Is It Possible to Trust Too Much?

I could understand this being different for different marriages. I I would be okay with my husband going to an event with a female friend in most cases (but there are a few specific people I would be uncomfortable about). I imagine my husband would say something similar. But other people have really strong feelings about jealousy or cheating and would feel quite differently. Neither is wrong--every marriage is different.

kudos to your husband for feeling secure & safe in your relationship!

time for you to let go of the "ex" & just enjoy the friendship, as is.

don't look for or want jealousy in your relationship....it can be destructive! Jealousy is not a sign of goodness....it is a symptom of lacking self-esteem.

& the only thing that I think is "strange" in your post is the phrase: "allows you to go". He's your husband, not your parent! You're both adults, you are in control of your choices.....& he owes you respect, not permission to do things! Peace....

"If you trust too much, you give space for mistakes to happen." Mistakes happen whether or not you trust. We do not have total control over everything in our life and we definitely have no control over what another person does or doesn't do. I believe that when we trust our partner we are giving them something to live up to. Same for when we don't trust them. Sort of like the self-fulfilling prophecy. We get what we expect.

I think it's wonderful that your husband would want you to go to the concert with a friend. He's now a friend. I'd drop the idea of his being an ex. You have a different relationship now. Unless, of course, you still have strong romantic feelings towards the ex. Then you shouldn't go to the concert with him.

I married late in life and have several ex- boyfriends. If I were dating and my boyfriend didn't trust me to continue with these men as friends I wouldn't marry him. Friendships are important and so is trust.

However, I would exercise caution knowing that I'm human and could get caught up in the moment given enough moments. I would socialize with my friends and my husband as well as going to the concert with the friend. I'd only socialize with the friend in a public place with a clear understanding that we are now just friends.

I have expected my boyfriends to have other women friends. One can't live this long without making friends out of exes. One of my more important past relationships involved my daughter's psychological father. He traveled to spend graduation time with us. He slept at our house, ate meals with us, went with us to the ceremony. He and I went shopping together, had lunch out, were alone at times. My husband and my ex got along fine. It was a good experience.

I'm sorry that you wouldn't trust your husband to see an ex. What is important in my way of thinking is that everything is known. Yes, I would be jealous if I learned after the fact that my husband had seen an ex and hadn't told me. But as long as everyone is on the same page, jealousy is an inconvenience that can mess up a good relationship.

To be totally safe, I suppose one should stay away from exes. One has to be trustworthy and be trusted to make friendships work. For me it's important to maintain some friendships as friendships.

The fact that your husband wanted you to go to the concert with your ex shows that he trusts you. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. I think you did the right thing by not going because you wouldn't trust him with an ex. Both need to live by the same "rules."

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The only issue I see in your post is the word "allow". Every marriage is different. I love my hubby of 23 yrs but he does not own me nor does he treat me like he is my dad or boss. I am my own person.

I think it is great that your husband is secure in your marriage. My husband and I would think nothing of this because we are completely secure in our marriage.

If you have concerns or insecurities because you feel he should be jealous or something then don't do it.

No, I don't think it's strange -- unusual maybe. It's good that he trusts you that much.

And no, IMO there's no such thing as too much trust, unless there is a good reason no to trust someone.

Yes it is possible to trust too much. That's why con-artists are so successful. But..

In your case I don't think that is the issue. I think your hubby understands he is your hubby *** not your boss - your father - or owner. But your partner and friend. He wouldn't enjoy the concert, you and your ex would, so why not go together? A smart person knows that an ex is an ex for a reason. We can speak lovingly about an ex and remember good times and love the person we thought they were but not the person they turned out to be. You chose to be with your husband as your partner, not your ex.

I think it's great that he trusts you so much. But I get being confused. You kind of almost want him to be jealous or show some emotion over it, I'm thinking.

I don't think it's great that he "allows" you to do things. That's what I take issue with.

I think I would feel the same way you feel ... a little jealousy and possessiveness is healthy at least in my opinion. It is certainly natural. That said, I WISH my husband was more like your husband. Trust me it is worse when it is the other way around.I'm a trustworthy person and a faithful wife, and so it is really hard for me to deal with my husbands irrational jealousy. I almost wouldn't marry him because of this issue. Different strokes for different folks as they say. Over the years I've learned not to let his problems become my problems, but it isn't easy. I would talk to him about the fact that you would actually feel more comfortable if he were a little more possessive with you. And in that same conversation explain to him that over your dead body could he go on a date to a concert with his ex! Good luck :)

I agree that too much trust can be a bad thing, because we tend to forget that we are all only human, and can make mistakes. Trusting someone completely without question can leave you open to huge disappointment.

We live in a society that now says you're stifling and controlling if you interfere in your spouse's choice of friends and social activities. Because of this, I find sooo many people toleratring their SO do things with friends of the opposite sex (like going to a concert alone or meeting for drinks alone) that in years past would never fly because it was socially taboo.

Just because society now says it's "okay" for men and women to be friends, even if they're married, doesn't mean that it won't cause damage to your relationship. People are totally asking for trouble when they allow others into their marriage in this way. Biology can often over ride reason. And in the case of male/female relationships it usually does.

I don't know too many married people with friends of the opposite sex who eventually didn't have a crisis somewhere down the road. Ultimately, choices will have to be made. The spouse is supposed to be your best friend, confidante, and lover. There is no need for an outside source to fulfill these needs. If you have a good marriage, usually your friendships take a backseat. If they're (friends) are pulled together, they have a life and marriage of their own and it balances out.

For those married couples who do indulge in outside friendships, it may seem like it's working fine and everyone's okay, for a while. But when one has a "friend" and the other doesn't, there is an unspoken debt accrued in the relationship. When crisis strikes, there will be accusations and blame on the part of the spouse who "allowed" the friendship. They will punish you for your choice by either indulging in a "friendship" of their own or by tightening the reigns so to speak and control you in ways you couldn't imagine.

Over time, the allower will become jealous and filled with mistrust and hate for the other. Even if they are having an affair of their own. There is no way to fix this type of breach to a relationship because from day one, you told each other that you weren't that into each other in the first place because the allower said "knock yourself out and be friends, I don't care." and the other made their "friend" their new partner..and their real spouse the third wheel.

This isn't about trust the way you see it. It is about breach of contract. You and your husband are playing chicken with your marriage by telling each other "you're not fulfilling enough for me...I need more from x over here." Perhaps for your husband, he has alterior motives such as getting the go ahead from you to find a friend of his own. Naturally, since you have your friend, he expects you to say it's okay for him to do the same becasue If you had one first, you can't point fingers or question him when he has one of his own.

I say if your hubby isn't enough, and you don't share the same interests, perhaps marriage counseling is in order. No friend is worth destroying your marriage over.