Is It Still Rude to Ask for Money for a Gift?

O. good rule of thumb: as long as there is a sun in the sky, it will STILL be rude to ask for money.

Another O.: when asked what you want, reply "for you to be there to celebrate my birthday with me!"

When someone asks what someone wants and they want money, it is OK to say so. I believe in being honest. If they don't ask then it would be rude to tell them they want money. It is a gift and the person doing the giving should be able to give what they want to give. When they ask what is wanted they are wanting to give what the person asks for.

Next day: After thinking about this question a bit I think that it has never been rude to say you want money when you're asked what you want. I believe it has been and still is rude to send out an invitation stating that you want money.

It is still tacky to ask for money. It's not impolite to be given money, if that's the giver's choice, but you're not to ask for it, even if your excuse is that it's the practical thing for the givers to give. Even when you write a thank-you note, you don't say, "Thanks for the cash"; you say, "Thanks so much for your generosity."

That's not the popular position. I've received wedding invitations with requests/expectations to help finance the honeymoon (or the baby). I've seen "cash trees" at parties. Since so many people do say, "Give me cash and I'll do what I please with it," it's not surprising to hear kids say that, too. My granddaughter brought this up before her birthday, and we had a talk about it. She decided not to say she wanted money. She was given some just the same, but she wasn't fishing for it or demanding it, and that's fine.

A gift is something given out of grace, not obligation. Your daughter may give her friends what she'd like to give them (and what you approve of). When they say, "Oh, I want money," she can say, "What else would you like?"

Within our family, we do bend a little. Grownup toys cost more than kids' toys - oh, you noticed? - so among us it's all right to say, *if asked*, that, for Christmas or a birthday, one would like this book OR that sweater OR a contribution to the camera fund, football season ticket fund, gigantic-dual-fuel-barbecue-grill fund. When the grandchildren get older, they may want to do this, too, for something really important to them. But only within the family - and if they get pushy or whiny about what they expect, they can forget about it. That last applies to the teens and adults, too.

Etiquette is a structured way of knowing how to treat other people well, whether you know those people or not. Yes, it takes some learning to know how to deal with people. It's not a set of old-fogey rules the sole purpose of which is to make everyone unhappy and uncomfortable; actually, any discomfort involved with learning and practicing the dictates of courtesy usually comes from having to consider people other than oneself. That can be a gigantic mind-shift.

I think if you say money, then you should have no expectations for the actual amount. If you get offended that the person didn't give you "enough money" then THAT would be really rude. I would rather get 5 dollars than a gift that I have no use or desire for that cost the same amount.

I think saying that you are saving up to buy something special or for lessons, or something like that is a great way to introduce the idea of cash.

Here is the thing with money, you can dance around the subject saying everything they want is a big ticket item or you can say, just give them cash.

If the idea behind giving a gift is for the receiver and not the giver it makes no sense to give them some crappy little thing instead of five bucks. Not only are you giving them something they don't want or need but then they have the guilt of throwing it in the trash.

I mean can we be honest here, you do know crappy stuff ends up in the trash right?

With most people I know the kids know what to buy their friends, you give them a budget they make it work. Anyone else tends to just ask, is it okay if I give them cash, I have no idea what a kid that age wants or needs.

For the one or two people who really want to give a gift I tell them I will get back to them and ask the child to give me four things in a varied range of cost and give that to them.

I don't know, I just feel like this is a subject we make more complicated than it needs to be. I don't feel like I am being taken advantage of, or used, because someone says cash is preferred. I guess I just wonder why other people do. I suppose it could be that people who find something for fifty on clearance for five really think the receiver doesn't know what it is worth? The problem with that is the person would have rather received the five and put it towards something they could actually use.

I feel like I am rambling here but this topic confuses me.
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After reading BB's answer, yes, complaining about the amount of money would be rude!
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I just want to make it clear I have never had anyone, well other than Troy's stupid sister in law, ask for cash. It is always the answer to what do they want. If I ask what do they want I am saying, I plan on giving them a gift, what do they want. It would be quite another thing if someone say I am having a birthday party, junior wants 50 dollars a person!! That would be rude and tacky and yes, I started a whole post about Troy's sister in law doing this! Yes I am aware that makes her my sister in law too but this falls under "your children" to your spouse, when the kids are being bad! :p

It's ALWAYS rude to ask for money, even from close relatives. I would be appalled if anyone asked me for money.

My children have learned by example. When someone asks me or my husband what WE want for a birthday or Christmas, we respond, "Thank you for the thought but we're not expecting anything. The only present we require is your presence. We'd love to share some cake with you." People who know us already know what we like and dislike and if they're bound and determined to get a gift, then I'll appreciate whatever they offer very genuinely.

My eldest and youngest daughters are already masters at this. I'm very proud of them, actually. They know how to answer direct questions when it's not presented as, "What do you want for your birthday" and how to be humble when it is.

My middle daughter, with her special needs and missed social cues, needs to work on it. :-)

EDIT: I do think it's a completely different thing if I ask my children to write up a wish list for birthdays and Christmas, with the warning that they likely won't get everything on that list. I let them know it's for ideas for me and their dad. I always insist that they include inexpensive items on the list so that they're not disappointed if they don't get the most expensive items.

Of course my middle daughter loves lists because they're Organization! but she also thinks that wish lists mean they're also called I'm Gonna Get It For Sure Lists.

I tell my kids that nobody is obligated to give them a present.

I feel it is rude to ask anyone including relatives for money. If someone asks my kids what they want they are taught to give a few inexpensive ideas.

I think that it's tacky to ask for anything, unless someone pulls you aside and says, "What would you really like to have?"

I think that we've fallen away from what a gift is. Of course, the gifter should make an effort to give something relevant to the recipient, but the recipient should not count on the gifts to make or break his/her lifestyle. GIFTS ARE EXTRA! Gifts are not required and should not be expected. They are a courtesy and should be appreciated as such. We're so into the mandatory and obligatory gift-giving these days that the gifts aren't really gifts at all. What if you had a birthday or got married and received nothing but the presence and celebration of loved ones? Would life be so wrong if you were forced to pay for your own clothes and vacations?

I don't see it as being rude if someone ASKS you what you want and your reply is "money". Its only rude if you TELL people you want money for a gift without them ASKING you. JMO. Good luck!

It is always rude to ask for money as a gift.

I think it's still rude to ask for money. Usually, if I tell people that I have everything I want and don't need anything, I end up with a gift card :-)

Your daughter shouldn't feel obligated to give money for her friends' birthdays. I don't think that's appropriate for kids to exchange monetary gifts. They pretty much just end up circulating the same $20 to each other's birthday party.

Still think it's rude

IMO it's rude to ask for money. But considering that's what gift cards basically are, everyone asks for those and it's completely acceptable.

I can't imagine asking for money to be ok under any circumstances except someone dying and family is trying to raise money for life saving surgery. Within family, I will ask my sister what her kids want and ask if they really just want money... But that's me asking, not them.

I have always told when asked, they may say money. The person wouldn't be asking if they didn't really want to know. If you are not asked...you do not tell. A gift is a gift for a reason.

I would not be offended, if I asked, I think around 11-12 is when kids really want money anyways and that may be why it doesn't bother me. now if I don't ask, I'm not sure I would be offended, it just wouldn't change what I am going to do.

This has started with my ten year old son and his friends. They are all into Lego, but for the most part they already have all the small sets, and really want to save up for the big ones. So, while I don't like the idea of asking for money, I do see the point. Instead of getting a bunch of toys they really don't want or won't play with, they will save for one thing they really like. You can always give a very small, inexpensive or homemade gift, in addition to a small gift of cash, and it will look/feel like more. I would also hope that the receiver is appreciative of any gift, no matter how small.

I tell my 10 year old to say exactly what she wants + share a few general types of things she likes. For example she will tell people she wants money and also likes arts and crafts and makeup. So this gives the option of buying a $1 lip gloss or a pricey art set... Regardless of what she gets she graciously says thank you.

i was always told to say a gift is not needed. the only people who ask my daughter are grandparents and she's free to tell them what she;d like but as for other people i'd hope she'd not expect a gift at all
but i wouldnt be offended or think its rude..you asked and they were honest...do you think theyd say for you to make M. something?? dont ask if you dont have expendable cash to buy from their list

I would not want my child to ask (out right) for money from anyone. I think it's better to teach them to make a list. If the giver elects to give money and a card, which many do, that's up to them.

What ever they receive, buy a box on thank you notes and teach your child to respond right away....NOT via email.

Yes, it's still rude. It's rude no matter who asks, including close family. What does she need the money for? If there is one "big gift" that she would really like, I would invite close family members to contribute towards that gift. Beyond that... rude.

I do ask for gift cards, but usually only with close family... most of which don't like to shop anyways & would rather me go shopping for myself or kids anyways. Plus, cards can be gotten while they are doing there normal shopping - which makes them happy.

As for kids birthday parties... I try get a $20 - $25 gift card if we don't really know what the kids like, but if we do - we try to get them something they would like. Or atleast that is what we use to do... now we just do whatever we can if we can or the kids don't go at all :(

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Yes, I consider it rude to ask for money, but kids aren't always the smoothest when it comes to good manners, and they will be honest after all!
I don't think my kids have ever asked their friends what they want for their birthdays, maybe they have and I just don't know it (?) I usually ask my daughter, what's Sally into, what do you think she will like? Then she throws out a few ideas (jewelry, candy, a pillow pet, Claire's gift card, etc.) Though I know most of her friends pretty well so half the time I just pick something up without even asking.
You should probably discourage your daughter from asking them since you're not doing the traditional "shopping" for a gift, which BTW, I think is awesome :)