex....ofcourse didnt find it enjoyable. I am totally fine till we start making out....until then i am all upto doing it.. but th minute he comes near me I feel all disgusted. And everytime without fail, I cry after it is all over...and i do not know why I am crying....and its not because it hurts. He doesnt know I cry... Three years into my marriage I still feel the same....He has never forced me and now he doesnt even bother unless if I make a move. I was a virgin till marriage, but he was not... he's been with 5 or 6 girls prior to me and as we are making out, I feel like they were all better than me and that he might be comparing (which i dont blame him i would too if i was in his place) me to his other ones...and that makes me feel even crappier.....I had once heard a saying "if you dont keep your men happy in the bedroom, they'll go elsewhere to find that happiness" and I dont want that to be the case here as much as I trust him to not cheat on me. Why do I cry and why am I not enjoying sex.. is it normal?
Thanks Everyone for all your advice and help!!! I greatly appreciate it.. .especially those who PM'd me :)..... I would love to talk to him about it... i even plan on it everyday but it comes to it, i just cant open my mouth and talk about it. I tried finding books but I jsut didnt know which section to look in the stores and am not bold enough to ask the workers :) I saw a few on Amazon... just need to buy it now. Again Thanks a lot!!!
Ok this may not be appropriate. But I didnt like sex to I bought a stimulator (vibrator) to use along with sex. Some women are just like that. I use to cry too after sex.
Don't listen to the other mom....this issue doesn't mean that you don't love your husband...what a careless comment!
When you wait so long to have sex---which is great---you build up negativity towards sex because you're trying so desperately to avoid it! I totally understand. I haven't checked it, but my first thoughts are to check out Focus on the Family website, are you familiar with it? It's a fantastic resource for any relational issues. I'd be surprised if it didn't lead you towards some kind of resource/book that addresses this. Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you or your husband. But I do agree, just to be on the safe side, you might want to ask your ob/gyn just check off that box that there is no physical reasons that hendering your pleasure. hang in there, you'll work it out. eventually, you're going to have to share your feelings with your husband....very lovingly.
It sounds like a mental issue. Perhaps you should start with talking to someone at church or find a counselor. I feel from your post that you love your husband and want to please him. Sex should be pleasurable for both the husband and the wife. Maybe its the fact that he's been with other women. Perhaps its something from your childhood that made your subconscience think its wrong. The mind and body are so strongly connected - if you can work through what is causing these feelings, you can start to release the sex-goddess within! Best of luck to you!
I strongly suggest you talk with your husband, explain your feelings honestly. This is something you need to fix together. Try taking a step back, have lots of forplay, touching and exploring what you like and are uncomfortable with. Keep it just play for awhile. Get rid of the guilt bout not wanting sex, the more guilt you have the more upset you will be. Forget bout his previos relationships, he chose you. Sides, I have been married ten years and had my share of relationships before him and though some were fantasticly talented none made me feel the way my husband does, the feelings that are deeper than sex alone could reach.
I agree about NOT paying any mind to that one comment from the previous poster.
1. Educate yourself on the subject as the other mamas have suggested
2. Talk to your husband.
3. In time things will get better and you will resolve this issue...if you talk it out and work together to fix it.
Hang in there and I wish you well.
I don't think anything is wrong with you...
Although, as I was reading your post, the first thing that came to mind is "She doesn't enjoy it." Meaning: no big O. Women tend to "feel" sex as an emotional experince. While for men, it's more physcially based. It's simple, really.
I also wonder if you had built it up as this constantly wonderful experience (before you were married) and then had your bubble burst. Not because of you, but because he may not be that good at it. Regardless of his "others". Therefore, not satisifing your sexual needs. It's an ugly cycle.
Find out what you like and try to get it. It's important to your well-being. Sex is supposed to be fun! Go find the fun in it - it's there, I promise.
Nothing is wrong with you, you must just be truthful with yourself. When you feel disgust and when you cry afterwards, it's just you saying something to yourself.
You cannot force yourself into having sex with somebody. You either desire somebody or you don't.
I'm sorry to say that but you may have to face reality: your husband maybe a very good friend but not someone you should have married. I know that it may be a horrible thing to recognize and accept. It may be so scary that it's worth trying to force yourself. But it won't work.
Don't forget, you deserve to be fulfilled sexually, just like your husband does. If you are not right for one another, there is nothing to be done, no matter how much you will try to force yourself.
Feel free to dismiss what I just said, but I thought that you needed to hear this eventuality.
