Is Punishment Too Harsh? No Punishment, Just Heart to Heart About Things.

You emphasized it - it's HER yearbook. What she does with it shouldn't affect you. Yes, you gave her the money for it - but since you emphasized that it's HER yearbook - doesn't it make it a gift? It's not like she bought it for you and that you let her to look at it sometimes. I think you're overracting.

20, 30 years from now she won't care about the 9th grade year book.

These two kids might actually be married 20, 30 years from now. "Methinks they doth protest too much" in their antagonistic relationship.

Don't have her pitch it and don't have her buy another one. You are taking this too seriously.

You bought the yearbook for her? It is hers. If she wants an unmarred one, yes she should pay for it (or both of them should). On a side note, what she does in her yearbook is her business but he is the one that ruined someone else's property.

Holy over-reaction! It's HER yearbook and HER friends that are drawing in it. If you want one that's perfect and pretty, then buy another one for YOU!!

Not only is your punishment too harsh, but there shouldn't be a punishment in the first place! I think you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong in situation - it's not like she's 5.

Isn't that what makes yearbooks fun?!! Jeesh, relax, it's her yearbook, part of the fun of it is those memories and silly things that are said and done to it! I think all of my high schooll yearbooks have somebody that wrote on the crease "I'm the first to sign your craxk!" hahahahaha......
Don't throw it out, or make her reimburse you, that's sad for her that she can't have fun with her yearbook without worrying about your reaction, let her have fun and be silly while she can!

Putting mustaches and funny things in yearbooks, are PART of the memories. This is not stupidity, this is high school fun. Did you have no "I was the first to sign your crack," and silly faces and comments in your yearbook? I look back in my yearbook, and laugh at all the silly memories.

You need to tack a chill pill...like...the whole bottle.

FAR too harsh.

If it was a condition that no one write or draw in her yearbook, or that she and her friends were only allowed to write or draw approved things... then sure. Have her pay you for it.

Otherwise, yes, it's HER book.

If you want a perfect one for yourself, that's one thing... but this one was for her, and it sounds like you didn't lay out the rules ahead of time for her. I know almost no parents who do, most, if they want a pristine version... get their own.

I have a few drawings in every year of my yearbooks... looking back yeah it was a childish thing to do. But you know what? I was a child!

Looking at the pics/ drawings its a laugh but rolling eye at the same time.

Its a memory she will always have with her neighbor who sounds like a great friend.

You bought the yearbook for her. Its her's to do with what she pleases, including drawing on the pictures.

I wouldn't make it her pay you for a new one or throw it away. Chalk it up to being a freshman and still having some maturing to do.

It isn't about the money, but if you see it that way, then YOU learned a lesson.

Yes your punishment is 100% to harsh - for all the reasons given below.

Do you have any of your yearbooks from middle and high school? If they look anything like mine you would not consider what your daughter did such a big deal. I don't think you should punish her at all.

This is a perfect example of natural consequences. Either she'll look back with regret and wish she hadn't started the picture marking game or she'll look back with fond memories of the neighbor kid she loved like a brother. Whatever happens in the future it's her book, she did what she did and in the whole scheme of things a few years down the road it won't mean a single thing to anyone else but her.

You've only got a few years before your daughter is an adult. Pick you battles and don't sweat the small stuff. Save the punishment for the stuff that is dangerous, disrespectful, or irresponsible. If you punish for stuff like that you may find you don't "hear" much about what she's up to in her life the next few years.

Its her yearbook not yours. Leave her be.

It wasn't a given that you would buy her a yearbook for all four years of high school? I guess I just took that for granted. No, I don't think she should have to reimburse you for the yearbook. I really do think that is the parent's responsibility.

Really, it's her yearbook not yours. Don't throw it away. All those sentimental notes should be hers 20, 30 years from now. And so will the mustaches. She'll live.

There are many choices she is making in her life right now that have real consequences (natural consequences, not parental punishments), and she is going to have to figure out how she is going to deal with them. It's up to her whether or not she does well in school, learns to eat right and exercise, chooses friends wisely, etc. You are there to supervise, give her boundaries, advise her and be her soft place to land. But in just a couple of years, it will be completely up to her. Help her to learn from her mistakes and learn to think about the consequences before she makes her decisions. At this age, her brain is not wired to fully be able to do that. That's why she still needs you. She needs you to try and help her fully weigh her decisions.

She's still learning. Don't be so hard on her.

No biggie - it's THEIR yearbook. Some people might even be envious they each had someone special enough in their lives to be so interested as to draw mustaches. :)

May I offer a personal story in relation to something else? I'm the grown-up version of the kid who only got a freshman and senior yearbook. I told my parents I didn't need the other two, just the "bookends" of high school. The proverbial before and after shot.

I now wish I had those other two years. I'd like to have more memories of high school to refresh my recollection than a very awkward freshman year, and basically checked out and looking at college senior year.

I'm sorry but I don't see what the punishment is for. It is her yearbook to do with as she wishes. It will be her that is disappointed in the future when she looks back and sees all of that.

Take a step back. This is not a battle worth fighting. Hope you feel better soon...

Well - how is it her fault that he marked up HER yearbook?... I remember lots of people writing on pictures in yearbooks. One of my friend scribbled out her picture bc she hated it so much. Another friend wrote over hers bc she didn't like hers either. My parents never even looked at stuff like that. I think it's her book now and yes, they'll suffer 20 or 30 years from now. I wouldn't punish at all or make her reimburse me. Writing on his picture is no big deal IMO and him writing on hers isn't her fault... And they're still just kids. In the grand scheme, this seems like a pretty small incident that only will be a bummer for her years from now when she wants to look at her picture. Not like it's a portrait you planned to hang in your house so it impacts you.

Yes. Logical consequences. It's her book. You may have bought it, but you bought it for her. She was the one who wanted it and now she has it. It's her problem if she messed it up. She will look back with regret but if that's the only thing she has to regret, she'll have done well!

I got yearbooks for all 4 years of high school and my senior yearbook is the only one not drawn and written in (because we didn't get them until after we graduated). Isn't that one of the points of a yearbook?

I have two teenagers. I think your punishment is way over the top. She didn't lose or destroy the yearbook which you CHOSE to pay for. You just had a different idea of what she'd do with it, but that's not her fault that you didn't imagine she'd doodle on the pictures. Why would you throw it away? That's just wrong. I don't think she needs to reimburse you. If she lost it or gave it away, I'd make her do that. I was clear with my kids that I'd buy them a yearbook for elementary, middle and high school for their graduating years and any other yearbooks, they'd have to pay for themselves. Maybe you should have had her pay for it herself to begin with, but I don't feel that she needs to be punished for not following your unspoken vision for HER yearbook. Now, if she had defaced someone else's yearbook, I'd make her pay for that.

I understand you thinking that it is wrong of her to mark on this kids photo. But seriously its her year book. and this is how she feels about this kid at this time. why are you so invested in this?

Yikes. I didn't read other's responses yet, but I think that sounds way harsh. I mean, it's HER yearbook, right? If you want to make her reimburse you, that's fine, but throwing away her memories people wrote for her because of a drawn mustache? I think you will regret that one when she is older.
Why is she only allowed to have freshman and senior yearbooks? I know they are expensive, but they are something I cherish as an adult. I will buy them all four years for my kids whether they wanted them at the time or not.

Oh boy....I hope you never look at my highschool yearbooks. They are all marked up...and I don't regret it at all. I may not show my kids my Junior year book in particular until they are much older...but...there are a ton of memories in those books....and not just in the photos :)
It's her yearbook...let her do what she wants with it.
Do not make her throw it away...think of how awkward it would be for her to go back and ask all those people to re-sign her yearbook.
I think she should reimburse you for the yearbook if that was the arrangement, but there should be no punishment for writing in it.

I buy all the yearbooks, every year is different. Kind of sad she had to beg for it. At my daughter's school you could pre-order it with your ASB card and get tons of discounts.

I think you are going completely over board with this. It is her yearbook and all of the drawings and funny personalities make the yearbook for the kids. I'm willing to bet she will not look back at this when she is 45 and have such regret

oh i think his retaliation was just the way a brother would tease back to a sis. you said they were close that way.

unless he said he was upset, I would let it go.

unless i'm reading mroe into it, i would assume you have a real life copy of her photo in the year book, so that to me isn't a huge deal that it was scribbled on. If it was the only copy of her freshman photo i had then i might be a bit more upset,

But really, it's not a big deal unless you make it be.

I believe it is *My* job as the parent to buy ALL 4 years of HS yearbooks...b/c I am the parent...and this is what I have done and will do for all my kids...and that it is up to them what they do with them.

But that is just my opinion.

~You have the right to do whatever you feel is correct. If she 'begged' for one so that she could see her transformation from a Freshmen to a Senior than yeah, I can see why you would be upset that her picture is ruined. I think that having her buy a new one with her own money is fair. * I personally wouldn't do that though...it is a life lesson and she will remember forever NOT to draw on other people's property from now on, correct? Maybe you can have her photocopy her picture from someone else' yearbook and just tape it (maybe on a back page somewhere) in to her 'ruined' yearbook so that way she will have the picture and the memory of herself as a Freshmen without having to spend the $ on a whole new one? It is not an ideal fix, but it is A fix nonetheless?

---When I was in HS (grew up in CA and went to a HUGE HS) my yearbooks were $75...my kids go to a much smaller school and theirs so far were only $50...how much are yearbooks going for your way these days?

get a chill pill.....it's her year book and in 45 years she'll look back and think about how stupid that all was!!!

Yup, you're kind of overdoing it on this issue.

Just last week my kids and I were looking at my daughter's 8th-grade yearbook she had just brought home, and then we got out my high school ones. It's crazy the dumb things we wrote and drew in our yearbooks. We all had a good laugh, and there were some funny stories behind some of the pictures. (I actually drew devil horns on one girl who is still one of my best friends and who comes to visit me from time to time. I think she drew a mustache on me in her yearbook!)

Also, I don't think a child should have to beg for a yearbook. It's a part of high school. She should get all four, without having to beg.

This is what kids do. Havent you ever done anything like that? I have a few pictures like that in some of my old year books too, yes I part of me wishes I didnt do that, then the other part of me laughs at the things we used to do as youngsters. If you feel that strongly about it, I think just making her pay you back should be enough. Take one of her school photos from this year and stick it in the yearbook, so years down the road she has it, do the same with the neighbors picture ask his mom for one of his school pictures in the book too. I totally understand your frusteration, but take a deep breath and remember being young and not always so smart. There are much worse things she could have done, if this is the worst, be HAPPY VERY VERY HAPPY! :)

I think you are being WAY too harsh. What your daughter did was completely normal and age appropriate, while being silly- but kids do that in their yearbooks! We did when I was younger for sure! But it was HER yearbook! What the boy did was not right, he should not have ruined her yearbook. HE should buy her a new one, and you should be more understanding and loving to her- she was probably upset and embarrassed enough that he did that to her yearbook- she could have used her mom on her side to share those feelings. Also, giving your kid money for a yearbook is not a heroic gesture, it's a gift- and she shouldn't have to feel guilty about that.

I understand that you're upset because the yearbook is a keepsake. You don't need to have her to buy a whole other yearbook. Just get one of her freshman photos and have him give her one of his freshman photos and put those in the yearbook, so the goofy pictures are there as well as the unmarred pictures. :) Best Wishes.

Just one more vote for not punishing her for this. It's her yearbook, and kids always do silly things in yearbooks. With all the things that you have coming up in the next years with adolescence, I would not choose this battle. I would guess that she already feels a little sad or regretful that her face is scribbled out, and that is "punishment" enough."

Um, it's just a yearbook. And she's what, 14? She did a silly thing and drew on a picture and so did her friend. She's already suffering because her own picture is marked up. Why make it worse by punishing her? Besides, it's not like she messed up *your* yearbook. I'd let it go. Think of it this way. Do you always make her pay you back for toys she breaks if she's playing too rough or clothes she rips if she's not looking where she's going?

I would only punish her, and have her replace the book if she defaced someone else's book. I am sure she is realizing the consequences of her actions now, she may not admit it but I am sure deep down she wishes she didn't do what she did. It's her book, she ruined it, if she wants a new one she has to buy it herself.

They'll probably end up married. I can't believe how expensive they are - when I was at school our yearbooks were given to us free!

I would not make her buy another yearbook (as frustrating as that sounds)... Having her reimburse you for the messed up one, along with some other punishment sounds better..

Why is it right? It's just a yearbook, she'll have another one next year. So what if her picture is messed up? and why isn't he paying for her yearbook, his damage is his fault not hers. She drew in her own book on his picture, her own property, he damaged her property.

I believe the idea of making her pay for a new one is about the equivalent of purchasing a new toy when the kid breaks the one they already have. I understand you're upset because you paid for it and she messed it up. So, instead, tell her that if she wants anymore yearbooks then she will have to pay for them on her own. I think that resolution fits the crime better. As in, she didn't take care of the "gift" you paid for. Unlike the other moms here, I don't really see the significance of yearbooks. But I also HATED high school.

Was there a better question? I got here late and I feel like I must have missed something.

.

Well, I might make her work to reimburse you for the yearbook, but that's as far as I'd go.
As a single mom, I really had to scrimp to pay for yearbooks because they are so expensive.

This certainly isn't the first, or the last yearbook to have mustaches or beards or glasses or horns drawn on somebody, but just like I wouldn't want my kids doing that to any other book, I wouldn't appreciate them doing it to a book that I worked so hard to save up for.

She's a kid. She did something silly and in turn something silly was done to her photo. I didn't agree with that stuff, but my daughter did it in her first yearbook. I wasn't happy. After that, she appreciated them more and took better care of them.

It really isn't the end of the world, but you can always tell her that you won't buy her another one if that's what she intends to do with it. I don't know...marring the photos just doesn't seem funny to me and I DO have a sense of humor.

I wouldn't make her start over with a pristine book. The one she has is now is what it is. It's not the end of the world.

I don't think she'll "suffer" 20 or 30 years from now. She'll either look back and think she wishes she hadn't done that or think how silly the two of them were to draw mustaches on each other.

I would drop the idea of another book all together though.

That's just my opinion.

I think the natural consequences are punishment enough. Someday she may regret that she doesn't have a nice picture of herself in her yearbook, and realize that what she did was dumb. We learn from our mistakes. Let her buy her own yearbook when she is a senior and she might appreciate it more.

huh?
:/
khairete
S.

It was one picture. Why are you freaking out about this? I'm a bit freaked out by the fact that you want to basically destroy an ENTIRE book because she ruined one page. I understand that she kind of disrespected a gift you gave to her, but instead of screwing up all of her memories of her friends by trashing the yearbook, make her pay you back for purchasing it.

boo no deleting questions=) from what i gather it looks like you were upset she wrote in her yearbook an her friends because it was expensive and punnished her. It looks like you realized you may have been harsh and will fix it with her. Most of the fun of having a yearbook was writing in it...thats more of the memories than the book itself. We onlt gone one for 8th, and highschool but we still wrote in it./ My daughters K class bought 10 dollar shirts for field day and they had a ball writing all over them as then wil yearbooks when they get bigger=)