Is It to Soon?

I wouldn't rush the marriage thing too fast. The kids are already adjusting to their mom and dad getting divorced. Take it from one who knows. I moved in with my (going to be today!) husband way too soon. We both had 2 kids and it was a lot for his oldest daughter to adjust more so than mine. He had been divorced for a year and his oldest was what we found out later still having a hard time with it. Me and her would butt heads a lot. He had anger towards me because I was keeping her mom from coming back..in a sence. She was afraid of loosing me too, i think. Not sure if I was going to stay...when she tried SO hard to make me leave. When her mom got a bf and he moved in..things go worse. But her mom is now engaged. She doen't like that idea either. It happend too fast as well. She needed time to be told before hand and time for it to sink in and opertunity to ask questions and discuss what the changes mean. She was 6 when me and her dad got together. Her younger sister was 2 and she was fine. I was not married before so I guess that's why my girls didn't have much problems, however my oldest talked about going to our old house and wanting to live there, esp when she was fighting with her step sister, or justed missed her old home. My point is, the kids are going through a lot of changes already. Even if they seem ok, they can mask thier feeling until anger emergees. Give them time and talk to them, ask them how they like this new guy, and ask them what they would think about you two being together. You don't have to do as they say, but you will know how they feel and can discuss your feelings the same. If they don't like this man, talk about it. (oh and have these talks in private) I remember as a kid my dad asked me those questions before he moved in with his girlfriend. I really liked that I was a part of the decission. I hope this helps and good luck to you!

Good Morning C., (I haven't been where you are but hopefully I can share a little insight) I would take it a little slower on talks of marriage, only because your divorce is new, you said a few months.
You and the children need some time to heal. Not sure how to put this that is doesn't sound judgemental? presay!? I never ever want to judge another's life walk, I am not in your shoes.
Please do not get romantically involved with your best friend, stay friends, get to know each other better. I know you said he is taking you places and doing things with the kids, continue if it is helping them and you to heal, but as a friend not father figure or Man/friend. Keep a distance between the ahh bedrooms. It is a spiritual bond more then an emotional one when two people are joined.

Just hold off a while on talks of marriage, for your sake and the kids. He may not be or stay the same way once you make that commitment to marry. People change...lol
Remember dating? You went to the movies, maybe out dancing, and dinner, long walks? Once they get you That usually Stops, Not always but alot of times! They don't need to wine,dine, charm you anymore they have you.

Your divorce is brand new so until you feel you and your children are OK. Don't go to the next step.
I don't know and don't need to know, the reasons for your divorce, but If your ex gets a wild hair some where he could claim you might of been having an affair before the break up. Your separation/divorce is only a few months old. Now that you moved in with your friend, people could jump to conclusions. * know what I mean Margette?* lol

I wish you and your children the very best Life has to offer, C.. Will be praying for all of you.

God Bless
K. Nana of 5

what's that phrase: from the frying pan into the fire?? You started this by moving in with him....I vote for finding your own place, your own life......before putting your children into another relationship.

Allow this relationship to develop & grow.....allow your separation to end in divorce before creating a new life with your boyfriend.

I think if you have to question if you're making the right move or not, then that speaks volumes. When it's right you won't have to question it, you'll know. I agree that if this man truly loves you he will be willing to take things slow. If you want to pursue a relationship then do so, but take it slowly. Good luck!

I can see how fantastic it is to have a friend to turn at this time. Someone who understands exactly where you're at and how you got there. Someone who already knows you, your kids, and is willing to take in the whole family and love them as his own. You should feel quite lucky.
Here's the thing...if the friendship is truly unbreakable, then he will understand that you and your children need time to recover and regroup. If you're in shock by it all, try to imagine this through the eyes of your children. They are still reeling!
Please slow down and don't rush into anything. Your friend has been there for you through all of this, my guess is that he'll be there when you've had a chance to discover who you are as an independent woman.
If you both believe you are ready for marriage now, you'll both be ready in a year, or 5 years, if it is truly meant to be. No need to rush. Let the kids have a chance to make sense of it all before another curve ball is thrown. If you move too swiftly, it is possible they will perceive the situation in a negative light. I understand they are young and you said their dad was never around, so it might be a welcomed sight in their eyes to have an adult male figure in the family dynamics. That doesn't mean you need to be married.
Step back...take a deep breath...take one day at a time.
lb

Hi C.,
I was married "officially" for ten years and remarried just three months after my divorce was final. To others that seemed really quick, but what they didn't realize is that my first marriage had ended emotionally and spiritually years before. We had tried to work things out, but he had given up on us (and even moved out of our bedroom) over a year before we started the divorce process. That year was a time of healing and growth for me, even though on the outside we appeared to others to be "married as normal" if that makes sense.

When I met my husband now, we immediately bonded, and he knew exactly what I had experienced in my first marriage because he had experienced something similar himself. We married three months after we first met and have been happy ever since.

I think the main gauges of whether you are ready is first, how you feel toward your ex. If there's a lot of bitterness and anger, you need to resolve that within yourself first so you know you are not seeking this new relationship as a means to "get back" at him or prove you are over him. Second, are you healed from the divorce? Do you still cry when you think of how the relationship failed or can you speak openly and honestly about what happpened. I'm sure you will always feel saddened that the marriage didn't work out, but if you're still depressed or hurt by it, then you need to take more time. This applies to your kids too - if they are still suffering, then take more time.

If you have unresolved pain and issues from your first marriage, they will carry over into your next one and you can begin to project those feelings onto your new husband without even realizing it. Take a chance to step back and be alone - ask yourself what you truly want for your life and your children's life.

I hope this helps! Feel free to send me a personal message if you want to talk more!

You and your children need healing time.Staying with this man friend for now is great till you get back up on your feet if he really loves you he will understand and still be there for you and have your children around and continue to do outings.But marriage to me to soon to fast.You say that you are trying to adjust to this new lifestyle well do that first and have god times with you children.

If you're confused on how you went from moving in with a friend to talking marriage, imagine how your kids feel about it. I'm with Lisa: YES.

yes

God Bless,
L.