Okay, ladies. I became what I thought was friends with a girl who lives on my street. She is the same age as me, is married and we each have one little girl. In the beginnig, we would talk on the phone a few times a week, go over each other's houses to hang out and let the kids play, run errands together, get together with the kids and hubbies and hang out some more. On 3 occasions, I went to social events with her. Two were women's gatherings and she only introduced me to one or two people, calling me her "neighbor". At her daughter's birthday party, she didn't introduce me to her in-laws, even after she saw me talking to them. When my daughter's birthday party came around, she couldn't come because she said she was feeling a little sick with her new preganancy. Fine. But she went other places that week that were the same distance. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child before she did, she never even said congratulations. When I had the baby, she didn't come over until the baby was 4 weeks old. She has never said "oh, he's cute" or anything like that. Plus, she has NEVER touched him once. I think this is all very weird. She is now due to have her 2nd baby next month. Her family is giving her a shower and I was invited. I really don't feel like going because of how she acts. I won't know anyone but her, her mother and her sister. At this point, I really just want to treat her as an associate, not a friend. We really only talk when I call her or e-mail her. She contacts much less than she used to and when we talks, I feel it's a little strained. Don't know why. Am I wrong to want to just leave this "friendship" alone? I am at a point in my life where I want and need to know who my friends are and not have to guess. Please let me know your thoughts, ladies. Thanks.
Heather,
I wouldn't feel bad not going to the shower. It sounds to me that she don't want a friendship and you deserve better. I would rather be with people who are real and injoy my company, not someone who can't even say how they feel and ignor you.
Good Luck,
D.
P.S. Congrats on the second baby.
I'm sorry you're going through this! Relationship stuff like this is the hardest, because no one wants to sit around feeling insecure. I've been in a similiar situation and sadly I eventually just let the relationship go. If you're the only one making the effort, maybe it's time to move on. If you want to just treat her as an associate as you said, rather than a friend, then I'd send a gift with your regrets and leave it at that.
L.,
I totally understand your insecurity... but that is what it is. why are you so insecure about this relationship? perhaps the friendship was just that, but have you suffocated her? are you projecting your fears/insecurities and SHE is reading them and thus the "friendship" has now suffored? Who cares if she introduces you as a neighbor? that just lets people know "this is the neighbor L. that i have been telling you all about"... perhaps that is what she was saying... and if i saw you talking to my relatives, i would assume that you introduced yourself?
if i were your friend and you just had a baby, i would stay away for a bit and give you and your family some room. i wouldn't touch a newborn unless i was offered. (some people dont' like their newborns touched because of germs).
I feel that this relationship and your problems are not new. Do you have fears/insecurities with your husband/mother/sister? are other people "out to get you", "not nice", "don't invite you"? i feel that with what you are saying you need to STOP and relize that what other people do/say/feel/invite you to etc. doesn't MATTER AT ALL! Find worth in L., and your friendships will florish. do your half and the other stuff will fall into place
as far as her shower... you should absolutely go go go! she is your friend, you are messing up the view.
take a look at what L. is doing/feeling and i think that you will find the issue.
single mother of 2 who is finding out that my mom/friends/co-workers etc. are who they are. it is my fault if i let them offend me.
Go with your gut, Heather. Back off and see what your "friend" will do. I think you will be better off without this "friend"; you don't have the time to try to figure out what's going on in that head of hers.
Congratulations on your new baby!
This reminds me of a line from "Sex and the City". The ladies are sitting around talking about guys in general, and the conversation turns to why men don't call after it looks like a new relathionship was going somewhere. Someone says, "He's just not that into you."
I know this isn't quite the same situation, but it basically sounds like that. The two of you had some things in common, started to socialize, but, it just didn't go anywhere. If this were a really long-standing friendship and you had once been very close, I'd say, yeah, you should talk to her. But it just sounds like she's not interested in continuing the friendship. And that doesn't mean that she has any major complaint against you, or hates you, or anything like that. It just didn't turn into a really close friendship.
So, just back off, treat her kindly, as you would any neighbor. Who knows, maybe later, at a different point in your lives, you might end up good friends. Try not to take it personally.
she may be jealous of your family but if you are the only giver then let the friendship go a friendship is give and take..
Hi Heather,
I definately think you are right in thinking that something is going on with your friendship/relationship. I would sever ties and see what happens. If she sent your daughter a gift for her birthday then I would not show at the shower but send something to her home after. Your right you are too old to be playing highschool games. I would wait and see if she contacts you. If she does and asks what happen tell her how you feel. If she doesn't then just chalk her up to an associate. Life is too short to worry about trying to please everybody. Hope this helps!
C.
I would just let it be if she wants to be your friend let her contact you or show you some offer in being a friend.She sounds pretty rude
