Is My 1 Year Old Ready for Weaning?

Ok, S., it's time you got some sleep and time for yourself. First, you should be very proud of yourself for nursing your child for a year. Nursing a child for 2 weeks is commendable, (every little bit helps), and these lactation consultants should all wake up and wise up. I didn't see any mention of what your pediatrician recommends, and I'm curious. This baby obviously doesn't need the nursing solely for nutritional purposes. Your kids share a room (as do mine, and I fully understand the fear of one waking the other). Perhaps you will have to try putting the 2 year old in another room (or your room - makeshift bed) until you can condition the baby into sleeping thru the night. (we use those window fans on the floor of each bedroom to drown out household noises...like white noise. All 3 of my kids fall asleep to the fan which means we can actually live in our house after 9p...maybe try it with your 2 yr old). I've had to play hard ball (not a nice term) with my youngest who was resistant to giving up the nighttime feeds. I would nurse at bedtime, then I would put him down and walk out. Once he woke up again, I would change him, rock him a bit, then leave. It took 1/2 hr of screaming one night with me right outside his door biting finger nails, but he finally went back to sleep. The next time he woke, same process. IF you feel he is getting enough (6-8 oz) from you at bedtime, he's getting plenty. If you feel he just snacks, then have some breastmilk in a bottle ready. Does he take a pacifier? Does your husband ever put him to bed? By stopping the frequent night nursings, your husband can get up and change him/soothe him while you get some sleep. Once he calms down at night, you can move the 2 year old back in. I had to stop nursing altogether and pump in order for my little guy to even take a bottle, and that took 3 days of struggle. Learning to self soothe is a very important skill. It sounds like he also craves Mommy time, and that is strictly a Mommy job (nursing). But, seeing as how you're husband's off work, you should take advantage of this. My husband was very hands-off during my heavy nursing months (0-6), then when my son was taking bottles and solids and was going to bed at night without a midnight feed (around 7 mos), then my husband started getting up with him because he could do all the rest. Again, you've made it this far and you should not feel guilty about tapering off or stopping nursing in order to get some well deserved rest. Your system has been taxed enough with pregnancy, birth, nursing, working, and now sleep deprivation. I think this baby is ready for the next big adjustment. You may just have to divide and conquer in order to to this. Good luck. Motherhood is very underappreciated! Have hope that your 2 1/2 yr old is only months away from becoming easier. I noticed a real change in both of my girls once they hit 3.

Your child is only 1. Nursing is still a very natural need. Nursing at night does NOT put teeth at risk since the nipple is further back in the mouth than the teeth. There is a risk of cavities with putting a child to bed with a bottle though.

I have been in your shoes. We night weaned my daughter just before she turned 2. She was able to understand that nursie went night night and we could talk about it.

Please remember that this too shall pass. This is not forever. Does your baby sleep alone? I found that having a frequent night nurser-- it was easier to have her sleep with me in bed and got to a point where we could nurse in my sleep!

This needs to work for both of you since you don't want to build resentment.

Have you thought about attending La Leche meetings? They can really help... A lot of other mom's who are or have been in your shoes....

This advice in in regard to your baby's recurrent ear infections. If you have a moment look up the chiropractic benefits to having your baby adjusted to reallign the neck and therefore to allow for proper drainage in the ears, thus eliminating ear infections completely. My daughter is four 1/2 years old and has never had an ear infection. I had never heard of having an infant adjusted and had never been to a chiropractor myself, until my sister told me about it and when my daughter was three months old, I took her to a female chiropractor and have been taking her once a year ever since. When your baby is an infant, they lay the baby on your stomach and adjust her while you hold her. Their bones are still soft and they do not hurt the baby, they gently massage them and it helps them sleep better after they have been adjusted. Look it up on the internet. I hope this helps.

Hi S. -

First let me say kudos to you for hanging in there this long! Seems like most moms give up on breasfeeding a lot earlier these days. You really are doing what's best for your baby's health. My son unwillingly gave it up for good at 18 months when I started working full time again. But now for the good news - he was just about 1 when our schedule changed and we went from the all night buffet to 3 "meals" a day and sleeping all night. It was a quick transition too. I am sure your little one will be on better schedule soon. If not, don't feel guilty about a forced weaning. What's good for mom is ultimately good for baby. You have already set him up for a lifetime of better health, and if it is now time to focus on your health (i.e. sleeping and actually feeling rested) that is fine. When I weaned my son we had less than a week of hysterics. It seems like a long week, but when it's done, it's done.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

I worked, too. At 6 mo. Dr. Wiesbluth's practice (of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child fame) where we go downtown, recommends only responding to feed every four hours. Even though this is only needed to 9 months, I feed at 12 and 4 for one year, then we let my son cry it out. He continued nuring until 18 months (but not in the middle of the night anymore). I tried to "wean" before then, but he wasn't ready. It was impossible to "drop" a feeding when I was home. I quit pumping at 1 year, but continued breastfeeding when home at nap times, first thing in the a.m. and bedtime. Our pediatrician (Dr. Hirsch at Weissbluth's practice) said he probably wouldn't be able to understand nursing at one time and not at another. He was so attached to nursing, I waited unitl 18 months-- then I was 3 mo. pregnant and had had enough. By that time he could understand easily "all gone". I went on a 2 day business trip (and didn't even need to pump), came back and we went cold turkey. He was fine after about 2 days of asking.

Dear S.,

I nursed both of my daughters for one year, and both continued to wake up to nurse until I weaned them Once I quit nursing, they quit waking up during the night. Not to say that weaning them was easy. My second one was very unhappy about it and gave me trouble for several weeks, but know she is 15 mos. and sleeps through the night every night. I don't disagree with your lactation consultant that your son may be benefitting nutrionally, but he should not need to eat during the night because he is hungry. Would it be possible for you to quit nursing but pump and give him breast milk during the day so he continues to get the nutrition. Just a few ideas from a mom who has been there...
L.

I know what you are going through, because I just went through it myself. My daughter (now 14 months) would not take breast milk, formula or whole milk from a bottle or sippy cup. So I continued nursing her. She woke up at least four times and night and like you I would just give her the breast so I could quickly get back to sleep. I knew I was creating the problem/dependancy, but I was tired! My pediatrician said it was okay to wean her, just make sure she was getting 800 mg of calcium a day. I cut out one feeding a week, until she was only nursing first thing in the morning and before bed. And at the same time she stopped waking in the night and now sleeps 12 straight hours! I also used the Baby Whisperer method to get her to nap better during the day. I'm still nursing twice a day, but I plan on stopping around 15 months. I hope that helps, at least you're not alone! Good luck!

Hi S.,

I felt so close to you even though we don't know each other. I have a good friend named S.. I am 33, working full time and having two kids too. My husband is also working, and he commutes 2 hours a day, which means i have to deal with the kids most of the time off work.

Anyway, about your frustration, I strongly recommend you to sleep-train your son. I know it is hard, emotionally speaking, more for you than for him. I was not able to do so for my older one(Cynthia) because i could not stand her crying in the middle of night while we do nothing about it, who will be 4 at the end of this month. But when we had Peter(who is 13 months now), life was out of control for me, with everything and a baby needed to be nursed every two hours at night. Therefore, when he was six months old, I decided to sleep train him. I knew i could not stand him crying, but was unable to get out of the house unfortunately. So, the first night, he cried(screamed) 40 minutes or so, and i cried hard for the 40 minutes while being kept out of his room by my husband. Even my daughter who was playing in the living room, stopped and asked me why i kept crying. Then that night, i slept with my daughter in another room and was not allowed to go in the baby's room(my husband was in there with him). He cried on and off almost the whole night. But the second night, it was much easier. Then gradually, he got used to it and he slept pretty well except for the early mornings(since he was still young then, we had this rule like responding to him after 4am with his bottle). Physically I felt much better. Then we moved when he's 11 months old. The first several nights in this new place, he cried like hell and refused to fall asleep by himself. I could not stand the crying/screaming, therefore had to leave the room again for a couple of nights. Then starting from the third night, he has been doing better and better. Now it has been 2 months since we moved.

I think he is quite happy with the routine now. I bathe him at night sometime around 7:30pm, and he could fall asleep in 2 minutes without a single cry. Then he woke up around 6am in the morning. I have this feeling that he doesn't like to be rocked or held anymore, because when he was sick, i tried to do so instead of putting him directly to bed, but he acted happier being putting into his crib right after bath and bottle.

As for the older one, yes, her sleep was a little disturbed occasionally, but we told her in advance, and we make sure that she would not cry or make more noise by explain to her what is going on. It worked good for us.

All I want to let you know is that I think i really understand you and the tough life you are having. I also can imagine how hard it can be for you to listen to your baby crying. But believe me, if you and your husband are both tired enough, you will have to make up your minds to train the baby. It is good for him, for both of you and for the family too. I read somewhere, only if you can rest well, you will be able to treat your kids more patiently. After all, you are helping him learn to sleep.

I hope I have make myself clear. If you want more information, feel free to contact me by email.

I nursed my daughter for only 8 mos, she weaned herself. I worked, and am still working full time, so the only time she had me was in the evening before bed, in the middle of the night and in the morning before work. So, I guess she just got tired of it and I don't think I really produced enough. I supplemented from the very beginning. So, my only advice is that maybe your husband could get up with your 1yr old during the night, maybe if your not there (tempting him) he may be more apt to take a drink of water and go back to sleep. I'm sure at first this will not be easy but after a few nights maybe it will get easier.
As for the ears. My daughter is 2 and for the past two winters she has had an ear infection the whole time. I took her to an ear nose and throat doctor and he gave me a nasal spray to give her once a day. The first yr he gave it to me it worked rather quickly. This past winter she was on it all winter and it was to the point that the next time I took her if her ears were not clear he was going to recommend tubes. But they were clear. It seems like she gets an ear infection from October to about the end of February or March. So if you do not want tubes ask about the Naonex Nasel Spray and see if that works.

S.,

First of all, major HUGS to you! You poor woman! And congratulations on your 1+ years of nursing, which is not so easy when you're a working mom!

I have yet to meet or hear of a LC who has not said to let them nurse on demand, whether for nutrition or comfort; everyone has their own opinions on that. Well, not getting a proper 8 hours of sleep for over 3 years does a number on your body, as sleep is when the body does all of its repair work (and lack of proper sleep is a contributing factor in depression and anxiety); your health is important, too, so keep that in mind with whatever you decide to do.

He absolutely does not need to be nursing that often. If he has been suffering from so many ear infections, this is probably all comfort nursing (which, from what I understand, is sometimes helpful with ear pain - other times it causes more pain). I know that it's easy to just go ahead and give it to them because you know it will calm them down, but in your particular situation (meaning, the frequency), you're going to have to get creative and stong (well, stronger than you already are!). Your husband might hunt me down for this, but he is going to have to play a starring role in breaking this middle-of-the-night nursing habit. Because your son knows that he can get it from you he depends on that, but he can't get it from your husband, so he'll have to learn to be soothed by his daddy; and since he won't be getting what he *really* wants, he will hopefully sleep longer stretches. This might take awhile, but you both have to stay strong and stick with the program; if you give in, even once, he'll "work the system" until you guys cave in again.

Since he doesn't seem to drink all that much when you're out of reach, maybe you can try out a bunch of different nipples on bottles or sippy cups with breastmilk to see if he can be convinced otherwise. You certainly don't want him to get dehydrated, but you're only human, and you need some rest!

If he has been on antibiotics a lot, his little body may have built-up an immunity to them. The daughter of one of my girlfriends had chronic ear infections, and here is what she had to say:

"I went through this exact same thing with Britoni when she was a baby and she ended up with tubes. Just from personal experience, after all the antibiotics Britoni was on, I am very against antibiotics now, they discolored her teeth, I think she has a weakened immune system due to all the antibiotics she was on. Anyway, I know they are good for some things but if I were you, I would demand that she be referred to an ENT or what I do now for Britoni is give her Tylenol sinus. The decongestant helps to drain the eustachian tube and it also helps with the pain. I also give her Otrivin nasal spray and if her ear is sore, I put Auralgan ear drops in. This was all recommended to me by a doctor and it's worked every time. The Otrivin says on the bottle for children age 12 and over but my doctor assured me that anyone can use it, I use one spray in each nostril once a day. I heat the Auralgan ear drops in the microwave for a few seconds to warm them and put a couple drops in each ear and then I massage it to make sure it's in all the way. I do this at bedtime. Many doctors are against antibiotics now for ear infections, it's a huge controversy over whether to use them or not. Many ear infections are viral anyway so antibiotics wouldn't work anyway. You can buy all of this at the drugstore and don't need a prescription. Good luck!"

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find some relief!

Take care,
E.

A little about me:
I'm a 31 year old, married, full-time working mom of two boys, Jack (3 years old) and Sean (4 months old). Jack was breastfed for 1 year, and Sean has been at it for 4 months already. Time really flies!

try water in a bottle or soft sippy cup
nursing during the night is terrible for his teeth because breast milk has natural sugars in it.

S.,

I know this is probably what you don't want to hear, but you need to stop nursing your son during the night. He needs to learn to sleep through the night and you need to help him do that by NOT responding to his cries. Why should he drink during the day if he knows he'll get it at night? You will not be sane until YOU can sleep through the night (and I am talking from experience). Yes, you will have a rough couple (maybe a week)days, but ALL of you will benefit in the long run. I know my email must sound mean and harsh to you, but I was in your shoes. Also, our pediatrician says our son will have to get tubes for his ears if the antibiotic he's on now doesn't clear up the fluid in his ears. Hang in there. You have my email addy if you want to talk.

hugs,
kim