Is My Husband Ridiculous???

Explain to him every time he complains, he gets to cook dinner the next night.
Either he'll quit complaining, or he'll take over cooking dinner.
Problem solved either way.

Nah--I don't think you need to put more effort into dinner.

We're both half Italian...I swear my husband is asking what we are having for dinner before his breakfast and he starts work at 5 AM!!!

I finally have him to the point now where he's happy with something good and warm and if I exert "effort" -- it's a BONUS!

Ignore him. Let him plan & shop for the weekly meals if it means so much to him.

He sounds spoiled ;) I cook every night, and all hell breaks loose if I don't... but then I remind everyone that I have a job and a million other responsibilities and welcome everyone else to make ME dinner, if they'd care to try. They usually shut up and eat and are grateful they're getting something more than a bowl of cereal!... which is what they get when I have a migraine.

Sounds like hubby is volunteering to take over the kitchen:)

Your husband needs to get over himself. Especially if he isn't home to eat the dinner that he insists that you artfully create.

What your husband is missing is thankfullness. It's hard to enjoy a meal when you have an ungrateful heart. And that's HIS failing, not yours.

My husband also enjoys a lovely gourmet meal, but will thank me for preparing frozen pizza if that's all we have time for.

You love him no matter what the meal is! Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he behaves that way.

Clearly,it is his turn to make dinner for a few weeks.

If you are asking this question...then you know in your heart something is wrong. Italian or not...what about consideration for your time involved in raising his 3 children...he's gotta be joking....self-centered is my guess. You do what you gotta do...I sure wouldn't change the way I've been doing things...who is the baby of the house?

Sounds like it's his turn to cook! Or at least go shopping and let you know what he wants to have for dinner.

If you are that worried about dinner, YOU figure it out :)

Let him cook. One of two things can happen - he will cook the gourmet meals he longs for - yum (and get home early enough to cook - another plus). Or he will appreciate the cooking you do.

Yes, he's being ridiculous, and unappreciative to boot. You're tending to 3 kids, including a newborn, and he expects you to make him gourmet meals? The fact that he's not even home for dinner makes it worse. He's holding on to some old-fashioned gender roles. He needs to grow up. It's the 21st century! Perhaps you should go on "strike" for a few days and not have his dinner waiting for him when he gets home, so then he can appreciate your efforts more.

I think he is being ridiculous. If you have a good meal on the table it shouldn't matter if you figured it out 24 hours in advance or 5 min in advance.

My hubby too doesn't do many leftover's, but some nights that is all I offer and he doesn't have a choice. If he doesn't like them he can fend for himself. Sometimes we just have them. Most of the time we can gage enough to not have many leftovers.

well, my very 1st reaction was: oh, I'd like to kick him!....But then I used my brain cells & decided I was being unfair! & maybe that's part of the problem on this whole issue....the inequities btwn men & women.

ask him for a specific list of what he'd like to have for dinner (on the nights when he'll be there!)....& seriously consider whether it is out of the question.....as to whether it's time-consuming or not family-friendly. Really think hard on whether or not you are using this as a weapon against him, a point of contention, or a kneejerk reaction as part of refusing to be like his/your mom.....try to be really honest with yourself!

Then discuss with him how he can help you with the kids, so you can focus better on quality meal prep.

& here's my honest answer: you have a 10wk old, you're tired & don't want to hear his b.s.! But is this something new, or has it always been a point of contention btwn the two of you? If it's not a new issue, then maybe he has grounds for complaint......I run an inhome daycare with 4 kids btwen 18 months & 3 1/2; they are with me from 7am-5:30pm. I also have a very active 14yo son with daily activities. AND I still prepare good meals 4 out of 5 nights....it's all in the prep, the attitude, & the desire. Peace!

It's obviously important to him. If you love him, why not put some more thought into dinner?

It can't possibly take longer than fifteen minutes to plan something he likes that you can cook in as much time as you use for what you make already.

Jeeze...your husband would not want to be married to me. I hate thinking or worrying about dinner and most nights I have no idea what are having until it is dinner time. Then we often get takeout or go out to eat. We also have pancakes for dinner about once per wk. I always have fresh fruit and vegetables out though even when we are just having pizza.
Tell your husband you are a stay at home mom not a chef or maybe he could prepare dinner a couple times a week to show you how it is done:0). See how many gormet meals you get then.

You do WAY more than I do! I HATE figuring out what to make and making it! I don't get home from work until 5:30 (Hubby and I work together)... Then there's getting the kids to actually eat what I make, getting them in the bath, getting them ready for bed, and getting them to bed... Before I have to clean up the mess I made while fixing dinner. HATE IT! That's why I usually do 'quick meal' type things during the week (if it's not a 'free for all') and leave the weekend for a more elaborate meal.

My husband completely understands though... He doesn't want to do it either. : )

I say you're doing more than most women I know!!! He should be grateful and kissing your behind!!!

Yes. Most moms eat out, do take out, and rely on processed foods(myself included).

OK I understand where you are coming from...I will tell you what I did adn then give you an alternative

I made a menu for 6 weeks (Sunday-Saturday)..There are barely any repeats. On Sunday I go to the store and buy what i need for that weeks meals (runs less than $100) I put the menu on the fridge so my DH sees what we are having that week. If he doesnt like it, then he can cook something for himself. Sunday evenings I usually will make things that I can just heat up the day of (for example...last night I made stuffing and 5lbs of spaghetti sauce and stuck the stuffing and sauce in the fridge and froze the other 4lbs of sauce for another time). Sundays get a little hecktic but I honestly love cooking. I work FT so a schedule is important for our house
your other option is to go on strike for a month..just tell him you are going on the special K diet (thats on teh back of the box) and you will be eating cereal for a month...so he is on his own.
That will get him to start helping with the kitchen area or at least start appreciating that cooking dinner is not fun...trust me I LOVE it when people cook FOR me..he obviously loves that part but then hates it when he just gets grilled cheese...he is wondering wear the pork roast is..Ha ha
If you want my menu, I would be happy to email it to you..just pm me your email address. it is pretty basic, but had the meal and ingredients.
good luck

If he won't eat leftovers and wants you to cook like you did before having three babies tell him to come home from work a few hours early so he can take the kids completely off your hands while you work your pre-baby magic.

Things change. Adapt or die. It's the rule of the nature.

I wish I could see things from his point of view but in all honesty it feels like he's taking you for granted. Leave him alone with the kids for a full weekend while you go pamper yourself and I'll bet you cash money when you arrive home to a frazzled husband with kids who have been living off of crackers and spray cheese, he'll be kissing your feet for the dinners you do provide.

If my husband was never home for dinner, I think I would feel pretty disinclined to make a "nice" meal every night, too. I think your hubby is asking a bit much of you. It's hard when our best efforts go unappreciated. Why don't you ask him for a little help in the meal-planning department? Surely he could spare some time on the weekends to sit down and give you some suggestions for the upcoming week, and (gasp!) maybe even spend an afternoon together shopping for and cooking some do-ahead meals that can be frozen and reheated? My feeling is that hubby doesn't have the right to complain if he's unwilling to help come up with a solution! Good Luck!

I envy the moms that enjoy cooking because I truly don't. Is not really the cooking but the whole thing of thinking, buying, preparing, cooking, cleaning and then all over again 2 or 3 times per day, and on top of that have to hear; "I don't like it" "Chicken again?"
I would like to think that your husband takes food as your way to show him love, still I give you all the right to be upset by his comments, they just don't have a clue.
I don't know, some times people doesn't know what they have until they lose it, perhaps you get sick (wink, wink) and can't cook for a week and only get Mac Donalds or make HIM cook would get him to appreciate your good cooking.

If it's important to him, then it's an important issue. You would feel the same way about an issue that was important to you and not to him. I would be hesitant to say he's being ridiculous, and say instead that he's being unrealistic.

He misses how things were before kids, probably sees how you've pulled things together through the years, and if you're like most moms you probably make it all look easy while you're doing six things at once. He also knows that you're a fabulous cook and misses it. He probably doesn't understand how difficult it really is juggling everything because he's not there to see how busy you are. Trust me, I get this same bullsh all the time too.

Someone once said to me that when the spouse that works out of the home comes home, they tend to think that whatever they see you doing when they walk in the house is what you've spent the entire day doing while they were gone. Even if the entire time they were gone, you were insanely busy and literally seconds before they walked in was the first time you sat down to have a glass of water and flip a magazine or check your e-mail they're going to assume that that's what you did all day long.

I've found that to be true so when my husband gets home I let him "catch me cleaning" and doing laundry. I've also offered to write down all of my recipes for him to follow so that he can have all of his favorite cooking any old time he pleases. ;-)

When your husband is around to watch the kids and help you around the house, make him his favorite meals. Make extra when you so that you can freeze one or two extra portions for those times when he comes home late and doesn't appreciate what you made for everyone else and you're ready for bed. He can just zap it in the microwave and have a homemade "TV dinner."

Since it is so important to him, my opinion would be to try meal planning and to include him in picking out a few of the meals each week. Usually it takes me an hour to make our weekly meal plan. This includes writing down all the items in our fridge (produce and perishables, not condiments) and pantry, then I try to come up with meals that will use those items. I usually pull out a few cookbooks to help me out. I will ask my husband and kids if they have any requests. Then I write down what items I will need from the store.I post the weekly menu on our fridge, which is helpful to me because I no longer have to scramble last-minute to figure out a meal, and is helpful to my husband because he knows if he will need to fend for himself that night (he hates soup and we do eat soup once a week) It also helps him with his lunch plans because it was kind of a bummer for him to eat stir fry for lunch and then find out we were having the same thing for dinner!
Here's the thing: if you go this route, not only will your husband hopefully be pacified and feel more loved, but you are going to end up saving a lot of time and money. We used to go to the grocery store 4+ a week because every night I would be scrambling to figure out what to make and then I would either pack up the kids and run to the store or call my husband to stop for groceries or fast food on the way home. Now I just go shopping 1 time a week. Our pantry is way more stocked, in fact we actually have food storage now. We eat much healthier. The kicker is we are saving at least $600 a month doing this. We rarely throw food out because I know what is in our fridge and use it.
I would suggest trying it out, for a month maybe. Then follow up with your husband and see if he is happy with the change. If he is not... then tell him to hire a chef ;)

Can you compromise? Can you sit down and tell him, "Look I understand that you miss the fancy gourmet dinners I used to make before we had kids, but I simply don't have time to do that every day any more. However, I know that for you, these dinners say "I love you" in a way that sinks deeper than the words spoken aloud. On the other side, you complaining about the meals I cook really hurts my feelings, since I'm trying to put together a nutritious, yummy dinner every single day with very limited time and energy. It really hurts my feelings that you don't realize how little time and energy I have to set aside for that and yet I am doing the best I can. How about this: I try to give you one really good dinner once every other week, and you help out more with the kids so I can do it."

I don't know if this will work or not, but it might be a try. Maybe just having you recognize his needs and put them in words will make him realize that a) he's hurting your feelings, and b) that he is actually equating food with love, which is something he may not consciously realize. Once he realizes it, he may stop complaining and be thankful for your efforts (or at least try).

For me, I love to cook, and cooking good, yummy food for DH has been a big way that I show him I love him. It has been very frustrating for me to have to cut back on that and not be able to make the really nice meals (because of time & energy mostly).... So, I sort of get where this yummy food = love thing can come from.

I never realized what a burden it is to plan dinner every night until I became a mother. It sounds to me like he has it better than the vast majority of husbands so is being ridiculous. But if it's SO important to him, can he make requests at least? To me a big part of the battle is the planning so if he took some of that, would it help? Or maybe say x nights a week you'll make what he wants but he has to tell you what that is... Then tell him when the kids are older, you'll do more. I grew up with great dinners and I have to say that I do still look forward to it as sometimes the best thing all day. So, I think he's being unreasonable but maybe there's a way to compromise a little...

Have you read the Love languages books? Well his love language must be acts of serve and gifts. He might think of dinner as a huge gift and it's a huge act of service to put thought into each meal.
I would suggest reading the books or google search and find out what you can. It's very insightful. Here is a quiz I found so you can find out yours.
http://edified.org/myspace/lovelanguage

I'm also one of those people who spends a lot of time thinking about food, planning meals, heck, I even dream about food sometimes! My husband has about 85% of my food-loving tendencies, and he is nice enough to humor me when I "have to cook" something at, say 8:30 on a Wednesday night (long after dinner is done, kids are in bed, etc--it's just my relaxation technique.) Anyway, your husband probably grew up with a different family dynamic where his mom spent a lot of time cooking for his dad. So, to him, the food prep is an indicator of your love. It has no such value to you. I would say that, to you, food has no symbolism; rather, food is just...food. Calories to take in to provide energy. I don't think you're wrong, and I don't think he's ridiculous. I think if food is important to him, he should try putting on an apron and giving cooking a shot. He might really like it! Maybe get one of his mom's favorite recipes or something and challenge him to recreate it. If he's in the "men don't cook" school, gently remind him about Mario Batali and other famous Italian male chefs.

IMHO? Rediculous! But you know what they say....the way to a man's heart is through his stomach!

Ah, he is a little silly to equate dinner with love - but he may be feeling left out. So, pacify him a little - make a weekly menu - or pretend to make a weekly menu :) and ask for his input. Do the "chicken or fish" thing and make his input a big deal. Most likely he will get tired of being asked to help plan a menu and stop making dinner comments.

Try and cook something special for him once a week or so - I get that it is annoying that he is not home for dinner with the family - but he is working for you all. Maybe take one night a week and feed the kids at normal time, have yourself a light snack, and sit down to a meal with him when he gets home.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Have him make dinner for a few weeks or pick a day/days each week he is going to be cooking dinner.

Maybe get the kids to speak up and request meals.
Or Hire a personal chef.

I was a personal cook for a divorced and and his daughter for a full school year many years ago. .. I sent out the suggested menus 2 weeks in advanced and they made requests and suggestions.

It's REDICULOUS! Especially with 3 small kids and one being only 10 weeks old! Men have absolutely no clue. You're doing better than me... I'd make enough for myself and my kids and tell him since he never thinks whatever I make is good enough then I didn't bother making enough for him.... and that there is lunchmeat, cheese, and bread in the kitchen for a sandwich.

I read through some of the responses and the only thing I might add is ask your mom if she can come over and help you cook once a week. Make a bunch so that you can freeze them. It could take some of the pressure off you on having to cook. Show him that you are making an effort. Make your mom feel like she is helping. Could be a win win situation. My DH was angry for months after the baby was born because I wasn't making homemade meals. He felt that I was staying at home and the house should be clean and nice food should be on the table. I felt I needed sleep. The funny thing is I made a real effort for a week and he chilled out. It's like that one lady said in "sex in the city" "It's a funny thing about needs. Once their met . . . you don't really need them anymore.". Make an effort for a little bit and he should chill out.

Did his mom cook gourmet meals when he was growing up? You are most likely right that he really feels connected to you when you cook these meals for him. I also think he has an unrealistic view with all the duties you have on your plate--you gave birth only 2 1/2 mos ago and you have 3 kids. I would have a heart to heart convo with him and ask him exactly what does he expect you to do. What would his perfect world be and tell him what you are willing to do. Maybe you can come to a nice compromise like 2x a week, he has something well-thought out (his words) and the rest of the week its whatever you decide. GL!

M

Ridonkulous is what I would say.

I can see both sides. From what you are saying he finds the dinner meal very important. Not being Italian myself and my exposure with Italians growing up I was aware of this in their households. Also if this is his opportunity to have family time each day to him it becomes more important You're coming from the point of a very busy mom (especially with a new baby) and trying to fit "it" all in.

What about a compromise of sorts. He is obviously unaware of how difficult making a grand meal is right now. As you make the transition further into routines with three you will be able to better meal plan. But he needs to be aware that it might take a while to get to where you can provide those types of meals a couple times a week.

Wow, with a 10 week old baby he thinks there should be a fantastic meal on the table? I love to cook but not much came out of the kitchen while I still had a nursing baby.

My husband is a bit like yours in that he has a very spoiled pallette and wants a nutritous and tasty dinner every night. But with small babies and kids activities taking up many of our evenings, that's not a realistic expectation. So planned overs are a must in our home.

I typically make one larger meal that is good for 2 meals if I'm cooking non-Asian food, like pastas and potatoes and stews. Otherwise, my husband loves rice so the rice cooker is out all the time, add an easy to cook meat, like chicken or fish, and a steamed veggie. Done. If he complains about a simple, tasty meal like that, he's going to have to pick up the slack and plan and cook for the family himself.

I think you should put more effort into dinner. Its clearly important to him and you get what you give. There are probably areas in which you would like him to improve. My guess is that once you start getting creative in the kitchen he will respond in kind by automatically starting to improve what it is he knows you want worked on.Im sure hed happily take the kiddos off your hands while you do the extra shopping.

Now, if he is demanding and nitpicks about everything then i have totally different advice.

Pick up some fresh pastas, exotic sea salts, fancy cheese, rare fruits like guavas and starfruits, rare veggies like spaghetti squash, dark purple potatoes. Experiment with infused oils and vinegars , different techniques like braising and poaching. It could be fun!

You say it REALLY bothers him,would it truly be THAT hard to do? some men want appreciation shown in much more indelicate/expensive/dangerous/time consuming ways.

Sounds like it is important to him. Stop fighting the issue and put a little more thought into it. You sound like a very busy mama with your kiddos. How about you do some meal planning...ask your hubby and kids to help you choose the meals they would all like to eat. Then shop ahead of time so come 4pm you are not loathing the "dinner issue". It will be planned, ingredients on hand and easier to step it up a notch come mealtime.

In my home we usually do meal planning on Sunday. I ask everyone what they would like to eat the following week and write it on our calendar. I know..as well as my family knows what we are having each day. It has helped me soooo much!

Don't make this into a huge issue...you are just frazzled and frustrated that he keeps pressing the subject. Tell him your frustrations, ask him to help you to make the meals he likes. Maybe he can watch the kiddos on an evening or weekend for a couple hours so you can have some quiet time to shop. With that kind of dealio, it might put a spring in your step and envigorate your "gourmet" talents.

Good luck with the mealtime dilemma. Personally, my crock pot is my BFF!! So many yummy meals can be made in there that simmer all day and will get your hubby's mouth watering when he enters the door after work. It really lessens my dinnertime craziness when dinner needs to be made and my 3 kids are at my heels needing help with homework or this and that! it is noon right now and dinner is already 1/2 ready cuz it is simmering in my BFF!!!

He is being ridiculous.

I can't believe the amount of replies that says to please him. Does he please you and do some of the things that he did before you had kids? I would tell him that since food is such an important part of his day then he should take over the cooking duties, and grocery shopping for that matter. I mean it's hard enough to take care of the kids, let alone keep yourself intact. Tell him that he wants gourmet food then he can cook it. If he thinks that he can't or doesn't want to then he needs to shut his mouth. I think that some men don't understand what a mother goes through on a daily basis raising children wether they are stay at home mom's or working mom's. The kids are the first priority and yes some things take a lesser value than it did before. As long as the kids are happy then you are doing an amazing job. Let him cook dinner for both you and the kids and see how that shoe fits for him. I think once he does he might not complain anymore about the quality of the food. He should be greatful that you are even cooking him a meal. Or you could go on a strike and only cook mac n cheese or top ramen, he'll be grateful for anything you cook after the strike.

Can you let him be responsible for the weekend meals? For like a month or so? Maybe then he will realize how difficult the position is - to feed 2 adults and 2 children while caring for an infant! And how it is not a priority until its really close to dinner time.

That being said, it might be nice if once a month you make one of those "old time" special meals he is longing for. Of course, it would have to be on the weekend and you'll have to make it clear to him that he'll have to completely care for the kids so that you can shop and cook "like you used to".

Lastly, you need to open up the lines of communication and let him know how you are feeling. It already sounds like you resent his comments and this will only fester. Maybe he just does not realize what a difficult position you are in and that you are caring and dealing with a lot more than just dinner. Also, you might want to discuss getting a "Mommy's Helper" for a few hours in the afternoon so that you can be freed up to put a bit more thought into dinner or whatever else needs attention.

Good Luck.
~C.

I vote for ridiculous. Seriously, does he expect you to make everything from scratch? Oy - who has time for that?

But I do agree with Momma W. A little meal planning goes a long way! We do all of our meal planning on Sunday as well. My husband does the grocery shopping, so I always make a detailed list. Yes, ladies, he does the shopping! He loves to save a buck, so he clips coupons as well. I hardly ever go to the grocery store.

I ask the kids and my husband what they would like and if it is within reason (and on sale), it goes on the list. The menu for the week is posted on the fridge (dry erase board), so there are no surprises.

Now, if he expects you to make your own tomato sauce, is there any way that you can do that on the weekend and freeze it for use during the week? If he wants you to bake your own bread, he can buy you a breadmaker!

I think there's room to compromise here.

Your husband sounds absolutely delightful. At least he is still committed to letting you know his wishes and desires. My husband definitely equates food with love. Every morning I grind and brew him fresh coffee. I go to a special beanery and buy whole beans just for him. He loves the special treatment.

I know you are up to your eyeballs in kids but is it too hard to make a meal look like it took an extra effort with actually putting in that "extra" effort. The art of the garnish lives strong along with stealth mode left over cooking. Meatloaf can become spaghetti which can transform into sloppy joes.

I do alot of that in my house. I can't even begin to express what happens to a turkey or roasted chicken. Pure magic. He doesn't even realize he is eating left overs. My ancient cooking secret. So in my house if you asked my husband if I cooked every day he would tell you yes but the truth is I only cook perhaps every other day. Some days I will cook two meats, we only eat one day one and the other goes in the fridge for day two. Day 3 we recycle Day 1's meat and cook rice or pasta and veggies to go with it. Day 4 we have a salad with Day 2's recycled meat Day 5 we may eat a salad or I'll do something incredibly simple or one pot like a stew or a soup. Day 6 we may get a $5.00 pizza or do wraps or paninni's and Day 7 I'll go all out or we go out and the cycle starts again.

Try some 30 minute or less meals. Make husband happy because sooner than you think the kids will be gone and it will be just the two of you.

It would anger me, true, because I don't like people "expecting" me to do anything enough to feel able to get on my case about it. But the way to fix it for everyone, in my opinion, is to plan a week in advance. You can look at it like "he totally doesn't have the right to think like that, it's not fair", but then he is also thinking that you shouldn't think like you do, it's not fair, and nothing is being solved. Compromising would help.
I keep the "stuff" to make our favorites in the house at all times (that way if I'm in a pinch and need to throw something together without a thought, it's there), and I look at my current inventory, the sales papers, and my coupons to guide me in making a basic menu for the week. (If NY strips are on sale, we're having steak, if cubed beef is on sale, we'll have country fried steak instead, etc). I try to do one day of beef, one day vegetarian, one day of chicken, one day of fish, one day pork, one day of something like a stew, gumbo, chili, etc, and the final day is a "leftovers day" where we eat whatever is still in the house. I don't care if someone says they don't like to eat leftovers or not, they'll have to deal with it 1 day a week. However, I do try to do different things with the leftover bits (leftover cooked chicken can be made into a casserole or put into chicken tortilla soup, or spaghetti & meatballs can later be a meatball sub, leftover sausage & peppers can be cut up and be added to shrimp, pasta, more vegetables, and a cream sauce for a different dish altogether). If you take the time to think up a full week's menu (and ask him for input on what he'd like so he won't have room to whine), make the shopping list, and buy it all in one day, you'll be able to deal with dinner a lot easier. I do my meal planning on Friday afternoon while my eldest is in school and/or karate class. By then I've already received the sales papers AND we've already shopped the farmer's market on Thursday, so I know what I've got at home. Saturday morning, I leave the boys at home with my husband after breakfast, do the shopping for the week, make them help unload it all, and I'm finished well before lunch. One day, and done until next week!
Since he expects you to cook pretty often, my advice in menu planning is this: pull out your calendar or planner to help you with the menu. I do all my "heavy" cooking on Sunday (I'll cook 2-3 meals, or at least partially cook---like I'll cook any sauces that take a long time, shred chicken for a casserole or enchiladas or whatever, chop veggies or whatever in preparation for the rest of the week, make a casserole, etc) because my husband can keep my children entertained and out from under my feet, and I don't have anything really to do except church in the morning and hanging out with the family. That way you have the hard part done and just have to put foods together. On the days that we have soccer practice, karate class, Bible study, or awanas, I am busy and won't be home much so we either have leftover day, a crockpot meal, or something like a casserole that just needs to be popped into the oven that night, or some sort of fish that only takes a few minutes to broil. On days when I have a little more time, I'll cook something a little more involved. On Saturdays when my husband is off, I like to get him on the grill (weather permitting) to do some bbq chicken quarters or something. If he's not cooking dinner on Saturday, then he will be cooking breakfast for us all---HIS turn to "love" us (french toast with fruit, or eggs/bacon/toast, or breakfast burritos, whatever). As for him not being home: tell him you miss him being home for family dinner and that you'll start cooking more but you wish he'd try to make it home, and maybe what he is missing is having family dinner, period....not WHAT is for dinner, but the experience of being home with his family. MAYBE (I don't know his job or what the situation is there), but maybe if he thought dinner would be as he remembers, he'd try to get home for it more. That's what I suggest at least. Hope it helps.

That's a tough one. I actually still make 2 dinners every night because my kids are 2 and 4 - they're starving around 5 PM but my husband doesn't get home until around 6 PM usually. I love making gourmet dinners too but there are many things that my toddlers won't eat yet. I'm introducing foods to them gradually so that they always have something I know they will eat, combined occasionally with new and different foods. Anyway the only way I can create a dinner for my husband and myself is that I start preparing that dinner after my kids have eaten, they are cleaned up, and then my husband comes home. He takes them and entertains them for an hour while I cook. I love it! We do this pretty much every night of the week - we have budgeted to only order out 1 time a week.

Anyway it's kind of awesome because by the time my kids settle down for bed (my 2 year-old goes to bed at 7 and my 4 year-old likes to read books or use his Tag Reader for about 20 minutes in his room before bed), my husband and I get to sit down together and hang out and eat dinner, maybe have a glass of wine. But there is NO WAY I could make that happen if he didn't come home and take the kids off my hands for that hour! No way!

I almost wonder if for your husband it's more about the moments you guys used to eat together, drink wine, whatever, that has been replaced with, according to him, lesser fare in terms of dinners, busy hectic home life, etc. It sounds like he would LOVE to do what we do at my house, for him to come home and then just the 2 of you do dinner together. Just not sure how he expects you to do that with no one helping with the kids!

I very much agree with MegandOllie's suggestion about the love languages book . . . it might help you discern why this is so important to him and how to more effectively manage the issue.

I feel the same way you do about cooking; however, my husband is grateful for anything I put together. That helps alot. Your husband may need to understand your love language better too (in fact it sounds like that would be very helpful).

Good luck.

Here's the deal: ridiculous. But for some reason this is an issue for him and since you love him and this is, for better or worse, him-I'd say you should figure out a small compromise. Not bc he's right or you're wrong but bc you love this annoying man. BTW: I think you're amazing. I have a 3 y/o and a 15 week old and I make 4-6 meals a week but they include one pot meals that can be eaten for 2 or 3 nites plus my hubby does do left overs and we get pizza or Chinese on Fridays bc I work from home. I cannot imagine full meals 6 days a week every week w/ 3 kids. He really needs to understand that there are seasons in marriage and the season of you having time to sit around and plan fabulous meals for every nite of the week is on hold for the period of time while you have small kids. For your part, maybe you could convey your consideration for his current concern by finding some new recipes and doing something new once a week. There is a great website that I have found lots of great recipes on that have become staples in our house. Try simplyrecipes.com Maybe you ought to let him read the post and the responses to give him a bit of perspective. Maybe that will help with his ungrateful heart attitude and be appreciative of the fact that he has a loving woman who not only takes great care of his kids but still manages to cook. Blessings and good luck with that one! ;D