Is It Time to Show Some Limits

Hello, Limits are better started earlier than later. Sounds like you are on the right track. Maybe you just need to tighten up a bit more. My kids rarely get something at the store. If we got in the habit of buying something, no matter how small, it would get out of hand. In our case poverty is the best restricter...lol, but it is still nice to know I can take the kids with me and not have to deal with the "I wants". My husband believe that kids have too many toys these days and though I think he is a bit extreme, he is right. Our kids are more creative with their playtime than most of their friends, who just go from toy to toy. Talk with your fiancee about what he thinks the limits should be and why. Have an open mind and be willing to compromise if you don't fully agree. I think the more restrictions our little ones have at a young age the better. It is much easier to ease up on restrictions than to try and begin enforcing them when they get older. Just some thoughts, hope they help. Good luck!

Wow, good job getting him to say please in the first place! It sounds like you DO set limits, so maybe you should ask your fiancee for some specific examples. I agree with one of the ladies below that said maybe it has more to do him your boyfriend then with your son. Or maybe he was meaning somethng specific...just an idea. I'd definitely ask him more about it. Good luck!

First of all, your 19-mo. old saying please is great! My 17-mo. old son just makes noises! Anyway, I see both sides on this. Yes, your fiance has a point...you don't want him to get used to getting everything he wants just because he says please. But obviously you don't give him everything he wants. Also, remember his is only 19 months old! Parenting and disciplining is hard and you and your fiance just have to remember to always talk and discuss your disciplining principles. It takes a lot of cooperation from both Mom and Dad! Good luck!!

Your example about the drink seems perfectly appropriate. You mentioned that your fiance brought this up after a trip to the store. Do you regularly buy something for him when you take him to the store? If this is the case, maybe you need to discuss a plan for dealing with that. Kids pick up on habits and if he learns the pattern of getting to buy something on each trip to the store, it will likely get out of hand sooner rather than later. Perhaps you could ask him for specific examples so that you can fully understand why he sees a problem. Maybe you will find that you agree on at least some situations and can work together to figure out a plan for dealing with it. It is difficult to explain limits to a 19 month old (my son is the same age) but it's important to get into positive habits at an early age. They will put up a fight, but that's part of learning too. It is always good to let him know that you liked the way he asked and that he used nice words, but that whatever it is he wants, is just not an option at this time. Don't try to over explain and move on to distract him. Good luck. Setting limits is never fun, but it is an important gift to our little ones.

H.

Hm. I'm wondering if this has little to do with how your son is or isn't disciplined, and more to do with how your fiance is feeling? Is it possible he's got some resentment going on? Maybe he's not getting something that he wants and projecting a bit?

you probably won't like my answer but i am an active "observer" of human behavior. i usually diagnose things pretty well.
is your husband significantly older than you? like 7 or more years? it sounds to me like you are doing a good job and you are raising a good child. sometimes when an older man marries a younger women, they are pleased as punch with their younger, hot wife! but then kids come along and change the dynamic of everything. now they don't have the same situation they had in the first place. they get resentful and have to exert their "power". or at least the power they assume they have as the "elder".
i would talk to your husband. ask him, when he is calm and not during a conflict over your son, to site a specific example of a time this "problem" occured. tell him if he feels it to be an issue, you would like to work together on it, but you really are not clear on what, exactly his reference is to since you are not , for example, buying him toys every time you go to the store or something.
hope that helps and that you are not offended.
i have learned a lot from experience and observation.

Guess maybe your better hafe feels that your child thinks he can get what he wants when he refers to Please... Maybe what you can do is try to talk to your little one about what please means and see where it may take you. Meaning if he says please see what he will do if you say no...

If then you see a attitude change with the no then maybe your baby boy is taking please for all i have to do is say the magic word and i can have something... Just see what NO will do...

Even if you No that the baby is not getting his own way just to see what will happen,

Trust me i have a 6 yr old daughter and a 5 month old son and when i say to my daughter she will head for Daddy and when we both say No she does have a temper tantrum but then she over comes it and finally she gets the hint.

Also i know that if daddy and mommy are not on the same page Vanessa will ask one and if the one says no and the other says yes then there is a bit of a fight. reason she plays us against each other.

Just try No see where it takes you.

Hi L.,
I'm a 45 yr old mother of five. I'm confused too by what your fiance means. It sounds to me like you are doing a good job and setting limits appropriately and guess what? At least your kid has learned to say please which is more than alot of kids. Ask your fiance to give you some specific examples of what he means like what does he see happening that seems out of control? Well, keep up the good work and good luck!
A.

I think that now is a good time to set limits... he is almost two and it only gets tougher from there. I think you are on the right track though... If you go to the store... he obviously cant have everything his wants... but if he's at home... and asks for a sip of your drink... that should be ok.

Maybe he is referring to if you where out at a store and your son asks for something and you buy it just because he has said "please". IF that is what he meant, I agree with him, unless it is a special occasion. My son seemed to learn that everytime we where out it meant he got something new. This turned into a problem as im sure you can understand. Even if we are shopping for a gift for someone else he still wants stuff for himself with my money! DOESNT work that way! He is now 10 and is finally getting the concept that, that is not how it works. Its hard because he is your son and you want him to have it all, but there has to be limits. It is wonderful that he says please to everything, and i think you are doing the right thing in sometimes telling him to get his, and that the one in your hand is yours. Keep in mind that you will want to keep the manners going hard. My son was great with them as a toddler, impressed everyone, but they soon fell to the weighside...just a warning. Good Luck! Hope this helps