Is My Baby Ever Going to Sleep?

I think she is too young to let her cry it out. I did that for my son, but he was 10 mo old. You got to put that baby to bed earlier. Instead of 8:30-9:00, she needs to go down at 7 if she has to wake up that early. That way she could get 10 hrs of sleep at night and the 2hr nap. When she wake up at night, take care of her, but keep it brief. Don't change her unless absolutely necessary. I would feed her at the midnight waking, but that's it. Just pat her back for a minute or try rocking her, but not feeding. If you must feed her two times a night, then do it! She is only 4mo old! Also, I would not wake her up until 30min before you leave. That should be enough time for you to change her clothes real quick and feed her. She doesn't need playtime in the morning before daycare, she needs sleep.

C.,

I agree with Sharon on letting her cry it out. As a first time mom of a 14 month old, I can attest that it will be hard, and it will make you feel bad, but it's whats better for everyone. I never had a hard time with middle of the night wake ups but I had a hard time getting mine just to be able to lay down and go to sleep without a bottle. She is off of the bottle now and goes to bed at bedtime like a champ! I owe it to letting her cry a little (I couldn't take more than 10 minutes) and after juat a few nights of this she stopped. I wish that I would have done it with her sooner! Good luck.

Good for you for your patience with this. She's still very young and your returning to work/putting her in day care is a huge adjustment. She needs you and she's smart enough to figure out she can have you at night. Also, the breastmilk is quickly digested. I'd try to minimize any play behavior during the night by being very quiet, whispering etc. A lot of working moms just have their nursing babies sleep with them and that way, both get more sleep. They learn to nurse and not disturb you too much and you can pat her etc. as needed. Also, if she doesn't really need changing, I wouldn't, and don't have much light on. I know it's tiring but you're meeting her needs and she's getting older day by day. Are you in a situation where you can see/nurse her on your lunch break? That might help. She's just very needy and unable to meet those needs herself. Sounds like you're doing a great job, Mom!

Have you tried not changing her diaper at night? I always figure that the goal is for them to sleep through the night...and if they're sleeping through the night they're not getting changed...so I try not to change diapers at night except if it's really needed. Maybe the diaper change is waking her up.

I wouldn't be concerned. She is still so little and really does need to wake at night just to eat. I suggest that when she does wake, don't change her unless you absolutely have to, don't talk to her and don't turn the lights on. This will help her know that she is only going to eat when she wakes and not have party time with Mom in the middle of the night. As she gets older and bigger she will be able to eat more at one time in order to hold her over longer and sleep for longer periods of time. It was my experience that just when you think things are better, a new "grow" comes along and you have to regroup again! This WILL pass as she gets older. Good luck!

I feel your pain... I went back to work when my daughter was 3 months old. I used to wake my daughter up when I dropped her off at daycare, I would bundle her up and put her in the warm car with her pj's on and daycare fed her breakfast (that I had pumped).

Personally I do not agree with letting your child cry it out, I want my daughter to know that I am there for her 24/7. My daugher is almost 4 and she knows that if she gets scared or needs me for any reason I am there.

Hi C. - when our kids were babies we wouldn't change their diapers in the middle of the night unless they were soiled. All the lights stayed off during feeding time and we spoke very little so the kids would understand that its the middle of the night and we should be sleeping. It sure helped us!

Put her to bed earlier. My daughter was getting up way too early and was up every couple of hours at night, we started putting her to bed at 7:30 and she slept until 7:00 am and began taking better naps.

C.,
As hard as it may be, when you and your daughter get up to eat and get changed, if she wants to talk let her talk but do it in her bed, alone. It was one of the hardest things leaving my baby in his crib when he was awake, but he eas ready to start falling asleep alone and I needed my sleep also. And as far as the "experts say" that is usually a recomendation. If you child is healthy and happy, then she is getting what she needs.

You may want to skip the mid-night feeding and allow her cry it out for 15 mins. It may seem hard but only for 15 mins. If she is still crying then go get her. You could also comfort her but limited talking and NO lights on. And lay her back down.

Let her cry for 15 more mins. If she is not asleep yet. I would feed her. Try this for a few nights. She will get the idea sooner than later.

The 2:30 feeding is okay. Just don't talk to her or turn any lights on.

As far as her sleeping at day care (I used to care for infants at day care) you could request that they lay her down every 3 hours (appropriate for this age). It all depends on the child's personality and how soothing the daycare atmosphere is at any given time.

If you PM me I can give a schedule of what babies should be doing sleep and eating wise for the appropriate age. It really helped me know how to direct my children.

Hi C.. 4 months may still be too young to be sleeping thru the night, but probably should be beyond getting up 2 times a night to feed. You may have already tried this but, I'd 1st try to make sure she is getting enough to eat throughout the day and give her a big feeding before bed. I have a 5 mth old and she eats between 24-30 oz/day with no feedings at night (6 oz bottles throughout the day). I'd also try not feeding or changing her when she wakes up at night, try just getting her to go back to sleep, even if it means you have to rock her for a while. I know mine didn't make progress until I stopped feeding her at night, she was getting up once. Good luck, I know what you are going thru, mine just started sleeping through the night about 1 month ago after I started doing the above.

Hi C..
By the looks of your daughter's sleep patterns, I would say she definitely shows signs of exhaustion. She is only sleeping a couple hours at a time then waking. So she is only rested. She seems happy and talking because she is getting just enough sleep to be rested. As adults however, we need sleep to be rejuvenated.
If you get her up at 5 to be ready for daycare, that's an early day. Discuss her sleep patterns with her daycare. Ask the daycare to put her down at 9am and again at 2pm. Ask that even if your daughter doesn't "act tired" if she doesn't cry, let her lay in "quiet time" for at least an hour.
Both of my kids were in daycare when they were babies. My provider discussed EVERYTHING with me. We were always on the same page whether it was about sleeping, eating, playing, etc.
Arrange time to discuss these things with your provider. You are "partners" with your provider in raising a child. Work together and always discuss concerns with her even if they seem minimal.
Until you can get your daughter on a better sleep pattern, give yourself a naptime. Tell hubby you need 30 min a day after you get home.
Hope this helps and hope the sleep fairy visits you soon!!
E.

C. - Kudos to you for meeting your baby's needs. It is hard to go without sleep, but part of being a mom! I agree with the suggestions listed here to make crock pot meals and do whatever you need to do to get some sleep. Perhaps she is missing you during the day so enjoys your company at night? I would too, not encourage it, but keep the room dark when she nurses and try not to engage too much - but that must be hard! My kids slept very similarly to yours - 2, 20 minute naps during the day - boy could I get a lot done in 20 minutes!!! And they were all night wakers. Oh well, I can tell you they are now very intelligent adults! I always figured out that their brains were working to take in all this world had to offer. My kids never read the books that the experts wrote either.

No body knows I think is the answer. My first who is now three was the BEST sleeper...she literally slept thru the night the first night from the hospital and always napped for HOURS during the day. All this came to a screetching hault when she was 18 months old or so. She would wake during the night and stay up for two hours at time for NO reason. We put her in a big girl bed at two; I would lay with her till she fell asleep and she'd wake up once she realized I was gone. Now we are "awful" parents that let her sleep with us and she sleeps ALL night long.

Baby number two (also a girl) will be a year old on Sunday. She has NEVER been a good sleeper...woke up 5 times last night as a matter of fact. We took her out of daycare when she was 5 months old thinking the noise was keeping her from napping there (hired a nanny who we later fired), but she still didn't sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a time. I am counting on her sleeping like a champ when she is 18 months or so because this is when my other daughter's great sleeping habits went south...we are due a good night's sleep sometime!!
I'm telling you all this because I am finding, no child is the same. They will all go thru phases (good or bad) and you will adjust or do things that you swore you never would (like letting them sleep with you), but soon you will forget this crazy sleepless stage and move on to the next crazy one....I cannot wait to leave the sleepless night one...makes work HARD!!

Good luck!

Ah yes, I remember those days. My daughter is 19 months now and it seems so long ago, but also just yesterday.

Being 4 months old, she's probably growing like a weed and just needs the extra fillers of the extra feedings still. One thing that helps is to do the same thing every night. Pick a set of events and an order of those events and do them every night so she gets used to having a routine. Eventually, she'll just know that after X, X, X, it's sleep time. Also, make sure there is nothing stimulating around when trying to get her to go to sleep. It may be booring for you or your husband, but it helps when there is nothing to occupy their little minds. Keep the lights as dim as possible so there isn't much to look at, don't talk (unless singing helps or something), don't move around, just sit quietly in the dark, feed her, rock her, and wait for sleep. A 4 month old waking up 2-3 times a night is perfectly normal. Once she starts eating solids in 1-3 months she'll stop waking to eat so much since her belly will be full longer. As for now, use that breastmilk to get her back to sleep. It really works wonders as I'm sure you already know.

Good luck and know that, although it seems tough that you aren't getting much sleep, it doesn't last forever and is completely normal at this age.

Oh, and if you want a book to read about sleeping babies/toddlers - try the "No Cry Sleep Solution". It touches a little bit on each problem that could be causing a less sleepfull night and helps you to come up with a plan on a routine. It isn't a miracle book - none of them are. It just helps you to organize yourself and make a plan for more sleepfull nights.

you shouldnt even remotely be concerned. My first son was just like that! sorry :) My current son is 13 months and doesnt sleep through the night but doesnt play either he still eats milk at night. every little adorable baby is different. 4 months is way young to sleep through the night though some do - I have 4 they never did!

HI C.,

We all need oursleep. I find it hard to blieve that a 4 month old doesn't nap all day until theyare picked up form daycare, and then naps for 40 minutes. That is late in the day for a nap. Find out what is going on with that. I agree that 4 months is too young to cry it out. If you do it for only 15 minutes, she will cry for 16 minutes, as long as you come in to get her, she will cry that long. don't start that habit. Have a plan/schedule. Get her to nap during the day, not at the end of the day. Feed her well at night. Only do 1 nighttime feeding until she is a little older, then cut it out entirely. Don't play with her at night, put her in her crib after changing/feeding. She is old enough to know that she loves being with her mommy, and she doesn't care if you need your sleep! So keep your time with her short. Good luck, be patient and persistent.

I feel your pain C. my daughter is 13 months old and about a month ago I asked the very same question, because she still at 1 was not sleeping through the night and I was desperate for sleep, I was literally near a breakdown from sleep deprivation. I followed some of the advise of some of the mothers and it worked well, she is still so little... if the doctor says she is fine, I'm sure she will work it out and start to sleep. If it takes awhile don't worry, it is amazing what a month has done for my daughter, she still has some issues, but... she is sleeping, better good luck.

Your daughter is both my sons and they are now 11 and 9 y/o ~ they both have ADHD/ODD, with my youngest also having Aspergar's and both me and my husband have ADD/ADHD. They have never slept competely through the night and they are bed chasers ~ meaning, where they start off at night is not where they end up in the morning. My oldest son has been found a couple of times between the mattress and box springs, which is amazing since he sleeps on the top bunk. My one piece of advice is sleep where YOU can. We do not have a traditional house in that we all sleep in our beds, we sleep where ever we can and for how ever long we can. There have been a few times that my husband was on the couch, while I was on the bottom bunk bed and both our boys were in our bed. A lot of people have told us that this is wrong, but when I have to get up for 4:30am to be to work by 5:30am, I will sleep where I need to.
Start making crockpot meals or freezer meals on the weekends, so this way when you get home you can grab a quick 20 minute nap while you husband watches your daughter. Also when the wash is on, take a nap in the basement ~ the washing machine has put me to sleep many times. I have also enlisted the help of the Grandparents to take the boys for a 1/2 day, so that me and my husband could just sleep for a couple of hours on the weekend.
I do have a ceiling fan running every night for the boys in their room and this has really helped getting them to sleep and helping them fall back to sleep. We tried a white noise machine, but my oldest would stay up all night listening to the sounds of the wood, babbling brook, or ocean, so that one was taken out of the room very quickly.

I have an almost 7 month old son and he is on a similar schedule. I simply nurse him until he is back sleeping or sleepy and put him back in his crib. I am sure not to talk, or turn on lights and I don't even change his diaper (unless it is more than just wet - he wears a Huggies Overnight and is keeping him from leaking). I have also noticed that since he has started practicing eating solids (just bananas a few Cheerios at dinner) he is sleeping longer in the first "leg" of the night. But, I would say your daughter is still a bit young for solids...but she will sleep longer as she grows. Be patient. . .and good luck.

Hi C.,

I know you already posted a 'what happened'...but I thought I would throw in my 2 cents.

My daughter was/is pretty much the same way. She is not a great sleeper. Now that she is 14 months old, it is better then before...but she still wakes at night. Typically twice after going to bed, but sometimes only once.

That being said, every baby is different. Some sleep great, others ... not so much. Those that tell you your baby HAS to be sleeping 12 hours by 6 months ... I don't listen to them. My daughter needed night time milk for a long time. We tried doing other things to see if she was nursing just for comfort... and she wasn't. she was hungry.

Also, growth spurts interrupt sleep and emerging skills.

In addition, I have found naps are CRUCIAL to a good nights sleep. ABSOLUTLY CRUCIAL. If she doesn't get a good nap, then the night is HORRIBLE. I've talked to my mommy friends and they say the same. So, if she isn't getting a nap at daycare, then that could be the problem. I don't know why this correlation exists...but it does.

You may also try an earlier bedtime. My daughter used to go to bed late...then around 4 months we started putting her to bed about 7pm. That really helped as well. Again, not sure why...but sometimes an EARLIER bedtime actually helps them sleep better.

Hope you can find the combination that works.