Is It Possibe to Over-schedule Activities?

Don't worry about all the house work with 4 kids you can not expect to have a perfect house. And if someone does not understand that they don't have active kids!!! I work full time and choose to spend my time with my family and not doing house work constantly. Mine kids are older and I only have two but my kids do a lot of the house work especially over the summer as they are home all day.

This is what I hear (forgive me, for being harsh...)

I want to schedule tons of things, so I don't have to fix what's wrong at home. I want to be busy, so I don't have to deal with my kids misbehaving.

YES. You ARE over scheduled. You are using that as a way to avoid your home. Kids should not be screaming and ruining the house all day. You SHOULD be able to spend time in your home, without your children acting like this all the time. Children need structure, they need resting time, they NEED discipline. I don't think they are getting much of those things. I think until you admit WHY you are really avoiding your home, you will not be in control. Your home is in chaos. You realize that, right? You are avoiding it, with all this STUFF.

ETA: The more you update, the more excuses you come up with. Do you actually want help? It seems like you just want us to tell you that your husband is a price, your life is fine the way it is, and no...of course, you aren't overstretched and overwhelmed. If you don't want help, please don't waste our time.

Short answer: Ummm, YES.

Longer answer: You know, I answered both of your posts, and on the one about your husband, I was in the "yes, he's being a jerk" camp. But now that I've read this, as well as other peoples responses, I honestly have to wonder how much you are both to blame.

I mean, if your husband were to write a post about you, complaining about his marriage and home life, I imagine it might go something like this:

"We have 4 kids, ages 5, 4, 2, and 1. I work while my wife stays home with them. I really didn't want her to quit her job, but she wanted more kids after the first 2, so it didn't make sense to be paying for day care at that point. However, all she does is complain about how much work the kids are, how stressed out she is, and how she can't ever get anything done. I am trying to support our family on just my income, but she insists on spending thousands of dollars on activities outside the home for the kids, while the inside of the house looks like a bomb went off. There's never enough clean laundry or clean dishes, and the kids are only getting each getting one bath a week because she is on the go with them so much. We never even get to eat a half-way decent home-cooked meal. She wanted to be a stay-at-home M. to these kids, but seems to have her priorities mixed up. Our home life is chaotic because the kids just don't seem to know how to behave or what to do with each other if they are not in some organized activity at all times."

Now I am not saying that all that is true. What I am saying is that there's always 2 sides to every story and often what is true is something in-between. So are you truly looking for advice, or are you just looking for people who will validate how you feel right now, and agree with how you rationalize the decisions you have made? Because I believe on some level, everyone chooses the life that they have. People make choices, both good and bad, and we can't always know how they are going to turn out. But it's not always fair to complain about how you ended up where you are, since to some degree, it was your choices that got you there.

So right now, I think you need to honestly re-evaluate your life, and the life you have created with your husband and children. I think you need to ask yourself which is more important - more swim lessons and dance classes, or quality time with their dad and more positive interactions with you. The classes might keep them occupied for that 1 hour or so that they are engaged in it, but at the end of the day, they still need to learn how to get along with each other. Realize that "ignoring them" so you can get some work done is really an opportunity for them to learn to play independently. If you are only home 2 to 3 hours a day, and they are allowed to watch TV 2 hours a day, then they really are not playing for hours and hours are they? They don't need to be groomed to be Olympic gymnasts, or music composers, or the next David Beckham. They can easily get into activities as they get older and more into school - they don't need to all start at age 2. I just really wonder what your kids will think when they look back on their childhood and what kinds of memories they will have. Sure, having 4 kids under the age of 6 can be crazy, but you don't need to make it any crazier. All the extracurriculars are not making them better people - it's only distracting them and you from dealing with your issues and real life head-on.

But if you really think this is the kind of life you do want for them, and you feel it makes sense to you, then don't come on here looking for our advice and opinions - because they obviously won't matter, you are going to do what you want to do anyway.

This is were I draw the line with all these activities:

*your relationship with your husband is terrible
*your kids have all these activities because you want them to build skills, yet you are NOT building a relationship with your husband
*your husband feels neglected and disconnected
*you dont want to be around him, he upsets you
*your house is a bomb
*your kids take a bath ONCE a week, yuck
*you shower every 2-3 days, ewww
*your kids dont have clean underwear so you pray you can find dirty underwear without POOP stains
*you dont cook meals

This is all I can remember from your 1st post

Sorry, your first post I wanted to drive out to help you BUT then your 2nd post I thought wait her kids & she are way over scheduled. Now this post I am thinking you are nuts to think this lifestyle is ok.

How on earth do you have your 1 & 2 yr old out ALL freakin day? Kids at this age should be home more than on the go. My youngest just turned 5 my others are 6 & 8, they cannot handle 7 days a week of activities. If they were home daily for only 2-3 hours my kids would collapse from exhaustion.

Then you say you wish you could afford full time daycare but now you say you spend thousands on activities. My last response was use that money for a sitter so you can either go to counseling with your husband or go on date night.

One last thing, my oldest is 22. She was an only child for a long time. I had her in everything under the sun. To this day she doesn't remember any of the younger year activities; dance, gymnastics, piano, swim, soccer, basketball etc.

Perhaps next summer you can use all that money more wisely and schedule them each in 1 activity for the summer. Then use that money on a house cleaner, mommy helper, date night, and counseling.

ETA: This is also the reason why I wasn't about to jump on your band wagon on your other post that your husband is a jerk. I took a different road on my response & was glad I did now seeing this. Seems he may be more of a victim here than you had people believe, NOT THAT I HAVE THE TOTAL PICTURE, but it is becoming more & more clear that you have a big part in this problem with your marriage.

ETA after your 'so what happened': The reason your house is chaos instead of going to swim is because they are not home enough to learn how to behave. You actually have the opposite problem others have. I'm talking about the parents that are too scared to take their kids to the restaurant because the kids are obnoxious and throw food, won't sit at the table etc. The only way kids can learn to behave at a restaurant is to take them there and teach them. Your kids need to learn how to behave at home. It's not always going to be peaceful at home but they need to learn. You also need to teach your kids that they don't always need to be entertained, alone time is good for everyone!!!!!

Hi M., I definitely hear the desperation in your posts, but trying to justify why you do things the way you do isn't going to change your situation. Please understand that when people try to offer an alternative solution, they are not necessarily criticizing.

Bug's answer is right on, and while she apologized for being harsh, I don't see that she was. Sometimes honesty comes in the form of a hard word, but it's what changes our lives for the better.

By your descriptions, your kids are definitely over scheduled and over stimulated. This is a prime time in your life to shape your kids, not just distract them until they get into school. Parenting is hard, not always fun and sometimes you just need to sit down and cry along with the kids.

I hope you take all the good advice the ladies have given you to heart. Enlist your husband to help, he needs a wake up call!
edit* After reading Momof4's edit, I have to agree completely! I ammend my post to say that you and your husband BOTH need a wake up call as well as some counseling.

I am still in awe that you sleep 10 hours a night! Do your kids sleep all that time as well?

Added- After reading your SWH, I am so sorry to say that I don't feel sorry for you anymore. Your kids need discipline and that is your responsibility. You will find your peaceful state when you form consistency in your home. If you are overwhelmed, hire a mother's helper, but if you avoid the major discipline problem in your home you will find it will get much worse instead of better. I am sorry you are so unhappy and overwhelmed with your children when you are at home. It's time to make a change, but you have to be willing to make an effort that lasts longer than an afternoon.

We all have to clean blueberries off the carpet once in awhile! Sometimes kids jump on the couch! It's not the end of the world! That's when you gently guide them on eating at the table and set rules about not acting like wild hellions. That's parenting and you have to deal with it.

YES!! You are the perfect example!!

Honestly? It sounds like you can't stand your kids and that you have them over scheduled & in front of the TV during the 2 hours of down time you have, all so you don't actually have to deal with them, discipline, engage them, teach them, or bathe them, apparently.

What did you think having 4 kid was going to be like, exactly? A walk in the park? I get that you're overwhelmed, but this is the life YOU chose, and you should learn how to do it effectively. Right now your kids are not getting what they need. I think anyone with kids can benefit from expectations, rules, consequences, routine, and organization.

You know why I have one kid? Because the thought of having 3 or 4 kids makes me want to tear my eyes out. I knew my limits & personality & did what was best for us. If more people would do this, you wouldn't have kids that have parents that are too tired to raise them.

You have gotten may tips from women with as many kids as you, and you know what I see? Excuses, excuses, denial, and more excuses. Until you can admit there's a problem, we can't help you.

can i be honest? this isn't meant to be hurtful in any way, just my opinion. first, i absolutely believe you can be too busy - if M. is harried and stressed out and grumpy - NOT enjoying being a M., then yes, it's too much. i am not a multi-tasker, i value peace and quiet.

but my real response to your question (this is the part that will sound snarky but really isn't i swear) - i really truly honestly believe (as one of 4 kids myself, who did not have activities because there wasn't money for it), a M.'s time is better spent teaching her children how to get along and entertain themselves (and help out around the house!) rather than shuttling them to and fro, exhausting herself and them and constantly providing ready-made entertainment for them. it doesn't keep them "happy" - it distracts them. big difference. i think myself, that a "happy" child is one that knows how to get along with siblings and others, playing happily with them or by themselves. if they are constantly at each other when they are together and you are doing this to avoid that - you are avoiding something much more important, which is to teach them how to love and respect each other and get along (and possibly, listen to YOU and follow directions?). it would make your life (and hubby's) much easier imo. i know it's hard and it takes a ton of work...but worth it. obviously 4 kids is a HUGE challenge. but it kinda sounds like things are out of control, and rather than discipline them (and yourself) and get control back, you're spreading the wealth and letting others take them on. just my perspective, i could be way off base...

I haven't read many other answers here, but did take a look at your previous posts (quick glance, mind you)...

Having been a nanny for families of multiples, I say this from observation: until you deal with the root cause of the problem, which is a need for discipline and harmony, this problem of your children not getting along is NOT going to go away. I also grew up in a family of multiples and we were NEVER allowed to behave in the way you describe.

For example, you mention that the kids got blueberries on the carpet. Now, why weren't they eating them at the table, where food is supposed to be eaten? I'm not trying to pick on you, but to point out that the effort should be focused on helping the children learn simple manners and not run amok.

Taking them out and about is only a band-aid, a distraction, to what you and your husband should be doing, which is joining forces and getting on track with discipline and each other. Spend the money you might use on classes for the kids and get some support and parenting classes or couples counseling for yourselves. You and your husband need strengthening, to learn to support each other in this venture together. You chose to have four children together and kids are a hell of a lot of work. You and your husband *need* to be the strong foundation for your family, and your children need to see this unity and joined sense of purpose and direction or this is only going to erode into a further-out-of-control situation when the kids are at home.

For what it's worth, I'm not addressing your 'downtime' question, because I don't know that needing downtime is 100% where the problem lies for your family. (I am a huge believer in downtime, in any case...) I hope you know that I do think you can do this, and get through this... and it IS okay to send all the kids to separate corners for a twenty minute break-- your older ones, I am sure, understand that it *is* a choice to get along with each other. I'm not a traditionalist in any sense, but if you and your husband aren't on the same page, the entire family will feel the effects.

So you think that taking the time to clean your house while your kids are home is ignoring them, but paying to toss them into preschool or all those activities isn't ignoring them? During those activities, someone else is entertaining your children. Not you. Kids that don't learn to entertain themselves will always be "Bored" or "go nuts" when left to their own devices. And if you can't figure out how to set something up to keep your kids busy for a little while so you can get something done around the house, that's a skill set you need to develop instead of just throwing money at the problem.

Your kids are so over-scheduled they don't know what to do with themselves when they are not in an activity and this is something you should rectify.

Dump some Lego's on the floor in a room and tell them to play nice while you get some housework done. If they can't play nice, discipline them until they get their stuff together enough to be able to handle being unscheduled for 30 flipping minutes while you scrub a toilet or shake and bake some chicken for dinner.

/EDIT - After reading your so-what-happened I only have one word for you. Discipline. Figure it out.

I have to agree with Bug. Another thing kids need is the ability to entertain themselves and explore without the constant directly and planning of adults. There is plenty of "scheduled" things you can do in the home that help you get things done as well. I only ever did piano lessons when I was a kid -- no dance, no gymnastics, no play camps, nothing. When I was an adult, I ended up traveling alone to other countries and had to spend a lot of time alone -- some people are so uncomfortable with being alone and unstructured, but my childhood prepared me so well to handle that! I was so much more self-sufficient than if I had been dragged from event to event without ever having to direct myself. One thing we are doing with this generation in our zeal to keep them busy and learning is depriving them of a childhood and the opportunity to be in charge.

Hmmm, I deleted my original answer because I read your first post too. If you can't meet some of the daily basic needs (showering, having clean clothes for your kids to wear, bathing your kids frequently *once a week is unsanitary, provide healthy well balanced meals/snacks *whether you cook it or not, keep a somewhat clean house) then you need to cut back on the activities or get some help, especially with babies as young as yours.

Girl you need to take a deep breath!!! STOP. Breathe.

You need to get a schedule down. You are going to be running yourself into the ground and wonder where your life went.

Stop doing laundry daily. Set up specific days to do laundry.
Make menus for the week to cook - it will simplify your life.

With 4 kids under six - you can have the older ones help you - usually at 4 and 5 kids WANT to help mommy!!

If you can afford thousands in fees for things for the kids to do - you might be able to afford spending $80 a week on a house cleaner. It would be a life saver to have someone come in and clean while you are out at your events.

I need to state - I DO believe you can OVER STIMULATE and OVER SCHEDULE kids. Especially the younger ones which leads to temper tantrums and over-tired kids.

Make a schedule that WORKS FOR YOU. The kids will adjust around you. If you need to hire a mommy's helper from the local high school - do. This does NOT make you a bad mommy.

I would really seriously consider cutting back on activities.
* Get on a schedule that works for you.
* Quit doing laundry daily. Pick a day and do it then. Have the 4 and 5 year olds help with that as well...mine LOVED to separate the colors and white and towels. it was an easy "chore" for them to do and help mommy.
* Make a menu for the week. I cannot tell you how much easier life is when you KNOW what you are going to do.
* purchase the M.'s Plan-It Calendar - or find one that works for you and use it.
* hire a mommy's helper to take care of the kids while you clean or hire a cleaning service to come in and clean the house for you.

In all of this - BREATHE!!!

How many sports, piano lessons and gymnastics classes can four children 5 and under participate in???? They don't need to be in classes if they are nursing....just be their M. and be organized.

I know everyone has suggested it but plan a schedule. I read your post late last night about you sleeping ten hours (way too much!!), once a week baths (not enough!!!) and no meals (just snacks and you screaming while leaning over the sink to eat). You can't live like this!

Good luck!!

I certainly don't have everything figured out, but with 3 boys under age 6 I know that I am doing a pretty darn good job of 1) taking care of them; 2) taking care of my husband whose salary supports us AND his elderly parents; 3) taking care of my home; and 4) taking care of my own needs and mental health.

I am here to tell you that you CAN keep up with the house, and that you can keep your kids happy without SCHEDULING several activities each week.

I totally get that getting out of the house each day makes for happier kids. There's only 1 day each week that we stay home altogether. What is not helpful is when you have so many obligations and scheduled activities that it is interfering with your ability to do simple things like finding clean undies for your kids, cooking for your family, or managing to sit down to eat a proper meal.

In a typical week I will do the following with my 3 boys:
* Take them to the park down the street 3-5 times
* Take them to a park every Monday for a scheduled playdate with my oldest son's preschool friends
* Take them to the zoo (yearly passes) if it isn't too hot or rainy
* Take them to an indoor play venue in inclement weather. Today we went to a mall with a play area. I also bought a summer pass for unlimited open play at a play cafe. There are also some free play cafes in the area.
* Set up the kiddie pools & sprinkler in the back yard to play
* Take them to a free splashpad

While you say that you are home 2-3 hrs a day, tops, we are GONE 2-3 hrs a day, with longer excursions like the zoo or a downtown museum lasting closer to 4 hrs.

How CAN you possibly expect to cook, clean, and do laundry if you are only home for 2-3 hours?

What good is being an accomplished pianist or gymnast if the pursuit of those things has contributed to the breakdown of the family unit? It doesn't matter what you think OTHER families are doing--you can't look at the Jonses and think, "OMG, their kids are taking all these classes, and we're only doing 3 of them..." You need to do what works for YOUR family. Clearly from the chaos you've described your current system is NOT working: not for you, not for your kids, and definitely not for your husband.

You need to stop making excuses for why you can't change, and instead look to see how you CAN change.

You need to focus on your marriage and your household. The rest will fall into place.

ETA: My oldest is the only one who does any classes right now. He is 5 and is doing pre-Karate and a simple 4 week, Friday only Star Wars cooking class. That's it. When he starts Kindergarten in the fall, and after my 3 yr old is fully potty trained, my 3 yr old will be able to try a class out too.

ETA2: I fully agree with Mamazita about the sports. I played volleyball from 4-10th grade. In 10th grade I developed very bad pain in my hip from all the jumping, so I switched to soccer. I signed up on a Weds and played in that Friday's JV game. I had never even tried soccer before.

I second what Bug says.....

Even 4 and 5 year olds need a "nap" time or quiet time.... even if it is just 1 hour in their bed, looking at books.

Kids need down time.....

They also need to learn structure, and HOW to get along with each other.

If kids are crying or whining, then maybe that is the time to enforce a little "down" time, where they need to go in their rooms for 15 minutes of quiet alone time.... I'm assuming they share rooms, so that may be hard. If they are fighting about a toy, it goes away. (Not permanently, but you can figure out a way for them to earn it back.)

You may have to actually structure time at home, instead of it being a "free for all" ....
For example, in the morning, schedule 1 hour of craft time... that could be coloring, play-dough, something like that.. where they are sitting down at the table working on something. Then schedule 1 hour playtime in their rooms. Then 1 hour playtime outside. (Or whatever works). Then lunch.

After lunch, 30 minutes of tv to calm them down, and then 1 hour rest/nap time.
After that, schedule appropriate playtimes. Be sure to put time in for a mid-morning snack, and an afternoon snack.

Unstructured time tends to lead to kids fighting, whining, and crying. If they know the schedule of the day, they know what to expect, and there are fewer melt-downs.

After your ETA... you LET your kids jump on the couch and scream? Jumping and running were outdoor behaviors for my kids.... and they KNEW that! You allow them to behave this way... you've let them become these badly behaved children. Why did you let them have blueberries where there was a rug? Keep the food in the kitchen (make rules and ENFORCE them!), and there will be fewer really messy things to clean up.

You complain about all of this, yet it doesn't seem like you are willing to do the work to change their (and your) behavior. Yes, you like going to the activities, because it gets you out of the house.. I did that, too... I made excuses about why the house wasn't clean.. (I had a meeting, this was going on, etc. etc. etc.), but I still managed to have clean clothes for the kids, and a dinner on the table.

You're not going to enjoy your time at home until you can get the kids behavior under control, either.

Are you looking for sympathy, an answer to your question, or commissary?
To answer your question, yes, I think most psychologists would agree, that according to research, it IS possible to overschedule your kids, and that can have detrimental effects on your family unit.
If you are crazy at home, and NOT crazy while you drive all over town and back, eat lunch in your car 5 days a week, and change diapers on a ball field, then by all means, keep at it :)
I can't imagine that being better than staying home and teaching your kids to get along, but hey, as long as I don't have to drive your kids around, what do I care how many activities your kids are in? And I say that inall seriousness. There are just as many people on one side of that fence as there are on the other. I've been accused by a family member of "depriving" my kids of joy and the chance to excel because we LIMIT the number of extracurricular activities they can engage in during a school year. But for us, family dinners, M.'s sanity, and time for all 6 of us to be together and HOME, are more important than grooming our 6 year old for the NBA.

Well this is the only thing I can say. Being clean and organized and learning how to juggle everything, house work, you time, kid time, meals etc. Is a talent! It comes easy for some and very hard for others. For me...it is very easy. For my sister...not so much lol. So my only other advise is to keep at it. I know some say it takes them forever to clean their room or the kids room because there are toys, dirty clothes, wet towels etc everywhere. So by the time they clean all that up they don't even feel like vacuuming or dusting etc. So you have to keep on top it. Once you do that it becomes easier and less time consuming. So my kids know that dirt clothes go in the hamper. Never on the floor and yes my 3 and 5 year old are old enough to do this themselves. For the toys, they all go back in the toy bin before bath time. After bath towels are hung back on the rack etc. So every night the kids rooms are clean and picked up. Then once a week a run the vacuum and dist, change bedsheets etc. But because the rooms are already picked up everyday it's easy to do the deep clean. Do you see what I mean? It will take time to teach your older 2 these new rules and it will take time for you to learn them too. but I promise if you keep up on it, it will become easier and it will free up your time.

Outside activities are great but not if they are making your home life crazy. You do need time to be a M. and take care of you home. So you can leave and come home to a clean home. Not a house in chaos. Not to be rude but in your first post, talking about digging though dirty clothes to find non poopy underwear made me feel so bad for your kids. Not only are they not in a clean, structured home but you are teaching them bad habits. They need to be taught to be clean themselves. To be organized. You talk about them going to school....they aren't going to do well there if they lack the respect for adults that they have for you. Running around crazy in your home all day. You need to sit back and figure this out.

If what you're currently doing worked then you wouldn't be on here complaining and seeking advice. Change is a GOOD thing! No one said you have to sit at home all day. However, maybe you do need to focus more energy on home life instead of always running away from it. Siblings always argue. Take the smallest with you to do chores while the older ones are kept busy with their own chores. And THEN do activities together. Maintaining a calm life at home should always be the first priority. If you want your husband to be in a better mood the first step should he giving him a better environment to come home to. It sounds like you're just upset with the responses you received here. But who's on here raving about how they can't take it all anymore... ? Think about it.

ETA: do you wear clean clothes? Obviously your children don't if your searching for underwear in piles of dirty clothes. And your children bathe ONCE A WEEK, even though you make time for your own showers and 10 hours of sleep. Your priorities are screwed up! Nothing will get better until you realize that.

This is a bit confusing... In your first post you said you can't afford any daycare but now you're saying you spend thousands on these activities. 6 and under is young enough they don't all need to start expensive actitives now. Maybe some daycare is in order. But you also say theyr'e in preschool and K so you don't have 4 kids all day... I'm wondering what you expected things to be like with 4 kids. Is it so different or it's just gotten out of control? After having the first 2 kids, you knew basically what you were getting into. And your comment about working all day being easier - maybe so why don't you do that? Of course, then you still are responsible for lots of things at home. ie: I work full time and cook dinner every night, help with homework, clean up, do dishes etc. I have to wonder if your husband is being a jerk bc things are out of control at home. I agree kids should be able to entertain themselves at home some. They have each other to play with... You're askign for advice bc things are chaos but then seem to think no one's advice is good. So maybe sit down, look at how you're spendign your money and see if it might make sense to reallocate some of it - to daycare, cleaning people, nice prepared food for dinner vs frozen all the time etc. You say 2 hours of TV a day for them. 2 hours is a lot of time to get things done!! Between that and the kids playing on their own for 2 hours a day which seems like it should be very doable either in a block or spread out, that's 4 hours a day to organzing and cooking. I also love to sleep btw - love, love, love it but even I'm not in bed 10 hours a day and wasn't except when I had a newborn so was up every 2 hours.

The reason your kids don't know how to act at home is because you are never there to teach them!!! I am curious about how they act in public and if they do well, is it because of your rules and limits or because you let the instructors, teachers, lifeguards, whatever deal with them? And this schedule of your doesn't seem to be working for your husband or your marriage. What is going to happen if M. and dad aren't together anymore? Are you going to have the money to not work and spend thousands of dollars on lessons, etc? Kids that age need to be allowed to be creative and relaxed, and have proper limits and boundaries. That is what will help them be successful at what they choose to do later in life, not all of these lessons.

When my third was born my other two were 3 and 6. So yes, the older ones were involved in some camps and classes when I had a newborn, and yes, I also needed to get out of the house a lot so we enjoyed signing up for things.
However, time at home was really not that chaotic. I never entertained my kids, they always played on their own and with each other. I didn't need them to be out of the house to get any work done. Of COURSE there was a certain amount of bickering, boo boos, accidents and other interruptions throughout the day but I just dealt with it (or ignored it lol!) and went about my business. I think it's just a matter of personality, you are probably a person who doesn't like to be constantly interrupted, and I probably take it a bit more in stride.

As far as over scheduling, again that depends on the individual. My kids are very different in this way. My youngest is super active, my middle needs a LOT of down time or else she is a crabby mess and my oldest falls somewhere in the middle. When you have three kids in x number of activities each, then add in homework and family obligations the calendar fills up before you know it. I learned that carpooling is not optional, but absolutely essential because there will be times when you need to be in several places at once, which is of course impossible! So you learn to cut back, and make sure your kids are actually ENJOYING what they are doing. Sometimes that means quitting a sport they previously loved because guess what? They don't love it anymore!

And as far as specializing in sports early? That's really a myth (unless your dream is to be an Olympic gymnast.) I bought into it just like every other parent and I have seen first hand that it just isn't true. My son went to college last year, and out of all of his friends and classmates hardly any of them stayed with the same sport they played during their elementary years. A lot of them started doing volleyball, crew and lacrosse in middle school. My daughter didn't start playing volleyball until high school. She made the team with NO experience and played really well, even though almost all the other girls had played year round club ball for two or three years AND she's only 5'2"!!! Skill building is fine but talent and passion will get you there just as fast :)

ETA: if you can afford thousands on camps you can definitely afford a housekeeper, DO IT!!!

M. Z. I do believe in over scheduling. I also understand keeping kids busy and out of the house for some sanity. I've read some of your other posts and here is my heart felt suggestion. If you have thousands of dollars for kids activities (good for you not guilt tripping), then hire yourself a little help. You have 4 kids and an overworked husband who is not only no help to you and the kids, but has some pretty big demands of his own. Please Please Please take some of that disposable income of yours and purchase some help with it. Maybe in the form of a 10-15 hour a week babysitter, so you can go out shopping or get a pedicure, clean your house, or go exercise. What ever. Maybe a gym membership with a great kids club program. Stop doing it all yourself and running like a crazy woman. I hear what you are saying that hypersheduling saves your sanity. I get it. Just strapping my kids in their car seats for a 15 minute drive and having them confined often saves my sanity.

You have 4 kids, your life is going to look chaotic. Get some help please. I just joined a gym that has an awesome kids club program. I have to drive 15 minutes to get there and pay over $200 a month, but to take a me break and put my kids in someone else's care for 1.5 hours 3 x a week has made a new woman out of me. Get yourself some help even if you have to pay for it.

The babysitter can tag team things with you. Hire someone who will help you clean, make meals, stay with napping or little kids while you take others to activities. Just an extra set of hands. Cut back on a few activities so you can afford this.

If you wrote that your children are very busy and you are always running from one thing to another, but you are all happy and healthy than no one would bother saying you're too busy and you need to change. But that's not what you're telling us. You're saying that your kids scream and yell and fight and make a mess and you cannot stand being home with them, you're telling us your house looks like a bomb dropped and you NEVER cook dinner and your husband is very unhappy. You're describing kids who are so out of control you cant stand to be around them. Personally I dont think changing your schedule will help. Pick one thing you want to change about your life and concentrate on making changes. I think it would be wonderful if one swimming class canceled would not turn into an awful experience.

Yes, you can absolutely overschedule kids. It makes them stressed out, as well as you. There are activities/classes that they can take at the same time that allow them to release energy and learn skills without running all over town....gymnastics, swimming lessons, playing at a park are things that burn energy and can be done at the same time even if different ages and skill levels. If you have 4 kids under 6, some of your kids are too young to need to be scheduled into anything. Your family is already overwhelmed by this. A lot of child experts recommend no more than 1-2 activities per season and not participating in every season of the year. For example, my daughter is in swim lessons all winter, and we take the summer off to be able to spend our evenings doing things together, like swimming for fun. She's also in dance which she takes at school. She's asked about other things her friends do, but we discuss how we can't do everything.

Also, are you scheduling to build skills or scheduling to avoid being at home with your hubby? I have an acquaintance who intentionally takes her kids out mid-afternoon so that they will be gone when hubby gets home. She says out until time for hubby to go to bed, and the kids are absolutely exhausted. It's bad for her marriage and her kids

A house doesn't have to be that chaotic and disorganized. Encourage independent play, where they play alone and not talking to each other aka not fighting. Start them on 5 mins and add 5 mins each day.

Limit the amount of toys they play with. Rotate baskets of toys each week. When its time to clean up, all they have to do is toss them back in the basket.

If you do table work (school, arts and crafts) keep them together. When its time to clean up, have them help you. That way you won't have all these piles of clean up to do all by yourself.

When you do housework, have them help you. Have them move chairs and tables when you sweep/vaccum. When you do laundry have them help load, fold and put away...if anything, they can get all the empty hangers from the closet. When you dust, hand them a swiffer or rag and have them dust too.

As for overscheduling, your kids are going to be overstimulated and will get bored easily as times goes by. Kids need quiet time and down time, meaning, no talking and not having to always be going somewhere. They will get burned out FAST. And as far as skill building, do some research of famous athletes or Olympians...some of them didn't even notice their sport of fame until they were in their tweens or teens. Again, kids doing the same sport for a few years will get burned out.

I know alot of families with multiple kids - 5, 6, 8 and 9 kids in each family. Their lives are full and busy but their kids are very well balanced and their homes are manageable, and the kids get along - they aren't allowed to fight or show one another rudeness and disrespect. So, you can do it! Good luck.

Yes it is possible to over schedule the family/kids/yourself.

I have 2 kids, in elementary school. They are 5 and 9.
We "schedule" things or sign them up for things based on:
1) our time
2) our budget
3) the kids homework commitments. I see having time for my kids to do quality homework and have time to study, as a PRIORITY, over their extracurricular outside of school, activities.

So based on those things, our kids are signed up for things or not.
I don't sign them up for things, just to get them out of the house, nor do I do it and exceed our budget, and I don't do it just to get them out of my hair or just to tire them out. And I go according to IF my kids are wanting to do, it or not.
My kids have Karate, Piano, and I also teach them tons of things myself.
And that is enough for us and them. And, I still do "my" chores and upkeep of the house and kids. I am a SAHM primarily, but I also, when school starts, I have a part-time job at my kids' school. Even when my kids are at school, I am BUSY.
But I do not... over-schedule, myself or my kids.
We are busy as it is. In a still sane manner, but busy.
As is most families with kids.

If you can afford thousands of dollars for activities, you can afford to hire a maid.
That should go a long way to help free up some of your time.
They are a little young to be reading on their own yet but try cutting down the tv time and fit in a story time every day (sometimes more than once).
It's DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read) and a good habit for them to be in once they are old enough to do it themselves.
As they older ones read, they can buddy up reading to the younger ones out loud.

What happened to the local park? You could have three of your children burning off energy there. The youngest would get fresh air and enjoy being outside! This is free and you interact with your children. What kind of childhood did you have that you didn't interact with others?

You have to make a schedule and stick to it. I know that I suggested in the past a menu for a week or a month that you can do. Also you need to do a dailty duties (housekeeping) schedule and you do those things on those days. You can't clean a whole house with six people in it daily. You need routines just like you had a work. Your job is now your home and children. I understand the not have the house together syndrome and went through this when I first stopped working and was pregnant with my second. But I made up a routine that I could stick to and it made it easier to do things.

My kids were not in every thing coming and going and it is not necessary to spend all that money. Cut back on it and put some away for a vacation or for counseling marriage/parenting. Stop running away from life and learn to live it. You do need help in many areas. ASK for help and follow the directions. You, husband and the kids can make a big difference but you all have to work together to make it work.

If you can't find something that will work from all of the responses from all of our posts you have a bigger problem than we can help you fix.

REPORT back to us when you have done something that has worked or changed for the better in your priorities -- like husband and you and then the kids!. YES your kids are overscheduled. I am exhuasted just reading what you do with them and the kids don't know how to deal with it. They bicker and scream and you scream and it is not for ice cream it is for help and discipline.

Off my soapbox.

The other S.

PS Hubby might have some truth to what he said.

Well I haven't read the responses yet (looks like you've gotten a lot) but the first thing that popped in my mind is What are you doing for discipline, respect, and consistency IN THE HOME? I'm a daycare provider in my home for 21 years and daily have a lot of little ones under the age of 5 all at once. And yes, it does get chaotic BUT it is not like you describe. Kids LOVE discipline (to teach, not punish), consistency in their daily routines. Also, have you considered that all those expensive must-do outside activities are actually exhausting your children so that the times they ARE home they just fall out?

sounds like you need less activities and a lot more discipline in your house. and maybe a parenting class that gives info on things like time management and behavior plans. get the 1,2,3 magic book and start studying it. if your home with 4 little ones you need a schedule not non stop running the car and just signing up and paying for stuff won't take away the basic need for the above things.

You have to do what is right for your family.

I would go absolutely insane if I had even half of your schedule.

We love our downtime. I enjoy the quiet, peaceful time with my children at home. I like completing puzzles, playing board games, reading, or simply having conversations at home. It helps me to get to know my children better. For me, if we're constantly on the go, I would never get the chance to really listen to my children. We are a very calm family, and none of us would function well in a hectic atmosphere.

Like I stated before, though, you need to do whatever works for you.

I am a super busy M. as well. I don't spend much time at home, and I take my kids on outings every day. I figure that as long as I feed the kids, my house is reasonably clean, and we have clean clothes it is good enough. As for organized activities, they only do swimming lessons and one other extra curricular activity at a time. If you are taking them to activities, can't you do the housework while they are at their activities? Young kids really need play time more than organized activities because that is how they learn. The kids who do piano, and gymnastics, and swimming don't have time to play with their friends. They are the lonely ones. When my kids were younger I gave them a quiet time each afternoon from about 3:00-5:00pm. I put on the tv or a movie, and that gave me time for laundry, dishes and to make dinner. Soon enough they will be in school, and old enough to go on playdates and to help more around the house. Have fun with them, but slow down on all the lessons and organized activities. Letting your kids watch a movie or tv for a couple of hours isn't ignoring them.

Good luck thinking that when they all go to school that you will have all this free time. I find that the school calls me to volunteer! Which i don't mind doing. the kids call home cause they are sick, Stay home cause they are sick, get hurt playing sports so i get to get up an hour early to take them to "the trainer" before school starts (This was in Texas thank goodness they dont have trainers here!) but since they dont have trainers i get to make Doc appts juggle them in with my personal time, own doc appts and my workouts! Then I have the forgettful kid who always needs shoes, jock strap, socks, snacks, or whatever he has forgotten that day. Oh well the little one is not to be left out gotta take him his lunch, or come to this awards show, or parent breakfast, lunch, or evening entertainment mixed with dinner & 100 something kids running around a smelly gym in total Chaos and call it "Family Night". Then its scheduling dental appointments, physical appointments, Lord forbid they need the physical by a certain date then you get the pleasure of paying for a physical clinic held at the school gym where you wait around for the kids to drop his pants and cough all Saturday morning starting at 9 am, so much for sleeping in and lounging around the house, oh did I mention the only time this clinic is held is the weekend your husband is out of town, you're new in town and dont know anyone to leave your younger two kids with so you have the pleasure of taking them with you, oh joy.
so you try to get everything done while they are in school, playing secretary and juggling the appt calendar, grocery shopping, maybe a quick workout and a couple of loads of laundry, that is if someone is not ringing your doorbell relentlessly cause they know you are in there! but they only aim to sell you something to make your life easier if they can just have 20 minutes of your time, which really translates into 2 hours if they convince you you really need it! oh gosh time to pick up the kids and what do they have the nerve to say to you! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ALL DAY, M.?! and What's for dinner! DINNER! Oh Drat, you forgot to lay out the hamburger!
Good luck with more time when they are in school! those days will be few and far between.
Good job if you can over schedule!