Is It Normal for 14 Y/o Daughter to Be Distant?

Well, up until you were confined, it was all about her friends most likely and that was ok.

Now you're laid up and have different expectations of her. She's likely not getting that.

Remember, you're the adult (parent) and she's the child. She may find you being a bit needy.

I take those special (and rare moments) when my teens want to connect, and make the most of them. They're not when I want to connect. They are few and far between. I just make myself available to them.

The minute I appear needy, my kids scram. I think that's true of most people.

My friend recently had a broken bone, and couldn't get anyone to serve her meals. Her teen basically ignored her. I had to text my teens to get me tea when I was feeling under the weather.

I hope you heal soon!

Rent a movie, watch some shows, game night ... stuff you can do together that would appeal to both (pizza, etc.)?

it would be nice if she were helpful and compassionate, yes.

but 'remorseful'? you actually WANT your daughter to feel guilty over an accident, one which clearly freaked her out and scared her badly at the time?

huh.

beyond that, yes, 14 year olds are much more interested in spending time with friends than their parents.

especially when their parents are guilt-tripping them.
khairete
S.

It was an accident, why do you need her to feel remorseful?

Yes, it's normal. If there's something you need her to do for you, request it.

So you actually want a pity party?
Accidents happen - and talking about injuries is boring - how much can be said about it?
Deal with your injury - crutches or a knee scooter will have you up and about.
It won't be long before you have a walking cast.
If you need something - ASK for help - no one can read your mind.
Also - reassure her that you don't blame her or hold a grudge against her.

That sounds about right... kids don’t know how to deal when we are down. You expect her to know what you need, but she doesn’t have a clue. If you need her to help you, you need to sit her down and tell her. You need to tell her that yes it was an accident, but now she needs to step up - and then tell her exactly what you need. She is a kid. She is inherently selfish as most kids are.

When I was 10 years old, I was learning how to ride a dirt bike. My dad was on the back. I gunned it - being nervous - and pulled a wheely and my dad fell off the back - hurting his tail bone and back. I felt bad but went about my day and riding. I was 10.

What do you expect her to do? What do you WANT her to do? You want her to spend her summer in the house with you because YOU allowed her to drive a golf cart? You expect HER to wait on you because SHE caused the accident and broken bones?

She CANNOT read your mind. You sound VERY ANGRY and I don't know if **I** would want to be around a constantly ANGRY person. Stuff happens. She was obviously upset and you expect her to live EVERY DAY with guilt over this? Geez. Give it a rest. Let her be a child.

Tell her you're sorry for allowing her to drive a golf cart which she obviously wasn't ready for and that you don't blame her for you getting hurt. That would be a start.

Stop being angry. That would be a great thing.

Good luck!

When I was a teen on vacation, a 12 year old girl was driving a golf cart and like a fool, I rode in the cart with her. She nearly drove us off a cliff. Only the wooden railing that she broke when she hit it kept us from flying off of it. Both of us knew how close we came to dying that day.

You haven't said if you have talked with her about how you are feeling. Some of the posters are speculating that you are putting her on a guilt trip. Since you haven't talked about that, I don't know if this is the case or not.

I'm going to proceed with the assumption that you haven't. That being said, I don't blame you if you are worried about her not having remorse and not wanting to be around you. There is something wrong with that. The question is, does she feel guilty and doesn't like feeling that way, so she wants to ignore you and pretend the problem away? Or does she actually not feel responsibility after her initial reaction after the accident?

One of the things you made a mistake about was not to change the way things work in the house after you came home with the broken foot. Like it or not, it is no longer a normal summer and you have the right to require her to stay home some and help you. She is a member of the household and needs to carry some of the weight. (Everyone in your household does.) Not having started this immediately has allowed her to "flee" with her friends so that she doesn't have to deal with the consequences of her accident.

You and your husband need to have a heart-to-heart talk and sit down with your daughter and tell her what she has to be responsible for, how often she can leave the house, etc. I wouldn't talk about the accident at this point. That ship has sailed. Instead, you require her to help take care of the family.

Don't allow her to fight her way out of this. It's part of growing up, taking on responsibility. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you that she shouldn't be driving any more golf carts.

I am very close with my mom & anytime she is hurt I can’t take it. I get all faint feeling seeing her hurt, even now, and I 40. Maybe she can’t visit you lots because it’s hard for her to see you laid up. Just a thought. Good Luck!

It sounds like a normal teenage phase.
The are a little self absorbed, immature & want to hang out with friends.
What I would do, is make things easier for you around the house & ask for help.
Tell her you need her to do a few things around the house BEFORE she leaves to be with friends: let the dog out if you have one, change the dog's water, bring you glass of water & something to eat.
Be sure you have your phone near you so you can text or call her when u need
something.
When you feel better & are a bit more mobile, you can do a bit more this summer. You just need to heal more first.
Have her bring things to you to keep nearby: phone, charger, remote, paper &
pen.
Have someone (spouse or child) move light furniture out of the way so you can
easily get around.
For dinnertime, walk her through easy things to make like tacos (use a grocery
delivery service, order dinner delivery for a few days).
Have her bring you toast (easy to make) in the morning to start your day off &
to have something in your stomach in order to take pain meds.
When you feel better see if someone can take you both out for an outing.
Keep some protein bars near you chair.

This age can be distant a lot. She may well feel terrible but not be able to express it. It's interesting to me that you thought she was mature and experienced enough to drive a golf cart, when she clearly was not. Now you want her to behave like an adult again, and she's not. You're out of commission for the summer, and that's awful - but you allowed the behavior hat led to it. I think if you said much more to her about the causes, you'd see a big difference in her about the result. If you take ownership about giving her responsibility she wasn't ready for, you might have a huge breakthrough.

It is completely normal for a 14 yr old to always hang with friends instead of family. I also wonder why you want you daughter to be remorseful. Do you think she caused the accident on purpose? One thing you may want to consider is that she is feeling guilty. If she does not address the accident of speak of your injuries, then she can kind of pretend it didn't happen. That you weren't hurt because of something she did.